Story Discussion Boxlicker101 3-6-2005 Main Queue

[Pure]

Hi Angelic, (note to Box)

You said, //I'm still learning how to do a critique so please bear with me. Don't beat me unless you intend for it to be fun for both of us. //

Welcome
I think you did a fine critique, in the areas you chose.
Your posting was admirably clear.

Please note that your points are echoed in several other postings, which is fine, and lets you know you're not 'in left field.' Though that's OK also, if you explain your reasons.

Best,
pure,

NOTE to Box,
Thanks for improving the clarity. I'd prefer to see each para labeled, but your method will suffice.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey Box

Let me clarify a bit. I mean you could deliver a lot of your summary information, if you used an active flashback sequence.

Most of those thoughts and memories involved Bobby, her former husband of ten years, who had divorced her just a month ago. As befits a “good girl”, she had been a virgin when, at 18, she had married a man ten years older. Her virginity had come to an end on her wedding night, of course, and Bobby had been such an accomplished and considerate lover that it had ended in a series of explosions as Cindy Lou enjoyed four orgasms, each more satisfying than the one before. Even a “good girl” sometimes explores her clit with her fingers but the results of those explorations paled in comparison to what Bobby had done with his mouth and his cock.

In the darkened bus, she lay by herself on the back seat, covered with a blanket supplied by the bus company. As Cindy Lou remembered that first time with Bobby, she smiled, opened the waistband of her blue jeans and unzipped the fly to let her hand slip through the waistband of her nylon panties and fondle her clit, which had already become swollen with her desire. She had chosen to ride in the back seat of the bus so she would have more room to stretch out, either to sleep or for what she was just then starting to do. The somewhat greater swaying and bouncing in the back seat was an annoyance but one she was willing to endure.

Those four orgasms on her wedding night had been the first of many thousands she had shared with Bobby and, after the honeymoon, with other men because he was a swinger and expected his wife to join him. Reluctantly at first, Cindy Lou had gone along but after the first foursome, she was a willing, even eager companion. The second cock of her life had been just as nice as Bobby’s and had felt every bit as good in her mouth and her pussy. After that, she had lost count of the number of tongues and cocks that had pleasured her pussy, her mouth and even her ass.

You could take this block of summary info, re write it as a short active flashback. It would allow you to divulge all the information, as well as her thoughts & perceptions in the moment. You could use it to deliver description of her husband and some information on what he was like could be imparted. Most of all, it would provide a way to let the reader into her head early and let you build her post swinging moral/ethical state as well as showing how a night of orgsmal bliss changed those pervceptions. A side benefit would be adding an early sex scene teaser to keep the reader interested.

IMHO, active flashback is a much better way to go when you have a good deal of summary info to divulge. I know you can write short sex vingettes at will and within the frame work of a vingette of her wedding night you could give the information in a way that is less "canned" for lack of a better descritptive.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Just a quick follow-up on Colly's post.

The classic retort to the question of how to handle flashbacks is, don't. That's short and clever, but no help if your story virtually mandates using flashback.

The best advice I've ever read came from, among others, Sol Stein in his Stein on Writing. Get into flashbacks quickly (no long transition), treat them just like the rest of the story, then get out quickly and return to the story.

Past perfect (Lady Laymeby had learned all about Lord Windersmear last year) is commonly used to get into a flashback. The mistake is to keep using past tense. The next sentence is likely to be something along the lines of: She'd been amazed at the size of his engorged manhood. However, the writer could begin getting out of the past with: The size of his engorged manhoos was amazing. Then get out of past completely. Even erect, the Lord's mighty rod was no devine staff.

Flashbacks are a pain. Along with POV, they may be the two hardest parts of writing to master. IMHO, it's worth any writer's time to study technigues for handling them insteand of just trying to learn by trial and error.

Rumple

 

[Boxlicker101]

somehow, this was a double post.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Doc M says:
I know that Box prides himself on writing pure smut or stroke, stories with no redeeming features or literary pretensions whatsoever, but I also know that he’s better than he lets on. I haven’t read much of his work, just a few contest stories, and I remember one about a couple on a cruise ship that comprised a bunch of stories and was very nicely done, with well-drawn characters and realiztic dialogue and inventive situations. It was spicey and playful and fun.

I can’t say the same for this one. I think you’re selling everyone short here, Box. The story feels stiff, the sex wooden (and not in a good way), and your characters are mere cardboard cut-outs. I guess you could say that I’m coming down hard on what’s supposed to be nothing more than a stroke story, but I think that even as a stroker it’s weak. You can run from literary technique, but you can’t hide, and here it catches up with you.

Boxlicker101:
Hi, Doc. Thanks for your interest. Sometimes when I am writing, especially sex scenes, I will be on a sort of a roll and everything I put down is, when I look back at it, just what I want to say. Other times, I plod along and, when I look back at what I just wrote, I wonder why I bothered. This one was more of the last kind and. I edited a lot and, when I finally submitted it, I was aware that I had done better sex scenes. There are two, one of them with three parts, and I will be adding a third. The last one has been rewritten and I am satisfied with it. I am going along okay on the new scene and I still have to tackle the three part scene.

What was the name of the story you mentioned? I wrote “I Cruise with Anna” for the Valentine’s Day contest last year and it was well received although I didn’t win anything. It was a romance which, to me, means that all the sex is at the end, and the sex was pretty hot.
DocM:
n my opinion, starting a story with a flashback is a sure sign that you’ve started in the wrong place. A story should start with the action, and then once the story has started rolling and the reader’s interested, then you can feed him the background, if absolutely necessary. The only time you should dump the backstory in the reader’s lap like this is when it’s absolutely essential to understanding what’s going on, and that isn’t the case here. Here we start with a girl on a bus and immediately jump into a major flashback, and that’s bad.

I don’t know how important her background will be to this story as it goes on, but I’m going to guess not very. I think you’re writing a kind of “Cindy Lou’s New York Adventure”, a sexual odyssey, and so if that’s the case I really don’t think we need the details of her previous marriage and divorce. Just saying she was fleeing a childhood marriage that didn’t work out would do the trick and save us a lot of time. Maybe I’m wrong though.

