Part-time kinksters: Why not take it farther?

[nekos]

Why do you not go further?

i don't feel the need to. BDSM is just 1 of many things i like to do.

Is there just no interest? Can you not find a suitable partner? Do you feel uncomfortable doing more?

it is hard to find a suitable partner. most women i have talked with about this < actually all > either were into the 24/7 thing and wanted it all the time, or had no or veary little interest in it.

Do you not feel drawn to either the master/dom/top or slave/sub/bottom role and thus feel out of place?

im a switch but i do feel drawn more to the dom/ top part.


Did you have some experimentation that had negative results and confirmed you did not enjoy going further?

nope, what little i have tried has been very enjoyable

Was experimentation a fun diversion but something you could not integrate into your normal life?

yes, but it was something i did not wan't to integrate into my normal life. i don't want a slave or to be a slave all the time.
for me it's fun to control or be controlled in bed. but not in my every day life. i want a partner i could love, not a toy to control.

that last statement i don't wan't people to take the wrong way... im sure some or even most people can love there partner in a 24/7 BDSM relationship. i myself couldn't and would not want to. hell i can't even understand why some one want to have or be a 24/7 slave.
it just doesn't compute in my brain how or why some one would want that

 

[Mr Blonde]

Thank you again for these honest replies.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Hookaay! Have wanted to comment on this -- and looked for a thread on going from vanilla to more bdsm in a longterm 'vanilla' relationship but haven't found one yet.

Meanwhile... already posted some reasons on another board about not liking organized religion so much, let along organized sex! And from what I've read, it almost seems like once you get into it, there's a Protocol Book. And too much equipment. And the costumes just mostly don't appeal to me. Not trying to be a troll here, just seriously it seems to involved. Even the pics I've seen don't do anything for me.
And yet... there is something.... I like control stuff. I like being bitten on the neck. I like having my wrists held in one of his hands over my head. I like serving and being told what to do in bed.

People at another board (non-consent related) thought I better belonged in bdsm. My fantasy have always involved some form of control or non-consent. Hmm. But I hate pain and am a real wimp. The descriptions of subspace sound like something i go into very easily -- and can get myself into trouble that way, as, in that state, I'll allow things that will hurt later. Anal without lube, if my spouse isn't thinking. And I won't complain, just go into that headspace, enjoying myself until I'm very sorry later.
I'm afraid it would change my husbands view of me or mine of him if he actually hurt me. Hmmm. What else. I don't like to do what I'm supposed to. I do get turned on by the thought of, say, being punished for being late.

 

[Etoile]

Hey there Phoenix Stone!

Everybody practices BDSM a little differently. I also love being bitten on the neck and having my wrists held down above my head! There's no rule that says you must be a painslut to live this lifestyle!

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Hi Etoile, thanks! I've been figuring it out -- it's just a little harder if you don't fit into the norm of the non-norm, iykwim. Saw on another thread your referral to the library, and wanted to thank you for it.

It's kinda tricky cuz it's all so damn individual. (Any Monty Python fans here? 'You are all individuals!' One voice: 'no I'm not!') That's one of the things I've admired about what I've seen of your posts -- you seem to have come up with your own unique way that is working for you.

This seems to be a good place to explore -- even if sometimes it's misread or others totally don't get you, as even then you can use the feedback to say 'no, not that.' It's much harder to examine your proclivities when it's just navel-gazing.

This was one of the thread I've felt most comfortable posting on, so far, btw, so thank you to the one who submitted it. It's been an interesting read.

 

[Birch Twig]

Why don't we take it further?

Mainly because S&M (in our style) is very noisy and we live under the same roof as our small kids.

We only go kinky when we are on our own, which only happens perhaps 8-10 times a year. And not every time even then, as my wife doesn't always fell good about it. But when we do, we alter roles, and both of us get very horny from it (read my post in the Welcome Thread for nasty details).