Post here if you dare taking on a perky editorial!

[perks]

I don't like it, cause I don't understand it, or the structure.

It's only appropriate to whomever wrote it.


I don't know the context.

I'm an idiot.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Criticism

I don't like it, cause I don't understand it, or the structure.

It's only appropriate to whomever wrote it.

I don't know the context.

I'm an idiot.

No, you are finally just being honest!
More so then you understand, and this has nothing to do with the triteness of "perky"!

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[Suzi]

Re: Re:My Father's Sky - Growling

O.K. Then post your analysis! - Suzi Creamcheese!

Waiting with baited breath! (Which is as unfishy as I get.)


Regards,                 Rybka

the beginning part talking about "a growling brown" made me think you were talking about a bearskin rug...

but the one after SKY...to be truthful, I was lost! I feel bad...cuz I understood SeeSea Rider....but maybe I am not meant to understand everything you write?

 

[OT]

I don't like it, cause I don't understand it, or the structure.

It's only appropriate to whomever wrote it.


I don't know the context.

I'm an idiot.

perky_baby,


Except for the idiot part, that was a perfect post.

writers write
reader read

sometimes it's fun to get out the secret decoder ring and figure out what a writer might have meant. Sometimes we guess correctly, more oft than not we do not. Read for the joy of reading.

I appreciate wine without knowing why.

There are those that swirl and sniff and mumble about ambiance and the slight aftertaste of birch bark, or perhaps the lingering subtle hint of a bee's butt.

I'm content and confident to know what I like, or not.
I usually like (or dislike) wine for all the wrong reasons.

Poetry and wine are not dissimilar.


O.T.
peek at my prose

 

[Suzi]

oh thank the gods!

perky_baby,


Except for the idiot part, that was a perfect post.

writers write
reader read

sometimes it's fun to get out the secret decoder ring and figure out what a writer might have meant. Sometimes we guess correctly, more oft than not we do not. Read for the joy of reading.

I appreciate wine without knowing why.

There are those that swirl and sniff and mumble about ambiance and the slight aftertaste of birch bark, or perhaps the lingering subtle hint of a bee's butt.

I'm content and confident to know what I like, or not.
I usually like (or dislike) wine for all the wrong reasons.

Poetry and wine are not dissimilar.


O.T.
peek at my prose

someone who understands where we come from!

when I write...I write straight from the hip...but some write in these symbolisms and metaphors...and though at times when one can understand it...it can be moving, it can be frustrating too if we do NOT understand it.

Thanks you for your input OT

 

[phatcat]

Ok, Rybka...

Having read and re-read the thing a few times, not giving in to the temptation of sleep, I will comment shortly on the poem:

first impression (without noticing the repetitions of a coupla lines or paying attention to form, or whatever) is this:

the poem is about the birth of a child (actual process of birth) which brings sorrow to the father.

I might try again tomorrow. G'night.

 

[_Land]

Re: RE: [B][U]My Father's Sky - Growling[/U][/B]

Well worth the comment Ryb, It is a very inspirational poem!

Thank you OT, and _Land, for your input. I am a bit discouraged that no one else, including Angeline, Lauren.Hynde, WickedEve, and Suzi, who have said they liked the poem, have deemed it not worthwhile of analysis.

I can understand Senna Jawa's reticence, but not that of the professional editor, Perky_Baby (of the "Oh so trite" name ) or some of our other "enlightened" contributors. - _Land, you understand the truth of the poem now (via PM). What do you say to the others?
Is the work not worthy of comment?

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[phatcat]

Ka

bump


*lazily sits and waits for comments*

 

[Star At Sunrise]

My Father's Sky - Growling

I'll give it a shot, since I don't see a lot of feedback, and I can tell Rybka wants some honest comments.

It is a really difficult poem for me to read. In fact, anything is difficult for me to read, since I'm illiterate. (My mom is typing this for me.)

