Poetry Discussion Queue

[The Poets]

Oh, docent. Your poem disappeared. I was just about to post it for discussion.

Anyone else?

 

[SunrockSin]

I'm sorry

I'm sorry, please disregard my previous request. I changed my mind about the poem.

Again, I'm sorry.


thank you,

sun

 

[The Poets]

Thanks SunrockSin!
I'll post your poem tomorrow, May 1st.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Since May is no restriction month, I will post my poem here. Link is My Dearest Cordeilia

I am not taking advantage of the May month, just the poems on here are old, and things have been said so I don't want to copy. Once we get new poems I do intend to help.


Ravin

 

[WickedEve]

Since May is no restriction month, I will post my poem here. Link is My Dearest Cordeilia

I am not taking advantage of the May month, just the poems on here are old, and things have been said so I don't want to copy. Once we get new poems I do intend to help.


Ravin

You're not backing out? You really want to do this? Don't tease me!
I'll start a thread for your poem.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

You're not backing out? You really want to do this? Don't tease me!
I'll start a thread for your poem.

You could post one. As an example.

 

[WickedEve]

You could post one. As an example.

Hell, no.
By the way, you're a fucking asshole.

 

[Guest]

On 2nd thoughts

 

[flyguy69]

Hell, no.
By the way, you're a fucking asshole.

Simple, direct language; clear imagery: true poetry.

Hell, no <-- declarative expression that contrasts compliance with the original request and eternal damnation.

By the way, you're a fucking asshole. <-- establishes a parallel between "hell" and the source of the request, and presents the requestor as not merely the progenitor of shit, but also one prepared for fucking, that is, gaping wide and revealing it's dark and malodorous soul.

The and add not only irony, but demonstrate the author's capacity for crafting humor and beauty from the basest of materials.

Well done.

 

[wildsweetone]

Simple, direct language; clear imagery: true poetry.

Hell, no <-- declarative expression that contrasts compliance with the original request and eternal damnation.

By the way, you're a fucking asshole. <-- establishes a parallel between "hell" and the source of the request, and presents the requestor as not merely the progenitor of shit, but also one prepared for fucking, that is, gaping wide and revealing it's dark and malodorous soul.

The and add not only irony, but demonstrate the author's capacity for crafting humor and beauty from the basest of materials.

Well done.

I bet Kooser is behind this.

 

[flyguy69]

I bet Kooser is behind this.

He's the buttfucker?!

The things you gotta do when you're Poet Laureatte...

 

[wildsweetone]

He's the buttfucker?!

The things you gotta do when you're Poet Laureatte...

i should know better than to bait you when you've been licked by lightening (or whatever it is that happens to get you in your flitty/witty mood)!



lau·re·ate - is there any reason you feminised the word, or shouldn't i ask?

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Hell, no.
By the way, you're a fucking asshole.

Interesting response to a reasonable request.

 

[WickedEve]

On 2nd thoughts

I saw the poem and was waiting for Friday to post it and it's gone!
Hope you reconsider.

 

[WickedEve]

Interesting response to a reasonable request.

Nothing about you is reasonable. The last time you had anything to say to me, you insulted me.
Would you like offer a poem for critique? I'll be happy to start a thread for it.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Nothing about you is reasonable. The last time you had anything to say to me, you insulted me.
Would you like offer a poem for critique? I'll be happy to start a thread for it.

Welllllll <feigned sigh of huffiness
So we're even.
You put one up, as an example. I would be happy to give it serious attention.
Happy Mother's Day.

 

[WickedEve]

Welllllll <feigned sigh of huffiness
So we're even.
You put one up, as an example. I would be happy to give it serious attention.
Happy Mother's Day.

There's a new poem posted for you and others to give some serious attention to.
Enjoy.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Simple, direct language; clear imagery: true poetry.

Hell, no <-- declarative expression that contrasts compliance with the original request and eternal damnation.

By the way, you're a fucking asshole. <-- establishes a parallel between "hell" and the source of the request, and presents the requestor as not merely the progenitor of shit, but also one prepared for fucking, that is, gaping wide and revealing it's dark and malodorous soul.

The and add not only irony, but demonstrate the author's capacity for crafting humor and beauty from the basest of materials.

Well done.

"I frankly don't believe readers should be expected to make an effort to learn something in order to understand a poem" - the Big Ted says in the Finacial Times on January 11 2006

Hey Kooserphile critique this:

The pooh-pah sits on the mountain
waves his pom puss words
his Ack-O-Lites, non too bright
smell gerananiums
when anyone with half a cranium
knows that they are turds

I need a title, it is simplistic enough, & I am concerned it may be too intellectual.
& I was going to rhyme "Mad Hatter" with "fecal matter" but I really did not want to go down that hole.

 

[cherries_on_snow]

I would enjoy a review of the very first non-erotic poem I posted on Lit.

http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=125358

My questions are:


1) How do you interpret the poem? Is the meaning clear?

2)I am most concerned with imagery, other than the near rhymes, but want to find out your opinions on how the semiotics stand up, and how you interpret them. However all comments and perspectives are welcome.

