Soured on Swingers

[YourSecretDesires]

Last weekend my gf and I attended a swingers' night in rural Spokane. We'd signed up on FetLife and the only requirement was couples- not single men - attend together. Once we were inside we noticed a 10:1 ratio men to women. I didn't bring her there to be fucked. She wanted to leave but I insisted we stay and wait for more people to show. An older guy with mom-jeans walked right by me and struck up a conversation w my girlfriend. And he stood uncomfortably close, too. Another guy who looked like he lived with his mother joined Mr. Mom-jeans. I went to grab a beer since Kari seemed to be handling these guys okay. Upon my return I saw the mama's boy cupping Kari's breast. She was sort of smiling so I didn't intervene. Soon the other guy had his hand on her breast. Where the fuck were the other women? Kari gestured to me she wanted my beer. I handed it to her and went to get one for myself. A man struck up a conversation with me and we talked for awhile. His wife was with another guy and he wanted to meet my wife. I pointed him in that direction but noticed she and the two guys were gone. We both walked around until we spotted them on the back porch. My gf was topless and the boys were all hands. She was willingly kissing them so I decided to wait and see. Soon the guy I'd met had joined in. I had seen enough. I wanted to find his wife. No luck. An hour later I saw mama's boy at the bar talking to mom-jeans. They were obviously done but the married man was still busy with Kari. I waited ten more minutes and then decided to investigate. Both were in the same place talking. He was shirtless and she was completely naked on a chaise lounger. She didn't see me so I retreated to the bar to wait. The men were talking about their mutual conquest of my wife and I was half-tempted to drive off. A couple approached the bar just as Kari and married man came around the corner. He introduced Kari to his wife and both made small talk. Another man tried to make small talk with me but I wasn't having it. I told Kari I was ready to leave so we left. I didn't say much on the way home. It seemed at first she was dismayed by the ratio of men to women but it worked out well for her. I'd hoped to get laid but only got a buzz from cheap beer. What a fucking joke.

So you just stood around without saying anything to your wife until after she got fucked. "I didn't bring her there to be fucked." Did you tell her that beforehand? Sorry bro, not sure why you didn't speak up when you had multiple opportunities.

 

[Diann_Mom]

See my response to another post today;

Sex Club Experiences : would you go back​

It fits for this one too.

 

[SymoreButtz]

Last weekend my gf and I attended a swingers' night in rural Spokane. We'd signed up on FetLife and the only requirement was couples- not single men - attend together. Once we were inside we noticed a 10:1 ratio men to women. I didn't bring her there to be fucked. She wanted to leave but I insisted we stay and wait for more people to show. An older guy with mom-jeans walked right by me and struck up a conversation w my girlfriend. And he stood uncomfortably close, too. Another guy who looked like he lived with his mother joined Mr. Mom-jeans. I went to grab a beer since Kari seemed to be handling these guys okay. Upon my return I saw the mama's boy cupping Kari's breast. She was sort of smiling so I didn't intervene. Soon the other guy had his hand on her breast. Where the fuck were the other women? Kari gestured to me she wanted my beer. I handed it to her and went to get one for myself. A man struck up a conversation with me and we talked for awhile. His wife was with another guy and he wanted to meet my wife. I pointed him in that direction but noticed she and the two guys were gone. We both walked around until we spotted them on the back porch. My gf was topless and the boys were all hands. She was willingly kissing them so I decided to wait and see. Soon the guy I'd met had joined in. I had seen enough. I wanted to find his wife. No luck. An hour later I saw mama's boy at the bar talking to mom-jeans. They were obviously done but the married man was still busy with Kari. I waited ten more minutes and then decided to investigate. Both were in the same place talking. He was shirtless and she was completely naked on a chaise lounger. She didn't see me so I retreated to the bar to wait. The men were talking about their mutual conquest of my wife and I was half-tempted to drive off. A couple approached the bar just as Kari and married man came around the corner. He introduced Kari to his wife and both made small talk. Another man tried to make small talk with me but I wasn't having it. I told Kari I was ready to leave so we left. I didn't say much on the way home. It seemed at first she was dismayed by the ratio of men to women but it worked out well for her. I'd hoped to get laid but only got a buzz from cheap beer. What a fucking joke.

Not sure why you are soured of swingers. You and GF made the decision to go to a swingers party. You either did not do any research into this swingers clue or who was putting on this swinger party. And it don't sound like before deciding to go that you and your GF talked about ground rules as to what was and what was not ok for both of you to do while at this party.

