Shits and Giggles

[pensivepoet]

Thanks trix. Yours was better
Making me think of robert service
I always wanted this on my tombstone~now i don't want a tombstone.
~he has failed, he has failed,
he's missed his chance
only done things by half
life's been a jolly good joke on him
and now is the time to laugh
ha ha! He's one of the legions lost
he was never meant to win
he's a rolling stone
and it's bred in the bone
he's a man that won't fit in
Servce is much maligned, but not
by the likes of me

 

[pensivepoet]

Oh, and sorry to shit all over your thread, but you said that's what it was for. (i checked)
Maybe it shoulda been
Shits n scribbles
Anyway, thanks for the white space, trix.
Headin back to my hidey hole, maybe catch a sunset.

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[Trixareforkids]

Oh and Pensive, please,feel free to shit, scribble, diddle, doodle and giggle away. I've enjoyed having someone to play pat-a-cake with. I was beginning to feel a bit silly playing all by myself.

 

[pensivepoet]

You weren't here by yourself. You just didn't see me in the corner.

 

[Trixareforkids]

You weren't here by yourself. You just didn't see me in the corner.

Well I'm glad you came out of your corner to make a mess of the place and have some fun with me. Next up, finger painting, lol

 

[pensivepoet]

The dice were always loaded
For all it seems but me
Snake eyes snake eyes and more snake eyes!
Is all i'd ever see
So i tried my hand at poker
Four aces in my head
But the dealer cut them all away
And threes i got instead
Then blackjack, dogs, and ponies
Roulette, and super bowl
But each new bet i'd conjure up
Would dig a deeper hole
So at last i tried my hand at love
Knowing the saying well
But no one likes a loser
So farther down i fell
Then i heard there's gold in poetry
So these verses i did rhyme
But i shoulda stuck with poker
Now i haven't got a dime

 

[Trixareforkids]

The dice were always loaded
For all it seems but me
Snake eyes snake eyes and more snake eyes!
Is all i'd ever see
So i tried my hand at poker
Four aces in my head
But the dealer cut them all away
And threes i got instead
Then blackjack, dogs, and ponies
Roulette, and super bowl
But each new bet i'd conjure up
Would dig a deeper hole
So at last i tried my hand at love
Knowing the saying well
But no one likes a loser
So farther down i fell
Then i heard there's gold in poetry
So these verses i did rhyme
But i shoulda stuck with poker
Now i haven't got a dime

Nice. Wanna come over and play cards? I got a piggy bank I need to fill.

 

[pensivepoet]

(((shudder))))
No! Shoo you
I once tried to lose at strip poker, and couldn't even do that right

 

[Trixareforkids]

(((shudder))))
No! Shoo you
I once tried to lose at strip poker, and couldn't even do that right

LOL, well now, strip poker is a whole 'nother game. If played right everyone wins

 

[Trixareforkids]

Everybody Wins

This is no random game of chance
There's a little bit of luck, but strategic
Play is more important than the
Cards you're dealt. It's a game
That's all about the players.
There's more fun to be had in
Watching body language than
The shuffle and toss of cards.
Before the antes and bets are
Made read the players as well
As the cards. Sometimes it's
Better to bet big on losing cards
If you want to want to win the
End game.

 

[pensivepoet]

I have to turn that last bit over in my head a few times.
I keep hearing scotty and spock arguing about logic.
But hell! You're the one with the tv.
I'd love to be a ghost in the room watching you play, and others sweat.
Time for sleep. Maybe i'll dream me a royal flush.

 

[Trixareforkids]

We're on a crash course Shirley
If we manage to stick the landing
Think I'll build a temple
Where I'll worship lollipops
And drink Kool-aid
As I watch the world turn
It'll be non-denominational
Everyone will be welcome
To lick and sip with me
As they pass on through
To the other side of the rainbow

 

[pensivepoet]

Keep a steady hand on the stick, hank. Don't let the shaking scare you. The landing gear's busted, so we'll have to go in on our bellies.