My Father's Sky - Growling
I like the title. From reading "See Sea Rider" I guess the growling sky is the sound of thunder. But I really think it is two titles melded into one. The first section of the poem is "Growling" and the second part is "My Father's Sky." I also guess that "Sky" is told from the fathers perspective, since inside the poem it it simply called "Sky"

Growling brown upon the floor
The color of hardwood or dried blood? Shadows of the clouds outside as the thunder rumbles? I'm not sure how a color can have a sound, but "the words "growling brown" sound great together.

viciousness seeps through the door
An argument overheard, or the cries of delirium as the father is dying, or blood seeping out from under the closed door?

As if these moonswung tides of machinery
I like "moonswung tides" but I think it may refer to an actual repeating sound of a machine rather than the sound of the surf. Maybe a respirator or heart monitor?

bury in bands and temples wound refractionary
My dictionary defines "refraction" as "Deflection from a straight path." Maybe the "temples wound refractionary" refers to a suicide attempt gone wrong. Also, the previous line says "As if", indicating that the "moonswung tides of machinery" really does NOT "bury in bands and temples wound refractionary" I still don't get what "bury in bands" means.

of his Father's Farthing Fare.
I think the fare is the price to cross the river Styx, again referring to death. I don't know why all three words are capitalized, unless it's just poetic licence. It sounds and reads good,though. This is the only part of this section of the poem that indicates it is told from a third person perspective. The next section, "SKY" is part first person and third person.

SKY

My sculptor well may pass
"Sculptor" referring to the narrators father dying, or the father referring to God passing him by.

- of music
for a piece is plain, float you in its turn
with tasting: What a world that beauty do I.
I can't even begin to guess what this part means. Tasting music, growling colors... hmmm... The "tasting" is repeated later, and the "What a world..." is repeated and finished.

Thee, coming of liberty, new-born infant's tear,
or sought of it some lone garden as one must
and strove he to be, through a wounded thing
of love, the suffering of soul-born king
Now it shifts to a third person perspective again. I guess that the "new-born infant" is really the "liberty" of death, a.k.a. "the lone garden" I don't understand how you can strive through a "wounded thing of love" though, and I'm not sure what a "soul-born king" is. Strove he to be what?

Trumpeter! Methinks still persists his tomb.
Back ito a firsty person perspective. The dead still haunt us, we can hear them in our heads even after they are dead. I'm not sure why the sudden change in linguistics ('methinks'), unless it refers to words the father said in his dying delirium.

I started again, with tasting:
Second reference to tasting. I still don't understand it though.

What a world that beauty do I
see that bares what is lost in its gentle closure of you.
I think this line says the world loses something when the father dies. But the "gentle closure" seems to invalidate my guesses of a suicide by gun to the temple or dying in an Alzheimers delirium.

The hero of the empty paths that were a great deed and column proud,
Perhaps the father was a heroic soldier in the past, leading his troops. I'm not sure how one can be a hero of empty paths, though.

His voice as Death, thou and thee turns to be a stirring thing.
Death rattle? Or was he raving in delirium as he died, saying things like "thee, thou, methinks, ect."

That's it. I know you didn't want my comments specifically, but there they are. I don't know jack about poetry. I'm just a smelly monkey. But I can tell you that I had to do this review TWICE (due to stupid computer failure,) so no one out there has any excuse for not doing it ONCE!

Thanks, Ry.

 

[_Land]

Re: My Father's Sky - Growling

WOW, star you put a lot of tiem and effort into that, i like the way you interpreted it............. a poem well worth the effort. IMHO


LOL, i love it Rybka, this is great!

I'll give it a shot, since I don't see a lot of feedback, and I can tell Rybka wants some honest comments.

It is a really difficult poem for me to read. In fact, anything is difficult for me to read, since I'm illiterate. (My mom is typing this for me.)

My Father's Sky - Growling
I like the title. From reading "See Sea Rider" I guess the growling sky is the sound of thunder. But I really think it is two titles melded into one. The first section of the poem is "Growling" and the second part is "My Father's Sky." I also guess that "Sky" is told from the fathers perspective, since inside the poem it it simply called "Sky"

Growling brown upon the floor
The color of hardwood or dried blood? Shadows of the clouds outside as the thunder rumbles? I'm not sure how a color can have a sound, but "the words "growling brown" sound great together.

viciousness seeps through the door
An argument overheard, or the cries of delirium as the father is dying, or blood seeping out from under the closed door?