BL:
I don’t really start with a flashback. In the first paragraph I say she is on the bus, and why she is there and describe her as alone with her memories. In the next paragraph (two in the revised edition) I describe some of those memories, as a child and of her wedding night, which was a watershed event in her life. The fourth paragraph is back on the bus and she starts to masturbate and in the fifth paragraph, her life as a swinger is at the foreground of her memories. She especially remembers the first time she was fucked in the ass and this memory is being built into the new sex scene. Otherwise, I will have almost 2,000 words, with references to sex, but nothing really juicy.

DocM:
I also don’t know whether the fact that she’s engaged in group sex before is vital to the story later on, but I would guess that if it is, it can be dealt with in a line or two when the time comes. And there’s no need to tell us she’s a wild and sexually active young woman when we can see her getting it on with a stranger in the backseat of a Grayhound. That says more about her than 500 words of exposition. Actions always speak louder than words in fiction.

I think the story would have been much more lively and engaging had we started out with the image of a good looking woman masturbating in the back of a dark Grayhound bus, a willing gentleman sneaking peeks back at her, not believing his eyes, wondering whether he dare go back there. That would hook us at the start, and we would learn a lot about her character from the way she made love. There’s time for the flashback later, if it’s absolutely essential.

As it is, we start out with the prosaic “Oh, when will this bus ever get to New York?” in order to establish the setting, followed by Cindy Lou’s life story, stuff we really don’t need to know at this point, if ever. The flashback was so long that, when we fnally rejoined Cindy outside the bus, I didn't know if we were still in flashback of a bit forward in time or what.

The sex. Big point here. This is supposed to be a stroke story, which means it lives and dies by the heat of the sex. I found the sex quite underwhelming and totally lacking in heat, and I’ll bet if this story’s not doing well, it's because a lot of readers feel the same way.

There are several reasons for the flatness of the sex. The first is language and imagery. Look at this paragraph:

Both Cindy Lou and the young man were immensely enjoying themselves. In less than a minute, he had become aware that this was by far the best pussy he had ever eaten. The pretty blonde, who was so willing, had a really nice figure and the most wonderful juices he had ever smelled or tasted. Besides her aroma and taste, her swollen pussy lips felt incredible on his tongue. Avidly but slowly he licked to the end of the inner lip and started sucking on her clit, which was so engorged it had crowded its way out from its protective hood. Even before his lips enveloped her clit, the woman had been thrashing around on the bus seat and her pussy was jamming into his face. Once he started sucking her sweetest of sweet spots, she was fucking against his mouth so hard that her ass was almost lifting off the seat and he was afraid that her moans of pleasure would wake the other passengers. He was more than willing to take that chance; the pussy he was eating was so amazing.

The first 3-4 lines especially are composed entirely of what I call subjective judgments. They don’t help the reader form a mental image of what’s happening. To say that they were “immensely enjoying themselves”, that this was “the best pussy he had ever eaten”, and that Cindy Lou was “pretty” and “had a really nice figure”, and that she felt "incredible" on his tongue does absolutely nothing to paint us a picture of what was really going on. We want to know how was she pretty? What were they doing to show us they were enjoying themselves? Apparently it was her taste that made him decide she was “best pussy he had ever eaten”. All right. Fair enough. That’s not my thing. I look for something more than taste, but hey, if he gets off on it, that’s his business. But in any case, I still don’t know what she tasted like or what it means for her to feel "incredible". It’s just not descriptive enough.

In my opinion, hot porn is graphic, sensual, and vivid. As I read this paragraph, there’s only one image that meets those criteria, and that’s her ass almost lifting off the seat. The rest is all tell and no show: her thrashing, lifting, fucking are all descriptive but they’re hardly vivid. It reminds me of the kind of porn where we keep hearing, “she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen”, “her tits were just perfect”, “she had a figure to die for”, and “I’d never felt anything so wonderful in my life.” Those kinds of subjective judgments might make the author think he’s saying something of import (after all, he knows what his idea of perfect tits are), but they mean nothing to a reader. They're lazy. The author doesn't tell us what things looked or felt like, he just tells us the felt good or incredible. Subjective judgments look descriptive but they’re not. They pack absolutely no erotic heat.

What I want to see is the look on her face, the way her clothes are rumpled, the way she grips the seat cushion as he fucks her. The way it’s told here, it sounds like the way you'd tell a dirty joke: This good looking girl with a really nice figure meets this guy on a bus and they really start enjoying themselves. He goes down on her and thinks how this is the best pussy he’s ever eaten and she’s thrashing around and fucking her hips at him… etc. etc. Those kind of stories may be dirty, but they’re never really arousing because they lack the detail that lets us see it in our minds. They lack concrete sensory detail.


There’s also a lot of belaboring the obvious in the sex, and a striking mismatch between whatthe characters are supposedly feeling and the language used to describe it. Example:

The man was glad that Cindy Lou was cumming because he couldn’t hold back any more. His climax would be, he knew, the best one too, but it would be the best of his life, and the sex that he was experiencing was the best he had ever had, or had ever heard of anybody ever having.

I’m not sure what the problem is here. Partially it’s the weakness of the language for describing that excruciatingly delicious moment before orgasm. To say he was “glad” just seems so weak. And then, to be at the moment of release and to be thinking to yourself “Hey! This sex I’m experiencing is the best I’ve ever had! In fact, this is the best sex I’ve ever heard of anyone having!” just sounds so wrong. It’s like I have an image of him at the moment of climax shouting, “This is the best sex I’ve ever had!”

Boxlicker101:
I will change the wording to something like: ..”relieved that the sexy blonde was cumming because he….sex with was the best of his life.” I will probably cut down some on the man’s POV.

DocM:
There are false notes like this throught the sex. For instance, I really don’t know if girls think to themselves that they hope their next orgasm is better than the first, but I kind of doubt it. It makes it sound as if she’s wondering whether it will rain tomorrow. I also doubt that guys stop and tell themselves, “I know what would really feel good to her at this point.” People involved in hot sex are usually to busy feeling things to be planning their next move, or so it would seem to me. The sex in here is strangely objectified and detached, and I have to think that you’re aware of that too.

