Open / Swinging Relationship Advice

[cookiecat]

Question for the more experienced folks.

2 days later, I'm feeling weird and sad and tired. I didn't think it was all this. The day started out fine! But now I have a headache. Feel this need to cry. It feels like sub drop.

I'm wondering if anyone else felt this way?

 

[SissySalina]

Your emotions may be worn out, it happens. Physically you overdid and your emotions are just catching up. You could consider it as a form of "sub drop", your mind needs time to deal with how you felt about what you did. You get to a point where when you are doing it, it is on auto pilot, not thinking of what is going on then later your mind needs to catch up and realize what has happen.
The weird part is that you are doing this for HIM not you. You are doing what will please HIM and you are doing it to please HIM but it involves someone else. That is the part you must deal with. your enjoyment is through HIM and not for yourself.

A sissy opinion.

 

[cowboyup6977]

Your emotions may be worn out, it happens. Physically you overdid and your emotions are just catching up. You could consider it as a form of "sub drop", your mind needs time to deal with how you felt about what you did. You get to a point where when you are doing it, it is on auto pilot, not thinking of what is going on then later your mind needs to catch up and realize what has happen.
The weird part is that you are doing this for HIM not you. You are doing what will please HIM and you are doing it to please HIM but it involves someone else. That is the part you must deal with. your enjoyment is through HIM and not for yourself.

A sissy opinion.

Very well said
There’s been times when I’m in the moment when I do things
Then think back about it later and wonder why because IRL this is so not like anything I would do

 

[cookiecat]

Your emotions may be worn out, it happens. Physically you overdid and your emotions are just catching up. You could consider it as a form of "sub drop", your mind needs time to deal with how you felt about what you did. You get to a point where when you are doing it, it is on auto pilot, not thinking of what is going on then later your mind needs to catch up and realize what has happen.
The weird part is that you are doing this for HIM not you. You are doing what will please HIM and you are doing it to please HIM but it involves someone else. That is the part you must deal with. your enjoyment is through HIM and not for yourself.

A sissy opinion.

This rings true. I am doing it for him, this is nothing I would seek out on my own.

I have had group sex before, I've played - in a kink setting - with people who weren't my partner. So I'm familiar with navigating some of that territory.

Doing this for him makes me crazy happy. So there's that.

I feel more clear today. Less fuzzy and definitely less emotional. So my emotions catching up with the physical makes sense.

 

[Islander55]

This rings true. I am doing it for him, this is nothing I would seek out on my own.

I have had group sex before, I've played - in a kink setting - with people who weren't my partner. So I'm familiar with navigating some of that territory.

Doing this for him makes me crazy happy. So there's that.

I feel more clear today. Less fuzzy and definitely less emotional. So my emotions catching up with the physical makes sense.

I think it is too easy for us to get caught with overthinking things and that certainly can be an emotional and physical drain. Easy to identify the culprit. Not so easy to fix.

 

[HOG57head]

Update: we're on the way. I got 12 spanks with a wood paddle. My big ass apparently reflects my surly demeanor. I need more.

As we drive, Rod Stewart's "tonight's the night" is playing.

We're here.

Ok beautiful, you kinda left us hangin here….what happened after 0112????

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I hit that low, too.

For me, I have to be mindful of my dopamine levels.

Honestly, just being aware that this happens with me is enough to move through the emotions of it all. Like you I engage, connect and enjoy the intensity of it all.

If ever I'm not sure what to do, sunlight and chocolate seem to help.

How are you feeling now?

 

[IrisAlthea]

This rings true. I am doing it for him, this is nothing I would seek out on my own.

I have had group sex before, I've played - in a kink setting - with people who weren't my partner. So I'm familiar with navigating some of that territory.

Doing this for him makes me crazy happy. So there's that.

I feel more clear today. Less fuzzy and definitely less emotional. So my emotions catching up with the physical makes sense.

Sometimes it would be great to have a little screen where it would say Processing… and a little meter showing the percentage processed and preferably a correct time estimate until processed.

 

[cookiecat]

I finally figured out how to multi-quote but not quite in the correct order....

Sometimes it would be great to have a little screen where it would say Processing… and a little meter showing the percentage processed and preferably a correct time estimate until processed.

