Release: when it's over

[TigerClaw]

What was not posted before.

But I question your seemingly putting blame on yourself for having expectations of him. Usually a couple will talk and tell what they want and who they are. The initial expectations of getting into a relationship are modified by who you meet. You decide whether this person fits somewhat into a general perception of what it is your looking for. Once that is done you then build expectations of that person.

So, In general I would think that the expectations you had were from talking and getting to know him. Admittedly some could be your own hopes and dream of the person that is not him. But others are from his interaction with you. If he broke it, it is not because of your Expectations that you got hurt.

I may be off base here but it just didnt seem right what you were sayiing. It sounded like you were blaming yourself for something that is not your fault.

Whether or not I am on base. I do understand the pain. I too questioned expectations until I started to think of all the talks we had about who we were and what we were looking for. The actions did not live up to the words.

{{{{{Huggs}}}}}

Yes, when someone tells you that he will never do something and then he does it, it's a different ballgame. I was speaking, however about conditions that I, personally, put on him and in the relationship as a whole. It had more to do with what I had grown to expect from knowing him for so many years and not so much on what he had told me he would or would not do.

Expectations from being with, talking to, him telling......

 

[Desdemona]

RJMasters, thank you for the practical suggestions. They make alot of sense and should work for anyone. I would add one more list. I think during the downtime between relationships, one should probably write down a new list of what they want/need in a relationship and be sure it's accurate. Then, hold out for those things.

TigerClaw, I see your point. However, people grow and change and that happened with us. For me, the expectations/hopes came in when we both realised that our paths were going in other directions and then tried to make it work anyway. We wanted to stay together. We both hoped the other would change. In retrospect, it would have been far simpler and probably less painful to end things well before we did. That's a hard lesson to learn.

 

[TigerClaw]

Im sorry that was for Desert Rose.

Sorry for the confusion.

 

[TigerClaw]

It is difficult when two people go their own way. It takes work to go in the same direction. At 45 I still have no answer on how to stay on course. Ive learned answers to a lot of things but not that one. I figure I will have it all figured out for that perfect someone a Month before I die.

 

[Guest]

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Im sorry that was for Desert Rose.

Sorry for the confusion.

Thank you for posting what you discussed with me privately. I think there is a lot of common sense in that post that will be helpful to a great many people who read it. It was helpful to me, indeed.

But even more, thanks for even reading my post to begin with.

((((hugs badkatcha))))

 

[A Desert Rose]

To this day I cannot talk about my release without crumbling all over again. So I'm not much help *lol*

But my former Dominant remains my best friend and for that I am grateful. He taught me so much and meant so much to me that I couldn't really bear the idea of losing the friendship as well.

It's a long road. Hard sometimes. But worth it, if you can preserve the integrity of the friendship.

Be well

You are so right, foxy. For a relationship to withstand most things, you have to be friends first and last. The hot, steamy romance that people feel right off the bat really does fade somewhat and if you find that the person looking across the table at you is not every thing you want in the end... well, you get it.

 

[Ham Murabi]

You are so right, foxy. For a relationship to withstand most things, you have to be friends first and last. The hot, steamy romance that people feel right off the bat really does fade somewhat and if you find that the person looking across the table at you is not every thing you want in the end... well, you get it.

How true.

 

[Guest]

 

[A Desert Rose]

How true.

Well, look who wandered over...

Nice to see you, dolly.

 

[Guest]

 

[A Desert Rose]

Being in love is easy.

Loving someone through thick and thin and ups and downs -- that takes work! This I know because I've never been too good at it, muck it up every time

But... when it is my turn, I just know the universe will send me someone fantastic.

You were such a cutie when you were young, it is easy to see why you're so attractive now

But... when it is my turn, I just know the universe will send me someone fantastic.

I love reading this kind of thinking.

It's so easy to fall into thinking about all the dire things, all the really bad stuff, all the negative 'no one will ever love me again' kind of sad things. But to know that YOU will be loved again and that the world still holds, for you, so much promise and blessing... to know it and believe it, is what makes you such a loveable person. The kind of person people want to know and be around. The kind of person who draws everyone, including me, to you.

And I love that Christmas AV, foxy. It's one of my favorites.

 

[Desdemona]

Well said. I've learned alot from this thread.
It's been six months for me. Sure, I've dated.....but this was my first truly D/s relationship. When I look back on it I realize we weren't a fit at all.
The break wasnt pleasant however, I am proud of my role. I was very good to him and that did please me.

I'm glad the thread has been helpful for someone other than me. Life is good and it does move on in spite of our personal crises.

foxy, thank you for your comments. I'm glad the two of you are friends.

 

[Little Bird]

It did take four months for me to understand, that the "no" from my first love was really a "no" and not a "I fear for our friendship". She's still the most important person in my life, and I'm happy that things now are as they are.

 

[~hellbaby~]

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

Kahill Gibran

My favorite is
"And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understandng.Even as the stone of the fruit must break,so that it's heart may stand in the sun, so you must know pain.
~Kahlil Gibran..

 

[Kajira Callista]

My favorite is
"And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understandng.Even as the stone of the fruit must break,so that it's heart may stand in the sun, so you must know pain.
~Kahlil Gibran..

love that one too...its my sig line sometimes.

 

[~hellbaby~]

love that one too...its my sig line sometimes.

Mine also, when the feeling it gives me hits home for watever the reason. I started reading your stuff and like it a lot! Sometimes something you read really hits home.

I love words.......