Probably sick of this question, but I cannot find the answer...

[purplesummer]

There's no such thing as a true submissive. It varies for everyone. Just because one person does more than someone else, that doesn't make either experience more or less valid. True submission is whatever you personally define it as.

 

[njlauren]

There's no such thing as a true submissive. It varies for everyone. Just because one person does more than someone else, that doesn't make either experience more or less valid. True submission is whatever you personally define it as.

Bingo, thank you,that hit the nail on the head.

 

[njlauren]

You are both right. Evil Geoff is right if you take the purest viewpoint. And you are right for you and your way of looking at it. The point is that what ever works for each couple is what is right for them. There is a wonderful book that if you want to know the "rules" so you can find out more information and help give yourself a better view of what makes your heart beat faster, read "screw the roses, send me the thorns". Sorry I don't have the author handy right now but will post later.
Barns and noble orded it for me.

Sorry for the typos spell checker is down on my phone.

I agree with your post obviously, though my one argument is the idea of a 'pure' viewpoint in terms of what it means to be a submissive, there is no such thing since there is basically no way to objectively define a pure sub,nothing that can stand the test of being 'true' as such. I could give a laundry list of what I believe a 'true sub' to be and 10 other people would probably argue (rightly) that what I was saying failed the idea of 'true' (and they would be right, in their own context). Someone could argue that a true sub totally is without a personhood except as reflected in their dominant but is that real? If so then why does a sub and domme negotiate their relationship, whatever it is..you get the point.

I am sensitive on this because having been through the wars, the battles over who is authentic, the old guard types claiming they knew 'the way' (and frankly, scared the crap out of more then a few people from never going near bd/sm or D/s), I hesitate when I hear words like pure or true when, as others have pointed out, it is quit subjective. Hell, the 'serious players' used to fight over who really had a TPE...and I was like "Who cares? You getting your boat rocked? That is all that matters"

 

[blulilacgrl]

I am sorry if perhaps I choose bad adjectives to describe a situation or to ask a question. I honestly did not mean to spark a debate. I simply wanted to get some people's ideas and thoughts as to a situation and issue.

Realizing that one wants to cede control in the bedroom can bring about a certain self analysis. A point where one questions how far one wants to go and what that means. Does it mean a complete reevaluation of oneself or simple adding a new facet?

I am sorry if this has become contentious, as that was not my intent. In fact thanks to your thoughts, I really feel at peace with my decision. I am not as confused as before and I really really want to thank each and every one of you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Haha, you could ask "Is the ocean salty?" and the people here would argue over it.

You can't stop contention on this forum, it's meat and drink to us all.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Yeah, what Stella said.

Do what works for you and yours. What you call it will spark debates over semantics. Hello - we're on *Literotica*... Where words are all the rage.

 

[graceanne]

You can't stop contention on this forum, it's meat and drink to us all.

No it's not!

Cheese is.