Prose Poem Rejected

[serpentwrap]

This is by Oscar Wilde. It is supposed to be prose. I also find poetry in this prose. Even Wilde's idea of the artist as he describes it here is as poetic as they come. But in teh context of late 19th century style of prose, it sure is prose. Good prose has a cadence, a flair, even the thoughts and expressions they contain, that often sounds poetry to me. The lines have always been diffused, but it is subjective, no doubt.


THE ARTIST (by WIlde)

ONE evening there came into his soul the desire to fashion an image of the pleasure that abides for a moment. And he went forth into the world to look for bronze. For he could think only in bronze.

But all the bronze of the whole world had disappeared, nor anywhere in the whole world was there any bronze to be found, save only the bronze of the image of the sorrow that endures for ever.

Now this image he had himself, and with his own hands, fashioned, and had set it on the tomb of the one thing he had loved in life. On the tomb of the dead thing he had most loved had he set this image of his own fashioning, that it might serve as a sign of the love of man that dies not, and a symbol of the sorrow of man that endures for ever. And in the whole world there was no other bronze save the bronze of this image.

And he took the image he had fashioned, and set it in a great furnace, and gave it to the fire.
And out of the bronze of the image of the sorrow that endures for ever he fashioned an image of the pleasure that abides for a moment.

{An irrelevant question: Is bronzeage handle inspired by Wilde?)

 

[bronzeage]

This is by Oscar Wilde. It is supposed to be prose. I also find poetry in this prose. Even Wilde's idea of the artist as he describes it here is as poetic as they come. But in teh context of late 19th century style of prose, it sure is prose. Good prose has a cadence, a flair, even the thoughts and expressions they contain, that often sounds poetry to me. The lines have always been diffused, but it is subjective, no doubt.


THE ARTIST (by WIlde)

ONE evening there came into his soul the desire to fashion an image of the pleasure that abides for a moment. And he went forth into the world to look for bronze. For he could think only in bronze.

But all the bronze of the whole world had disappeared, nor anywhere in the whole world was there any bronze to be found, save only the bronze of the image of the sorrow that endures for ever.

Now this image he had himself, and with his own hands, fashioned, and had set it on the tomb of the one thing he had loved in life. On the tomb of the dead thing he had most loved had he set this image of his own fashioning, that it might serve as a sign of the love of man that dies not, and a symbol of the sorrow of man that endures for ever. And in the whole world there was no other bronze save the bronze of this image.

And he took the image he had fashioned, and set it in a great furnace, and gave it to the fire.
And out of the bronze of the image of the sorrow that endures for ever he fashioned an image of the pleasure that abides for a moment.

{An irrelevant question: Is bronzeage handle inspired by Wilde?)

I confused the blank space for username and date of birth.

Truthfully, the user name Ironage was taken and I had to go with my second choice. I am happy about it now and have grown gracefully to fit the name.

 

[Koba]

Awaiting the Verdict

I have resubmitted the poem again under a poem heading. I have not received a response so far. It is still in limbo.

I think the poem is good. I also think it is not so good. I seriously wish I had a mentor that I could trust to rip my poetry into pieces and throw them back at me. I would love that. But I don't have it. I know there are weaknesses in what I wrote. I am not maintaining that it is great. I am only saying that it is a poem, not a story.

A couple of people have mentioned that perhaps the poem is being refused because it is too long; that perhaps there is a limit on the length of a poem. I do not think this is true. I have submitted and posted one poem (god) which is probably four times the length of this one.

The poet I study the most is Rimbaud. I guess I have this tendency to try to emulate him, no matter how feeble my efforts. My favorite poem is the first of the Illuminations, titled "After the Flood". The imagery in there blows my mind. It is a prose poem. It is a poem. And it is a parable of sorts so there is a moral and a story told which I guess means there is also a plot. If this work is not poetry then indeed mine isn't either. But I think Rimbaud is a poet.

 

[butters]

I confused the blank space for username and date of birth.

