Online collaring

[Impish]

food for thought

Temptress, I think your post makes a very excellent point - another good point of view. I myself have used the Internet to learn about bdsm but have not had a releationship online. I can now understand a little more about people who do.

One thing tho.... I guess a question in response to this sentence snipped below... food for thought. Wink. (And this is the only part I'm not sure I agree with... hey tho, like anyone cares... opinions are like... ah but I digress.)

snip...Trying out a collar online, I'd think, would be a good way to see if that is something you actually want to work toward in RL.

Following the same logic, should people get engaged for marriage online to see if it's something they want to work toward?

 

[MissTaken]

It depends on how you view the collar.

In real life, many have degrees of colors and I can bump the thread that discusses this.

When I think of any collar, I consider it a tangible sign not only of commitment, but degree of commitment and a promise.

Now, offering a collar should be done with a clear understanding of what it represents and in that context, and in the context of those who cannot or will not be able to move to real life, there are promises to be made that can be represented by an online collar.

Again, even an on line collar should never have a velcro clasp.


Online one might promise a commitment not to engage in any other online relationship. One might promise their obedience and honesty. A Dom might promise their time, attention and online fidelity.

In a world where the mind is viewed as the greatest sex toy, their is room for cyber relationships that meet the needs of those who do not need, want or have the ability to engage in real llife skin to skin.

No, online relationships are not for me, but I can understand the meaningful role they may play in another's life.

 

[serijules]

Re: food for thought

Following the same logic, should people get engaged for marriage online to see if it's something they want to work toward?

I know many people that have gotten engaged online and only met later, got married and live quite happily. I actually can name quite a few such couples.

But...engagement is kind of like the velcro collar of the vanilla world...very easily and often put on and off without much thought. I know many times more people that have been engaged than engaged and actually got married! lol

I don't have much of a problem with an online engagement...it's just like having a D/s relationship online...I don't have problems with that in and of itself. It is only when the relationship turns into a serious commitment involving collars (I would say marriage too but that isn't possible) without ever having met that I feel it is degrading into a very unhealthy and unreasonable relationship.

Good question

 

[Temptress_1960]

When I referred to trying out a collar online, I didn't mean to imply that it was not a serious commitment.

As MissTaken has pointed out, the online collar needs to represent promises made.

But, online as in real life, I'm sure there are those who accept a collar and then find that the level of commitment and all that goes with it does not suit them.

Certainly I would hope we don't go into any relationship with the idea that it's disposable... but realistically relationships do not always work out.

As for getting engaged online... I will say that if you can't keep an online engagement commitment, chances are pretty good that you won't keep a RL one either.

I do know online folks who change partners, masters, subbies, etc. more often than they change their undies... That would not work for me at all. It apparently does for them.

 

[TwistaFate]

just a thought

how do you find the true submissive online, unless you know for a fact that that is what they want, most people that i have seen online like to play at it, but never truly submitted in their lives, most thinks a fun game, so what do you do when you think you have the real thing and then find out that the person you have come to trust is not who they appeared to be, and for that matter, not even the gender you thought they were....

 

[MissTaken]

I think one of the mistakes people make on line is to move too quickly. Even though time seems compressed when iming with someone, there needs to be time to learn about one another.

In so doing, watching for inconsistencies and red flags that tell you this person is less than sincere. Also, engaging in a forum such as this or other on line group social settings can give you some idea how that person interacts with others and reacts to others.

Yes, there are many players out there as there are in real life. It is tricky finding that genuine person, whether you are involved in a D/s or vanilla relationship.

To this end, the trust needed for an online collar is critical. Is the submissive really doing what they say they are? Is that person truly only submitting on line to you? Building trust on line is very difficult and especially difficult without even telephone interaction.

 

[Temptress_1960]

I think one of the mistakes people make on line is to move too quickly. Even though time seems compressed when iming with someone, there needs to be time to learn about one another.

I have noticed that too, MissT. You make some very good points.

Too often it's like a game of musical masters online, with name changes to fit.

Even online D/s relationships can be emotionally dangerous, I think. It's always best to take things slowly, and carefully.