But I think you’ve got a bigger problem than language and imagery, and that’s Cindy Lou’s character, or rather lack of it, because she has none. Despite all that flashback, we still don’t know what she’s like, and in the end it turns out that she’s another one of those Literotica stock characters who just walks around and fucks anything that moves without rhyme or reason or a thought inher head. I’m not saying she has to be Emma Bovary, but in my opinion porn is about what happens to people, not just what happens to their organs. I don’t think the problem you face is so much an inability to describe a woman’s experience of sex as it is making Cindy Lou seem like a human being we can understand and empathize with in the first place.

I was also surprised that there was so little attention given to the setting in this piece. I mean, fucking on a bus with all these passengers sleeping around you as you speed down a dark highway should be very erotic, but you simply ignore it here. There was some mention of the bus rocking, but what were all those other passengers doing while Cindy Lou was getting it on? Maybe they were sleeping or something, but there’s not a single mention of them. There’s no feeling of secrecy or fear of discovery, no crowding and pushing to get her to fit on the back seat, no biting her hand to keep from groaning out loud, nothing like that. It’s like you just told us she was on a bus and then forgot about it. You let all that erotic potential just go to waste.

If this is going to be a regular story with some literary pretensions, then you need some character and conflict in there. It doesn’t have any. If it’s just going to be a stroker, then you need some blistering sex, and I’m afraid it doesn’t have that either. I think that’s why it’s gotten such a cool reception.

---dr.M.

BL:
Thanks,Doc. I’m inclined to believe you’re right about the sex. I am going to have to punch it up a lot, especially the pussy-eating. I will try to concentrate on her POV. Basically, what I am going for is a stroke story with a well-developed character. This is what the flashbacks are for, and I will be expanding on them. The revised story will be about 50% longer than the original.
__________________

 

[Boxlicker101]

RESPONSE TO A POSTING BY RUMPLEFORESKIN:



Rumps, quoting a post by DocMabeuse:
glad that Cindy Lou was cumming because he couldn’t hold back any more. His climax would be, he knew, the best one too, but it would be the best of his life, and the sex that he was experiencing was the best he had ever had, or had ever heard of anybody ever having.

I’m not sure what the problem is here. Partially it’s the weakness of the language for describing that excruciatingly delicious moment before orgasm. To say he was “glad” just seems so weak. And then, to be at the moment of release and to be thinking to yourself “Hey! This sex I’m experiencing is the best I’ve ever had! In fact, this is the best sex I’ve ever heard of anyone having!” just sounds so wrong. It’s like I have an image of him at the moment of climax shouting, “This is the best sex I’ve ever had!”

Doc, Box, and others,

I've seen many others do this same thing and I keep trying to find a term for the problem. It's like the writer has put an extra level between the reader and the action. There's bound to be a term for it, there's one for just about everything in writing.

This is a huge WAG (wild ass guess) but term aside, part of the problem may be the narrative being third person past tense. There are a lot of "past tense" sounding words in that paragraph. I did a quick count and came up with the following numbers:

WAS = 4
WOULD = 2
HAD = 3
EVER = 3

Boxlicker:
Well, duh, the story is being written in past tense so you have to expect that some verbs will be in the past tense. I think I see what you mean, though, and I have made some changes. Ideally, the story will be told closely from Cindy Lou’s POV.

Rumps:
This is something else I just noticed. The story is supposed to be limited third person, with this scene in the man's POV. However, the narrator continues to refer to her as Cindy Lou, even though I don't believe they've been formerly introduced, instead of something sweet and endearing like "this hot piece of ass." IMHO, that gives the impression an omniscient narrator is telling us what the man is feeling and thinking which automatically adds distance and lowers the erotic temperature.

Boxlicker:
That was a slipup on my part and will be corrected.

More from Rumps:

Just a quick follow-up on Colly's post.

The classic retort to the question of how to handle flashbacks is, don't. That's short and clever, but no help if your story virtually mandates using flashback.

The best advice I've ever read came from, among others, Sol Stein in his Stein on Writing. Get into flashbacks quickly (no long transition), treat them just like the rest of the story, then get out quickly and return to the story.

Past perfect Lady Laymeby had learned all about Lord Windersmear last year is commonly used to get into a flashback. The mistake is to keep using past tense. The next sentence is likely to be something along the lines of: She'd been amazed at the size of his engorged manhood. However, the writer could begin getting out of the past with: The size of his engorged manhoos was amazing. Then get out of past completely. Even erect, the Lord's mighty rod was no devine staff.

Flashbacks are a pain. Along with POV, they may be the two hardest parts of writing to master. IMHO, it's worth any writer's time to study technigues for handling them insteand of just trying to learn by trial and error.

Rumple

Boxlicker101:
I hope this works out because I have a lot of story told with flashback. The continued use of the past perfect tense bothers me because of repeating “had” before every verb.

 

[Pure]

It's a bit unclear, but I think Rumple said,

//The mistake is to keep using past tense. The next sentence is likely to be something along the lines of: She'd been amazed at the size of his engorged manhood. However, the writer could begin getting out of the past with: The size of his engorged manhoos was amazing. Then get out of past completely. Even erect, the Lord's mighty rod was no divine staff. //


I believe he means get out of the *past perfect* completely, after one sentence of it. All his examples, above, show the simple past being taken up.

BOX: I believe some of your bolding directions( notations) got lost. Happens to me also. Please fix. Please use bold for only one person's statements.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

It's a bit unclear, but I think Rumple said,

//However, the writer could begin getting out of the past with: The size of his engorged manhoos was amazing. Then get out of past completely. Even erect, the Lord's mighty rod was no devine staff. //

I believe he means get out of the *past perfect* completely. All his examples, as above, show the simple past being taken up.

I'm glad someone can explain what I mean. I was confusing me.

Rumple

 

[Boxlicker101]

It's a bit unclear, but I think Rumple said,

//The mistake is to keep using past tense. The next sentence is likely to be something along the lines of: She'd been amazed at the size of his engorged manhood. However, the writer could begin getting out of the past with: The size of his engorged manhoos was amazing. Then get out of past completely. Even erect, the Lord's mighty rod was no divine staff. //


I believe he means get out of the *past perfect* completely, after one sentence of it. All his examples, above, show the simple past being taken up.

