Society vs Parenting

[AmericanWench]

You can't stay up all night watching DVDs or going out to clubs or toking (or WRITING) when you have to get up in the morning, cook oatmeal and find all the shoes and school backpacks before the bus comes.

Say it ain't so!!!

If not finding the backpacks, then making sure the lil darlings are looking for their OWN backpacks...
and what? No candy and pop for breakfast?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I blame both. "It takes a village to raise a child." I truly believe that.

Or actually, I think there are 3 parts responsible for how someone turns out. The first few years, it's the parents. I see how my best friend M raises her kid. She's a mix of loving, caring hugs, and strict, hard, tough-love discipline. She'll hug him when he falls and hurts himself, and she'll throw him into his room "until he's ready to behave nicely" if he's being disobedient.
I don't know any kid who's as well-behaved as him. He's a mix of politeness and playfulness, as ready to call me "Nuthead", as he is to open a door for me. A happy child.

When they grow older, then society takes over. Friends, teachers, politicians, actors, musicians, police, etc, etc. They are influenced by TV and magazines and radio, and if we're d***ed lucky, they'll miss hearing anything worse than Justin Timberlake. If we're not lucky, we'll have 9-year-olds looking like Eminem and Lil' Kim, talking about ho's and gangsta's and shakin' booty.
I've tried telling strangers' kids off when they have behaved badly, with mixed reactions. Sometimes, they tell me I should mind my own business. Sometimes, they are so shocked at being told what to do by a complete stranger, that they listen and obey. The best thing I've ever heard of, was when my ex-boyfriend from Ghana told me about how they raised kids in his home village. No-one could behave badly, talk back to elders, smoke, or whatever, because EVERYONE would mind everybody else's business and correct the kids, as well as tell their parents, who would then correct the kids, too. There was just no way of getting away with being bad. And the kids usually grew up to be well-behaved adults, too. I want to see more of this behaviour!

And then, when they're about to leave childhood behind, the 3rd part comes into action: the kids themselves.
My cousin has 2 foster boys, who grew up on the dark side of society, with a mother who... wasn't very good for them. They had to steal food, because she wasted all their money on booze and drugs. Today, these two boys are well-behaved young men, honest and hard-working, and graduated from school with good grades.

No matter who or what has influenced you as a child, when you're grown-up, it's your own responsibility to improve your character.

Svenskaflicka
Almost Perfect

 

[Jenny _S]

This whole child discipline thing has a cyclic effect too. Bad parenting reinforced by ridiculous social rules lead to children growing up to be bad parents further reinforced by worse social rules.

Each swing of the pendulum is somewhat wider than the last. Where does it end? Social disintegration. The kids of yesterday are the society of today which I see as worse than yesterday. The kids of today, who I see as worse than the kids of yesterday are the society of tomorrow.

Sorry to be so negative on the subject.

 

[destinie21]

Well, there are many different ways to excersize one's authourity...but I would say, that even your way would warrant some raised eyebrows with CPS, and other agencies...
Personally, I used taking away of privledges (I know that is spelled wrong..lol, I am sooo tired)..My point being, society is taking away so many of the parent's authority, that it will come to a point when even "time out" (which personally, I found ineffective, but it depends on the child, I guess) will be viewed as "harsh"..
Parents must be very creative in asserting their authority, and maintaining that authority. I have been parenting for almost 24 years, and believe me, I've had to come up with some pretty creative things..lol. However, I am very proud to say, that I have a 23 year old son who turned out to be a good man, responsible, good natured, and to this day, does not raise his voice to me...He will disagree, we debate, but he will not raise his voice to me. Nor has he ever called me "bitch"..(in my presence anyway.. ) So, it can be done.

Well obviously you did something right
I know my way wasn't anything to write home to mom about but it worked, as did my parents methods.

I think once again Gauche was right. That always seems to happen doesn't it?

quote from G

So now comes the politics again. Thatcher's kids have Thatcher's kids. Insolent kids have insolent kids. American kids have American kids.

I can't explain the kids who are truly disgusted by the lifestyle/choices of their parents and become their diametrically opposed offspring. Rebelling by being straight? Doesn't sound right to me.
******************** end quote

Now of course there are some kids who despite good parenting go awry anomalies amongst the others. In anycase I do want to say this. There are a lot of good, kind , caring kids out there. I've seen them. Yes many kids are spolied little shits but there are some people doing something right. I really think balance is the answer and as you said depending on the kid the discipline has to fit. One of the kids in the family I mentioned was born while I worked there. that child and one older sibling were very well behaved They rarely got into trouble. The younger one by the time she was 3 would cry and apologize when she got time out. She would be truely sorry and full of remorse. The older sibling would tear up if she saw other's in trouble and run with them just so they wouldn't be alone. (that child ran more laps than all of them). Other kids in that same family used timeout to daydream what could I say "hey you stop using your imagination."


Kids personalities also determine what will work when I was young I was one of those kids you couldn't ease up on for a second. My parents recognized that and punished me accordingly. My sister on the other hand was one like the aforementioned child who showed remorse at the drop of a hat and rarely got in trouble. She was one of those kids who did cry over spilled milk. I was the one tipping the glass

 

[Guest]

a little bit of levity, and sarcasm

I think once again Gauche was right.

Oh, great. He gets to add another line to his sig.

She was one of those kids who did cry over spilled milk. I was the one tipping the glass.

That's a great metaphor, Dest.

Perdita