But what it really sounds like to me is that you talked your GF into going to a swingers party, thinking that you would getting to have sex with your GF and other women. Yet you didn't want or expert your GF to have sex with any men. So when you get to the party and it doesn't turned out to be what you expected, instead of joining your GF and having a good time with her and whoever else she choose, You choose to sit back and be pissy becuase you couldn't handle that the GF was having sex with other men and was enjoying it. So you made her leave.

And somehow you blame the swingers or swinger club. I'm betting that you now have a new GF.

But in any case hopefully you learn a life lesson. Never get involved in something that you know nothing about until you understand what you are walking into. This can save you money, time, relationships, and life. That is why it's a good life lesson to learn early on.

 

[Ciceri]

Not sure why you are soured of swingers. You and GF made the decision to go to a swingers party. You either did not do any research into this swingers clue or who was putting on this swinger party. And it don't sound like before deciding to go that you and your GF talked about ground rules as to what was and what was not ok for both of you to do while at this party.

But what it really sounds like to me is that you talked your GF into going to a swingers party, thinking that you would getting to have sex with your GF and other women. Yet you didn't want or expert your GF to have sex with any men. So when you get to the party and it doesn't turned out to be what you expected, instead of joining your GF and having a good time with her and whoever else she choose, You choose to sit back and be pissy becuase you couldn't handle that the GF was having sex with other men and was enjoying it. So you made her leave.

And somehow you blame the swingers or swinger club. I'm betting that you now have a new GF.

But in any case hopefully you learn a life lesson. Never get involved in something that you know nothing about until you understand what you are walking into. This can save you money, time, relationships, and life. That is why it's a good life lesson to learn early on.

You are half right. I can’t blame the hosts. I had expectations and it turned out differently. I did not get laid but my gf did (and it’s exactly as she expected). I wasn’t really upset but just a little annoyed. She and i decided to try again over the weekend. A few of the same people were there but also a dozen or so I hadn’t seen before. Mostly guys. An older couple and I watched my gf having sex with another couple. I felt a little weird. The woman had her husband’s cock out and was jerking him. He looked very blue collar. She turned to me and asked, “Is she your girlfriend?” Before I could answer she patted my crotch. I let her jerk us off. Let me tell you.. very odd. But I was aroused and I came. My gf really enjoyed herself. It was like 85 degrees at sunset and humid. She said she was wet w arousal on our way IN

 

[Rockwell12]

Just curious. I'm in your area (east washington, north Idaho). Is there much of a swinger scene in that area? We are not swingers but are interested. Any advice? What apps or websites are popular in that area, etc. Thanks. (I tried to PM but it said I couldn't).

 

[svengali_decL]

Just casually reading around- if a RULE TO BE OBSERveD was NO Single MEn- exactly how did a 10:1 ratio exist?
THAT would have been my first and only question, with a request for a refund... or a law suit for misrepresentation !!??

 

[Tom_Brown]

My wife and I are right on the cusp of attending the first time swingers night at the local club. The club has an excellent reputation and a pretty strict no means now policy. (if someone says no, they mean it).

I don’t know who’s at fault here, but it seems some of the men at the club were extremely forward. I’m admittedly talking completely out of turn here, as I’ve never ever been to a swingers club before…

But at least how I would envision it is that people would strike up a conversation and try to show interest before being so forward. This gives me a lot of room for pause to see if we want to try to move forward with this.

(like a poster above, we would be there more to watch than to engage, and we have promised ourselves, if we do go, that nothing will happen the first night… just test the waters…)

“No means now policy”? I’m pretty sure that you meant “no means no policy”.
You can edit your statement, if that’s what you meant.

 

[magicalmoments]

This does not sound like a normal swingers club. They certainly were not keeping the couples rule.

They'd go broke of they stuck to the no single guys rule.

 

[phil1955]

They'd go broke of they stuck to the no single guys rule.

I have never been to a swingers club but from what I read, they tend to be mostly for couples with perhaps a special night for single men. I guess single women are always welcome.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I have never been to a swingers club but from what I read, they tend to be mostly for couples with perhaps a special night for single men. I guess single women are always welcome.

The clubs I've looked into limit the number of single guys on any particular evening. Also, some require that single guys must be introduced/brought into the club by a member couple before the single can become a member. (It depends on the local laws whether they can admit anyone who wants to join or if the "club" must be exclusive to prevent prostitution.)