BOX: I believe some of your bolding directions( notations) got lost. Happens to me also. Please fix. Please use bold for only one person's statements.

Since Rumps used Bold for part of his comments, I used Italics for mine. Sometimes they don't seem to work out correctly.

I hope he means "get out of past perfect." Getting out of past would mean getting into present and that, ecxept under certain circumstances, would never fly.

 

[Black Tulip]

Hi Box,

Usually I read and post my comments before reading what everybody else has said. As I kind of missed your story there is so much now, that I read most of them before giving my two cents.

You've had lots of advice but what I've been missing so far is a comment on the use of the senses. No matter if you are writing from a male or a female perspective, you can incorporate what your person sees, smells, tastes, feels and hears. Nearly all of that is missing in your story. Only near the end when she notices the smell of the driver. But not a word about the sensations in her body.
You know what it feels like when somebody touches you in an arousing way.
You know the trigger spots on a female body.
Just connect the dots.

I'm not above reading stroke and like AngelicMinx I want to be able to identify with the female of the story. So there has to be some description of the males in this episode. Not much, but some.

As for the character of Cindy Lou you have to make a choice. If she is a swinger and a slut, she doesn't care if the man thinks she's a slut for carrying condoms. If she is a more innocent girl, you'd better revise the whole story. Not that I think you should by the way.

I stumbled a bit over your use of capitals for black and white. Could be a European thing, but it struck me as odd.

All in all I think you have a good starting point for a series about Cindy Lou doing New York and I expect you to make it your usual enjoyable smut.

Having said all that, feel free to ignore any and all. It's no more than just one person's opinion.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Comments from Angelminx:
I'm still learning how to do a critique so please bear with me. Don't beat me unless you intend for it to be fun for both of us.

For me this story was difficult to read. It didn't flow smoothly and felt quite clinical. Gave me the feeling of "Cindy Lou fucked, came, had fun, the end." Quite honestly, if it weren't for it being on SDC, I would not have read past the second paragraph.

On a positive note it is a decent storyline that just needs to be developed.
I would like to see further details. Capture the emotions, the sensations, and the reactions. I want to be Cindy Lou.

Boxlicker101:
That is my wish and intention also. I believe the flashback has to stay but I will try to make it more more interesting. I will be adding a major sex scene in the flashback.


AM:
The notes that I took as I read are as follows:

I love these 2 phrases: "enjoyed a screaming, fist-pounding orgasm" and "tongue laved her clit"

"Four hours later, while making a meal stop, Cindy Lou had covertly looked over the male passengers. They were all aware of her blonde good looks" how do we know this...?

BL:
The omniscience of the third party view. Besides that, men would ALWAYS notice somebody as good-looking as Cindy Lou.

AM:
"especially because the alternative was a threat to tell everybody in town all about their lifestyle"
"Members of her family, who had heard rumors about that lifestyle" conflicting thoughts, if there are already rumors what is she worried about? also, sounds like an empty threat on his part. he's marrying the daughter of the richest man in town, he wouldn't want his proclivities known.

BL:
The rumors were unconfirmed but if the divorce were to be contested, they would be confirmed. Nobody in the family, including Cindy Lou, wanted this to happen. Bobby didn’t either and his threat may have been a bluff but the family of Cindy Lou didn’t want to take the chance. That’s why the family also wants Cindy Lou to leave town, so the rumors will hopefully die down.

AM:
"Until then she had been lying back with her eyes closed, but they suddenly popped open" why did they suddenly pop open?

"In less than a minute, he had become aware that this was by far the best pussy he had ever eaten." huh? better to state that it WAS the best... not that he became aware of it, he would know immediately IMO

"the most wonderful juices he had ever smelled or tasted. Besides her aroma and taste, her swollen pussy lips felt incredible on his tongue." not necessary to say "besides her aroma and taste".

"His head was a captive anyhow and he couldn't have gone anywhere." pointless sentence, IMO

"She wouldn't have wanted the young man, who was still a stranger, to think she was such a slut that she carried contraceptives around in her pocket" Kind of struck me as funny... she's fucking someone she doesn't know and is worried he might think she's a slut for carrying condoms?

BL:
I was going for irony here. I will be changing the wording and will be tying up loose ends.

AM:
"The man was glad that Cindy Lou was cumming because he couldn't hold back any more." when did he learn her name?

"When boarding in Birmingham, she had noticed he was a tall, young African American but had thought nothing of that." if she thinks nothing of it, IMO it's better to include this detail another way. maybe "The interior lights had been turned on and when she looked up, she saw an african american man in a bus driver's uniform."

"...any Black persons..." "...had been White and some had been Black..." questioning your use of capitals. for me it created an unnecessary emphasis that some might find offensive.

BL:
The use of her name was inadvertant and will be changed. I may have been being excessively PC. These will be lower case in the revision. I do want to include the blackness of the bus driver for reference in future stories and to show that Cindy Lou has no inhibitions.

AM:
"The bus driver was very pleasantly surprised that the pretty young blonde was sucking him off with so much skill and that she seemed to be enjoying it so much." why is he surprised? he just watched her fuck a stranger in public.

BL:
He is surprised at her skill and enthusiasm. He expected her to be willing, concerning the alternative, which is why he was opening his pants while threatening her.

AM:
end of notes, on to comments...

Cindy Lou is suppose to be 28, but the feeling I got through to the end was that of a much younger "girl". Sounds strange, but there is almost and innocence about her that wouldn't be there considering her experience as a swinger. Maybe this is intentional, I don't know.

Difficulty with the believability of the dialogue throughout.

I enjoy a good stroke story and, quite frankly, this did nothing for me. I know I probably didn't help much, but I hope that I didn't irritate you. You are a very good writer, I have read some of your other pieces, but this one just didn't live up to my expectations. I can't wait to read what the others have said and see what changes you make. I am very interested in this story, I want to make that clear.