Truthfully, the user name Ironage was taken and I had to go with my second choice. I am happy about it now and have grown gracefully to fit the name.

bronze is definitely better - iron's too brittle to suit your postings

 

[bronzeage]

bronze is definitely better - iron's too brittle to suit your postings

What’s in a name the Bard would ask.
The name we choose is but our mask
to hide our face as though somehow
a mummers head would not allow
the world to see our heart and soul
and let us act to play a role.
The name my mother gave at birth
was her measure of hope and worth
in me as I would take my place
on the starting line for a race
not finished when I chose the name
to tell the world who I became.

 

[butters]

bravo, hey nonny no-ho

 

[Angeline]

I have resubmitted the poem again under a poem heading. I have not received a response so far. It is still in limbo.

I think the poem is good. I also think it is not so good. I seriously wish I had a mentor that I could trust to rip my poetry into pieces and throw them back at me. I would love that. But I don't have it. I know there are weaknesses in what I wrote. I am not maintaining that it is great. I am only saying that it is a poem, not a story.

A couple of people have mentioned that perhaps the poem is being refused because it is too long; that perhaps there is a limit on the length of a poem. I do not think this is true. I have submitted and posted one poem (god) which is probably four times the length of this one.

The poet I study the most is Rimbaud. I guess I have this tendency to try to emulate him, no matter how feeble my efforts. My favorite poem is the first of the Illuminations, titled "After the Flood". The imagery in there blows my mind. It is a prose poem. It is a poem. And it is a parable of sorts so there is a moral and a story told which I guess means there is also a plot. If this work is not poetry then indeed mine isn't either. But I think Rimbaud is a poet.

I do, too. And I also think the only one who really needs to believe that what you write is poetry is you. I feel the same about my own writing. If I think it's a poem and good, then I'm satisfied.

 

[twelveoone]

this was in the middle?

look i just came from new poems, without even reading it, it was better than half, i suppose if i read it it would move up more.

ok i just read some of it, it moved up further

The first thing I noticed was that the eight foot wall on which I sat was thirty feet high. I watched a chameleon walk slowly under my ladder. The grass below was a different shade of green than any I had ever seen before. Charismatic flowers appeared. Looking down, I was struck by an intense fascination with the simplicity of the working class clothesline in my yard, a device that had always spelled failure to me. For the first time in my life, I heard the sound of silent breezes purring through the leaves of the ancient oak tree which had shaded my childhood. I giggled as I felt fear and anger flying off with a one way ticket south.

this is a very curious passage. Charismatic? flowers,but then i see chameleon...slowly

silent - would find a better word
flying off with a one way ticket south -xplain, looketh like a cliche

no respose
i.e. too good to be improved, so if I proceed, i waste my time, piss off koba. which i did anyway, because of a persecution complex and general lack of paying attention.
Outside of the fact poetry is a hobby, and hobbies are therapeutic,
Poetry is not therapy.
Now how do you as the writer expect me as a reader to react to this? And Why?

 

[Koba]

this was in the middle?

look i just came from new poems, without even reading it, it was better than half, i suppose if i read it it would move up more.

ok i just read some of it, it moved up further

The first thing I noticed was that the eight foot wall on which I sat was thirty feet high. I watched a chameleon walk slowly under my ladder. The grass below was a different shade of green than any I had ever seen before. Charismatic flowers appeared. Looking down, I was struck by an intense fascination with the simplicity of the working class clothesline in my yard, a device that had always spelled failure to me. For the first time in my life, I heard the sound of silent breezes purring through the leaves of the ancient oak tree which had shaded my childhood. I giggled as I felt fear and anger flying off with a one way ticket south.

this is a very curious passage. Charismatic? flowers,but then i see chameleon...slowly

silent - would find a better word
flying off with a one way ticket south -xplain, looketh like a cliche

no respose
i.e. too good to be improved, so if I proceed, i waste my time, piss off koba. which i did anyway, because of a persecution complex and general lack of paying attention.
Outside of the fact poetry is a hobby, and hobbies are therapeutic,
Poetry is not therapy.
Now how do you as the writer expect me as a reader to react to this? And Why?



I think the better question is: How do you as a reader expect me as a writer to react to this?

"this was in the middle?"......What does that mean? What is the "this" you are referring to? in the middle of what? What are you talking about? How can I answer this question? It doesn't make sense.

