Soliloquium: Reflections on my World.

[The_gladiator]

He had not shared a kiss like this in so long. They had not shared kisses like this since that time briefly 4 years ago. It was difficult to believe as long as they had known one another they had not done this often.

She gave of herself so freely, committed to him in that moment. It was sensual, beautiful and more than the elf could ever wish for. Her words rang in his mind. He knew what it meant; she had told him of this before. You and no other. In this moment they were one.

His body responded to the playing of her muscles, and his organ responded to the strumming caressing motions. At last he was again able to move inside her. The water again splashed softly with the gentle movements. “For so long I have wanted you little one,” he whispered against her neck as his lips trailed their own fire along her delicate flesh. “I think after this we should find a bed,” he whispered, “You know so I can hold you all night long,” He grinned, “and other things,” He would always be the same glad. Romantic, yes, but playful and teasing would never fully leave him either.

There were so many memories on lit for the elf as well, so many memories with this one woman. This joining was a long time in the making and he never wanted it to end. “I have never forgotten you,” he whispered against her wet skin as he moved in her, long slow strokes teasing them both with sensation. There was something he wanted to ask her, but wasn’t sure that this was the right moment. All in due time. Though an intimate question it was not this kind of intimacy, he would ask during a quiet moment that was not about passion, for now he wanted to be lost in her until they found a bed together and slept.

 

[yeishia]

. “For so long I have wanted you little one,” his whispered words had her simply melting inside. Little one, was a beloved trigger, almost forgotten in the dusty corridors of her often tortured mind. She snuggled closer smiling wondering if their blooming connection would cause her pain or pleasure.

Pain and pleasure worked in unison like star kissed lovers but she knew first hand that such exquisite symbiosis needed nurturing...

Could he, could they?

Yeishia wasn’t good with teasing she found it hard to comprehend sometimes.

Bed and the need for sleep she did.

She slipped gently from his body and exited the pool her lovely eyes remaining on his as the water ran almost in slow motion in lazy rivulets from her supple body back into the warm waters. It was almost as if they were loath to leave the warm and loving haven they had recently found.

She bent to pet Foxworth before reaching for the fluffy bath towels folded neatly on a small wooden table. She slowly wrapped herself in one fastening it above her breasts before beckoning him from the flowing waters and surrounding his body with the soft material.

She stood briefly on tip toe to place a small almost chaste kiss upon his full lips, “Let’s go home,” she whispered, wrapping her arm around his waist as they moved side by side along the lush pathway to Sol. Foxworth following diligently padding behind them a definite doggie smile on his handsome face. His mistress perhaps would stay this time.

While they had been gone the Vassal Academy staff had worked wonders in Soll cleaning and polishing and putting it to rights. They read her moods almost without words...

Yeishia lead him to the small bedroom she kept there, it too had been transformed. Dropping the towels they slipped between the soft sheets and were soon entwined as one.

They would sleep and then...

He had never forgotten her but she has forgotten so much. Slithers of memory that often slipped out to tantalize and torment an already ravaged mind.

Her eyes drifted closed as she idly wondered if this new relationship would cause her anguish too. She was determined not to stress. Even if it did, the moments in between, the new journey, would be worth it, of that she was sure.

Sometimes the moments in between were all one had....

 

[The_gladiator]

He watched her grace as she moved out of the pool, invited him to join her. He rose from the water. He thought of hiding his still erect member, but decided that no, he would not hide the evidence of their passion for one another. He had no problem with pausing what they were doing to go with her to her bed.

He let his fingertips caress her cheek as she leaned up to kiss him softly. He did not press for a deeper kiss in that moment but let his lips quirk up in a gentle smile.

The elf reached down to pet fox and smile. “So loyal,” he whispered. Not so unlike his family’s dog who had passed only weeks before. He took a deep breath as the sharp pain of that loss threatened to nip at him. However, he breathed through it and slid his arm around her shoulders pulling yeishia closer.

