Red flags, bells, whistles, and i don't give a shit!

[eastern sun]

You better than most know how deep i get *in* without really thinking.
I think my problem may just be that I am usually able to let go and dive in because i know the dominant one will in a sense protect me from myself. I don't know that this one understands that or would react the same as someone who knows their shit.

I don't think that you can always rely on the dominant one to protect you. And I don't think anyone should. I think you should rely on yourself, which means knowing what you need at the most basic level.

I think dominant ones who demonstrate their ability to see and respond to other people's needs clearly, even as they're radically pursuing their own interests, are a real gift. But even they can't perceive every fault line.

I think we have a tendency to ask a lot of our dominant partners. And I also think we submissive ones should use every relationship we're in to exercise and strengthen our own understanding of who we are and how we can best experience this force we're choosing to be part of. I don't think it's fair to the dominant ones to cast ourselves on them, like a whirlwind, or a thoughtless urge, and then grow frightened, upset or resentful when we lose our footing.

I do think it's all right to lose one's footing for a time, but it's vitally important for the submissive ones to be a responsible part of the underlying foundation on which the relationship is built. And part of being responsible is knowing how to protect yourself and meet your own needs.

(So says the slave, who has been willing to risk death just to test the universe's benevolence. The results of the test - in case you're interested: the universe is benevolent, but in direct proportion to my own ability to be an active part of its benevolence.)

 

[intothewoods]

<snip>

Totally agree with your post, although I do admit to having a dynamic where part of the attraction is that the thrill seeker inside of me (somewhere, she's pretty dampened at the moment!) is restrained by my PYL. It's not exactly been tested, but still, there is something very satisfying though maybe not totally healthy about placing that trust in someone.

 

[intothewoods]

I am not meaning to overlook anyone in this thread but i do want to let you know I am aware of the risk I am taking and i am pretty sure that if i thought something was going to kill me i would ask for him to stop because my family does need me... not because i would want him to.

That's cool. I wasn't entirely clear on what we were talking about in terms of risk. I don't think what you're talking about is all that big of a deal and I agree with rida's comments about sadists. As far as sharing goes, in my neck of the woods, that would be no big deal. Open relationships are common, and the D/s flavor of it is like, whatever floats your boat. Would I want people in my real life to know? No, so that would be my only concern.

 

[subAngel87]

I have to agree with Catalina alot of people jump to safety first where I like to play along the edge... I can say you apparently do care if you didn't you wouldnt look for anothers opinions about this... But although I like to play along the edge with dangers I have to remember family and with an unexperianced master some things can get out of hand... But all I can realy say cause like you I never say no or stop when my gut tells me to just becarefull... And if you actualy want to talk send me a message

 

[Netzach]

I'm risking harm physically because he is new at this.
I dont know if i trust him fully
I sometimes get the utoh feeling and ignore it.
I'm risking my reputation in a tiny little community.
I don't care how far this goes or how dangerous it can be. I'm used to someone with experience telling me when it is enough for my head heart and body because they know better. I don't know that he does... and i know i wont say stop.
(is this making any sense yet?)

I think I get this, because I'm generally more maso-identified when I bottom than sub identified - it's always been about me vs. me instead of me being guided by blah blah blah the other person, with the exception of T sometimes.

I think you're experimenting with being able to trust yourself versus worrying about trusting every stupid thing to someone else. I think this can be either horribly a bad idea or a great idea depending on where you are at, which is something only you know.

Are you coming at it this way because you don't like yourself, or are you coming at it this way because you DO like yourself a lot, enough to trust with some calculated risk?

 

[eastern sun]

I think I get this, because I'm generally more maso-identified when I bottom than sub identified - it's always been about me vs. me instead of me being guided by blah blah blah the other person, with the exception of T sometimes.

I think you're experimenting with being able to trust yourself versus worrying about trusting every stupid thing to someone else. I think this can be either horribly a bad idea or a great idea depending on where you are at, which is something only you know.

Are you coming at it this way because you don't like yourself, or are you coming at it this way because you DO like yourself a lot, enough to trust with some calculated risk?

Excellent observations and questions.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I think I get this, because I'm generally more maso-identified when I bottom than sub identified - it's always been about me vs. me instead of me being guided by blah blah blah the other person, with the exception of T sometimes.

I think you're experimenting with being able to trust yourself versus worrying about trusting every stupid thing to someone else. I think this can be either horribly a bad idea or a great idea depending on where you are at, which is something only you know.

Are you coming at it this way because you don't like yourself, or are you coming at it this way because you DO like yourself a lot, enough to trust with some calculated risk?

And that is the problem! I feel like maybe it is because i DON'T like myself but it feels different... like I do like me and sort of in an odd way i am pushing myself to these places that really aren't so safe. I think I might feel like I am topping myself or something close to that which is making me feel like I am doing something wrong.
I discussed this with Him today briefly and was told to stop over thinking and that i should know by now that he knows my worst enemy is myself mostly and he will protect me from me.

Weird that you posted this, Net...do you know Him? lol

 

[rida]

And that is the problem! I feel like maybe it is because i DON'T like myself but it feels different... like I do like me and sort of in an odd way i am pushing myself to these places that really aren't so safe. I think I might feel like I am topping myself or something close to that which is making me feel like I am doing something wrong.
I discussed this with Him today briefly and was told to stop over thinking and that i should know by now that he knows my worst enemy is myself mostly and he will protect me from me.

Weird that you posted this, Net...do you know Him? lol

Could it be that the fact that you are pushing yourself into those not really safe places is what makes you like yourself?

As for the fear of topping yourself, I don't think that putting yourself willingly into his hands counts as such.
There are of course different types of dynamics, and some where the PYL has to take the power from the pyl each and every time and for each and every single action.
Personally I think that submission comes with a degree of "active action" from the pyl, and giving the PYL the power upfront, without resistance, is not topping from the bottom. (I'm, of course, talking within an established relationship.)