sins and virtues

[nushu2]

Ya, that should definately be stretched out, espescially the beginning. Don't underestimate the intelligence of the readers by being so straight-forward. I would normally advise to have even a minor sex scene for each chapter but I have seen stories that don't and are well received. As it is now, I don't think it will make the 2000 word minimum. Roughly 3000 words equals a full page of posted story, depending on the number of paragraphs.

The dialogue is good and "who said what" is necessary for such a large cast. It always seems awkward to write. The way I get around it is with a with a little description (ie: .... he said with a sinister grin or .... she answered and stood up to leave) Often, I put the ...he said in the middle in order to make it less conspicuous and routine.

The other thing is to be very careful with your grammar and spelling. A good story can get lost on the details. I got to give you credit for doing this on paper. I couldn't imagine not having a computer to fix my mistakes or to allow me to make changes

 

[Dennis13]

thanks for the credit nushu2

I didn't mind doing it on paper first(only option for me), I just didn't like being able to really tell how long it was. I just looked at the length of the post and it does look short.

After I wrote it I thought that maybe I should make it a strip club, or maybe a more hands-on version. Originally I only wanted this to introduce the characters and setup the general idea for what the other chapters would be about.

I'm still trying to think of ways to bring in other categories than non-consent. I can imagine a wife sharing story...maybe some sci-fi by bringing in some demons from another dimension/world.
Any ideas?

 

[nushu2]

A strip club sounds interesting but it wouldn't work. Patrons not diverse or innocent enough. Ba da bing.

You already got plenty of characters. More would make it too complex. Perhaps, just put it into Non-Human and explore your options. To tell you the truth, Nonconsent stories are avoided by a fair share of readers. Some stories border on rape.

I don't want to step on your creative process. Write the story the way you want or allow the story to write itself.

 

[Dennis13]

I'm starting to think that maybe I should rewrite the introduction as being the point of view of only one character deciding, during the course of his usual day, to invite the others out for a meeting.

eg:

-Lust is running his/her sex club
-starts to thinks about a contract with hell to remain free
-contract involves massive donation of souls to hell at end or no more freedom
-decides to invite others to check how they're doing with their numbers and to discuss past conquests(remember when...)
-discover they don't have necessary amount
-decide to setup a huge party of sin(gang bang)

I think this idea might actually lend some more continuity to the whole thing. It might help me stay away from the nonconsent so much too.

I didn't realize how angry life has made me lately until I tried to write something. I wanted to do something non-human or sci-fi, but ended up with a wife beating story instead. I don't like it, so I think I will be tossing out my original idea. Uh oh, I'm starting to ramble...later

 

[nushu2]

Sounds good

The only thing I was trying to say before was that introducing the characters as demons was like being hit in the head by a blunt object. It would be better to slowly leak the info. A bit of intrigue.

It also looks like you're developing a proper story line with tension buliding up to a climax. For the type of story you're writing, that's required. For a character study type of story, it's recommended but character tension is harder to define, except in retrospect. I babble too.

I like the "remember when ..." idea. My stories tend to draw out over weeks and months. I haven't figured a way to get around that to show character growth. As an erotic story, the extended time is a detriment.

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

i'm trying to think up some stories featuring the "Seven Deadly Sins" Thankfully, I know what all seven are: Envy, Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Greed, Lust and Gluttony.

I also want to write some stories featuring virtuous qualities. It is this that I'm having trouble with. What do people consider the main virtues of humanity? I've got Patience, Generosity, and Compassion so far but are there more? Maybe 7 like the sins?

Please lend a hand and help me out.
thanks

haven't read the thread but... did a yahoo search once on 7 deadly sins and found quite a bit of info on the virtues. I think they were opposites of the sins. The only thing is, I think there is some disagreement on exactly what the sins were. It was some fascinating reading though, how the sins/virtues where arived at and so forth.

How are greed and gluttony considered different?

 

[Boxlicker101]

i'm trying to think up some stories featuring the "Seven Deadly Sins" Thankfully, I know what all seven are: Envy, Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Greed, Lust and Gluttony.

I also want to write some stories featuring virtuous qualities. It is this that I'm having trouble with. What do people consider the main virtues of humanity? I've got Patience, Generosity, and Compassion so far but are there more? Maybe 7 like the sins?

Please lend a hand and help me out.
thanks

The opposite of Pride I wouls say Humility. The opposite of Sloth, I would say Industry or Industriousness. The opposite of Greed, I would say Generosity. The opposite of Lust, I would say Chastity. The opposite of Wrath, I would say Patience. I don't know about Envy or Gluttony. The last one might be Frugality.