As for the OP's bad experience (his wife having fun, and there not being enough other women for him), that may have to do with the desires of others. Some couples naively become swingers with the husband thinking he'll easily get laid at parties or clubs.

In reality, there are many couples trying to fulfill their own desires which they can't do with just their own spouse. Now, if you think about that, what wife wants to become a swinger and go to clubs or parties? Do you think she just wants to go there to find another husband to spend some time fucking? And if she does, what's she looking for in those others? What would she want to find at a club or party that she can't find at home with her husband? The answers would be: bigger or different cocks, more than one cock at the same time, the feeling of other men wanting her, and possibly the ability to explore sex with other women! You might go to a party and find the other wives pairing up, leaving a bunch of husbands looking at each other!

Some couples go to parties like that, and the husband or wife may be disappointed that no one is hitting on them.

So, if any married person is thinking of trying the world of swingers, you might be best advised to take a critical look at yourself and ask: "What do I bring to the bed to offer in attracting a "yes" from the ones I might want?" "Are my expectations just an unrealistic fantasy?" "And what if my spouse has more fun? Can I just enjoy watching them?"

I write stories and explore such questions in my stories. My latest is about a reluctant wife trying to fulfill her husband's fantasy, "Hot Wife-ing Gone Wrong" (A reluctant couple find it isn't for everyone.)

 

[Sappho_CGN]

I have to say that if my husband would not help me out if i want to go in such situation, I would be seriously pissed-off.

As others mentioned, it seems to be that your main problem was that you found no other women to fuck and finally your girlfriend had a good time (had she really?) and you not according to "Hey, I bring in my toy, now I want to play with yours, too!"

My husband and me visited one time a swingerclub. That what you found is called in Germany "Herrenüberschuss"-Party (men-surplus). We voluntary did NOT attend such an event. In our club we met only couples but they were not our cup of tea. We now rarely attend such clubs and when,we voluntary spend more money for a "classy" event.

 

[phil1955]

The clubs I've looked into limit the number of single guys on any particular evening. Also, some require that single guys must be introduced/brought into the club by a member couple before the single can become a member. (It depends on the local laws whether they can admit anyone who wants to join or if the "club" must be exclusive to prevent prostitution.)

As for the OP's bad experience (his wife having fun, and there not being enough other women for him), that may have to do with the desires of others. Some couples naively become swingers with the husband thinking he'll easily get laid at parties or clubs.

In reality, there are many couples trying to fulfill their own desires which they can't do with just their own spouse. Now, if you think about that, what wife wants to become a swinger and go to clubs or parties? Do you think she just wants to go there to find another husband to spend some time fucking? And if she does, what's she looking for in those others? What would she want to find at a club or party that she can't find at home with her husband? The answers would be: bigger or different cocks, more than one cock at the same time, the feeling of other men wanting her, and possibly the ability to explore sex with other women! You might go to a party and find the other wives pairing up, leaving a bunch of husbands looking at each other!

Some couples go to parties like that, and the husband or wife may be disappointed that no one is hitting on them.

So, if any married person is thinking of trying the world of swingers, you might be best advised to take a critical look at yourself and ask: "What do I bring to the bed to offer in attracting a "yes" from the ones I might want?" "Are my expectations just an unrealistic fantasy?" "And what if my spouse has more fun? Can I just enjoy watching them?"

I write stories and explore such questions in my stories. My latest is about a reluctant wife trying to fulfill her husband's fantasy, "Hot Wife-ing Gone Wrong" (A reluctant couple find it isn't for everyone.)

I think you are absolutely correct. It is probably pretty easy for a hot young couple but I think there is always a chance that the woman is going to be more popular and men need to understand that. As for what they want, I know my wife likes variety so for her it would be fun just to try some new men. For myself, I have had prostate surgery so I know I will not be in high demand or able to do much even if I were. Even at 65, my wife seems able to attract men that are interested in bedding her. I will check out your stories. Thanks for sharing.

 

[OddLove]

Even if there's a "Couples Only" rule, if they don't specify, two guys can just claim they're a couple. I wouldn't even waste time with events or clubs if that's the case. Maybe just hit up couples and go out on a couple double dates. If both partners ain't enthusiastic, assume one partners dragging their other partner into something they're not interested in, than go find a different couple. Repeat over and over, than maybe you find some real swinger couples who are into that stuff. Just my two cents on the matter.