 

[Soron]

I don't understand the fulfillment of an online collar, for the Dominant or the submissive. Emotionally or physically, what is accomplished in this manner of collaring? Cybersex, as Lance put it? I can't even do cybersex. I need to look in her eyes and see her submission, I need to hold her in my arms and feel it. Arden and I have spent most of this past year online. We have chatted endless hours about D/s and BDSM. I have over 15 years real time experience and she none. She had no idea what D/s or BDSM REALLY was until we began talking about it. We've since been together three times and have explored the real life adventure of kinky sex. Yet, I still have not collared her, nor has she offered to wear one. In my heart, I feel she will one day wear my collar. But, I'm not going to rush it, nor will she. She still has a lot to learn about me, and I her. But, we're getting there. One thing I do know, she is a submissive in her heart and in her soul. The rest is a learning process.

 

[FungiUg]

Let's keep one thing in mind here. Different things rock different people's boats. We've all recognised that for ourselves, that's why we are here. Give those people for whom online play works the same benefit.

If someone finds fulfilment through online play -- well, all the more power to them! It may not work for me, but I need not scorn those it does work for.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Let's keep one thing in mind here. Different things rock different people's boats. We've all recognised that for ourselves, that's why we are here. Give those people for whom online play works the same benefit.

If someone finds fulfilment through online play -- well, all the more power to them! It may not work for me, but I need not scorn those it does work for.

Yes but do not call it what it is not.

 

[FungiUg]

Yes but do not call it what it is not.

I ain't calling it anything. But what is NOT about "online collaring"? I find the whole collaring thing a bit dicky anyway. I know it works for some, but suffice to say it's another thing that I'm not into.

If you're trying to say that online BDSM isn't real BDSM... well, perhaps it's not. I'd suggest it's more in the line of role play. On the other hand, I can imagine some people take it very seriously. So I guess in some cases, it could be "real BDSM".

So... those who wanna play on-line with BDSM -- I say let 'em. Yes, it's different to in-real-life BDSM (no surprises there.) But who's to say it's not equally valid. "Your mileage may vary"...

 

[Soron]

~snip~

If someone finds fulfilment through online play -- well, all the more power to them! It may not work for me, but I need not scorn those it does work for.

That, I would agree with. I do my best not to judge what other people find fulfilling or what turns them on. Just as I don't judge sexual preference or the level of kinky sex some folks get involved in. That's their business, not mine.

 

[WriterDom]

I like the three tier system of collaring. I could accept a collar of consideration being given online. But never a training collar. And certainly not the formal or final collar.

But I have my ways, and others have a right to follow their own path.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think I was pretty clear three pages ago

An online collar is not a collar at all. Period.

Do not call it what it is not.

I am done with it.

I ain't calling it anything. But what is NOT about "online collaring"? I find the whole collaring thing a bit dicky anyway. I know it works for some, but suffice to say it's another thing that I'm not into.

If you're trying to say that online BDSM isn't real BDSM... well, perhaps it's not. I'd suggest it's more in the line of role play. On the other hand, I can imagine some people take it very seriously. So I guess in some cases, it could be "real BDSM".

So... those who wanna play on-line with BDSM -- I say let 'em. Yes, it's different to in-real-life BDSM (no surprises there.) But who's to say it's not equally valid. "Your mileage may vary"...

 

[FungiUg]

Re: I think I was pretty clear three pages ago

An online collar is not a collar at all. Period.

Do not call it what it is not.

I am done with it.

Yes Ma'am! Salutes smartly

Me, I don't care what they call it. "Online Fred" for all it matters to me!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: I think I was pretty clear three pages ago

Yes Ma'am! Salutes smartly

Me, I don't care what they call it. "Online Fred" for all it matters to me!

People can do what they want. And I have found that for the most part, they will. However, I do not believe in blowing smoke up someone's ass.

An Online Collar is a myth.

 

[navarre]

Re: Re: Re: I think I was pretty clear three pages ago

An Online Collar is a myth.

AMEN!

 

[Master Bertch]

Re: I have said it once, I will say it again.

You cannot give or receive a collar online.

A collar is real, and three dimensional. You can call it what you want, but an online collar ain't worth the substance it is made out of.

