Responsibility and Control

[Desdemona]

Its been said here before. What we are talking about is pushing and stretching limits within the safety of a trusting relationship.

For example, the other night I was talking with SB and He started discussing something that has never interested me. In fact, I would have placed it very close to a hard limit. My initial reaction was a mixture of shock and anxiety (with a touch of arousal thrown into the mix). We talked again the next night and I was much more comfortable with the topic. A few days later, after just a little gentle verbal exploration, I find that I'm quite open to experimenting (perhaps even eager). He pushed my boundaries, yet I know that when He chooses to incorporate this into our play, it will be wonderful. I trust Him completely.

 

[Ebonyfire]

For example, the other night I was talking with SB and He started discussing something that has never interested me. In fact, I would have placed it very close to a hard limit. My initial reaction was a mixture of shock and anxiety (with a touch of arousal thrown into the mix). We talked again the next night and I was much more comfortable with the topic. A few days later, after just a little gentle verbal exploration, I find that I'm quite open to experimenting (perhaps even eager). He pushed my boundaries, yet I know that when He chooses to incorporate this into our play, it will be wonderful. I trust Him completely.

Des, you bring out a good point. Sometimes people jump into the water without taking time to let the subject sink in.

Taking the time to slow down and discuss an action, is all that is needed to get a submissive to try something new. Perhaps it was the fact that you are heard, your point of view and feelings were given voice. This increases trust, I think.

 

[Desdemona]

Des, you bring out a good point. Sometimes people jump into the water without taking time to let the subject sink in.

Taking the time to slow down and discuss an action, is all that is needed to get a submissive to try something new. Perhaps it was the fact that you are heard, your point of view and feelings were given voice. This increases trust, I think.

You're right, Eb. It does increase trust to be heard and to discuss it. If He had just announced that this is what we were going to do, I would have probably come close to using my safeword or else I would have complied reluctantly. It is much better for both of us to take the time to work through issues on the front end. Now, we can both relax and enjoy ourselves.

 

[Ebonyfire]

You're right, Eb. It does increase trust to be heard and to discuss it. If He had just announced that this is what we were going to do, I would have probably come close to using my safeword or else I would have complied reluctantly. It is much better for both of us to take the time to work through issues on the front end. Now, we can both relax and enjoy ourselves.

I know I always say I hate to repeat myself, but in this case, I cannot repeat enough the need to go slowly and make sure that consent is continually given and received.

It also keeps the relationship on track.

 

[calypso_21]

I probably should read through the rest of the posts here but I don't any influences on my opinions....

Yes I can give up total control...sure there will be an inner struggle but that is where it begins to get interesting. To please and accept the ultimate in pleasures why not allow him to do as he will. If I put my trust inhim in the first place to be with him at all then I have in a sense allowed him access to more than just the surface and in doing so have given up some control...it is only a matter of time for more to have been edged away.

Where would we not be in agreement? If I did not want him to introduce something he would already be aware of that. He would know my likes and dislikes, fears and desires. In learning as much about me, everything he can, he will know what limits to push and what to introduce. In taking the time to know the real me, he will have shared of himself and allowed me to develop trust in him and his ability to direct or suggest with complete confidence.

There will be no questions, no hesitations, no disobedience. Only submission to our combined pleasure.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I see your point in the physical realm, but I am going to place a differing view.

There are actually plenty of people I would trust to tie me up and live through it unscathed - there are far fewer people that I would let control me in emotional realms, wherein I would be emotionally vulnerable, connected and "naked" to their wishes and whims, surrendered.

That is the only type of D/s I am interested in. To enter the heart, soul, and mind of a submissive takes time and patience.

My equation:

Time + Patience = Trust

With trust comes submission.