opinions needed

[Califblk]

I don't think this is a bdsm question really. Guys string along women over the internet every day and there are women who lie as well. When half of marriages fail why be surprised a failed online relationship?

Tell her to turn off the computer and meet a real guy.

i have a friend who has just discovered her submissive side about a year back. because she was new and inexperience with D/s relationships, she decided to gain some online experiences first before deciding if she'd like to take it to r/t.

not too long ago, she met a Dom online. they started out as friends initially but the friendship gradually grew to something deeper when both showed interest in taking the relationship further. however, because they were located so far from each other, they were unable to meet in real life (hence emails, instant messaging and the phone was used for communication.) after some time, the Dom gave her the impression and even told her he'd collar her when he felt both of them were ready. i guess he did not want to pressure her and at the same time, wanted time to decide if they were really compatible. although it was an online relationship, my friend was really serious and committed to it. (i guess even online relationships can get get really intense.)

but recently, after being away from the computer for a while (about a week) due to r/t problems, she found out that he has collared another submissive online. however, he did not inform her about it until she enquired. it was so abrupt that she was hurt, lost, and very confused because he had expressed so much interest in their relationship previously but after a week of absence, he acted as if nothing of it has happened between them (that they were merely casual friends.) not to mention he had collared another submissive and hid it from her until when questioned. because my friend is still rather inexperience, she doesn't know really what to do and still in the midst of getting over it.


so i am curious and seeking opinions on this issue and any valuable advices for my friend.

and for submissives here, did you encounter any experience like this before?

thanks.

I find it hard to believe that people will enter into and accept an online relationship without really trying to find and cultivate a relationship with someone who is nearby and accessible. I've been a practicing Dom for more than 6 years and I couldn't imagine not being able to put my hands on my submissive. Being able to touch her, look into her eyes, bind her hands, and slap her bare ass. Tell your friend she should keep looking online but limit that search to someone close by so that if she finds someone compatible she can actually meet the Dom. Then if they click she can have a real time relationship that would be in my estimation much more pleasurable and intense than an online relationship.

As for your friend being strung along by this Dom, tell her that stuff happens all the time in cyber space and in the real world and she'll just have to learn how to deal with it like everyone else.

 

[EmpressFi]

I find it hard to believe that people will enter into and accept an online relationship without really trying to find and cultivate a relationship with someone who is nearby and accessible. I've been a practicing Dom for more than 6 years and I couldn't imagine not being able to put my hands on my submissive. Being able to touch her, look into her eyes, bind her hands, and slap her bare ass. Tell your friend she should keep looking online but limit that search to someone close by so that if she finds someone compatible she can actually meet the Dom. Then if they click she can have a real time relationship that would be in my estimation much more pleasurable and intense than an online relationship.

As for your friend being strung along by this Dom, tell her that stuff happens all the time in cyber space and in the real world and she'll just have to learn how to deal with it like everyone else.

It's more common than you think. And easier in some aspects. Granted, I met my Master online in a video game, but we were friends for years before taking it to this step. I also met my husband online in an AOL chatroom. In some respects, it's easier to open up, the bond happens quicker this way.. but it's also easier to get taken in by creeps... creeps of both sexes

 

[ataxia.girl]

i have had a couple of very intense and somewhat fulfilling relationships online. i think they inherently increase your itch almost as much as they scratch it but it doesn't make the scratching feel less wonderful. i think online relationships can actually intensify, escalate and burn out faster than RL because eventaully that frustration of not being able to physically be with the person just becomes too much and in my case where i am so incapable of setting my own limits it just becomes dangerous after a point.

i also think its much much easier to misunderstand and misinterpret the other person online. i have had a couple of people now talk themselves into believing their "relationship" with me was far far far more than it was and no amount of reminding them could convince them otherwise. i think this is especially true when one of the people is experiencing the extremely intense emotions of D/s for the first time. Your friend had probably never felt those feelings of submission before and so to her the intensity was accute while it may not have been so novel to the Dominant who had gone through that cycle 10 times before.

i took the advice someone else mentioned on this thread and started looking for someone closer. Our relationship is still online but we are meeting RT in a couple of weeks. Beyond that we have also been through the cycle of online relationships before and know what that is about. i am extra vigilant now not to read more into what is there if i can help it and i look for others who are the same. i have also found that 2 way cam and phone adds a whole new dimension. There is online and there is online. Seeing someone's face and hearing their voice makes it much harder to misinterpret than just reading words on a screen.

 

[lance9166]

i have had a couple of very intense and somewhat fulfilling relationships online. i think they inherently increase your itch almost as much as they scratch it but it doesn't make the scratching feel less wonderful. i think online relationships can actually intensify, escalate and burn out faster than RL because eventaully that frustration of not being able to physically be with the person just becomes too much and in my case where i am so incapable of setting my own limits it just becomes dangerous after a point.

i also think its much much easier to misunderstand and misinterpret the other person online. i have had a couple of people now talk themselves into believing their "relationship" with me was far far far more than it was and no amount of reminding them could convince them otherwise. i think this is especially true when one of the people is experiencing the extremely intense emotions of D/s for the first time. Your friend had probably never felt those feelings of submission before and so to her the intensity was accute while it may not have been so novel to the Dominant who had gone through that cycle 10 times before.

i took the advice someone else mentioned on this thread and started looking for someone closer. Our relationship is still online but we are meeting RT in a couple of weeks. Beyond that we have also been through the cycle of online relationships before and know what that is about. i am extra vigilant now not to read more into what is there if i can help it and i look for others who are the same. i have also found that 2 way cam and phone adds a whole new dimension. There is online and there is online. Seeing someone's face and hearing their voice makes it much harder to misinterpret than just reading words on a screen.

You have gained a lot of insight about this. I have had extensive experience with this sort of thing. In my experiences, all relationships go though an initial high at the beginning, and then either die or settle into something more loving and normal. In general, the initial high is proportional to the amount of fantasy in the relationship. When it's online, much of the relationship is fantasy. You are thinking about the other person and subconscously making up good things about them. This would not be happening as much if you spent lots of time with them.

LD relationships are very hard to convert to real ones because you don't really get to know the person (really) until you are actually with them for an extended period of time in person, with less fantasy. Of course some LD relationships have successfully converted, but that's the exception and not the rule.

I wish you luck.