Perfect! ausiegeekygal says this: chocolate and sunlight always help. And I know this to be true from other situations in my life. Wait a day. Get through the night. Just feel the feels and see where I'm at in the light of the next day. Trust my own internal meter.

I think it is too easy for us to get caught with overthinking things and that certainly can be an emotional and physical drain. Easy to identify the culprit. Not so easy to fix.

Overthinking is my superpower!

Ok beautiful, you kinda left us hangin here….what happened after 0112????

I had fun and jumped in to everything feet first!

I hit that low, too.

For me, I have to be mindful of my dopamine levels.

Honestly, just being aware that this happens with me is enough to move through the emotions of it all. Like you I engage, connect and enjoy the intensity of it all.

If ever I'm not sure what to do, sunlight and chocolate seem to help.

How are you feeling now?

Thanks for asking I'm feeling A-ok! In my past, when I've felt anxious / unsure / crazy / way to high or low -- sometimes just letting those feelings play out without assigning them too much meaning and then checking in with myself the next day - as you say, in the sunlight - usually brings me back down to earth. In a good way.

I've checked in with my guy about all this. That whole communication thing! Seems to work I still have a lot of uncertainty but I'm not going to get twisted up about it. Thanks, all, for the input!

 

[KimGordon67]

I had time to reread everyone's comments. I appreciate the insight from your experiences.

Last night's post was all over the place. I was pretty wired. The party was fun.

I'm trying to keep the fuck part somewhat emotionless - you know? Maybe compartmentalized is a better word. An experience I'm trying to enjoy in that moment. The thing I'm realizing is I enjoy sex with someone I have a connection with. I wanna love/lust/like that person. Not some dude I just met.

I have no regrets. A lot of this is wrapped up in D/s - our relationship leans this way. I like that doing this pleases my guy and that turns me on. At one point, he was watching me with someone else. That felt really really weird. He wasn't with anyone last night. Not sure I ever want to watch him.

I'm not sure what our goal is. I do enjoy the atmosphere. It's fun without the swing part. We hope we'll meet other couples to hang out with and do vanilla stuff, too. I'm not sure I want to meet another couple to swing with on a regular basis.

Right now, jealousy isn't an issue. Not sure why - I tend to be pretty jealous. Right now, though, I feel pretty secure. Maybe it's age? Our relationship?

Guess I'll see where this goes. We are going to a bdsm thing - a munch - at the end of the month. I want more kink and am super glad he's interested in exploring.

I very much get this ... this is increasingly where I'm at too. I can also totally get the 'fucking a stranger because my SO finds it hot, and him finding it hot is hot for me'. Maybe there's an element of exhibitionism in there? I'm teetering on the edge of things with two different couples ... I'm interested to see how that works out as the third person coming into their dynamic. Both instances are very much based on us all liking each other as people (one couple I've met, the other I've been chatting with for a year). And it will be just with them, not in a party situation ... I'm not really sure it counts as 'swinging', but it's in the ball park. I'm intrigued to see where it goes ... while I'm obviously there for myself, I'm also very aware of approaching the situations with an eye on how each of them gets pleasure from my involvement in everything.

 

[Islander55]

I very much get this ... this is increasingly where I'm at too. I can also totally get the 'fucking a stranger because my SO finds it hot, and him finding it hot is hot for me'. Maybe there's an element of exhibitionism in there? I'm teetering on the edge of things with two different couples ... I'm interested to see how that works out as the third person coming into their dynamic. Both instances are very much based on us all liking each other as people (one couple I've met, the other I've been chatting with for a year). And it will be just with them, not in a party situation ... I'm not really sure it counts as 'swinging', but it's in the ball park. I'm intrigued to see where it goes ... while I'm obviously there for myself, I'm also very aware of approaching the situations with an eye on how each of them gets pleasure from my involvement in everything.

Have you done this with a couple before? I have done this a few times with a couple that were good friends before we become intimate. There is a lot of variety available with 3 people so I would suggest getting some idea of what a couple wants or expects from a third.