There weren’t words in the moment as they walked to her bedroom, just companionship and touch. Bliss was how he might describe how he was feeling with her. There was uncertainty, there always was with this elf, but he was trying to lay it aside in this moment with her.

Twined in her arms again he let his lips find hers again. He wanted to finish what they started in the pool, that gentle lovemaking. He hoped she was still willing.

Leaning over her he let his mouth find her breast, tongue teasing, circling the hard peak of her, as his excitement the burning heat of it caressed along her leg, a brand telegraphing his desire for her.

 

[yeishia]

“I think after this we should find a bed,” he whispered, “You know so I can hold you all night long,” He grinned, “and other things,”

Clearly her elf had other things in mind as did Morpheus. The pull was just to much, she could feel herself been dragged downwards...

Glad’s lips felt like a smouldering brand as they moved and teased her flesh causing it to tingle in response. She tried to swim back to him through waves of sleepy passion, it was like swimming upstream through pools of molten lava.

Yeishia moaned...she wanted Glad.

Morpheus was determined, he wanted her.

Trapped between them she pushed closer the Elf’s branding
flesh, it was a like a homing beacon, harder than steel and just as insistent as Morpheus himself. Determined she managed to wrap a long leg around him as she pulled his throbbing hardness into her welcoming depths once more.

Their combined heat was unbelievable scorching her very soul. Oh god! she was melting, becoming one with him. Edges blurring, dissolving as they became one fiery entity. She dug her nails in firmly as the volcano began to consume them both.

Morpheus might have won this battle but she had brought her lover into his tenacious arms bound with her.

She would shape this dream, not he...

 

[yeishia]

I had awoken to find Glad gone back to his own home and into the arms of another friend.

I grinned, this you and no other in the moment, might be harder than I thought.

Quickly I showered after which I wrapped myself in soft terry Cloth robe and wandered out into the living area to feed the ever patient Foxworth.

”Give me a moment to dress and I’ll take you for your walk sweet boy,” I told him gently running my hand along his back.

I glanced at my writing table, I really must get started I chided myself. I’d been incredibly busy in my real world now that I’d gone back to work full time, incredibly stressed out too.

My printer had broken, it seemed like the last straw.The tiny things become huge when brain dead as the ability to sleep becomes elusive, I thought my eyes clouding.

As my boy wolfed down his food I changed into shorts and a camisole, opening the French Doors I whistled gently and we both wandered out into the balmy afternoon.

I would start writing this weekend I promised myself...

 

[yeishia]

On the weekend her plan has been to write, however, her health had other ideas. She has spent one morning at the hospital having a frighteningly large swab stuffed up her nose the rest of the time she had been bent over a bucket or trying to cough up both both of her lungs. She did not have a fever which she has been reassured was a good thing.

Seated at her writing table her paper and quill were ready yet so far they remained untouched. She couldn’t find the words for her response, the few she did have vied with the song that refused to leave her tired brain, an ear bug she thought they called it .

Perhaps instead of shooing the song away she should simply embrace it. After all it did suit the melancholy feeling that went along with being ill.

Already humming the melody she made her way over to her to her beloved piano. Sitting she ran her slender fingers over the ivory keys.

Tempo finally perfect, she finally began to softly sing ...

Mad World"
(originally by Tears for Fears)

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world.
​

"

By the time she came to the end of the haunting piece there were small tears running down her beautiful face. Ignoring them she made her way to her over stuffed couch laying down to stare at her ceiling .

Once more she whispered the haunting words of the song. “And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles, It's a very, very mad world, mad world...”

She could identify with this song very much so. Often throughout her life she had felt the same way. Often she had wished she could be the same as all the others.

On the other hand the dreams in which she has been dying really were the best she’d ever had. Both then and especially now.

With love often came the deepest pain. Perhaps they too were symbiotic much like the pain and pleasure she often escaped into.

She wouldn’t change a thing!

Brushing away her tears she smiled determined as she moved to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of red wine.

Perhaps a movie instead. A gore filled one. It would not feed her soul but it would keep away her personal demons this night...