BL:
I want to show her as unjaded, young at heart and open to new experiences. As I mentioned to Doc M. in my previous post, I will need to refresh the dialogue and punch up the sex scenes. The POV should be mostly hers and I will almost eliminate that of the men.
Thanks for the compliment. I am always glad to hear peoples’ opinions and I am willing to make changes for the better. I should be done with this within a week.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Response to a post by Colleen Thomas:

Hey Box

Let me clarify a bit. I mean you could deliver a lot of your summary information, if you used an active flashback sequence.

Most of those thoughts and memories involved Bobby, her former husband of ten years, who had divorced her just a month ago. As befits a “good girl”, she had been a virgin when, at 18, she had married a man ten years older. Her virginity had come to an end on her wedding night, of course, and Bobby had been such an accomplished and considerate lover that it had ended in a series of explosions as Cindy Lou enjoyed four orgasms, each more satisfying than the one before. Even a “good girl” sometimes explores her clit with her fingers but the results of those explorations paled in comparison to what Bobby had done with his mouth and his cock.

In the darkened bus, she lay by herself on the back seat, covered with a blanket supplied by the bus company. As Cindy Lou remembered that first time with Bobby, she smiled, opened the waistband of her blue jeans and unzipped the fly to let her hand slip through the waistband of her nylon panties and fondle her clit, which had already become swollen with her desire. She had chosen to ride in the back seat of the bus so she would have more room to stretch out, either to sleep or for what she was just then starting to do. The somewhat greater swaying and bouncing in the back seat was an annoyance but one she was willing to endure.

Those four orgasms on her wedding night had been the first of many thousands she had shared with Bobby and, after the honeymoon, with other men because he was a swinger and expected his wife to join him. Reluctantly at first, Cindy Lou had gone along but after the first foursome, she was a willing, even eager companion. The second cock of her life had been just as nice as Bobby’s and had felt every bit as good in her mouth and her pussy. After that, she had lost count of the number of tongues and cocks that had pleasured her pussy, her mouth and even her ass.

You could take this block of summary info, re write it as a short active flashback. It would allow you to divulge all the information, as well as her thoughts & perceptions in the moment. You could use it to deliver description of her husband and some information on what he was like could be imparted. Most of all, it would provide a way to let the reader into her head early and let you build her post swinging moral/ethical state as well as showing how a night of orgsmal bliss changed those pervceptions. A side benefit would be adding an early sex scene teaser to keep the reader interested.

IMHO, active flashback is a much better way to go when you have a good deal of summary info to divulge. I know you can write short sex vingettes at will and within the frame work of a vingette of her wedding night you could give the information in a way that is less "canned" for lack of a better descritptive.
__________________


Boxlicker101:
Hi again, Colly. Thanks again for your continuing interest. This is actually four flashback segments with returns to the bus in between. I will try to make that clearer in the revised story and I will expand on them to provide more info. The third segment will be a sex scene describing Cindy Lou’s first anal experience. I think I need a sex scene fairly early in the store and this seems to be the best place. The flashback of the wedding night, which would include other details of her early life, would need so many details it would be a story in itself. If I were writing a short novel, I would make a whole chapter out of the wedding night, and if I ever expand this into a longer story, I will. In the revision, I will expand some on that night and on her first swinging experience but I won't make them complete sex scenes.

When I finish, hopefully by next weekend, I will resubmit the edited version, along with a change in category to E/C. Do you think it would be a good idea to also post the revised story on this thread? It will probably be about 8,000 words.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Response to post by Black Tulip:


Black Tulip:
Hi Box,

Usually I read and post my comments before reading what everybody else has said. As I kind of missed your story there is so much now, that I read most of them before giving my two cents.

You've had lots of advice but what I've been missing so far is a comment on the use of the senses. No matter if you are writing from a male or a female perspective, you can incorporate what your person sees, smells, tastes, feels and hears. Nearly all of that is missing in your story. Only near the end when she notices the smell of the driver. But not a word about the sensations in her body.
You know what it feels like when somebody touches you in an arousing way.
You know the trigger spots on a female body.
Just connect the dots.

Boxlicker101:
Hi, BT. Thanks for your interest. Most of my stories that are written in the first person involve the narrator eating at least one pussy and they include descriptions of how he enjoys the sight, smell, taste, feel and sound of what he is doing. In this story there isn’t a lot of room for that. I will describe Bobby as a handsome businessman but not describe him any further than that. I want to make it clear that Cindy Lou is attracted to handsome men but not run it into the ground. Her first swinger experience was with a business friend of Bobby’s but I have no description of him except that his cock was as round and hard as Bobby’s and his semen tasted as good.

Her first anal experience was a tall, handsome man named Ben. Since this will be built into a detailed scene, I might add some more description of him. The first man on the bus was a handsome young southern and Cindy Lou will like the smell of his cologne. I may add to this description but not much. The bus driver is a tall, young African American and Cindy Lou is quite taken by the way he smells and the taste of his semen and the way his cock feels in her mouth. I also want to expand on the feelings she has when her pussy is being eaten and she is fucking.

Black Tulip:
I'm not above reading stroke and like AngelicMinx I want to be able to identify with the female of the story. So there has to be some description of the males in this episode. Not much, but some.

As for the character of Cindy Lou you have to make a choice. If she is a swinger and a slut, she doesn't care if the man thinks she's a slut for carrying condoms. If she is a more innocent girl, you'd better revise the whole story. Not that I think you should by the way.

I stumbled a bit over your use of capitals for black and white. Could be a European thing, but it struck me as odd.


Boxlicker101:
Cindy Lou is a swinger who is horny and really enjoys sex. However, she is also a lady who cares what people think of her and her family. That last fact has a lot to do with the decision to move to New York. The first word in the story was an epithet but it wasn’t “Shit” or “Piss” or even “Damn” because those would not be ladylike things to say. I included it as a bit of irony when I made her concerned that the young man might think of her as a slut, but her family’s concern for her reputation and theirs is an important part of the story.

When I capitalized “black” and “white” I was being excessively PC, As a noun, those two words would be capitalized although I never use them as nouns. As adjectives, I will use the lower case. Some persons would say they should be capitalized as denoting ethnicity, as would adjectives like Dutch, Irish, Chinese, French, Arab, etc. but I am not one of those persons.

