regrets about turning your woman into a slut??

[Wryneck]

It is interesting the way we as men tend to see (or want to see) female sexuality as an uncontrolled thing. We like our porn to focus on a women being controlled by men or by their libido. I don't know where that comes from but I think maybe a couple inputs.

Firstly, women have historically been so oppressed and constrained in their sexuality that sometimes when they "bust out" of their constraints so to speak they may go a little extra wild. I expect that is just a human reaction as opposed to anything female specific. Secondly, I think men prefer to see women this way. The notion that a woman can be completely in control, do what she wants with her sexuality and we will neither know about it or have any control over it is scary for guys. It opens up the possibility that we are not in control and may not even know it.

In my observation women are much better than men at compartmentalizing their activities and maintaining control over their sex lives. Most sexually active women don't flaunt it and have absolutely no problem keeping it private - for women it is a survival skill to know when to keep quiet. Sure a few women fit the bimbo stereotype or prefer to be with a domineering man, but there are many more who are intelligent beautiful creatures for whom men are willing to line-up and treat her right regardless of her sexual experience or proclivities. Not only does such a woman not want to bounce around like a bag of uncontrolled hormones in a boob tube.....she doesn't need to.

There's a lot of generalisation about "we men" there! The one thing that strikes me about open relationships (or fantasies about them) is that they involve so many different motivations and desires that no generalisations can be very valid.

I hate porn that focuses on a woman being controlled - what I like is the stuff where they are in control ( but not controlling anyone else) and accepting their sexuality. It's not scary, it's beautiful.

 

[SlutAddicted]

There's a lot of generalisation about "we men" there! The one thing that strikes me about open relationships (or fantasies about them) is that they involve so many different motivations and desires that no generalisations can be very valid.

I hate porn that focuses on a woman being controlled - what I like is the stuff where they are in control ( but not controlling anyone else) and accepting their sexuality. It's not scary, it's beautiful.

Fair enough. I am making generalizations, but I am doing so intentionally. I am making the point that there are some broadly held views which are rooted in falsehoods or at least highly questionable assumptions. And while those views are far from universal they are sufficiently prevalent that one might argue that there is a consensus or at least that a statistically significant portion of men hold those views.

It isn't my intent to assert that every male fits the generalization, but that isn't what I said either - note my words "we as men tend to see", not "all men see" nor "we always see". Perhaps the word "tend" wasn't the perfect choice but it clearly does not mean and was not intended to imply universality. If I say basketball players tend to be tall, or politicians tend to be good public speakers or women tend to be more concerned about their safety when walking alone at night it is quite clear that I am making an accurate generalization. The problem with generalizations isn't the generalization itself, but when we use it to make presumptions about individuals. That isn't what I did. I didn't say all men feel this way just like I didn't say all basketball players are tall.

In this case we are talking about the notion of turning a woman into a slut or her losing control of her libido. Both are silly propositions which fail to recognize women for the intelligent creatures that they are. And while these are not universally held views among men, a sufficient number do hold these views that it can be said to be a trend or tendency - not absolute or universal but not incidental either - worth refuting.

The point I made is that a lot of men and pop and porn culture have made generalizations about women that are most certainly not universal and not even close to accurate as a generalization. To the extent that I made any statements about the nature of sexually active women they were clearly qualified as only my observations with absolutely no assertion of universality.

 

[Funnbrandy]

Be careful

I think your wife gave you the best advice....."be careful what you wish for!"....think about this, if you found out she was doing all those dirty things you would love to watch....but without you, would it still be hot?....

 

[Dreamer110]

I think your wife gave you the best advice....."be careful what you wish for!"....think about this, if you found out she was doing all those dirty things you would love to watch....but without you, would it still be hot?....

Most definitely not. That's why she only did it with my knowledge and consent.

 

[policywank]

I have no regrets in regards to how it's affected our relationship. It's been a huge boost to our sex life for my woman to go out and be a hot wife. I love her sexual nature and love witnessing her in the throws of passion with another man or having her come home and telling me the details. Reclaiming her sexually when she gets home has heightened our own passion to a level we could have never imagined.

The only problem has been other men falling hard for her. We find now that she really has to be careful not to be reckless with other men's hearts. Often times when they first get involved with her, they say they're on board with it just being about sex, but things usually change for them at some point. She's not great at one night stands and finds she usually has to have some sort of friendship with the guy to fuck him, but it often ends in hurt feeling for the guy when he believes deep down he will eventually end up with her, as his. It doesn't matter how well she lays down the ground rules before hand, guys seem to think they can steal her away and they're take it hard when reality hits them.

Of all the pitfalls that can happen in an open or hot wife relationship, this was the one I was least prepared for.

This is a good example and just one of the many reasons why it makes no sense for sexually active women (be they single or attached) to be running around like uncontrolled sex machines in heat. Some don't do it anyway, but I think that is more the exception than the norm.

Our society has observed or developed a stereotype of what it means to be a slut and then assumed that sexually active women fit the stereotype. Ergo as soon as a woman becomes sexually active she will become the stereotype. The flaw of course was with the first assumption. Lots of sexually active women don't fit the stereotype and never did.

To me it is analogous to how we used to think of gay people. We assumed they were all effeminate men or butchy women and therefore anyone who was like this was gay and those that weren't like this were straight. Now we know that is all wrong. Most gay people don't appear any different than anyone else.

I think most sexually active women want to live an otherwise normal life and just happen to have multiple partners. We don't want to walk around in a boob tube and stripper heels sucking every cock we find any more than every gay man wants to lead the Pride parade in a pair of assless chaps.

To do this we must be in control of our sexuality, aware of our circumstance and surroundings and conscious of the consequences of our actions.

 

[Funnbrandy]

Most definitely not. That's why she only did it with my knowledge and consent.

Well wouldn't be the first time a guy wanted their wife to be kinky only to find out she couldn't resist....consent or not...

 

[Dreamer110]

Well wouldn't be the first time a guy wanted their wife to be kinky only to find out she couldn't resist....consent or not...

True. Luckily for me, and her, it worked out just fine.