 

[yeishia]

It’s always difficult when a loved one dies. She still remembered the the pain, the loss. Now of course everyone had gone, she only had her fur babies left to eventually morn for....

Her eyes clouded as she remembered a quote.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

This she knew of a certainty that this were true, which is why she quite literally felt Glads pain today. Yeishia wished dearly that she could hold him in her arms to offer what comfort she could in his time of need.

Instead she lit a huge amber candle and placed it reverantly on her window sill. Hoping it would bring him solace and in time guide his return back home to her.

Scar tissue was never made to endure alone.

Yeishia dropped gracefully to her knees and silently prayed for Glad and his family...

 

[yeishia]

I had kept vigil all night long and as the morning dawned I stood shakily on sore stiff knees.

I smiled softly remembering that once upon a time if my Master bade me kneel I could happily do so for hour upon hour if that was His pleasure...I was growing old I guessed.

Exhausted, I made my way to the bedroom shedding my clothing as I went. Not bothering with a nightie I slipped nude beneath the soft covers. Glad would know where to find me should he return.

Within seconds I was sound asleep...

 

[yeishia]

I finally woke up, lingering in the betwixt & between loathing to leave its warmth loathing to leave my bed. I’d slept over 24 hours straight.

My mind felt less muddy. I was really ill in my real world and it was impacting my ability to function in this one. Reluctantly I slipped from my bed and pulled on some clothing padding to the kitchen to pop on the coffee pot. While it perked I quickly walked and fed my beloved Fox.

Soon I was curled up on the overstuffed sofa Fox beside me sipping a hug mug of the deliscious Lost in the world of memory..

 

[The_gladiator]

It was this morning that the elf was finally able to come here. things kept piling on one after another and to say the elf was lost was an understatement. their disagreement followed by the loss of his family member, and then yesterday his favorite author had beaten the elf down. He had wanted to go to her sooner, but just did not have the energy. He only hoped she could forgive him.

soft footsteps brought him in through the open doors to the garden. He stood over her looking down for a long moment, before he reached out a slender hand to her, gently pulling her from the sofa into an embrace. “Little one,” he whispered, two words only, so many questions in those two words, so much feeling and emotion.Was this then a safe haven for him?

 

[yeishia]

She sensed him enter before she felt his touch pulling her upwards from the sofa into his soft embrace. “Little one,” two small innocuous words, a diminutive that was filled with so much meaning for them both.

As her body pressed closer to his she could feel her own instinctive response. It was as intense as it had been the very first day they had met. It had remained present even when they had been apart, waiting patiently dormant until the moment they became reunited.

Even now her body recognized its counter part. Yeishia could feel her own nervous system melding with his as her psyche sort to be closer still. Smouldering, sensual synapses being forged insistently between them both. It was inevitable as the beginning of time itself. Her nails were pressed into his flesh as their bodies began to meld one into the other. Three more words and she would be lost..

Yeishia moaned softly as her hyper vigilant body sought to comfort his. No words were spoken, none were necessary in this moment of reconciliation.

She slid down his strong form onto her knees before him, arms still wound around his virile body, only then looking up into his pain filled eyes.

The eyes are said to be the windows of the soul and hers were filled with nothing more than acceptance of who he was and of her deep love for him.

“Glad?” she whispered, tears slipping from her expressive eyes.

 

[The_gladiator]

He let his fingertips stroke her cheek as she slid to her knees before him. He never expected such a display, yet he also recognized it as a part of her nature. "Yes Little one, it is me," he said softly. He sounded tired. So much weighing on him. He let his thumb trace along her cheek. He had been silent as the real world stole him again, but he came back to her and leaned over, so he could press his lips to hers gently where she knelt, and then lift her back into his arms.

There were so many thoughts in his mind now, but none that he was ready to voice, so for now, he held her. His lips pressed into the curve of her neck.

 

[yeishia]

He had never expected such a display?