As if these moonswung tides of machinery
I like "moonswung tides" but I think it may refer to an actual repeating sound of a machine rather than the sound of the surf. Maybe a respirator or heart monitor?

bury in bands and temples wound refractionary
My dictionary defines "refraction" as "Deflection from a straight path." Maybe the "temples wound refractionary" refers to a suicide attempt gone wrong. Also, the previous line says "As if", indicating that the "moonswung tides of machinery" really does NOT "bury in bands and temples wound refractionary" I still don't get what "bury in bands" means.

of his Father's Farthing Fare.
I think the fare is the price to cross the river Styx, again referring to death. I don't know why all three words are capitalized, unless it's just poetic licence. It sounds and reads good,though. This is the only part of this section of the poem that indicates it is told from a third person perspective. The next section, "SKY" is part first person and third person.

SKY

My sculptor well may pass
"Sculptor" referring to the narrators father dying, or the father referring to God passing him by.

- of music
for a piece is plain, float you in its turn
with tasting: What a world that beauty do I.
I can't even begin to guess what this part means. Tasting music, growling colors... hmmm... The "tasting" is repeated later, and the "What a world..." is repeated and finished.

Thee, coming of liberty, new-born infant's tear,
or sought of it some lone garden as one must
and strove he to be, through a wounded thing
of love, the suffering of soul-born king
Now it shifts to a third person perspective again. I guess that the "new-born infant" is really the "liberty" of death, a.k.a. "the lone garden" I don't understand how you can strive through a "wounded thing of love" though, and I'm not sure what a "soul-born king" is. Strove he to be what?

Trumpeter! Methinks still persists his tomb.
Back ito a firsty person perspective. The dead still haunt us, we can hear them in our heads even after they are dead. I'm not sure why the sudden change in linguistics ('methinks'), unless it refers to words the father said in his dying delirium.

I started again, with tasting:
Second reference to tasting. I still don't understand it though.

What a world that beauty do I
see that bares what is lost in its gentle closure of you.
I think this line says the world loses something when the father dies. But the "gentle closure" seems to invalidate my guesses of a suicide by gun to the temple or dying in an Alzheimers delirium.

The hero of the empty paths that were a great deed and column proud,
Perhaps the father was a heroic soldier in the past, leading his troops. I'm not sure how one can be a hero of empty paths, though.

His voice as Death, thou and thee turns to be a stirring thing.
Death rattle? Or was he raving in delirium as he died, saying things like "thee, thou, methinks, ect."

That's it. I know you didn't want my comments specifically, but there they are. I don't know jack about poetry. I'm just a smelly monkey. But I can tell you that I had to do this review TWICE (due to stupid computer failure,) so no one out there has any excuse for not doing it ONCE!

Thanks, Ry.

 

[Star At Sunrise]

Ahem

Now that I re-read the poem, it all makes sense, like tumblers falling inside a unlocking lock. I get it all, and it's perfect.

It's the best poem I ever read, it made me laugh and cry and then laugh again, and then I got a glass of water, and then cried again, and then laughed again, spitting water all over my keyboard.

And, Land... if you think that was a lot of work, don't forget... I did it TWICE! (Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh)

Great poem Rybka! You are a true genius wordsmith. May I use the poem in my signature line? Pllllllllllllllllleeese, Eddie?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What a world that beauty do I."
Rybka

 

[_Land]

Re: Ahem

Dont feel bad star, i timed out three times trying to get my response posted after the second try i typed it in word then pasted it.................. One of the best poems ryb has never written

Now that I re-read the poem, it all makes sense, like tumblers falling inside a unlocking lock. I get it all, and it's perfect.

It's the best poem I ever read, it made me laugh and cry and then laugh again, and then I got a glass of water, and then cried again, and then laughed again, spitting water all over my keyboard.

