S/m

[cymbidia]

I am curious. How many people here have sadistic or masochistic desires/tendencies? I don't mean those who like a mild spanking or heavy nipple stimulation, but those who crave/desire pain, either receiving or providing?

I am a masochist. As we all know, masochists experience sensual/sexual "pain" as intrinsically and inherently erotic.

I eroticize pain. I need it in my lovemaking, though not every single time, of course. I'm a human and woman before i'm a "pain slut" and, so, i crave tenderness and soothing sensuality in lovemaking, too. However, i eroticize pain, make no mistake about that.

I crave the rush of heat and intensity that overtakes and swamps my senses at the application of exquisite, perfect, just-almost-too-much amounts of pain. I need it, that pain. I want it. It's my drug and my addiction. This sounds overly melodramatic but it is, however, the literal truth.

I am also interested in whether those of you who have this desire, still deal with guilt about your desires, and if you do, how do you deal with the guilt?

I can't recall ever feeling guilty about what i crave and need in my erotic life, in my love life, in the heat that flows between my parner and me.

Why should i? This is just the outward manifestation of my personal sexuality. It's not the way i treat other people. It' not got anything to do with how i handle my kids or do my job or function as a member of my physical, geographic community. It's just and only the way i do sex. It's what i need and want and crave and have to have to get wet. Ultimately, it allows me to orgasm over and over and over, each orgasm riding the back of the previous one and infused with the pounding pulse of the endorphines crashing through my system.

Why should i feel guilty about the excercise of my most basic primal pleasure if i have a partner who needs to give to me what i need to take, and who wants from me what i need to give? Isn't that what we're all looking for - someone with whom we fit in all/most ways? Why should someone like me be different in this matter from someone who doesn't want some pain with thier pleasure?

I'm a masochistic submissive. I know who and what i am beyond that, but that's my basic sexual identity. And no, i don't feel guilty about it.