"Real" subs and "real" Doms

[Master_Vassago]

Real to Me is simple, if it feels good or makes you feel good it is indeed real.

I have experienced D/s on the computer and off does that make Me real? No. What makes Me real is I believe I am dominant in all aspects of My life. I have commanded men as well as women in various different aspects. Military backround and I guarantee that is real.

So for Me it is more a mental aspect, real is as concrete as you make it. If you are submissive by nature or thrill at serving, then you are a real submissive. Whether it is online or off.

In the way of the Doms, if you command and have compassion and the thought withstanding to derive more than your own sexual gratification at every scene or turn then I believe you are whatever you think you are.

I am real, I can breathe. I can spank, I can send someone into their own subspace with words. I can wield a paddle like nobodies business. I can also sit down and talk to a sub or potential sub and help guide them through the good times and the bad.

The problem W/we encounter online is that their are too many Player Dommes who jump in and think it would be cool to command for a while. Then they vanish leaving the sub wondering wtf just happened. The same can be said for a Dom who finds a seemingly truly dedicated sub and then he/she (the sub) vanishes without a trace.

The "Walmart D/s" participants are the ones that cause this a lot of times. In this I mean the search for those that ARE real and those that are looking for the long term commitment be it online or in life.

So if you breathe and your dedicated to Y/your role in this lifestyle, whether you are a newbie just learning or a seasoned veteran it makes no difference. Just don't be a one night roleplayer.

Just My thoughts. MV

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

In a world that our differences make us so unique I've always found it strange and very frustrating....

We all have our own kinks and quirks.

To each their own

Why must some insist on putting labels on others?


I totally agree with MissT

Yes, I know there are 'players' out there. Does that make them less real for the time they put into it ? No. Makes them an ass for leaving suddenly (or whatever the case).

Some handle responsibility better then others.

 

[Netzach]

Whew, with all this insistence on reality, I'm glad I'm a cafeteria Buddhist. I have no idea what's real, a lot of things described as real and true have passed into the antiquated annals of the ludicrous.

Furthermore, I don't really care. If it's not hurting anyone and it makes sense to me, I'll pick it up and stick it in my mouth, like all babies do.

I am very skeptical of innate characteristics or the fact that we can really know what they are. I am a product of a million moments in time, millions of small and large epiphanies, lessons, and hints from my external world. And I'm humble enough to admit it.

Why do I find fulfillment controlling things? Plenty of reasons, but one of the big ones is this: because the first 23 years of my life were all about having no control, no autonomy, and no validation of any decision I made. I grew up as more or less a performing academic monkey, as long as little Netzach's grades are good, she must be doing fine. It's not in revenge or out of spite, that would be very stupid. But it certainly *is* about creating some equilibrium for myself, and finding that I *prefer* to have a sense of control.

I'm not *just* the sum of my neuroses or experiences. Otherwise, yes, I could change anything about myself at whim.

But what the unchanging essential part of me *is* is anyone's guess. I think that might be the bit that only God/s get to know about us, that we have fleeting insights into. Hence my cafeteria relationships to the higher power. All the other stuff, the things I love most, nearest and dearest, all my theories about what my identity is, will be humbled by the big Domme in the sky when she claims my butt.

(and trust me, there's nothing "innate" about being in the military or being a rock star, or whatever, this too will pass into the great nothing when your ass is grass, as all asses shall be. Plus, it could easily be argued that military activity is SERVICE and hence the ultimate in submission, if you happen to be a natural submissive looking for evidence that you are.)

I have no need to claim that I was "born this way" when the guys with leaflets come to my door. I may have been born this way, I may have decided to be this way, what they can't stand and what I wont change is that this is my life. Because it is my life, and I don't desire to change it for anything.

Additionally, if someone is a one night roleplayer more power to them, especially if they can find another likeminded roleplayer to be that with. Better that than a lot of things a person can be. I don't think that roleplayers are as dangerous as gurus.

 

[lektra]

But how do you prove corporeality? How do you establish existence beyond the perception of existence? How do you demonstrate anything beyond the conception I have of reality? What is real?

I'm real. Go ahead, Pinch me!

 

[Master_Vassago]

(and trust me, there's nothing "innate" about being in the military or being a rock star, or whatever, this too will pass into the great nothing when your ass is grass, as all asses shall be. Plus, it could easily be argued that military activity is SERVICE and hence the ultimate in submission, if you happen to be a natural submissive looking for evidence that you are.)