"look i just came from new poems, without even reading it, it was better than half, i suppose if i read it it would move up more.".....What does this mean? What is the "it" you are talking about? Better than half of what?

"ok i just read some of it, it moved up further".....I have no idea what you are talking about here

"this is a very curious passage. Charismatic? flowers,but then i see chameleon...slowly".......What am I supposed to say to this? Again, what are you saying. I can't make sense of it at all.

"silent - would find a better word
flying off with a one way ticket south -xplain, looketh like a cliche".....this is the only thing you wrote that I understand. Ok. I think silent is ok, and yes it is a bit cliche but ok.

"no respose"....again, what does this mean?

".e. too good to be improved, so if I proceed, i waste my time, piss off koba. which i did anyway, because of a persecution complex and general lack of paying attention.
Outside of the fact poetry is a hobby, and hobbies are therapeutic,
Poetry is not therapy."......I again have no idea what you are trying to say here. It does not make any sense to me.

Does that explain why I did not reply?

 

[NightL]

Oh Koba, just stop it. People here were actually kind enough to listen for a while. They are not to blame for your submission being rejected in the poetry section. They were kind enough to responded with "possibly this or possibly that" - their opinions. They were actually trying to be supportive initially. Your continual whining, however, just got everyone into a place where any chance of respect was being pushed further and further away.

From the other thread "I was just seeking that simple affirmation and respect." would have got more sympathy if it had been written as "I was hoping for...", but you are demanding it.

Think carefully before you reply.

 

[twelveoone]

a what do you mean would have sufficed
chameleon... slowly
Charismatic flowers I question the word Charismatic
however I see a sonic pattern, you probably should have continued it

sound of silent breezes obvious poetic reach, can silent or come up with a better word

flying off with a one way ticket south unless we are talking walla walla, cliched, dead language in a key position - end of paragraph

or you can ignore, since what am i to you?

now seriously, i was pissed that this was rejected, after viewing so much drek, including blocks of text, my guess is that if this was accepted it wouldn't have fared too well, since who was over there, me and two others? i don't particularity like it.

but then what does it matter, since what am i to you?
best

 

[Koba]

Oh Koba, just stop it. People here were actually kind enough to listen for a while. They are not to blame for your submission being rejected in the poetry section. They were kind enough to responded with "possibly this or possibly that" - their opinions. They were actually trying to be supportive initially. Your continual whining, however, just got everyone into a place where any chance of respect was being pushed further and further away.

From the other thread "I was just seeking that simple affirmation and respect." would have got more sympathy if it had been written as "I was hoping for...", but you are demanding it.

Think carefully before you reply.

If you don't like my postings, don't read them. I started the thread therefore I feel a responsibility to read the replies I get and answer them if necessary. I am not making you read them. When people stop replying, I will too.

 

[Koba]

a what do you mean would have sufficed
chameleon... slowly
Charismatic flowers I question the word Charismatic
however I see a sonic pattern, you probably should have continued it

sound of silent breezes obvious poetic reach, can silent or come up with a better word

flying off with a one way ticket south unless we are talking walla walla, cliched, dead language in a key position - end of paragraph

or you can ignore, since what am i to you?

now seriously, i was pissed that this was rejected, after viewing so much drek, including blocks of text, my guess is that if this was accepted it wouldn't have fared too well, since who was over there, me and two others? i don't particularity like it.

but then what does it matter, since what am i to you?
best

"now seriously, i was pissed that this was rejected"

Thank you. I appreciate your saying that.

You are right about the cliche. Perhaps I will seek a substitute phrase.

You are perhaps poetically correct about "silent breezes". It is a bit of a reach but I can't change it, you see, because the event described actually happened to me like that. I still remember hearing the leaves rustle and thinking it wasn't the breeze making the sound because the breeze was silent. Kinda dumb sounding now but to my mind at the age of 14 it was a profound hashish epiphany.

I apologize for calling you an asshole. I was out of line. You're not so bad. We're probably too much alike.

 

[twelveoone]

don't worry about it, i even joked about "arrogant" earlier