You say it is virtual, and not made out of anything? Then that is what it is worth...nothing.

I couldn't agree with you more. Too many people "play" online. There are some good elements to it, but it can't go beyond fantasy until they meet in the flesh. An online collaring is the same as an online *hug* It's nice to read, but it's only words.

 

[Temptress_1960]

Just because it doesn't work for you, or you don't find it valid, does not mean that it is not a real experience for others.

We all have our own definitions, or paths, as some call it.

If it doesn't work for you, then don't do it.

 

[Pure]

Serijules can see online engagement, but not online marriage.

I know of one 'online marriage'; ceremony done online. basically a 1-1 lifelong commitment with no outside sex behind the other's back or without their permission. (I think there were only phone and cyber contacts beforehand, and that's the way it's supposed to stay between the spouses.)

Is it 'real'. Well, it's not in the official docs of the state of XXX
(or, the state of Cyberland). Well, is falling in love, online, real?
I tend to say yes. If you disagree, I'd ask, "Is falling in love with a penpal you talk to sometimes on the phone, real."

That said, many 'online relationships' are not very 'real' in the sense of having genuine substance or lastingness. One party's history and 'characteristics' may be wholly made up. Even where that is not the case, as Ms T says, generally the time elapsed, though it's filled with email, is not sufficient for a lasting (cyber) bond.

BUT, there are r.l. imposter 'fiance(e)s', even imposter spouses.
No one says those marriages aren't 'real.' Well, they're sometimes legal-real, but not 'real' in the sense that one person knows the other.

It's seems to me that if there can be online marriage, there can be online collaring, which I take to mean a similar committment, but with a 'property' and 'use me as you will' component. As to the words in the label, call these things 'virtual' if you prefer.

Probably cyberland will evolve to solve some of the problems of fakery. Ever heard of Paypal? Who'da thought there could be cybercash? Perhaps those in 'serious' cyberrelationship need to routinely use some of the 'checking' and 'investigating' facilities on the internet, verifying the person at least has that name and the address they say. Perhaps there could be 'circles' where everyone is known and vouched for by someone, so that the interaction is guaranteed to have a 'real' characteristic.

just my aberrant thoughts and opinions.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Serijules can see online engagement, but not online marriage.

I know of one 'online marriage'; ceremony done online. basically a 1-1 lifelong commitment with no outside sex behind the other's back or without their permission. (I think there were only phone and cyber contacts beforehand, and that's the way it's supposed to stay between the spouses.)

Is it 'real'. Well, it's not in the official docs of the state of XXX
(or, the state of Cyberland). Well, is falling in love, online, real?
I tend to say yes. If you disagree, I'd ask, "Is falling in love with a penpal you talk to sometimes on the phone, real."

That said, many 'online relationships' are not very 'real' in the sense of having genuine substance or lastingness. One party's history and 'characteristics' may be wholly made up. Even where that is not the case, as Ms T says, generally the time elapsed, though it's filled with email, is not sufficient for a lasting (cyber) bond.

BUT, there are r.l. imposter 'fiance(e)s', even imposter spouses.
No one says those marriages aren't 'real.' Well, they're sometimes legal-real, but not 'real' in the sense that one person knows the other.

It's seems to me that if there can be online marriage, there can be online collaring, which I take to mean a similar committment, but with a 'property' and 'use me as you will' component. As to the words in the label, call these things 'virtual' if you prefer.

Probably cyberland will evolve to solve some of the problems of fakery. Ever heard of Paypal? Who'da thought there could be cybercash? Perhaps those in 'serious' cyberrelationship need to routinely use some of the 'checking' and 'investigating' facilities on the internet, verifying the person at least has that name and the address they say. Perhaps there could be 'circles' where everyone is known and vouched for by someone, so that the interaction is guaranteed to have a 'real' characteristic.

just my aberrant thoughts and opinions.

Now this is a good post....open, realistic, thoughtful, and informative. Thanks Pure.

catalina

 

[Pure]

I too have found your intelligent thoughts on many subjects to be both interesting and stimulating.


J.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Another interesting discussion with a variety of views.

 

[navarre]

I think it would do everyone good to heed Ms. Ebony's words.
She is very wise.