And, Land... if you think that was a lot of work, don't forget... I did it TWICE! (Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh)

Great poem Rybka! You are a true genius wordsmith. May I use the poem in my signature line? Pllllllllllllllllleeese, Eddie?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What a world that beauty do I."
Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Gee. . . Thanks _Land!

.................. One of the best poems ryb has never written

Thank you for your deep and insightful comments! It is not too many people who have your perspicacity and bent of mind.

If anyone else wishes to comment, here is the link: My Father's Sky - Growling

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Rybka? Your box is full...

 

[Rybka]

"Box is Full"

Jeepers! I didn't even know I had one! That Kdog sure is sneaky!

I will have to figure out how to empty it!

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Full Box

O.K. I deleted some messages. I apologize to those who got the axe, but I could not figure out how to archive the posts.

(By The way, I think those that have posted their comments will agree that this poem is worth further analysis and comment.)

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[JUDO]

Rybka contacted me by PM, looking for thoughts on his poem My Father's Sky - Growling. I PM'd him back and he asked me to post the result. Here it is.

Okay, here's what I see...

You used a combination of common grammar and old
grammar. Your references are often indistinct as to
their meaning. In fact, several of the words used could
have different meanings and yet not change the
structure of the sentence. As a result, the sentence's or
phrase's meaning is unclear.

With a title like "My Father's Sky - Growling," I expect a
lot of symbology. As a result of reading, I cannot
decide what is symbolic of what.

When I re-read without symbolism, I do not find any
clear pictures, but more simply reading, I come away
with impressions of what the words mean.

The words feel pretty good and well-thought out, but
the meaning seems purposely unclear.

So, I surmise that perhaps this is what you intended --
a poem of impressionistic qualities that conveys
something too difficult to convey (possibly).

My interpretation of what I read in your poem is that it
is an elegy, singing the harsh realities of a life lived as
best it could be lived from the standpoint of one trying
to figure out what the meaning of his father's life may
have been. The tone feels respectful.

* * *

Beyond that, if I try to find other meanings, I see
confusing phrases like "float you in its turn with
tasting," "...bury in bands and temples wound
refractionary of..." and "What a world that beauty do I."


If I look for clear meanings in these words, they are
further taken from me by the chosen words of "wound,"
"turn" and "bands." "What a world that beauty do I" is a
structural phrase from a century ago used to refer to
what came before.

* * *

I suppose that it is possible that you are trying to
infuse Old English into this form. In which case, I will be
as confused as if trying to interpret Swahili.

All I can says is, feels good, feels mighty, but a solid
picture is not presented. Perhaps that was the intent of
the author.

My thoughts.
- Judo

 

[WickedEve]

I got a PM also and this is the best I can offer tonight:
Rybka, you poem is like a great song you want hear on the radio again and again even though you don't understand all the words. lol
Honestly, I've read this poem a dozen times or more since you posted it. I've read all the comments and now I'd love to hear your explanation!

 

[Angeline]

Ok here I am Rybka

summoned by pm to get my critiquing done. Foolish me. I figured if I just never came into this thread I wouldn't have to do it. But I underestimated the intepid Rybka, who swims with the assurrence and persistence of Ol' Blue, or whatever that fabled fish--usually a trout--is, you know the one that swims in the ol' fishin' holes of yore and never gets caught except maybe once by grandpa who, seeing his own mortality in the wily fish face and the triumph of the ancient scars of hooks that didn't quite stick, throws Rybka--oops I mean the trout--back and dreams by the fire and and.....

Why am I here?

Alrightie then.

Perhaps you all remember when this poem came out I said it was a Wow poem. I didn't say what kind of wow, did I? For all you know, it was a slack-jawed, confused Wow and not the Wow of perfect understanding and poetic oneness with Rybka's statement. Maybe it was an acronym, that Wow, for something
like "Wish O.t Would explain it.

And how come Senna Jawa gets off the er fish hook? He's always got a darn opinion! Maybe he's the one who really understands this poem.

And aren't there more pressing questions here anyway? Like what's the deal with the weapons inspections? And is Rybka male or female? I say female. And while we're on the subject, I say Senna Jawa: male.

