Sanity and Politeness

[Mz_Cunningham]

I look at this way, no wins in a fight on the internet, because of anonymity, nothing can be said that will actually change or chasten the other person, and both parties can act completely uninhibited without any consequences. In the end both people still think they're in the right and the other person is wrong and all that's happened is people getting angry and upset.

However... (oh yes, three periods, you know this shit is going to be a revelation )

When someone makes you angry, you respond, that's why they're emotions and not logical thought your instinct is to show them they are wrong, especially with trolls, if they didn't elicit these responses then they wouldn't be around.

And you know what, the whole "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it", it feels to me the same way about taking away guns so there won't be gun crime, but criminals don't obey the law, so they still have guns and the police don't. In the same way, we don't say anything bad to be polite, but the assholes will still say whatever they feel like, and yet the rest of us have to stay silent to protect their decency and feelings?

Ofcourse that just brings up the old saying "If you use an Eye for Eye, you just end up with a whole bunch of blind people", but as I said before, this is an internet forum, there are no real consequences, so fighting back doesn't really hurt anyone.

Though I try hard not to get into fights online, not to preserve anyone else, but to preserve me, my anger flares up quite quickly and I'd prefer to not die of a brain haemorrage because of some troll online and because I decided to get into some pointless argument

So, while I don't do it, I can understand the ones who won't keep quiet in those situations

 

[GrimsPet]

I’ve always believed in treating people the way I would like to be treated because I was raised with a sense of common courtesy that seem to be growing less as of late, regardless of the circumstances, or whether I agree with them or not. If I don’t like what they have to say, I don’t listen. In this instance, say if it’s a sexual fetish or topic I find distasteful or offensive, I won’t visit the thread or comment on it.

One of the things I’ve noticed though, and what the OP might be getting at, is there are the pathetic examples of humanity called trolls that specifically target a particular fetish or idea, leaving a bullshit comment to the effect, while trying to incite an argument for nothing else better to do, or prove to themselves that their opinion actually matters to the world.
Childish and ignorant in my opinion, and they can get way with pointless bantering or insulting other people and their beliefs, without fear of repercussion, because we let them.
Freedom of speech my ass… A lot of the people that cry about their constitutional rights being violated all the time haven’t done a damn thing to support them, other from then from the saftey of thier own self-centered existance, but they sure as hell will be the first ones to try and reap the benefits of what others have fought and bled to uphold over the years.

Ditto. You nailed it.

 

[_Stardust]

When someone makes you angry, you respond, that's why they're emotions and not logical thought your instinct is to show them they are wrong, especially with trolls, if they didn't elicit these responses then they wouldn't be around.

In a face to face confrontation, when somebody makes you angry and emotional, you can't help but respond, be it verbally or simply through body language, because whoever you are talking to is right there, in front of you, and can see the effect their words are having.

On an online forum though, you can help it, and sometimes, people should. Nobody can know they've angered you, unless you show them, by coming back to the discussion and firing off your witty comeback, or furious rebuttal, which in the case of trolls is exactly what they want. Either way, it's often unnecessary, and it sure helps keep the trolls well fed.

It helps keep the newbies away too. You may know that the question you're answering has been asked a million times in a thousand different ways, and if whoever asked it had only looked in the library they'd know that too, so you may think there's no harm in being slightly more flippant than usual in your reply. But to somebody who's just stumbled across the board, it can seem like, wow, best keep my mouth shut round here. They don't like you asking questions til you hit the trillion post mark...

I expect that these posts are rarely written out of hellfire fury and anger; it's got to be difficult to maintain a level of rage during the time it takes to send your reply. More often, it seems a case of, 'I can't let them have the last word', and if that's the case, that's a little childish.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I am a non-confrontational type of person. I still up for issues I feel are extremely important. Other then that I let things slide.

I don't understand the grammar police types who rip a person apart just because their sentence structure or spelling is not Lit worthy. My grammar and spelling not to mention typing is not the best either.

I don't see the need to be snarky or rude.

But I don't complain either. I simply skip the thread full of snark and rudeness. Sometimes that means skipping the forum and going elsewhere. There are other forums out there without snark.

In the same way that I judge a person by the way they treat waitstaff during a first date/meeting, I judge a person by how they treat other on a public forum.

Good manners is one of my fetishes.

 

[twister947]

Wait...there's someone out there that wants to put her clit in my ear? PM me!