Black Tulip:
All in all I think you have a good starting point for a series about Cindy Lou doing New York and I expect you to make it your usual enjoyable smut.

Having said all that, feel free to ignore any and all. It's no more than just one person's opinion.

Boxlicker
I’m glad you enjoy my smut. I enjoy writing it. I won’t ignore anybody’s suggestions. Ten persons have provided critiques and I will incorporate in the revised version, something from every one of them, including what you said about Cindy Lou’s senses.


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[Pure]

Box,
As to the revised story, I think it's desirable to leave the original intact, in this thread, so that comments make sense. Perhaps the revised version could be posted additionally in this same thread. Assuming you submit the revised version to lit, maybe at some point, just the url of the revised story would suffice.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Box,
As to the revised story, I think it's desirable to leave the original intact, in this thread, so that comments make sense. Perhaps the revised version could be posted additionally in this same thread. Assuming you submit the revised version to lit, maybe at some point, just the url of the revised story would suffice.

Hi, Pure. I will submit the revised story to Lit., probably this weekend but, it has been my experience that it takes about two weeks to post when a revised story is submitted. What I might do is post the story here when I submit it and delete it and post a link when it is available.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hi, Everybody.
I have finished the last draft of the revised story before the final edit. I believe I took some advice from everybody that offered it. I will do the final edit tomorrow and submit the revised story in the E/C category. I will also post it here so anybody who wants to can read the final version. The story has increased by over 2,000 words, an increase of almost 40%. The reference to her first anal expereince has been expanded into a complete sex scene. I explained why Cindy Lou's parents had kept her away from men for the month her divorce was in progress and fleshed out her background a little more. She still comes off, I hope, as a fun-loving young woman who knows what she likes.

Thanks, everyvody, for your help.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Cindy Lou Moves to New York

The horny divorcee finds pleasure on the bus to the big city.

“Darn,” Cindy Lou said to herself. “This bus is taking forever to get to New York.” She had known that the trip from Birmingham would be a long one but feared flying too much to take an airplane and preferred the greater room and privacy the bus seats would provide. A train would have taken almost as long and would have been less comfortable because in the bus, she could snuggle into the cocoon of a seat and lose herself in her thoughts and memories of the life she was leaving behind.

The first of those memories included Bobby, her ex-husband of ten years, who had just divorced her. As a girl, Cindy Lou had been regarded by her parents and her large extended family as a “good girl,” meaning she did what she was told, just said “No” to drugs of any kind and avoided short skirts, loud music and other things her conservative relatives frowned on. Of course, as befits a “good girl”, she was a virgin when, at 18 and just graduated from high school, she married a handsome businessman ten years her senior.

Her virginity came to an end on her wedding night and Bobby was such an accomplished and considerate lover that it ended in a series of explosions as Cindy Lou enjoyed four orgasms, each more satisfying than the one before. Even a “good girl” can sometimes explore her pussy with her fingers but the results of those explorations paled in comparison to what Bobby did that night with his mouth and his cock. Whatever his failings, and however negative some of her feelings about him might be now, she would always have to admit he was an outstanding lover.

But now, in the darkened bus, she lay by herself on the back seat, covered with a blanket supplied by the bus company. As Cindy Lou remembered that night with Bobby, she smiled at the drastic change in her life it started. Reaching under the blanket, she unbuttoned her blue jeans and unzipped the fly to let her hand slip through the waistband of her panties and fondle her clit, which was swollen from the desires her thoughts were evoking. She had chosen to ride in the back seat of the bus so she would have more room to stretch out, either to sleep or for what she was just then starting to do. The somewhat rougher ride and swaying of the bus was an annoyance but one she was willing to endure.

The four orgasms on her wedding night had been the first of many thousands she had shared with Bobby and, after the honeymoon, with other men because he was a swinger and insisted his wife join him, newlywed and recently deflowered virgin or not. Reluctant at first, but obedient, Cindy Lou did so but after the first foursome, she was a willing, even eager companion. The second cock of her young life belonged to a business friend of her husband’s and was just as long and thick and hard as Bobby’s and gave her every bit as much of a thrill in her mouth and her pussy. His semen tasted as good too. She had such a great time that evening that she was eager to join the fun at every swinging party she could and, with her blonde good looks, plumply sexy figure and lack of inhibitions, she and Bobby were always welcome. Cindy Lou quickly lost count of the number of times men drove her to ecstatic orgasms as their cocks and their tongues pleasured her pussy, her mouth and even her ass.

She smiled even more and her fingers became more active on her pussy, wet by then from her own lubrication, as she remembered the first cock in her ass.

She remembered how, a little tipsy with wine, she had been lying on a mattress right after a somewhat disappointing coupling and wanting something better. A tall, good-looking man named Ben approached and Cindy Lou invited him to join her. He answered her invitation with alacrity but, even though her pussy was wet and ready, Ben was more enamored of her round, sexy ass and wanted to fuck her there. Never one to say “No” or to pass up a new experience, Cindy Lou got onto her hands and knees. Following his further instructions, she piled some pillows under herself and reached her hands back to spread her ass cheeks.

His fingers applying lubricant around and inside her virginal ass sent thrills through her body but they were nothing compared to what immediately followed. While she held her cheeks apart, Ben used his fingers to open the hole he wanted to fuck and placed the tip of his cock at the small orifice. With a firm push, he wedged the head into that opening, sending a great current of pleasure coursing through Cindy Lou’s body. In just the first second there was a very small amount of dull pain from the first stretching but that immediately evolved into pleasure, which grew in magnitude as Ben continued to enlarge the small opening and drive more and more deeply into her ass with every thrust of his cock.

“Does that hurt?” he asked when he heard her moaning.

“No. No, it feels wonderful. I’ve never felt anything like it, but I love it. Keep going.”

He was more than happy to keep going but once he became aware of Cindy Lou’s lack of experience, Ben was gentler and stroked into her more slowly so she could become accustomed to it and to increase her pleasure. He succeeded admirably and by the time the entire length of his cock was buried in her ass, his dark pubic hair tickling the creamy skin of her buttocks, her body was writhing in front of him and fucking back to meet every thrust.