 

[KimGordon67]

Have you done this with a couple before? I have done this a few times with a couple that were good friends before we become intimate. There is a lot of variety available with 3 people so I would suggest getting some idea of what a couple wants or expects from a third.

No I haven't, but I would expect to have a conversation around that first.

 

[Islander55]

No I haven't, but I would expect to have a conversation around that first.

If you work things out with her, the guy should fall in line.

 

[tristantrotsky]

I once hooked up with a married couple on the strict understanding that I would participate in oral sex with them only, which suited me fine. After the first encounter, by which time we'd overcome the initial self-conscious awkwardness, it worked out beautifully. I would suck his cock, then lick her pussy until they were both fiercely sexed-up, then I would masturbate while watching them fuck each other. Afterwards I sucked his cunt-flavoured cock clean and very carefully tongued every last trace of moisture from her well-fucked pussy. Things were functioning perfectly for all three participants. Until one day he texted me to meet him in his car. He explained that, although their sex-life was very good, he had more regular sexual needs than he felt able to expect her to take care of. That he needed more than she was prepared to give, and that - anyway, I gave a better blowjob than she did. I could obviously see where this was leading to, so I sucked him off. He cautioned me not to tell her, this was strictly between the two of us. But it developed into a regular thing, he would text me, and I would go to suck his cock for him. Then - out of the blue, she texted me and asked if would go around to their house while he was out. When I got there she had two female friends with her. She had apparently confided to her friends about me, and about my cunnilingus skills. We all retired to the bedroom where I had oral sex with each of them in turn, finally lying on my back naked on the bed while they each straddled me and energetically rode my face to messy convulsive orgasm. This happened on a second and third occasion too, including a fourth lady friend too. I now found myself in the strange situation of serving both partners orally in secret, with a pledge to never tell either significant-other what I was doing...!

 

[Islander55]

I once hooked up with a married couple on the strict understanding that I would participate in oral sex with them only, which suited me fine. After the first encounter, by which time we'd overcome the initial self-conscious awkwardness, it worked out beautifully. I would suck his cock, then lick her pussy until they were both fiercely sexed-up, then I would masturbate while watching them fuck each other. Afterwards I sucked his cunt-flavoured cock clean and very carefully tongued every last trace of moisture from her well-fucked pussy. Things were functioning perfectly for all three participants. Until one day he texted me to meet him in his car. He explained that, although their sex-life was very good, he had more regular sexual needs than he felt able to expect her to take care of. That he needed more than she was prepared to give, and that - anyway, I gave a better blowjob than she did. I could obviously see where this was leading to, so I sucked him off. He cautioned me not to tell her, this was strictly between the two of us. But it developed into a regular thing, he would text me, and I would go to suck his cock for him. Then - out of the blue, she texted me and asked if would go around to their house while he was out. When I got there she had two female friends with her. She had apparently confided to her friends about me, and about my cunnilingus skills. We all retired to the bedroom where I had oral sex with each of them in turn, finally lying on my back naked on the bed while they each straddled me and energetically rode my face to messy convulsive orgasm. This happened on a second and third occasion too, including a fourth lady friend too. I now found myself in the strange situation of serving both partners orally in secret, with a pledge to never tell either significant-other what I was doing...!

And how did this all end up? If found out, neither spouse should get too excited. It sounds like they were not really communicating on needs but sometimes secrecy can be a spice itself.

 

[2tallpaul]

My significant other started on FMF three ways to see how I would do. I've always felt comfortable with myself and not threatened with relationships. Had multiple partners years ago. Concerns I've noticed is she likes to watch more and wants me to indulge I figure that will change as we do more. Her original third is closer than ever and if I didn't know better, that would threaten any other relationship.

We have have stretched my boundaries, including bi, we've had a blast but I don't want it to take over the relationship. Wear a thick skin and work through it all together. I'm fairly new at this but I could see so many places going south. I know I'm in over my head.

 

[simplylovelypoet]

Jealousy needs validation.

If it comes up be very mindful to connect first, then collaborate. So often I want to go into problem solving the pain away.

Jealousy is okay. It can be neutral. It deserves respect. It's painful to sit in alone. Build the kind of relationship where it's safe to be jealous and you'll figure out a whole bunch more about where you stand on swinging or non monogamy.