Ok.

Here are my comments.

1. Why does this poem look like a Christmas tree with the top cut off? Is that symbolic? And, if so, of what? Does it stand for a fall from grace? Or maybe, it means that Rybka's father, much like my ex, always took too much off the top of the tree.

2. Why is Father at the top and Rybka at the bottom? Expression of inferiority complex? Unresolved angst? Or maybe just title and signiture?

3. What is the relationship of form to content in this poem? Why is it treelike? Do the phrases represent bits and pieces of other Rybka poems? Is this the tree of Rybka's poems' life tree?

When I was in college, my friend Sanford and I "created" poetry by flipping the channels on TV and writing down whatever we heard. The result was stupid, very funny sometimes profound. Were you doing something like that here, Rybka?

 

[_Land]

WOW

these are such insightful interpretation.....................
Hope some one got close RYB, LMAO hehehehehehe
this is a most difficult poem to understand, but once I understood it it was the best poem you never wrote..............I hope the others can appreciate such great art work.

 

[Angeline]

Rybka, I realize my post

was tongue in cheek and silly, but I did raise a few questions in it that I think are legitimate ones for you--the poet--to address.

And I am the professional editor--me--as in I get paid (not enough IMHO, but that's another story) to be writer/editor of various and sundry manuscripts. (Although I think what I really am is more like a script doctor who is expected to make Tootsie out of Plan 9 from Outer Space).

I usually work with book-length (sometimes War and Peace-length) documents that are prose and so not literary you could weep. So, typically, I am doing copywriting more (correcting grammar and punctuation), or the kind of rewriting one does with prose to make it clear, parallel in structure, get rid of redundancy cliche, and so on.

Not that I haven't done lit crit; that was my first love (and believe me, how I went from reviewing Paradise Lost to comma chasing is one of the haunting issues of my life, but never mind that-- lol).

Still, once you are taught it's sort of--lol in a really weird way--like riding a bike, so let's see.

On to your poem!

First, the form:

I think the way you are juxtaposing words here is reminiscent of Lewis Carrol's "Jabberwocky" or maybe even Lennon's more apocryphal lyric "I am the Walrus" (goo goo ga joob!). Both mean something--but maybe the meaning is conveyed as much (or even more) by the construction than the actual content.

"Jabberwocky" tells a story, true, but the madness of the whole thing is best illustrated by the crazy use of language and rhythm. Lennon's lyric, taken piece by piece, is meaningless--a series of bizarre, sometimes disgusting, images. Lennon himself always claimed he had no particular meaning for that lyric other than showing he could twist words with a vengence. Or maybe, like Carroll, he was showing a disdain for those who might try to wrap a brain around it and understand. That is a meaning, too.

I think that might be one way to think about your poem. The odd positioning says something about confusion--maybe the writer's own confusion in coming to terms with the issues raised in the content. That is why I raised the questions about form in my previous post. I would like to hear your thinking on that.

So here are my questions:

What is the relationship between form and content in this poem? Is there one? Does the symmetry of the form act as a counterpoint to the cacophony of the content? Did that occur to you as you wrote it? Rybka, my buddy, inquiring minds want to know!


Ok. Now let me take a look at the content.

The poem, I assume, is about a literal (i.e., earthly) father and not God or some other symbolic father. There are various images in the poem I attribute to "father"

Father
Sculpter
Soul-born king
hero of the empty paths

Then there are "child" images:

new-born infant
wounded thing of love

The other thing I see happening in the imagery relates to death and freedom, liberation. Here are those images:

First the death imagery
bury
well may pass
tomb
gentle closure
death

Sky and Trumpeter may also relate to death. Sky=heaven or afterlife or not on earth, and Trumpeter=maybe a grim reaper-type figure (but that one is a real stretch)

Oh and "refractionary" is an interesting choice of word, given that it means to bend to distort an image--and you have it juxtaposed with with the "moonswung tides of machinery," which i assume refers to the passage of time. So it could suggest a passage of time during which death occurs or the time that has passed since the father's death.