Thank you all.

Janiece made me think first of a daughter as did too young, early, (though yet late threw me off a bit). The imagery of the decimation of the central character is powerful. I still thought of this as a child death until I was clearly told daughter of your womb, so I knew it was the mother.
I didn't find that problematic. The unclear relationship seems purposeful also due to narrator wishing to have the ability to rebirth the mother. I found that really poignant.

I didn't understand 'palatial' though the ocean was clear enough. I think the pace would be more stately with the use of end punctuation and felt that most acutely in the 4th stanza.
I might also look at the 5th stanza in terms of diction only in that the rhyme feels a little heavy. Might just be my ear though. I liked the decline there, too, btw as it further declared the death.

I gave this a five. It is a beautiful poem.

damn, I hope I posted this response in the proper place. Please pardon me if I didn't. Cheers.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Nothing about you is reasonable. The last time you had anything to say to me, you insulted me.
Would you like offer a poem for critique? I'll be happy to start a thread for it.

Gematria tentative title, too intellectual, I need something more reasonable

Thirty-four flames on the moon pie
dimly do they shine.
Champagne, noo! Paper cups - Nehi
I count eight, maybe nine.

A coven in the moon pie night,
A celebration of poetry dying,
A scene of some demotic rite,
of writing without even trying.

The nabors heard 400 wails
of pallid verse and livid rime
and pyled off the trail, the entrails
of Miss Muse, a crime

(Count to here, do you smell the burning
of numbers undergoing fucking?
Really now, no fucking ducking!
The numbers real, you should be learning.)

scene so horrific, marked by star,
the five points of nether heaven.
The trod of twenty feet, bizarre,
sixty-eight empty shoes, eleven

barefoot with a hundred lame excuses
of who, what, where; alibis
of how they could not murder muses.

After all the truth is lies

And four sadly equals seven.

(Count to here, do you smell the burning
of numbers undergoing fucking?
Really now, no fucking ducking!
The numbers reel, you should be learning.)

Most important, did I get the rhymes right?? and the numbers?
Does it have too many adverbs? adjectives? Is it too diluted?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I saw the poem and was waiting for Friday to post it and it's gone!
Hope you reconsider.

For you, any thing. Bear in mind this is very raw but I want to play with the format. (Inspired by M.Ondaatje's Coming Through Slaughter)


The Gentlest Music


Buddy lost his heart that night.
Careless love
he and Jaelin played a gig out at Shell beach
Don't go 'way nobody
they got back, tired and a little drunk.
If you don’t shake, don’t get no cake
Although he wasn't hungry
2.19 took my babe away.
Buddy asked for food to keep them up.
Pepper Rag
Robin smiled some sunshine and made him eggs.
Funky Butt
For four hours they sat
joyce 76
watching him push that food around,
Alligator Rag
at five the Brewitts stood together,
If you don’t like my potatoes why do dig so deep?
said goodnight, went in and softly closed the door.
Make ma a pallet on your floor
It was bitter out but Buddy took his cornet
All the whores like he way I ride-
to the open porch and played the gentlest music
Idaho
making gestures only they could see as they lay together.

 

[WickedEve]

For you, any thing. Bear in mind this is very raw but I want to play with the format. (Inspired by M.Ondaatche's Coming Through Slaughter)


The Gentlest Music


Buddy lost his heart that night.
Careless love
he and Jaelin played a gig out at Shell beach
Don't go 'way nobody
they got back, tired and a little drunk.
If you don’t shake, don’t get no cake
Although he wasn't hungry
2.19 took my babe away.
Buddy asked for food to keep them up.
Pepper Rag
Robin smiled some sunshine and made him eggs.
Funky Butt
For four hours they sat
joyce 76
watching him push that food around,
Alligator Rag
at five the Brewitts stood together,
If you don’t like my potatoes why do dig so deep?
said goodnight, went in and softly closed the door.
Make ma a pallet on your floor
It was bitter out but Buddy took his cornet
All the whores like he way I ride-
to the open porch and played the gentlest music
Idaho
making gestures only they could see as they lay together.

Hi.
Just wanted to say that I'm not ignoring your poem. I'll start a thread for it soon. I just got my computer running after the hard drive died a few days ago.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Hi.
Just wanted to say that I'm not ignoring your poem. I'll start a thread for it soon. I just got my computer running after the hard drive died a few days ago.

Oh please - I'm in no hurry. I do hope your drive is hard once more, I hate those limp dicks - I mean drivers.

 

[cherries_on_snow]

Oh please - I'm in no hurry. I do hope your drive is hard once more, I hate those limp dicks - I mean drivers.

If only I got 20 emails a day offering a cure for that as I do for the biological equivalent.

Coming Through Slaughter is one of my favourite books, btw, Tristesse. I look forward to reading and responding to this poem once it is up.

 

[The Poets]

Oh please - I'm in no hurry. I do hope your drive is hard once more, I hate those limp dicks - I mean drivers.

The poem is up, and I'm waiting for my second hard drive replacement. *screaming* So, I'm doing what I can until this h.d. gives up the ghost. lol