I love the thought of turning myself over to someone. Even as a lifestyle. Sex, obviously, whenever and however they want, but also the everyday stuff that I've never been free of- dressing, what to cook/eat, financial stuff, what we do, where we go, how I address and interact with people.
I've also never been able to find someone I trust enough to do this with- I want a connection, to be treated as valuable as a person even if, maybe especially because I'm submitting to them. I don't think I could do this as a scene, or a weekend, or even just a new relationship.
Basically, I want to trust someone irrefutably, I want to be cared for in obvious ways, I want to feel wanted and desired. I want to make someone happy, and give them things of value, and take some stress away by doing things they don't like to do or be a kind of stress ball or just be someone THEY can trust.
The thought of it is primal, and all the things I shouldn't want; It's also incredibly personal and emotional.
That being said, I doubt I could ever actually get to this point of trust. Too much risk of me being the rest of the way destroyed, even if they don't mean to. I'm also not into being degraded or humiliated, which for most seem to go hand in hand. So alas, 'tis but a dream.
What you are looking for is what I would have wanted, and to be honest would still want from a woman, I'm just old enough to realize that it won't happen for me, but I would like you to know that we have too many voices in our heads. The women who have offered me a taste of what you are looking for all seem to want, actually DEMAND degradation and humiliation. I've come to accept that if I want it I have to accept that I must degrade them, and that if I slip up and let myself be too nice I will inevitably loose them. Honestly at this point I don't know if I would even trust a woman telling me that I can just be nice to her.
