Question regarding a woman's perspective on control.

[Calliope]

What is it that a man does that makes you feel like you have surrendered control? In fact, what makes you feel helpless? Moreover, why would you want to surrender to him?

Okay, the weird part about this is I just posted a story about this very thing....

I'd have to agree with Bridget and Chicklet. I love a man that takes some control in bed. I don't want to be tied up (well, not every day) but there is something painfully appealing about a man that is interested enough in what makes me tick to pleasure me. When he's concentrating on where to place his hands, where to place his mouth, where and when to kiss, nibble or bite then I don't have to think about anything other than enjoying every moment. A man that can read my mood and figure out whether I want soft, slow love or a good hard fucking is a treasure indeed! That, too, is an aspect of control. I agree, too, the voice can be the most powerful tool a person has.

You know, anyone can be naked with someone else, and anyone can fuck. But to give in to that final vulnerability...to put yourself in the hands (both figuratively and literally) of someone else is a very liberating experience.

If you can find the right person with whom to explore this, it can be incredible!

 

[sirhugs]

What is it that a man does that makes you feel like you have surrendered control? In fact, what makes you feel helpless? Moreover, why would you want to surrender to him?

Okay, the weird part about this is I just posted a story about this very thing....

I'd have to agree with Bridget and Chicklet. I love a man that takes some control in bed. I don't want to be tied up (well, not every day) but there is something painfully appealing about a man that is interested enough in what makes me tick to pleasure me. When he's concentrating on where to place his hands, where to place his mouth, where and when to kiss, nibble or bite then I don't have to think about anything other than enjoying every moment. A man that can read my mood and figure out whether I want soft, slow love or a good hard fucking is a treasure indeed! That, too, is an aspect of control. I agree, too, the voice can be the most powerful tool a person has.

You know, anyone can be naked with someone else, and anyone can fuck. But to give in to that final vulnerability...to put yourself in the hands (both figuratively and literally) of someone else is a very liberating experience.

If you can find the right person with whom to explore this, it can be incredible!

It IS hot in here!

both you and BK ought to expand the scenes described in your posts into stories. They are way better than 99 and 44/100ths of the stuff posted.

 

[Calliope]

Aww thanks, sirhugs!

Actually I have written a story somewhat along these lines. Just waiting for it to be posted to the site. It's called "Head Games"

Feel free to check it out and let me know what you think. Not one of my best works, but definitely the easiest to write as it was well inspired.

C.

 

[Vincent E]

Calliope,

Now I want to be clear on this: a knowledgeable touch and the dulcet tone of a man's voice will arrest a woman's hesitancy over submitting to his will.

The couple in question has not actually even reached the bedroom. In fact right now they are sitting in a restaurant establishing their roles. It is understood that he is to be dominant and she submissive. Right now I am structuring how this will all play out.

This story isn't even going to be posted in the BDSM section because it isn't a hardcore domination story. I am probably going to wind up submitting it as Erotic Couplings.

Regarding a man's voice, are we talking about a deep Barry White-like baritone or just a simple whisper? I can drop my own voice a few octaves on command when talking and sound like I'm giving orders.

How about a deep whisper? Someone please tell me what is sexy.

 

[Calliope]

What's sexy?

Now I want to be clear on this: a knowledgeable touch and the dulcet tone of a man's voice will arrest a woman's hesitancy over submitting to his will.

Vincent, to explain what is sexy to a woman is a very personal thing.

First of all, no one - no matter how good - could ever convince a woman to submit if she doesn't want to do so. Therein lies the trust factor (at least, as far as I'm concerned).

What's sexy? It's so personal, Vincent. I bet every woman here would tell you something different (and let's hear them, ladies - hell, and gentleman, too, please!)

Is it the knowledgeable touch? Absolutely. As I said earlier, my SO *wants* to know what touch will give me the most pleasure and that's very sexy. He's an attentive lover and the fact that he can discover these places on his own is very heady (no pun intended).

The tone (more than the depth of his voice) has a lot to do with it. For me, it's the way my lover's voice gets a bit quieter and very serious as he whispers what he's going to do..or what he wants to do..or wants me to do. (ed. note: Cripes it's hot in here ). When you really know someone, you can tell what they're thinking by the tone of their voice. It's like being able to finish each other's sentences...which we do a lot, too.

When he's really turned on, there's a husky timbre under his words that makes my stomach do the most delicious tumbles. But it's also *what* he says. He knows what I like..what I want to hear, feel, see, smell and taste (thank God for 5 senses). He's known from the beginning and what he didn't know, he worked hard to find out. It was as if he could see into me and find my deepest desires.
Does a man have to sound like Barry White? Hell, no...but better than than Mickey Mouse, I suppose.

I can let him take control because trust him..and I trust him because he respects me: as a person *and* a lover as much as I respect him. We talk very openly about sex and are comfortable sharing things that, perhaps, with others we haven't been able to share. He doesn't judge, tease or belittle me about what I want. That gives me the freedom to explore that which I have only fantasized about...to both our benefits... and THAT is definitely sexy.

Does that help?

-- Callie

 

[TheEarl]

The sexiest thing in the world IMHO is the sound of my girlfriend panting. Listening to her breathe heavily is so erotic for me.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

I like noisy sex

I can't bear the man who represses his expression and hardly lets me know, aside from the drippings, that he has cum. I love when a man grunts, growls, yelps, pants, sighs, laughs, talks colloquially (dirty) . . .