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

Re: Re: sins and virtues

The opposite of Pride I wouls say Humility. The opposite of Sloth, I would say Industry or Industriousness. The opposite of Greed, I would say Generosity. The opposite of Lust, I would say Chastity. The opposite of Wrath, I would say Patience. I don't know about Envy or Gluttony. The last one might be Frugality.

I think the opposite of envy would be love (ie, pure heart)

just a guess

 

[Sunnie]

i'm trying to think up some stories featuring the "Seven Deadly Sins"

I think they made a movie like that once.

 

[Guest]

What about courage? Isn't that a virtue? Opposite cowardice? Or is that something different?

Wisdom? - Foolishness?

Empathy? - Self-absorption?

Hard-working (can't think of the better word, maybe diligent)? - Lazy

Do these have to be biblical virtures or just social ones?

 

[Dennis13]

hey sunnie!
I started laughing right away when I saw the little put down after your post.

"You couldn't get laid if you were a chocolate-covered millionaire with a fist full of new shoes."

You ever hear

"I can forgive you your mistakes, but I can't forgive your parents for not using protection."

 

[Bhob]

It works for me

I think you were right. This isn't really a story in itself, but it sets things up nicely for lots of interesting possibilities. I was glad to see that you pointed out, at the end, that Wrath doesn't always work alone. I could see lots of ways for Wrath to work with the others, particularly with Lust, Greed and Envy.

With this many characters involved in a conversation I think you do need to identify the speaker each time. If that bothers you, having all those quoatation marks falling one after another, you might try to break them up by giving us little snippets of what's going on in the bar outside that darkened corner. That's only a suggestion. For me it worked fine, just the way it was. You told us that we were privy to a private convesation, then you took us into the middle of it.

 

[Bhob]

Re: Re: sins and virtues

[QUOTEHow are greed and gluttony considered different? [/B][/QUOTE]

Gluttony is usually considered as having to do with food. In a society where food is hard to come by, someone who eats more than his or her fair share might well be considered to be sinning. Gluttony is most often portrayed as someone grossly overweight.

Greed, though not limited to it, is normally in terms of money. It could also be anything hoarded by someone; property, power, and yes, even food. I guess the defining factor is that being greedy only means that you grab for as much of something as you can get; it's not required that you actually use what you grab, as in the case of the glutton, who will stuff himself well beyond the point of satisfying his needs.

 

[Dennis13]

thanks for the praise bhob
I was thinking of re writing the whole thing after I saw how short it was. Now maybe I'll just rewrite/add-in some looks into the bar's activities.

decisions decisions!!

 

[Dennis13]

just an update...

took a while but I finally got inspiration(wild monkey sex will do that I guess)
started writing the story in a different way. starting it from envy's point of view and trying to slowly build up to revelation of character origins. just about to write in the first sex scene.
wish I had a comp so I could actually see how long the thing is before I'm putting a scene in though. Longhand doesn't really give me any indication and I don't feel like counting the words. Maybe I should pull out that typewriter from.....whereever it is

l8r
wish me luck

 

[Dennis13]

oop's, I meant from Lust's view

done so far:
intro'd character(not too much)
described club
1 rope bondage scene

I looked back and surprise surprise, way too f***ing short again.
Anyone know anything about rope bondage? or know anyone who does? please have the post something here
thanks

 

[Dennis13]

can someone please give me some advice on how to prolong a sex scene.

also, how do I stop being my own worst critic. sometimes it seems like nothing sounds good.

 

[nushu2]

As far as being your own worst critic, sometimes, you just have to have faith in yourself. Since it is your first story, I would also recommend a little faith in an editor. Learn from my mistake and polish the story as best you can before asking an editor to do it.

For stretching out a sex scene, damn, I am the wrong person to give advice.

 

[Dennis13]

*grrroooaaannn*

been way too long since i tried to write anything
it's harder than it looks -

I hope to write something
maybe I should try to start a chain

 

[Boxlicker101]

*grrroooaaannn*

been way too long since i tried to write anything
it's harder than it looks -

I hope to write something
maybe I should try to start a chain

It is harder than it looks. But it's fun, nevertheless. This subject might make a good basis for a cvhain, except that it is maybe too limited.

In answer to an earlier question, it is not a good idea to stretch out a sex scene. Better too short than an appearance of padding. What I like to do is go into great detail on what is being done. When the story is in first person, I describe my feelings and the responses of the woman. When it is in the third person, I describe the feelings and reactions of all parties. I always edit and try to have the appearance of being stretched.