As Ben’s cock plunged over and over into Cindy Lou’s ass, her pleasure mounted, reaching heights she had never before achieved. Her whole body thrashed on the mattress and her loud moans let everybody at the party know what ecstasy she was in from the cock plowing in and out of her ass. Another man, and Cindy Lou never did see his face or know who he was, crawled under her and started to eat her pussy, flooding her body with pleasure from two sources.

The two men brought Cindy Lou to a screaming, fist-pounding orgasm as Ben rammed his cock all the way in and out of her no-longer virginal ass while the other man’s tongue laved her clit. After that, she was ready for anything and especially enjoyed being sandwiched between two men, cumming repeatedly as their cocks pistoned into her ass and pussy. If the sex party was a large one, with enough guys available, Cindy Lou liked to suck off a third man while getting those two holes pleasured.

But that happened years ago and now Cindy Lou lay on the bus seat, remembering that first fabulous orgasm from Ben and the other man. All the fingers of her right hand were active on her pussy, the longest one thrusting in and out of where she wished there were a big, hard cock. It felt good but it wasn’t enough.

After ten years, those days had come to an abrupt end. Bobby, seeing a golden business opportunity, demanded a divorce so that he could marry Charity Higgins, the spinster daughter of the richest man in the small Alabama town where they lived. Cindy Lou was fond of her husband and enjoyed their life together, not just the sexual part but all of it, and didn’t want to break up. She told Bobby she was having too much fun to want a divorce. However, his offer of a big cash settlement and regular alimony, paid mostly by his father-in-law to be, changed her mind. He told her the alternative would be going through with the divorce, with the likelihood that everybody in town would learn all about their lifestyle. Bowing to pressure from her family, Cindy Lou did not contest the quickie divorce. While going through the formalities of the divorce, she lived with her parents, who established strict house rules for her.

Once the proceedings reached the point where it was just a matter of time before the divorce became effective, her parents and other members of her family started trying to persuade Cindy Lou to leave town. They had long ago heard rumors about the lifestyle she and Bobby had been leading and wanted to avoid any more embarrassment. A job was arranged in New York City in the office of a company owned by a distant relative. She would be doing work similar to what she did in her home town and her salary, combined with her alimony payments, was expected be enough to allow her to live comfortably. She would stay with the relative and his family until she could make her own living arrangements.

Cindy Lou didn’t want to leave town. She had lived there all her life and all her family was there. It would mean missing her high school reunion for the first time and she enjoyed her job and the people at work. She also had a circle of friends, some of them women she had known for twenty years or more. “Why can’t I just stay here and start over?” she asked.

Asking for neither confirmation nor denial, older members of her family described the rumors they had been hearing, and pointed out that the gossip would continue as long as she stayed in town. Because of the divorce, her straight-laced boss would probably fire her, especially if he heard those same rumors. Most of her classmates no longer attended the reunions and she hadn’t seen some of her friends in over a year. Besides that, most of those so-called friends, because of her divorce, good looks and reputation, would dump her in a minute, fearing for the sanctity of their own marriages. Mainly though, as her parents emphasized, her reputation would reflect badly on the whole family if she continued to live in the same town as they did but if she moved far away, the gossip would eventually die down.

Cindy Lou had to admit that her parents were at least partly right. She had noticed considerable cooling in some of her friendships and her coworkers seemed to be shunning her lately too. The reputation of her parents was also a strong consideration; she was concerned with what people thought about them and her. Another big factor, one that she didn’t share with anybody, was that there would be millions of men in New York, and she was sure that many of them would be interested in some hot sex with a pretty, unattached blonde from The South. She gave in and agreed to leave.

For over a month, during the divorce proceedings, her family had kept a close watch on her and insisted she adhere to the early curfew they established. They didn’t want to add to the rumors already circulating. If she expected to stay in their house, she would have to obey their rules. Having nowhere else to live until after the divorce, Cindy Lou reluctantly agreed. Her parents’ stringent rules, which they vigilantly enforced, kept her away from men, meaning that neither her pussy, nor her ass nor her mouth had experienced a tongue or a cock for that long and these pleasures were sorely missed.

In reversion to her days as a virgin, she used her fingers but, even supported by one or two dildos, they were a poor substitute for what men could have done. Even on those occasions when she was able to cum, she couldn’t help knowing how much better it would have been with a man or men instead of her fingers and some plastic cocks. When I get to New York,” she quietly vowed to herself once the decision was made, “the first thing I’m going to do is suck someone off and get my ass and my pussy good and thoroughly fucked.”

She packed two large suitcases, which would go in the bus’s cargo hold, and a trunk that would be shipped after she had gotten settled. After a suitable sendoff, with well-wishing by her relatives, an uncle drove her to the Birmingham bus station where she boarded the bus to New York, carrying a small bag with her makeup and a clean bra and panties.

Four hours later, while making a meal stop, Cindy Lou had covertly looked over the limited number of male passengers. Being men, they were aware of the attractive young blonde with the peaches-and-cream complexion even though, for comfort on the trip, she was wearing a bulky jacket and loose fitting jeans, effectively concealing her figure. At least three of them, she thought, would make reasonably welcome sex partners, one at a time or all at once. One man in particular, a young southerner was quite handsome and she liked the smell of his cologne. Except for those three, the male passengers were too old or unattractive or both. She briefly thought of inviting the young man or one of the other two to join her on the back seat but never seriously considered it. It would not be worth the risk; she had already waited a long time and she could wait a few more hours. It would be better to wait until she reached New York and got settled in a little.

But that was still in the future and all she had just then was her hand and it was not even close to being enough, especially since, because of hurried packing, her dildos were in one of the suitcases and unavailable. Cindy Lou’s entire right hand was wet with her juices by that time, with two fingers going in and out of her pussy, trying unsuccessfully to replace a cock while her thumb was massaging her clit. It felt good, but she knew she would not cum from it.

Until then she had been lying back with her eyes closed, but suddenly she had the clear sensation of being watched. Her eyes opened and she was aware that a man, just across the aisle and only few feet away was staring at her. The blanket had slipped to the floor and, by the small light on the corner of the seat in front of her, he could see the wide open front of her blue jeans and her hand moving frantically under her panties.