Perdita

 

[Guest]

because you want to...

Vincent-

For the couple listed a little bit of background is necessary for me to know how to reply. Have they known each other for long? Is this their first sexual encounter?

I think in the case of one night stands or instant sexual intimacy, it can be a woman's desire to have someone to trust that seduces her to submission or vulnerability. In those cases it has very little to do with the man and everything to do with what is going on in the woman's head. Kind of a case of "don't fuck it up".

I see surrender and submission as overlapping but not identical. I can surrender to the pleasure of orgasm without being submissive. And I can be submissive without surrendering.

The question for the story is whether the woman really should "submit" or "surrender" to the man? Is he worthy of her trust or is he manipulating her?

Ultimately it is what is between the woman's ears that determines whether or not she is vulnerable to him. No matter how great a lover a man is, a woman is seduced because she wants to be. (This is the case for adult/adult relationships)

C has it right about what a man says being important. Hearing your lover tell you how he wants to drive into you while you are sitting in a public place is very seductive. Having him look into your eyes and describe how he is going to savor tasting you deeply and listening to you scream out his name in orgasm before he drives into you makes you damp and achy, starts you searching for the waiter to bring you your check.

Touching proprietarily is also a huge turn on. The hand in the small of the back as you walk into a room, touching the back of a bare arm, "accidentally' brushing an arm against my breast and finding an excuse to touch my hair or face in public are also signals of desire and protectiveness.

*fanning self*

b

 

[sirhugs]

BK

your last two posts are the "guts" of a great story.

 

[Calliope]

Touching proprietarily is also a huge turn on. The hand in the small of the back as you walk into a room, touching the back of a bare arm, "accidentally' brushing an arm against my breast and finding an excuse to touch my hair or face in public are also signals of desire and protectiveness.

B -

Thank you for adding something which is so important. You are absolutely right in this. There's something SO sexy about proprietary touching. It's wonderful when a man touches you in public... almost as if he can't wait to get you home and touch you more intimately. Makes you wonder what he's thinking. If, perhaps, he's already planning how he's going to seduce you... or at least fantasizing about how you'll look, writhing under his touch..a light sheen of sweat covering your body as he brings you to yet another orgasm.

Lordy, Lordy..WHY do I do this to myself??

 

[Calliope]

PS Vive les Canucks!

Hey Sirhugs!!!

Yer Canadian, eh? Damn but there's a lot of us on here!

Let me ask you something - do you alter your spellings to suit the american style or leave them in the Queen's good english

 

[sirhugs]

Re: PS Vive les Canucks!

Hey Sirhugs!!!

Yer Canadian, eh? Damn but there's a lot of us on here!

Let me ask you something - do you alter your spellings to suit the american style or leave them in the Queen's good english

both.


lol

I type in Canadian but if the spellcheck gets onery I give up.

 

[Calliope]

I've fixed my spellchecker so that it won't change it to the American spelling. Not that I have anything against Americans..I just like the way we spell far better.

 

[sirhugs]

I've fixed my spellchecker so that it won't change it to the American spelling. Not that I have anything against Americans..I just like the way we spell far better.

and if I can't be outstanding, at least I can stand out.

 

[Calliope]

Ezzzzzzactly!!!

 

[Vincent E]

Between Calliope and Bridget I am getting some excellent advice. Without my even knowing it the characters are hitting on these very issues that you are talking about, especially the woman.

Actually what people are feeling and thinking is an integtral part of the story. I am using a style that is heavy in internal thought (I hope the italicized text doesn't get annoying, but I like using it).

I apologize if the question seems to get inane after a while. It is easy for me to write a man for obvious reasons. Writing a woman is a lot more challenging. I've been basing her on conversations and experiences that I have had with women in the past, but this input I am getting here is fantastic.

I added about three pages today, but everyone still has his clothes on. It is also totally distracting me from another story I've been wanting to work on. However, this one is the one I am motivated to write for now.

 

[Guest]

glad to be of some help.

keep writing.. and get those clothes off soon!

b

 

[Pookie]

I have to want to be vulnerable to him to be submissive. It doesn't matter how handsome or sexy he is, if I don't want to have sex with him, it won't happen. There has to be a connection between us. It happens differently with each guy. I have to feel some level of comfort that I can be vulnerable to him, without being afraid. It doesn't mean I will surrender to him while being submissive.

If I do surrender to him, he is going to see "me" in every intimate way. That takes building a trust between the two of us. I can be submissive, but I may not surrender to him. It will depend on the relationship we have. It will also depend on how secure I feel with him during sex.

I love to hear my man tell me what he wants to do with me. I love it when he teases me in public, touching me in knowing and subtle ways. The looks he can give me that can drive me insane with lust. Something said in front of others that means only something to us, but can make me so wet just knowing what he means or wants.

I crave proprietary touches. It makes me feel like I am his. It makes me feel like I can let go with him, knowing he will protect me when I "reveal" myself to him. It makes me want to reveal myself to him even more.

It also helps greatly if he will surrender to me as well. I don't mean that he becomes submissive, but that he isn't afraid of me seeing "him" during sex.

Hope this helps.

Pookie