Pushing past fears

Great thread. I have read through all of it and completely understand and agree with what a lot of you have said.

I think most of us do have fears and mental brick walls, and most of us, in turn, would love to smash through them. It is sad, but true, that a lot of us do have troubled pasts and it is often because of those experiences that we are so terrified of certain things.

Paradoxically, I believe it is directly because of what I went through that I have found myself craving certain things, but fearing them at the same time.

I count myself as so lucky to have found such a compassionate, caring, but strong and determined, Dom. He has honestly helped me more than any therapist ever could. We've talked, lots, and have been completely open and honest with each other. A while ago I told him of my darkest fantasies (all of which I believe to be related to what happened to me), and he took it all on board, and went out of his way to make those fantasies a reality.

I trusted him, completely, to do right by me and I left it all entirely up to him. He did do right by me, very much so. Through things he has done, and the way he has done them, it really does feel as if he has broken the "curse". I am calmer and happier now than I have been in a long, long while.

Since we met, I have gone through ups and downs. From the initial exhiliration and joy of beginning a new relationship, to getting to know each other inside out, to testing the boundries, pushing a little hard at times, not meeting expectation on others, but, right now? At this point? I am having so much fun and enjoying life more than I ever imagined I could. We have achieved this through communication and, at times, trial and error.

I would say that's all down to him, which is partly true, but only partly, because I do now realise that it was down to me, too.

He'll probably wonder why I'm being so deep now, because we have worked through all of this together, but I also know that, deep down, he'll smile at this and breath a sigh of relief. :)

FreeGal
 
cymbidia

Ok here goes my insight into this. I will try to avoid stepping on my dick.

Fears are tricky things, however one thing that all fears have in common is "association".

In someway, a fear we have comes by way of asssociation to something. This association can be from a bad experience or associated by creative reasoning. You mentioned being afraid of canes...because of experiences you have had, where as someone reading your post may now have a fear of canes because they reason that what happened to you could also happen to them.

How do we get past our fears. Well always easier said than done to be sure, however I feel that at the moment of truth where we step past our fears, we are reshaping/ignoring/exchanging our present association.

If you would permit me cymbidia, I have had experience in helping people get past fears by helping them replace a current association with a new one. How I do this is often in subspace. If I were helping you with your fear of canes, I would probably try to replace your bad experiences with a new association to something pleasurable and erotic. For example...the Kiss of your current Sir. I would suggest to you as you feel the sting of the cane, to imagine it to be a warm kiss from his lips, spreading fire throughout the rest of your body.

So for me getting past fears has something to do with identifying and dealing with the association. I admit it is easier to help other with their fears than it is to help my own self, however this is how do it for myself as well.

Example: My dad had a huge fear of rattlesnakes, which he passed to me. Most of my life I had a fear of snakes period. I once examined that fear, and realized I had it because I associated my dad's fear of snakes with my fear of snakes. I overcame my fear by learning more about them. Understanding which snakes are posionious and which are not, and also learned that most rattle snake bites are not deadly, only to those who have a reaction to the venom. So I identified the association, then exchanged my dad's fear of snakes for knowledge which helped to change my mental association and help me get over my fear of snakes.

Hope there is something in there that is interesting for you.

Good thread
 
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