Then there's the passage to freedom imagery

coming of liberty
new born (here I think the image is meant to suggest rebirth)

So. I am going to go out on a limb and say this is a poem about the narrator's ambilvalence toward his (oooh I said his!) father's death. On the one hand there is something to suggest relief at the finality, even a sense of freedom that is born of the detachment from the father brought on by death, but also a sense of connection with the father that is not severed by death, and maybe even some guilt about feeling "free" of him.

There! Have I lost my mind? That's my interpretation.

If I got it right, do I win anything?


P.S. If my interpretation is correct, then the one thing I would change that I didn't get is why the narrator does a pronoun shift (from third to first person) between the section preceding "SKY" and the rest of the poem. Is there a reason for that?

 

[_Land]

Re: Rybka, I realize my post

Angeline that is so insightful, it makes this poem even more delightful to hear you give it such importance.

was tongue in cheek and silly, but I did raise a few questions in it that I think are legitimate ones for you--the poet--to address.

And I am the professional editor--me--as in I get paid (not enough IMHO, but that's another story) to be writer/editor of various and sundry manuscripts. (Although I think what I really am is more like a script doctor who is expected to make Tootsie out of Plan 9 from Outer Space).

I usually work with book-length (sometimes War and Peace-length) documents that are prose and so not literary you could weep. So, typically, I am doing copywriting more (correcting grammar and punctuation), or the kind of rewriting one does with prose to make it clear, parallel in structure, get rid of redundancy cliche, and so on.

Not that I haven't done lit crit; that was my first love (and believe me, how I went from reviewing Paradise Lost to comma chasing is one of the haunting issues of my life, but never mind that-- lol).

Still, once you are taught it's sort of--lol in a really weird way--like riding a bike, so let's see.

On to your poem!

First, the form:

I think the way you are juxtaposing words here is reminiscent of Lewis Carrol's "Jabberwocky" or maybe even Lennon's more apocryphal lyric "I am the Walrus" (goo goo ga joob!). Both mean something--but maybe the meaning is conveyed as much (or even more) by the construction than the actual content.

"Jabberwocky" tells a story, true, but the madness of the whole thing is best illustrated by the crazy use of language and rhythm. Lennon's lyric, taken piece by piece, is meaningless--a series of bizarre, sometimes disgusting, images. Lennon himself always claimed he had no particular meaning for that lyric other than showing he could twist words with a vengence. Or maybe, like Carroll, he was showing a disdain for those who might try to wrap a brain around it and understand. That is a meaning, too.

I think that might be one way to think about your poem. The odd positioning says something about confusion--maybe's the writer's own confusion in coming to terms with the issues raised in the content. That is why I raised the questions about form in my previous post. I would like to hear your thinking on that.

So here are my questions:

What is the relationship between form and content in this poem? Is there one? Does the symmetry of the form act as a counterpoint to the cacophony of the content? Did that occur to you as you wrote it? Rybka, my buddy, inquiring minds want to know!


Ok. Now let me take a look at the content.

The poem, I assume, is about a literal (i.e., earthy) father and not God or some other symbolic father. There are various images in the poem I attribute to "father"

Father
Sculpter
Soul-born king
hero of the empty paths

Then there are "child" images:

new-born infant
wounded thing of love

The other thing I see happening in the imagery relates to death and freedom, liberation. Here are those images:

First the death imagery
bury
well may pass
tomb
gentle closure
death

Sky and Trumpeter may also relate to death. Sky=heaven or afterlife or not on earth, and Trumpeter=maybe a grim reaper-type figure (but that one is a real stretch)

Oh and "refractionary" is an interesting choice of word, given that it means to bend to distort an image--and you have it juxtaposed with with the "moonswung tides of machinery," which i assume refers to the passage of time. So it could suggest a passage of time during which death occurs or the time that has passed since the father's death.