I also find learning as much as I can about the nuance and language helps me navigate these issues. I also have to remind myself that others may not always be prescribing the same meaning to the same words.

I'm so excited about this for you

I couldn’t agree with you more.

 

[cookiecat]

So we are off to a party. I'm moody as heck. Been this way a couple of days. Weepy and melancholy. Jeeze! I've been trying to turn my frown upside down.

Sometimes I think I suffer from making things too big in my head so I convince myself I shouldn't do something or go somewhere because it will be so overwhelming or awful. Then, if I haven't begged off, I end up doing the thing and it's just fine. Maybe even fun.

Tonight, I don't want to fuck anyone else. I don't want to watch him with anyone else.

There are 100 little reasons leading up to this.... little bouts of ED... what if he's totally hard for some other chick?? Many of you know my husband died about 4.5 years ago. He was a veteran. His illness was service connected. Often times dates - Memorial Day, birthdays, Christmas - these things slyly turn me upside down.

So here we go. Off to the party.

He spanked be earlier. Oddly, I was totally silent. It's like when these walls come up, my tolerance for pain is super high. As high as the damn walls. These are the times I need to be reduced.

He called me a fuck pig. Told me it's my duty to obey.

Generally I love this. I agree with this. For me, the whole swinging thing is wrapped up in obedience, in humiliation. I don't want to fuck someone because it's fun to have a one off with some random guy. I want to fuck someone because he told me to.

But not tonight.

I've already told him this

Which might backfire

Where is the line between pushing boundaries and respecting my request?

John Denver is playing on the radio and it makes me even more melancholy. It's a beautiful night. The last few nights have had fireflies lighting up the backyard. Magic!!

The boundary thing is probably something only I can answer.

Wish me a fun night.

 

[twister947]

Oh, Cookie...

 

[cookiecat]

Haha! This cardinal flew next to the car for about 10 feet. I'm not a huge believer in signs but it's been said cardinals are loved ones who left this earth coming back to tell us something.

I think it was the hubs saying get over yourself. Have some fun.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Do what feels right. Have fun

 

[cookiecat]

Sidenote: I bought this water container, the metal kind that keeps drinks cold. Flip to top. I have alcohol. Yeah, not always the wisest idea... we can start another thread on that. But no implements of destruction will be weilded - just fuckery.

Anyways, the bottle literally sounds like a dolphin when I drink out of it. It's bananas! Fara can attest to this, I sent her a voice clip of the noise. Not the sexiest, unless there's another dolphin in the room??

 

[cookiecat]

I'm aware I need to get over myself, get naked and have a good time

You guys are like my Dear Diary. Not many friends I can chit chat to about this stuff

Thanks for listening

 

[cookiecat]

Home. We actually had a talk there. Surreal and good. Communication is always talked about here in the Talk Forum. It's true. Just say what's on your mind. I did that tonight and it worked our great. Yay!!

 

[IrisAlthea]

There are 100 little reasons leading up to this.... little bouts of ED... what if he's totally hard for some other chick?? Many of you know my husband died about 4.5 years ago. He was a veteran. His illness was service connected. Often times dates - Memorial Day, birthdays, Christmas - these things slyly turn me upside down.

How we percieve the passage of time is interesting. Sometimes 4.5 years is a long time ago and then suddenly it feels like yesterday.

For me, the whole swinging thing is wrapped up in obedience, in humiliation. I don't want to fuck someone because it's fun to have a one off with some random guy. I want to fuck someone because he told me to.

But not tonight.

I've already told him this

Which might backfire

Where is the line between pushing boundaries and respecting my request?

Ugh, that line. I wish we could paint it neon orange or something.
It’s bad enough that it’s hard to see for others and worse when you are unsure where it is yourself.

I have alcohol. Yeah, not always the wisest idea... we can start another thread on that.

I think that would be very interesting.

We actually had a talk there. Surreal and good. Communication is always talked about here in the Talk Forum. It's true. Just say what's on your mind. I did that tonight and it worked our great. Yay!!

Yay, that’s great!
It’s so easy to think you need to have it all worked out and wait for the right moment to tell people but sometimes, often I think, it’s better to just start the conversation.