Freedom defined is freedom denied. I believe that. I also believe in good manners, and in general, tune out the opinions of the rude and boorish. 'Tis a shame...we both lose.

 

[Kurokami]

To me it's more like this: I don't know whether my brain is just set up differently to other people (god knows, I think it is, with increasing frequency) but it doesn't take up a lot of mental energy on my part to be pleasant. Not polite- I swear a whole lot and can be terribly off colour, although that's not exactly frowned upon in these parts- but pleasant. It takes up a lot more thought on my part to be unpleasant or worked up. Being irritated and sarcastic is my ground state of being, but being confrontational is not. As oxymoronic as that sounds.

And, one can argue that the majority of flames or arguments stem from emotions in the heat of the moment, but that's only really true in a live conversation. On a forum, it takes time (I hope!) to compose a response first in the mind, and then to actually transpose it into the reply window. That's at least a little time for the initial emotional response to cool off.

Oh, and yeah... If there's someone out there willing to add their clit to my ear, I'll certainly entertain the prospect

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

And, one can argue that the majority of flames or arguments stem from emotions in the heat of the moment, but that's only really true in a live conversation. On a forum, it takes time (I hope!) to compose a response first in the mind, and then to actually transpose it into the reply window. That's at least a little time for the initial emotional response to cool off.

Actually it still is true, you seem to be assuming that people can only be angry for the first few moments when they read or hear something.

All it really means is that arguments can be even longer and louder because people have time to write a response that seems like they are unphased but that is as full of scathing and loathing as they can muster.

You might actually find that anger increases the longer it takes them to respond because they have lots of time in their own head to tell them what an asshole the person on the other side of the computer is.

 

[FurryFury]

I see these threads pop up from time to time. I rarely see what prompts them though. People are people. They are different. Some are combative. Some are super sensitive. Some are insensitive. Some are all of those things but that's what makes humans frustrating and marvelous.

When I first came to lit I was worried. I had no BDSM experience at all. I was very much a newbie. At first it seemed like no one responded to anything I posted. It felt like a vacuum but I was new and unknown. I didn't expect more. I resolved to keep on and hoped to get along.

One veteran of the board, then a mod, took exception to me and/or something I posted. I remember being crushed, then angry. I resolved to try to work it out with this person even though I felt the attack was unjustified. There was NO way I would leave or stop posting. I will not be pushed off a board. Well, that's how I felt then. These days, I don't like to waste my time with boards or groups that are run by nitwits and bullies. I leave these days.

Eventually some seemed to react to my posts, mostly in good ways. I'll never forget those first fearful steps in though. That's why I always respond to newbies in the hello thread unless someone else does it in an appropriate manner first. I want to give them that sense that it's not a vacuum they've dropped into.

Now are there some argumentative assholes here? Yes. As there are everywhere online and in life.

Are there some passive aggressive types? Again yes.

Are there some self righteous, we must argue and tell the truth types yes those too abound.

And trolls!

And drama types!

And those of us that like to help others, tell the truth as we see it but gently and not argue or debate.

On some forums I'm seen as "mean" because I don't agree with the herd. I'm nearly always polite but since I'm not perfect, only nearly. LOL

I do like to put up an view or opinion that runs counter at times just so people who have never thought of things like this or who are sitting on the fence or whatever know there ARE other ways of thinking and doing in life.

Any group in which the vocal majority believe there is just one right way, is not a group for me.

In Lit's BDSM boards, I've found a mostly comfortable home and community that I'm grateful for. For some, it's just not the right fit. That's okay too. I'm sure there are other places that are the right fit.

FF

 

[Primalex]

I moderate and help admin on a forum devoted to Bonsai. It took a bit but I finally got the members to understand that you can catch more bees with honey than with fire. I drilled the concept of the report button into their heads and it worked!

It worked? Did the Bonsai trees grow better? And why should adults run to mommy for help? Or do you think your report button for rudeness is something else?

OK so you don't like a certain poster on here. Hey we're all entitled to not like someone. This is what the ignore function is for. Use it. It makes it a lot easier to dismiss the actions of trolls or rude posters when you ignore their posts.

Why would I want to dismiss the actions of rude posters? And what is the price for it? Do you think the Eloi had a great life, because it was easy? Because all they had to do is to ignore the Morlocks?

Can we all please TRY to get along and discuss topics in a civilized manner?

Civilized compared with what?