Orgasms on command

[bluntforcemama]

glad it's not just me
xx

No, it's not just you or Bloody Heart. Of course, We The Envious, wish we could cum on command. It would make our sex lives a helluva lot more interesting and easier, but we cannot cum on command, and many of us cannot cum unless we are the ones doing the stimulating. I have visions of being tortured to death by a Dom who cannot accept that I am unable to cum when he wills it. It is things like this that make me unwilling to look for even the possibility of getting into a relationship with a dominant man. I see so many people who are Dom/mes that talk about this kind of thing as if it happened every day and that every sub was able to achieve it. I find it extremely disturbing since I don't think that many of us fit into any sort of submissive or Dominant mold. There is a strong element of trying to fit in that mold, though, because as a group, we are sometimes shunned because of our after-hour activities and wild or unacceptable fantasies. I will relate this to something I experienced in high school: there were many groups of people, the jocks, the freaks, the goths, the preppies, etc... I flitted between many of these groups, though on the outside I looked pretty much gothic. I remember hanging out with the goth crowd and they were always talking about how open-minded they were, but when a preppy was in their midst, they would not accept him/her into their group. They were intolerant of that presence. I see much of this in life, of course, and the BDSM community is no exception. I suppose this is where my angst comes from. I have a love/hate relationship with BDSM. I used to hate it, it repelled me, but then I figured out why. All of the socialization of my earlier years was ruling my head. When I looked deeper, I saw what it was that I craved. However, I still fight with this because I do not fit into a perfect mold (most of us do not). However, I feel the pressure to, which I resist in order to remain sane.

Okay.. rant over. Thanks for reading.

 

[Kajira Callista]

There is no mold to fit into. When you meet the right person with the ability and patience to teach you and take you along that road it can happen for you also. When you find the person that makes you feel secure enough to give up that control to, you will be amazed at all the doors to your deepest thoughts and fantasies opening.... and how things you never believed could happen become reality.

 

[bluntforcemama]

There is no mold to fit into. When you meet the right person with the ability and patience to teach you and take you along that road it can happen for you also. When you find the person that makes you feel secure enough to give up that control to, you will be amazed at all the doors to your deepest thoughts and fantasies opening.... and how things you never believed could happen become reality.

I sincerely hope you are right, but I also hope that I can take him along that road, too.

 

[Desdemona]

There is no mold to fit into. When you meet the right person with the ability and patience to teach you and take you along that road it can happen for you also. When you find the person that makes you feel secure enough to give up that control to, you will be amazed at all the doors to your deepest thoughts and fantasies opening.... and how things you never believed could happen become reality.

Bingo. Besides, at the end of the day, you have to be who you are as a submissive and as a human being. For every particular activity on the smorgasboard we have to choose from, there are people who revile it and people who act as if that is the most important form of submission, dominance or play. There are people who can do it easily, people who struggle to attempt it, and people who can't do it for one reason or another. Big deal. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, doing the things that work best for our particular relationship. Nothing else really matters, does it? Certainly, cumming on command shouldn't make or break a relationship. If it does, you don't have much of a relationship to start with.

 

[redelicious]

Bingo. Besides, at the end of the day, you have to be who you are as a submissive and as a human being. For every particular activity on the smorgasboard we have to choose from, there are people who revile it and people who act as if that is the most important form of submission, dominance or play. There are people who can do it easily, people who struggle to attempt it, and people who can't do it for one reason or another. Big deal. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, doing the things that work best for our particular relationship. Nothing else really matters, does it? Certainly, cumming on command shouldn't make or break a relationship. If it does, you don't have much of a relationship to start with.

I like you!

(and that was well put, too)

 

[FungiUg]

I can't say it too many times before I start laughing at myself. Besides that, the people at work look at me oddly as I mutter this mantra to myself. My sense of humor is intact and my libido is on the rise. Life is good.

You are cumming at work? Naughty wench!

Laughing at yourself is (I think) a healthy sign. Means you are starting to remove that level of "seriousness" around the programming that it requires.

My oh my, but aren't our psyches interesting places?

 

[FungiUg]

Of course, We The Envious, wish we could cum on command.

Hmmm.

Like many things, it's all about experimenting, and the right mixture of partner/head space. But in this case, it's also about your body.

Some women require a lot of stimulation to cum. That's really the nuts and bolts of it. It's not even specific to women -- different men take different levels of stimulation to cum (as anyone who is a "premature ejactulator" well knows.)

From my own experience, the woman who took longest to cum was my ex-wife. I used to have to stimulate her directly for an hour or more to get there (no exageration.) I ended up worrying about RSI! On the other hand, she had the most intense, body-locking mind blowing orgasms. So there was an up-side.

I think it comes down to reality vs fantasy. Some things we fantasise about, but reality is about what we choose, and what is possible. And sadly, some things are just not possible -- because we are all different.

I will never be a surgeon because my hands shake (particularly if I have any adrenaline in my system.) There's nothing I can do about that. It's simply a part of who I am.

So accepting ourselves and what is possible, and working within that -- we can be a lot happier. Concentrate on enjoying what IS possible for you, and scorn anyone who tells you otherwise.

(Damn, who put that soapbox under by feet?)

 

[dolf]

Some women require a lot of stimulation to cum. That's really the nuts and bolts of it. It's not even specific to women -- different men take different levels of stimulation to cum (as anyone who is a "premature ejactulator" well knows.)

From my own experience, the woman who took longest to cum was my ex-wife. I used to have to stimulate her directly for an hour or more to get there (no exageration.) I ended up worrying about RSI! On the other hand, she had the most intense, body-locking mind blowing orgasms. So there was an up-side.

I think it comes down to reality vs fantasy. Some things we fantasise about, but reality is about what we choose, and what is possible. And sadly, some things are just not possible -- because we are all different.

thankyou so much for that hon
i feel a hell of a lot less inadiquate now...i could cry, lol
xx

 

[bluntforcemama]

FungiUg, humanity should be so lucky to have you mastering them.

 

[silver_inari]

glad it's not just me
xx

I don't think its just you.

I had a hell of a time orgasming at one point until i took alot of time figuring out my personal triggers. Lots of play with myself manually and with toys, and that helped. Also no expectations as to how long it would take, etc.

Cumming on command? Nahhhh...not for me. If it works for you, good, but I would have problems with it, physiology wise, I think.

 

[Desdemona]

You are cumming at work? Naughty wench!

Laughing at yourself is (I think) a healthy sign. Means you are starting to remove that level of "seriousness" around the programming that it requires.

My oh my, but aren't our psyches interesting places?

I am a naughty wench, aren't I?!

Hiya Red. Long time no see!

 

[FungiUg]

I am a naughty wench, aren't I?!

Uhuh! That's why we luv you so much.

 

[Desdemona]

Uhuh! That's why we luv you so much.

The feeling is very mutual!