Story Discussion 7/24/10 Under the Moonday Sun: The Lake

[Penelope Street]

... it feels too planned to be sexy. I keep imagining them with scripts, reading when it's their turn, trying to add a bit of eroticism into it.

I can see a couple playing a game like this saying things they'd never say otherwise, and that could sure sound scripted to a bystander, and maybe even be more amusing than arousing. I'd believe it if one of them said something particularly outlandish and then they both grinned and totally lost it. So I think the dialog in this scene can be stiff and silly, yet still be quite realistic.

The action on his part was totally subconscious.

I see I'm not expressing myself well and this has already taken several times the effort it's probably worth, but here goes again anyway: I'm not really interested in what the character experienced. What I'm really curious about is what you were thinking when you wrote it. Did you intentionally select a construct that would suggest his action was subconscious, or was it in a way subconscious for you too?

 

[D_K_Moon]

I see I'm not expressing myself well and this has already taken several times the effort it's probably worth, but here goes again anyway: I'm not really interested in what the character experienced. What I'm really curious about is what you were thinking when you wrote it. Did you intentionally select a construct that would suggest his action was subconscious, or was it in a way subconscious for you too?

I think it was a fairly conscious decision on trying to convey a subconscious act.

 

[Penelope Street]

I think it was a fairly conscious decision on trying to convey a subconscious act.

Interesting. Considering your comment about thinking too much, I expected just the opposite.

Thanks again for sharing your work with us. Even if it's not my proverbial cup of tea, I still think your work is a fine example of a "happy couple" erotic vignette.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[D_K_Moon]

Interesting. Considering your comment about thinking too much, I expected just the opposite.

Thanks again for sharing your work with us. Even if it's not my proverbial cup of tea, I still think your work is a fine example of a "happy couple" erotic vignette.

Take Care,
Penny

Well, I don't think I really thought too much, just tried to describe what he felt at that moment.

 

[D_K_Moon]

I would like to thank everyone who took part in the discussion, I appreciate the time you took to read, and to give your thoughts.