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[Trixareforkids]

Viagra In The Waters, Four Bitchin' Babes

Viagra In The Waters by Four Bitchin' Babes

Just outside of Johnson City
On a dark and twisting road
In a Kenworth 18-wheeler
With a heavy, shifting load
He was pushing through to Binghamton
Though the hour was getting late
Pfizers finest on a mission
To the pharmacies upstate
He was on a holy mission
There were men who couldnt wait
(for his thirty thousand pounds of Viagra¬)

He'd clocked seven hundred miles
Since he climbed into the rig
Just another twenty-five or so
Would finish up that gig
But the trailer hit an oil slick
And down the hill did fly (Oh, my!)
ëtil it landed at the bottom
in the towns water supply
It was instant rigor mortis
What a hard way to die!
CHORUS:
Save your sons
Shield your daughters
There's Viagra¬
In the waters

All over Johnson City
People rising with the dawn
They drank their morning coffee,
Took their showers, watered lawns
And who could have predicted
All the changes up ahead?
Men were getting up for work,
And heading back to bed
So many called in sick,
You would have thought a virus spread

Down at the courthouse coffee shop
Some stared in disbelief
As a pack of thirsty lawyers
Started filling out their briefs
But at the local college
Young men appeared much smarter
No chromosomal mystery
They simply studied harder
Now water on the rocks
Is the latest party starter

CHORUS

The Johnson City firemen
Cursed their wretched luck
They could not get their fire hoses
Wound back on the truck
Sprinkling holy water at a funeral,
Father Ryan said
"I know Ive saved their souls,
but I've never raised the dead.
Would a couple o strong men help me now
Close the casket lid?"

Old man Weisberg
Took the shower of his life
Then he marched into the kitchen
And he called out to his wife
She knew something was up
As he stood naked at the table
Holding two cups of coffee
And half a dozen bagels
It had been at least a decade
Since the last time he was able

CHORUS

Believers seeking miracles
The pilgrims came in hordes
The waters of Viagra¬
Grew more popular than Lourdes
The clergy quoted scripture
But they found it hard to sell
That those who chose to be anointed
Were pointed straight to hell
Despite the dire warnings
The crowds began to swell

Some hardened politicians
Came into town one day
With their permits and their pipelines
Pumped the waters all away
From the heart of Johnson City
Rose the mournful cry of men
But the women knew another truck
Was coming through again
Dont worry theres a truck next week
Well spread the oil again

CHORUS

 

[todski28]

Hahahah well done double entendre riddled verse funny as hell

 

[Trixareforkids]

Hahahah well done double entendre riddled verse funny as hell

Wish I could lay claim. It's a song.

 

[pensivepoet]

Wish I could lay claim. It's a song.

Well damn
I was almost very impressed

 

[Trixareforkids]

Well damn
I was almost very impressed

LOL. If I could write humorous songs like that I'd be doing it for a living already.
Hear some of the funniest music at drag shows.

Have you seen the new Weird Al videos? They're a riot. They were just brought to my attention a few days ago.

 

[pensivepoet]

LOL. If I could write humorous songs like that I'd be doing it for a living already.
Hear some of the funniest music at drag shows.

Have you seen the new Weird Al videos? They're a riot. They were just brought to my attention a few days ago.

Well trix, shel silverstein is dead, so i guess there's an opening.
Al jankovich? The polka king?
Or is that his brother Frankie?
I get em mixed up.
Nope, haven't seen em, but i'll keep an eye out. (not literally)

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[Trixareforkids]

.....

 

[Trixareforkids]

Bump

For the man of wealth and taste.

Ya know I've got that damn song stuck in my head now right. It's been there for hours. Hmm, what to replace it with...

How about some Silver Beaver


Btw, what does wealth taste like? Wait, don't tell me, chicken right...

 

[Hypoxia]

How about some Silver Beaver

HA! The lyrics

Btw, what does wealth taste like? Wait, don't tell me, chicken right...

Wealth tastes like chicken prepared by a celebrity chef. (I have one in the family.)

But I digress.

This is shits'n'giggles'n'all, right? Y'all get to decide which this is.
____________________________________________________

I CAN'T STAND THE EARWIGS - [for calliope]

Roaches don't bother me anymore
I can stand their scuttling about
On my feet and up my snout
But I can't stand the earwigs
No, I can't stand the earwigs
-
Silverfish don't bother me now
Slithering in hidden spaces
Eating all my books and pages
But I can't stand the earwigs
No, I can't stand the earwigs
-
I don't mind the spiders now
Wrapping me in silver webs
Running by on their spider legs
But I can't stand the earwigs
No, I can't stand the earwigs
-
[bridge:]
Ladybugs are so obnoxious
So damn cute and colorful
A praying mantis is so regal
Waiting for another mouthful
Pillbugs are kinda creepy tho
Like little lightweight bowling balls
-
Killer bees don't bother me
Wasps and hornets let me be
Mosquito kisses set me free
But I can't stand the earwigs
No, I can't stand the earwigs