Yeishia cringed inside but held herself still as he pressed his lips briefly to hers before lifting her into his arms and fading away once more; perhaps into his real word, perhaps back to his Spirit home.

She remained in the circle of his arms totally unsure of how to proceed. Had he come to make a home here with her or to tell her goodbye? He had never expected such a display, his thoughts continued to echo throughout the stillness. Distraught she slowed her breathing as eyes closed she listened to his steady heart beat.

She didn’t know how to handle this whole situation, here or in his real world. He hurt and then of course so of course did she. Here another wanted him, there the demands on him were soul destroying. She loved him and didn’t want to be the one to cause him more pain. Maybe he needed some one stronger.

Gently she guided him to the overstuffed couch and lovingly wrapping him in a soft cashmere blanket. She stood over him for a moment drinking him in. She had read somewhere that if you loved someone you should let them go, if they really loved you they would find there way back when they were ready....

Should she let him go, let him recover and heal, could she? Did she love him enough to do this,even if it broke her heart in two?

Bleeding in love had almost destroyed her once and yet here she was, a survivor.

As if in a trance she moved over to her beloved piano and began to softly sing, gently tears falling from Auzure eyes gone dark with pain.

https://youtu.be/ArCf2jO3rbQ

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love you
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye...

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you, oh-oh

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something...

(Say Something
A Great Big World)

As the notes faded she fled from the room and out into the garden Foxworth close at her heels.

Instinct led her to the heated pond, she sat on its edge Face buried in her hands and sobbed, she had failed him...

 

[The_gladiator]

The hardest thing was that he had not faded away that time, the fading away he had mentioned in his previous post had been to explain the gap between his previous posts. He was fully present as she wrapped him in a blanket and went to her piano. Tears fell from his eyes as he listened to her. The problem was he had tried to say something. It had come out so wrong and he didn't know what to do.

Closing his eyes he accessed the vision of them that he had had had she not assumed he had left. Had she allowed things to progress in the scene where he held her. He had not been aware that his thoughts had come across so wrong to her, he was just so glad to hold her. He let the vision play in his mind. It had events playing out differently, but it did parallel her in that it involved the singing of a song.

He decided to let the vision of the alternate timeline flow through his mind while he sat on the couch, unsure what to do as she fled. This was just another way that things could have played out. But as it said in the song, he would do anything he could to try and fix it and true to form knowing him he had probably missed it.
(The below is the original post that I made prior to the realizing that Yeishia posted above me)
The elf clung to her, inwardly hoping that she would just accept him, accept his pain, had she felt his soul cry out in spirit song, felt the tension in him here. It was not solely about her and their fight of a couple weeks ago, it rather was about a being barely clinging to life, trying to stay afloat and not knowing how to do the right things with her without tripping emotional landmines. He wished he had the words. He didn't and so they drifted. When he did respond to her he felt as if he were doing it in the wrong way.

He finally released her, his eyes wet with the tears he tried not to shed.

He headed towards the piano. The lyrics that came to his mind were some that had been in his mind for some time. Especially in regards to doing the right thing for her. He never sought to upset her, and yet it felt like he did so time and time again. His actions feeling like they were painting her in the worst light possible when that was never his intension.

He played a scale as he sat down. He was about to perform a song that was not written for the piano, but he thought he could manage, it was the lyrics that needed to happen, that were important.

He took a deep breath and began to sing.



I'm holding back right now
'Cause I'm numb to what's around
I miss the life I used to have with you right here
Now everything has turned to grey
And I'm blacking out the shades for now
(the first part of the lyrics were song softly and as he went into the first chorus sung in the low octave his voice gained in strength)

Let me be sad
Even for a little while
Just a chance to catch my breath
Let me be sad
Even for a little while
'Cause it's all that I have left
When all I see are the memories, I don't want to lose a thing
Let me be sad, let me be sad

(Moving into the next verse this part more spoken word, not quite rapping but rhythmic)