As for this, I want to briefly interject. The argument can go both ways on military activity. It is something you Choose to do. So it can be seen either way. I chose to enlist, I chose the field I went into, I chose to command others.

But it can be seen both as I submitted to honor and fight for our country...etc...

As to the roleplayers finding each other I agree completely. I wasn't looking at as fulfilling one's immediate needs as more of a long term ideal. So perhaps I was in the wrong.

We are what We see ourselves to be and that is the best way that this discussion could be summed up in My opinion.

 

[FungiUg]

Francisco said 5/28 (topspace thread)

"I know I am a Natural Dominant. I know in it in every fiber of my being. "

Franscisco , this thread, 5/29,

"I would like to remove the impression that I label myself or anyone else in a specific way, ...."

-------

Aside from all the PC pieties on this thread, claims to never label, are the usual practices of all of us, to label constantly, and in thousands of ways, as is useful, and to communicate. (I'm not really trying to single out F in this regard; his statements are simply handy, and represent dozens of statements by others. He is, if anything, more careful in thinking and categorizing than many, and clearly very tolerant.)

Further, we all, in some situations ask "Is s/he a real X" and assess accordingly. I invite those, who've suggested the contrary, and who are aware of the phenomenon of imposters, whether it isn't relevant, when youre in a clinician's office, removing your clothes, perhaps placing your feet in the stirrups, or your bum in the air to provide for rectal inspection, to ask yourself "Is s/he a real doctor?"

And in case it's said professions are different, I'd ask those of us who've made occasional purchases of certain substances, if you've even wondered "Is he really a dealer [of X] or a police undercover agent."

I do believe all types and sexual tastes (associated with lawful acts) should be tolerated, even enjoyed, but let's curb the piety.

Piety isn't necessarily a bad thing, if it encourages understanding and open-mindedness. Of course, if it's "I'm so holy that I don't have to listen to you" then that's a different story.

I'm not sure I'd go so far as equating a profession ("Is s/he a real doctor?") with a sexual proclivity ("Is s/he a real dom/sub/switch"). Not unless to be a "real" dom/sub/switch you have to take courses, pass an exam, etc.

Although come to think of it, that could be fun!

I do agree that it's very much human nature to judge and categorise, which is where the "real sub/dom/switch" thing comes from. But the mistake of then assuming that the label is the definition, and that the thing labelled is the label is exactly that, a mistake.

So sure, I am happy to call myself a "dom". What I mean by that could be quite different to the meanings you ascribe. All the same, there's likely to be an overlap.

But a "real dom"? What is "real" anything?

 

[FungiUg]

I'm real. Go ahead, Pinch me!

I thought you would never ask!

 

[FungiUg]

[...] Why must some insist on putting labels on others?

It's a very human thing to do! We put labels on all sorts of things. For example, why is red "red"? It's just a label. Our language cosists of labels -- for things, for people, for concepts.

By using labels, we can group together a bunch of "related concepts" and communicate on a mugh higher level. So when I refer to "red", you know what I mean without me first having to disuss light perception, particular wavelegths, and so on.

In terms of branding people... well, everyone does it. We like to distinguish ourselves (be unique), but at the same time because we are social animals, we also like to "fit in" and be "part of the scene/one of the in-crowd" etc.

BDSM is essentially a bunch of labels. Dom, sub, switch, sadism, masochism, they're all labels that describe people and patters of behaivour.

So labelling people isn't a bad thing.

It's applying value judgements to labels that causes a problem. "Oh, you're not into D/s, so I will call you 'vanilla' and not associate with you." Or even "my Dom is better/purer/more "real" than your Dom".

That's competition, and that urge is also very human. But it's quite different (although associated) to labelling.

 

[incubus_dark]

I'm real. Go ahead, Pinch me!

Thank you for your kind offer, as it happens, there are a few other tests and proceedures I'd like to perform as well, if you'd just step into my laboratory and sign this form....

 

[FungiUg]

Oooh, can I be Igor?

 

[DVS]

Thank you for your kind offer, as it happens, there are a few other tests and procedures I'd like to perform as well, if you'd just step into my laboratory and sign this form....

Well, to each his own...
lektra, honey, just put you wrists behind your back. I have some nice shiny bracelets for you and I'll take it from there. Trust me. Whooo haaa ha ha ha ha.

 

[incubus_dark]

Oooh, can I be Igor?

Fung, I am pleased to accept your application as official Igor, especially since, as you have already pointed out, you walk funny, and thus will look the part.