Poetry Spankings. No Tender Bottoms Allowed!

[_Land]

Stargirl

thank you land ,.. i must admit ,, its my fantasy ,, distilled into A few lines ,,, the orange sheets are from the first time i used this fantasy to" bring my self of" sorry to much info.. lol
i was worried that no one would " see " what i was trying to get to ... thanks again for answering , xxxxx star

Actualy my dear, there are not nearly enough details, and the thought of the orange sheets brought the vision of flames alive.
Which made the theme of being a roast on a spit even more vividly to life. Pictures of you turning around on skewers of flesh, cooked till you were medium rare, warm and tender and full of warm steamy juices. MMMMMMMMMMMM Im gettting really horny ermmmmm mean hungry *kisses licks and Nibbles* _Land

 

[stargirl32]

Re: Re: reworked and re writen

MMM..dayum how i love me a juicy piece of some star meat!

I think its the very first line that throws me off in this poem babes. It just seems to need something more. The rest of your poem is filled with imagery that appeals to the senses, while the beginning simply states the picture. (not quite making the reader see it for themselves, course lets keep in mind that this is only my opinion. that and a buck will get you a cup of coffee )

What about for example:
Your juicy, pink split roast

The rest is awesome! Some punctuation and spelling fixes is all that would be required I think. I absolutely love the way it makes my mouth water for a bite!

*ladylove*

ohh babe ,, wanna come round for dinner later ? grin


btw your right,,,,, i first had ,
i am your sucking pig
roasted on a spit

but i wasnt sure so changed it to that.
gotta go rl calls will think some more .. kissssn slobber babe






hee hee land ,,,