Can you see it in my eyes I've been distant?
'Cause I can't tell if it's the end or the beginning
I know I haven't been myself, I'll admit it
And I put up walls, so if I burned any bridges just know
I'm doing everything i can to try and fix it
But knowing me I'll probably miss it
These voices get so vicious
Feels like I'm rippin' stitches
I wish some days I could go back
Before life changed, it was so fast
That time is gone and I know that
So please

Let me be sad
Even for a little while
Just a chance to catch my breath
Let me be sad
Even for a little while
'Cause it's all that I have left
When all I see are the memories, I don't want to lose a thing
Let me be sad, let me be sad
(The elf's voice soared into the higher octave for the second verse just as Brian the vocalist of I prevail sang it)

I'm doing everything i can to try and fix it
But knowing me I'll probably miss it
These voices get so vicious
Feels like I'm rippin' stitches
I wish some days I could go back
Before life changed, it was so fast
That time is gone and I know that
All that we have is a moment
So please
(The words climaxed on a crishendow and then as he went back into the reframe, his voice dropped down again, much softer)

Let me be sad
Even for a little while
Just a chance to catch my breath
Let me be sad
Even for a little while
'Cause it's all that I have left
When all I see are the memories, I don't want to lose a thing
Let me be sad, let me be sad

I'm holding back right now
(Let me be sad)
'Cause I'm numb to what's around
I miss the life I used to have with you right here
Now everything has turned to grey
And I'm blacking out the shades for now
(As he finished let me be sad by I prevail, the last note died away on a soft escape of sound.

His pain showed in the way the words cracked. The elf was falling apart and as a part of that his relationship with her seemed to be falling apart. He had come to her trying to fix it, but it wasn't enough for her, he knew it. He wish he knew the answer, but at the end of the day he didn't. He had lost so much, his life had changed so much, he just craved for a sense of normalcy, a sense of peace. He thought he had had that in spirit song, but that had been shaken. He wanted to have it here but he kept upsetting her in their real worlds, and that seemed to project onto his character. He hung his head not knowing how to fix it, because knowing him he'd probably miss it.

Just as he did in his own home the night before he closed the cover on the keys gently and bowed his head.two tears fell on the polished wood and the elf stood. "Forgive me," he said softly. "I can go if you want me to."






Drifting out of the vision he opened his eyes. She was gone now, fled to the gardens or away from him. Maybe he should write himself out of this place as she had done to him when it had been her that had not responded to his last post for a few days. He wanted to go to her but maybe it was better that she didn't see him bare his pain, that his vision had just been that a vision. She was clearly hurting they were both broken. "I love you Yeishia," he whispered to the empty air. But, was love enough, if things kept going so wrong between them? What did he do now?

 

[yeishia]

Her crying stilled as she felt rather than heard the melody, the heartfelt words filling her soul as if they were her own.

Not of Elven blood, since their intimate joining right here in this very pool she had become connected to him in away she’d never fully understood.

She had physically felt his pain as it flowed towards her like a living entity in waves of pure anguish as he played that night in Spirit. Yet she hadn’t been able to reach him.

This time she didn’t hesitate on feet that almost flew she raced back to him almost knocking him back to sit on the piano stool, climbing onto his lap.

Forgiveness wasn’t necessary.

She reopened their piano and began to sing.

"Forgive me," she sang softly. Echoing his words

I can go if you want me to. I am feeling so small
It was over my head. I know nothing at all.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would have followed you.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Now everything has turned to grey
And Your blacking out the shades for now.

You’ll not be alone.

Don’t go I don’t want you too....

She twisted on his lap her arms going around him, her soft lips pressed to his tasting their combined tears.

Her loving eyes sought out his. “Let’s head to our bedroom, pull down those shades and just be...

“I love you,” she whispered against his mouth. “ let’s heal together.”

 

[The_gladiator]

Glad slid his arms around her as she turned to him. He held her close. Too much emotion overwhelming him to speak.

