Poetry in Progress ~ construction zone

[Eleanora Day]

The lack of an "if" is growing on me, but not the "strong." Let me read again. I may end up accepting it.

I'll consider removing "strong." Let me know if you decide to like it. Thank you.

 

[Eleanora Day]

Okay, I'm only on line 3 and I'm thrown like a bad tomato, because of your fingers. "Your fingers’ whispering leaves." Are you sure you want that apostrophe? "Your fingers, whispering leaves," or "Your fingers' whispering leaves." Two entirely different things.

Senora/Senorita, I am muy siento for your tomato experience. I see your point about the apostrophe. It was a revision that I think is not working. I shall change it.

 

[WickedEve]

Senora/Senorita, I am muy siento for your tomato experience. I see your point about the apostrophe. It was a revision that I think is not working. I shall change it.

It's a good thing that I'm here to point out these tiny flaws.

 

[WickedEve]

I'm not quite sure I get the way this is worded. "You rain
the open earth of me"

Please explain.

 

[Eleanora Day]

Ellie? Line 4: wind’s caress. Dry heaves here... I don't know about that caressing wind. Wait. Are you rhyming that caress with something?

No, but it has to be there because of the pattern of end words. If I change it, I'll have to change the whole poem and this Senora, makes me loco, makes me want to tear out my hair. I know you are gagging because it is trite, bit maybe no one else will notice.

 

[Eleanora Day]

I'm not quite sure I get the way this is worded. "You rain
the open earth of me"

Please explain.

Do you think it should be "on the open..."? Your esteemed colleague Lauren Hynde told me the lines were too inconsistent graphically and the poem didn't look right, so I've been cutting--and now I am torn...

 

[WickedEve]

No, but it has to be there because of the pattern of end words. If I change it, I'll have to change the whole poem and this Senora, makes me loco, makes me want to tear out my hair. I know you are gagging because it is trite, bit maybe no one else will notice.

I notice everything. I also understand that triteness is sometimes unavoidable in form poetry, at least, some of it.

 

[WickedEve]

Do you think it should be "on the open..."? Your esteemed colleague Lauren Hynde told me the lines were too inconsistent graphically and the poem didn't look right, so I've been cutting--and now I am torn...

Why do you listen to that girl?
It just sounds a little confusing. Maybe it's my plastic brain. There's a piece chipped off.
With the "on" it makes sense.

 

[eagleyez]

are you related to Elanore Roosevelt?

 

[Eleanora Day]

are you related to Elanore Roosevelt?

No, but we share a political world view. Is that good enough?

 

[Eleanora Day]

Why do you listen to that girl?
It just sounds a little confusing. Maybe it's my plastic brain. There's a piece chipped off.
With the "on" it makes sense.

No, you could be right. I appreciate all your suggestions. Any others from you or any of the wonderful poets here are appreciated.

 

[WickedEve]

No, but we share a political world view. Is that good enough?

You probably have a bit more to say than she ever did.

 

[WickedEve]

No, you could be right. I appreciate all your suggestions. Any others from you or any of the wonderful poets here are appreciated.

I haven't even made my way through the first stanza yet. But I'll take a break and let you, um, absorb my suggestions. lol

 

[Angeline]

You probably have a bit more to say than she ever did.

She sounds like me. lol.

 

[Eleanora Day]

You probably have a bit more to say than she ever did.

On certain subjects, Senorita Wicked.

 

[Eleanora Day]

I haven't even made my way through the first stanza yet. But I'll take a break and let you, um, absorb my suggestions. lol

Muchas gracias a usted.

 

[WickedEve]

She sounds like me. lol.

It's like your av. You keep finding ones that look like you. So, now you're finding poets who sound like you. This is interesting and insignificant.
Another piece of the poetry board is sacrificed for a meaningless post. I weep. Tears are falling on my keyboard. My god, it's beautiful and inspiring! Ah, finally I have found poetic inspiration! (I believe in making all meaningless posts count, damn it!)

 

[Angeline]

It's like your av. You keep finding ones that look like you. So, now you're finding poets who sound like you. This is interesting and insignificant.
Another piece of the poetry board is sacrificed for a meaningless post. I weep. Tears are falling on my keyboard. My god, it's beautiful and inspiring! Ah, finally I have found poetic inspiration! (I believe in making all meaningless posts count, damn it!)

I found a whole bunch I like today. Maybe I'll put up me again in the middle of them all, lol.

Oh. This was meaningless, right? Well I always have poetry in progress, so it's not entirely unrelated.

 

[WickedEve]

I found a whole bunch I like today. Maybe I'll put up me again in the middle of them all, lol.

Oh. This was meaningless, right? Well I always have poetry in progress, so it's not entirely unrelated.

You know... I, um, never come onto this thread. What goes on here?

 

[Angeline]

You know... I, um, never come onto this thread. What goes on here?

Usually nothing much. Me, champagne, tath, and pat carrington post poems here and sometimes people say something about them. Either way, we fiddle with them in this thread (the poems, that is) until we love them enough to submit somewhere or hate them enough to put them away for awhile.

You're a breath of fresh air.

 

[flyguy69]

Usually nothing much. Me, champagne, tath, and pat carrington post poems here and sometimes people say something about them. Either way, we fiddle with them in this thread (the poems, that is) until we love them enough to submit somewhere or hate them enough to put them away for awhile.

You're a breath of fresh air.

I once lost a poem here!

I posted the only copy of the text I had, then too many days and too many posts went by and the poor fellow slipped below the waves for the last time.

I hope sponges and coral have discovered him and cleaned him up a bit.

 

[WickedEve]

You're a breath of fresh air.

I really am. God, I just love myself.

 

[Angeline]

I once lost a poem here!

I posted the only copy of the text I had, then too many days and too many posts went by and the poor fellow slipped below the waves for the last time.

I hope sponges and coral have discovered him and cleaned him up a bit.

You could look for it you know. 17 pages isn't too bad.

 

[Angeline]

I really am. God, I just love myself.

 

[flyguy69]

I really am. God, I just love myself.

Please blow on my poor, drowned poem.

Hold that, if your going to blow on something...