Then there's the passage to freedom imagery

coming of liberty
new born (here I think the image is meant to suggest rebirth)

So. I am going to go out on a limb and say this is a poem about the narrator's ambilvalence toward his (oooh I said his!) father's death. On the one hand there is something to suggest relief at the finality, even a sense of freedom that is born of the detachment from the father brought on by death, but also a sense of connection with the father that is not severed by death, and maybe even some guilt about feeling "free" of him.

There! Have I lost my mind? That's my interpretation.

If I got it right, do I win anything?


P.S. If my interpretation is correct, then the one thing I would change that I didn't get is why the narrator does a pronoun shift (from third to first person) between the section preceding "SKY" and the rest of the poem. Is there a reason for that?

 

[Angeline]

Thank You _Land

Actually, once I got going it was kinda fun. Of course I'm expecting Rybka to come in here anytime now and slap me upside the head because I got it totally wrong!

 

[Rybka]

Thank you, everyone who has commented, for taking the time to try and figure out that poem. Since you have given me your interpretation. It is only fair that I now give you mine.
When I read the poem, I see the following:

The overall theme is about the rising and falling of civilization due to mankind's nature even in a God created world to which his son was sacrificed.

My Father's Sky - Growling

This can refer to three or four different parts, God, his world, - man's nature (or even God's anger at man's actions).

Growling brown upon the floor
viciousness seeps through the door

This seems to be about evil/inhumanity being like a flood of living mud oozing into our lives no matter what we do, as the storm beats upon our sanctorum and the wind rises. I see viciousness as an angry roiling brown sludge of hate.

As if these moonswung tides of machinery

Ocean tides are moon controlled and time is often measured in lunar cycles. Civilizations, religions, and technology rise and fall in cycles, and the earth and moon can be thought of as "machinery" (i.e. Celestial Mechanics").

bury in bands and temples wound refractionary

As things fall advancements are often buried for later archeologists to dig up and ponder about. "Wound" is a homographic heterophone and I would have preferred "refractory", but I left "refractionary" for a very specific reason.

of his Father's Farthing Fare.

Notice the capitalization. This could be read many ways: Christ's Father's "due"; there is also "Farthing Fair", "Far thing Fare", or "Far thing Fair".

SKY

Note the capitalization. Consider it in relation to the line above. Perhaps it is Heaven/salvation; the "Far thing"? Certainly it can also relate to the entire world as well as just the sky overhead.

My sculptor well may pass - of music
for a piece is plain, float you in its turn
with tasting: What a world that beauty do I.

Could this refer to God's creation of man? Or Jesus' molding of our souls, and/or civilization? And is this the first use of a godly phrase that is completed later.

Thee, coming of liberty, new-born infant's tear,
or sought of it some lone garden as one must,
and strove he to be, through a wounded thing
of love, the suffering of soul-born king,

The above comments being said, doesn't this start to become a little more obvious?
Isn't this a description of Christ's life?

Trumpeter! Methinks still persists his tomb.

A Roman centurion. . . a cry through the ages?

I started again, with tasting: What a world that beauty do I
see that bares what is lost in its gentle closure of you.

A repeat of a former line, perhaps referring to creation; a statement by God perhaps to Jesus;maybe a man to a mortal love.

The hero of the empty paths that were a great deed and column proud,

Is this not Christ; who walked his own path and gave his life for his beliefs, and who's banner later led legions and crusader forces down through the ages?

His voice as Death, thou and thee turns to be a stirring thing.

The "hero" seems apparent as does the meaning of the last line.

Now does it all seem to make a bit more sense? Or do you like your own interpretation better? I agree that the poem when spoken has a certain "ring" to it, but I am surprised that no one else sees a religious nature to the work. Most who gave it meaning at all (Senna Jawa, for one, did not grant it any meaning.) saw it as a mortal son and father thing, not as I did. Either is equally valid and equally invalid.

Do you want to know why? I will tell you later, but first I invite your comments on this post (and the poem also).

My Father's Sky - Growling


Regards,                 Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Well you know

my college Shakespeare professor said if you can use examples from the text and fit them to your hypothesis, you can stand by it. If only you hard written this poem 400 years ago and thus were not around today to argue otherwise, I could have convinced everyone my theory was right!