Standing, he gently sets her on her feet, as she mentions going to bed, healing together. He caresses her cheek and nods, "I definitely need to heal, perhaps doing it with you would be better. They say time heals all wounds. I'm not sure I believe that but I do believe that touch, closeness and connection does heal wounds."

He slides his arm around her waist accompanying her towards the bedroom. "Rest might do us both some good," he says softly.

 

[yeishia]

Yeishia said nothing just held him giving him the warmth love and support he needed. He knew She didn’t believe for a moment that time healed any wounds at all.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ~ Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy~

This was in her signature and She believed it whole heartedly. One thought one was healed, thought time had worked it’s magic only to find someone came along and started picking at those scabs; sometimes it was life itself that did the wicked deed. Sometimes sadly one did it ones-self picking, poking and self mutilating.

Yes, maybe they could heal together, just maybe the wounds would heal but from the inside out rather than simply scabbing over.

Ever the optimist as she felt his arm side around her slender waist she smiled up at him as they moved together towards their bedroom. She undressed him almost reverently before tucking him beneath the soft duvet and joining him.

Like the roots of an about to be re-born plant their limbs entwined around one another their combined energies synced becoming one as they both drifted into dreamland.

To sleep perchance to dream and heal...

( I had wrote this right after Glad posted but forgot to press post. Thank goodness I keep every post I make, or at last almost make.)

 

[yeishia]

Dreamland is ofttimes filled with music, filled with the simplicity of truth of what one really needs...

https://youtu.be/vv2DSmy3Tro

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me
Stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darling, darling

So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me
Stand by me

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me
Stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me....


Stand by Me
Florence & The Machine

 

[yeishia]

I’d awoken earlier today feeling refreshed having slept what seemed like forever. Glad’s shell remained in my arms while he took care of his life in the real world. Right now he needed nothing more than to know I was here for him should be return. I had needed a shower and food. My Sheltie had needed, no had demanded his morning walk.

That had been earlier. I had reluctantly slipped from beneath the covers to tend to my day. I had sat on the edge of our bed simply drinking him in before placing my lips gently on his. “I’ll be back later my love,” I had promised him.

Right now I was curled up in a comfy chair facing the open French Doors watching the gathering storm and worrying on my pencil. It wasn’t raining yet but the the breeze was no longer gentle as it wafted the soft translucent curtains around me.

The view from the Looking Glass would be spectacular once It truly began.

I was sorely tempted to head there.

I glanced down at my note pad, I was getting nowhere with the post I was working on.He hadn’t given me anything, it was a writing exercise and sadly I was failing miserably.

My mind had a million tiny worries scurrying around inside it. What would I write for him. Had I erred by posting the OOC...I wished I could delete it rather than it stand ignored. Should I head down to the her dungeon,I was badly in need of a scene and watching might take the edge off. Should I agree to.... Should I, could I, would I?

Frustrated I tossed the offending pad away startling my dog who growled softly . “ Sorry pet , mommy is upset with herself not you. I’m worry- warting again.”

I pulled my shawl more tightly around my slender frame staring morosely out into the night....

 

[yeishia]

I hadn’t made it to bed last night I must have fallen asleep on the couch exhausted.

I really needed to take care of me instead of worrying about others. Unfortunately I worried as deeply as I loved. I gave every ounce of me and it was for nothing, those I loved still apparently felt alone. They were constantly compelled to seek their comfort from others, like a moth to a flame, just not mine. It was the same here and in my real world, I guess that should tell me something.

I has awoken stiff achey and chilled to the bone. I dragged a warm throw cover off the back of the couch and snuggled deeper, refusing to face the day just yet , wishing I had the same luxury in my real world.

How ever I was feeling mentally or physically in the real world I had to suck it up and continue on some how, while listening to those around me whine and complain blaming every thing but their own actions for the woes of their respective days. On top of my own illness it was excruciatingly exhausting.

I wished I could simply disappear...

I was looking forward to the weekend. Most of my stories were done and just needed the much dreaded editing.

 

[yeishia]

Even on lit one eventually has to surface from sleep. I felt Foxworth’s soft tongue lapping gently at my face, he was determined to awaken me.I owed my boy his walk.

“Ok baby I’m coming, I’m coming,” I promised him as I stumbled from the couch to start my day on Lit.

I took my shower and slipped a floaty white dress over my nude body letting my long wavy hair flow free. Today would be a day of magic and memories, a day filed with woodland glades and music. Out into the garden and along the winding path way we went my Sheltie and I . Me swaying gently to the music in my mind while my Fur-baby frolicking by my side as if he heard it too. I had no choices in my real world but here I had created as a place to heal stress free. I was Mistress of this domain or so I told myself,

On hour later we were back but the song simply wouldn’t let me go....

I heard the song the night before and somehow it had resonated with me . I’d immediately looked it up and watched the video on YouTube .

It wasn’t about the loss of a particular person it was about loss in general. Our lives are filled with loss. Mainly because we are in essence born to die. It’s the circle of life . We loose loved ones, lovers, parents, fur babies all to death.

Some things we love just fade out of existence as they disappear into the night of life...

Meghan is saying we should treasure every moment; everyone whom you love and who loves you, because you never know when they will be taken from you.


I start to softly sing...

I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye.I won't take you for granted, 'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time.

And of course I was crying by the end of the song/ video.


Like I'm Gonna Lose You
Meghan Trainor

https://youtu.be/2-MBfn8XjIU


I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows

We were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared
And then I was all alone

I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye

Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time
So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know

So I'll kiss you longer, baby (hey)
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the minutes
And love with no regrets

Let's take our time to say what we want (say what we want)
Use what we got before it's all gone (all gone
'Cause no (no), we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye

Wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

So I'm gonna love (I'm gonna love you) you like I'm gonna lose you (like I'm gonna lose you)

I'm gonna love you (love you) like I'm gonna lose you.


.

 

[Ravenloft]

Stay, by a band named Coal
(Lyrics are as I've heard them, might not be correct)

You don't have to lie about where you've been
We both know you've been screaming
So why don't you give your little voice a rest
Climb on up inside my bed, and just pretend you need me?

You don't have to lie about what you know
We both know that I've been sufferin'
And I don't need to be your only one
And I don't need your comfortin'
I just need you with me

(chorus)(Stay, Stay, Stay with me
Stay, stay with me
Stay, and don't you ever run away from me.)

Oh,and if she ever let's you down
After she has run out of your money?
Well then just crawl on back to me, I'm the one that
Sets you free, and I'm the one that needs you

And if she ever let's you go
We both know what you'll be needin'
And if you need somewhere to rest
Somewhere to lay your
Head, you'll know where to find me

And if you need somewhere to rest,
somewhere to lay your head, you know where to find me.

Stay with me!
(this part repeats several times)
I can't live another day,
I won't live another day without you baby!
Stay with me!

Tear down the headlines, Empty the ashtrays.
Sweep out the hall ways of what's left of our time.
Oh, you can use my body to
do what you have to, but stay a little longer, stay with me.

 

[yeishia]

Stay, by a band named Coal
(Lyrics are as I've heard them, might not be correct)


Thank Ravenloft. * hugs you * I’m feeling very alone right now, that really helped.

 

[The_gladiator]

removed, apologies.

 

[yeishia]

It was a relief really. I felt a deep sadness, but also a lightness I hadn’t felt in months.

The song Falling came to mind...

I'll never give my all again
'Cause I'm sick of falling down
When I open up and give my trust
They find a way to break it down
Tear me up inside, and you break me down.

No more!

I’d almost gone and allowed some one to do that to me again. I was through Bleeding in Love.

Taking a deep breath I called my Sheltie “ Hey baby would you like to go visit the Looking Glass with me while the Vassal Academy staff do some house cleaning for your mama? I have post owing”?

Of course he wanted to go, he would follow me any where. Unconditional love was truly a blessing. I snapped on his on his leash , locked up Soll and off we went. I hated Drama more than anything! I shuddered...