Before embarrassment could overcome Cindy Lou, the man spoke. “It seems a shame that a pretty girl like you should have to play with herself. I’d love to eat your pussy and we’d both have a lot more fun.”

Although taken by surprise, she knew immediately what she wanted to do. There weren’t many other passengers on the bus and they all seemed to be asleep. The man who had been watching her was the young southerner she had earlier placed at the top of the list of potential sex partners and the provocative aroma of his cologne still lingered. Besides that, he was 100% right. Her fingers weren’t getting the job done and his mouth and, hopefully, his cock could.

Without speaking, the horny young woman rose up slightly from her seat to pull her jeans down and around her ass. She pushed the pants down her legs and lifted her feet to remove them and her sneakers and leave them on the floor. She rose up again and her panties made the same journey and ended in the same heap. Naked below the waist except for her socks, Cindy Lou leaned back with her legs raised and spread, hoping the man would live up to his offer and even do a lot more.

Seconds later, the young southerner was kneeling on her pile of clothing with his face buried right where Cindy Lou wanted it while her legs were draped his shoulders. The first sensation she had was the soft lapping noise and the feel of his tongue sluicing up the juices that had trickled from her pussy down her legs. The soft, sensitive skin of her upper thighs reveled in the feel of a man’s tongue after the long wait, and it got even better when he started licking below and beside her pussy. Back and forth and left and right on her bare ass she rocked, with her head tossing from side to side on the back of the seat. Cindy Lou moaned in pleasure and her hands were clenching and opening as the young man slowly licked his way up one of her engorged pussy lips. Several times she had tried stroking herself there with fingertips dipped in baby oil but nothing felt as good as a real tongue slowly and wetly working its way along that very sensitive place.

The young man was immensely enjoying himself too. As soon as he started, he knew that this was the hottest pussy he had ever known. The pretty blonde, who was so willing, had a sexy ass and legs, with soft, creamy skin and her plentiful juices were the most delicious he had ever smelled or tasted. Besides her juices, the spongy texture of the woman’s swollen pussy lips was better than anything his tongue had known.

However much fun the young man was having, Cindy Lou was having more as she felt him slowly licking her inner lips. “Oh, my God, how I’ve missed this!” she told herself. She had missed having a man’s tongue caress her pussy and the feel of his breath on her wetness. Pleasure poured from wherever his mouth roamed, cascading throughout her entire body and bringing her closer to what she knew would be her best orgasm in over a month. She was writhing on the seat and moaning in pleasure while her pussy unashamedly fucked into the man’s face.

“My God, that’s good,” she whispered. “Now suck my clit. I wanna cum.”

Cindy Lou felt the man’s fingers peeling her protective hood out of the way and his tongue lightly stroking her swollen clit. “Ooooh. Ooooh,” she whimpered. “Right there. That’s it!”

For almost a minute his tongue swirled around on her sweetest spot of all, sending waves of pleasure crashing through her body, while her pussy fucked even stronger into the man’s face. For just a second his tongue was withdrawn before her clit was engulfed by a pair of lips that clamped on to its engorged base. The pleasuring tongue resumed caressing the swollen sides and top of her clit while the man sucked gently. Cindy Lou fucked against his face so hard that her ass was almost jumping off the seat.

“Yes! Yes!” she whispered. “Suck my clit!”

After less than a minute of what she had been yearning for, Cindy Lou started cumming. Her arms flailed against the seat and her legs squeezed the man’s head, keeping his face tightly against her pussy. From side to side and back and forth she rocked on her seat, yanking his head around while his mouth continued sucking and licking her clit. Cindy Lou thoroughly enjoyed every second of her cumming until she climaxed, her first truly pleasurable orgasm in over a month, bracing her arms on the seat, arching her back and jamming her pussy one last time into the face of the man whose mouth had given her such immense pleasure.

Her upper body relaxed and she breathed a relieved sigh but Cindy Lou hoped they weren’t through yet. Her thighs still held the man’s head and he seemed to like being a prisoner. “That was wonderful,” she panted. “Can you do it some more?”

“Uh huh,” he answered, unable to speak clearly with his mouth pressed against her wet pussy.

Taking the young man’s answer as a “yes”, she loosened the grip of her thighs so her legs rested loosely on his shoulders again. She was correct; he had no wish to leave and started to lick the fresh juices from her thighs and all around her pussy. Cindy Lou smiled happily and leaned back to enjoy the wonderful things that were once again happening, wanting to cum again.

After licking off all the nectar the young man’s tongue started caressing the other pussy lip, the one that he hadn’t licked before. He thought of himself as being incredibly lucky, to have a chance to eat out this extremely hot woman and he hoped she would squeeze his head again, and cum and then want to fuck. Although he didn’t even know her name, he didn’t need to; all he wanted to do was eat her pussy and fuck.

After her first orgasm, the swelling of her labia and clit had decreased slightly but as the young man’s tongue caressed her pussy lips, Cindy Lou could feel them once more becoming engorged. She loved the exquisite feeling of her pleasure mounting again and her body showed it, writhing on her seat and fucking into the man’s face. Her voice showed it too, moaning as his tongue stroked repeatedly across the top of her clit hood, sending jolts of pleasure through her body, before starting down her other pussy lip. In the back of her mind was the fear that she might wake up the other passengers with her moans and whimpers but she was too enraptured with the wonderful things the stranger’s tongue was doing to her pussy to care very much.

She looked between her legs and, by the light on the corner of the seat, she could see his eyes and the bridge of his nose, bobbing up and down as his mouth stayed with her erotic movements. “You are so wonderful,” she whispered. “I love the way you’re eating my pussy.”

The young man didn’t say anything. He looked up at her adoringly, detached his mouth briefly and smiled. After that, he returned to what was giving him so much pleasure, eating the pussy of the incredibly hot woman on the bus.

Cindy Lou smelled the fresh juices from her pussy and reveled in the way the man’s tongue licked them up almost as soon as they were produced. His mouth seemed to be everywhere except on her clit, which was the way she liked it. Although wanting to cum, and cum big, she knew that the longer it took, the more time his tongue spent caressing her pussy, the greater would be her ecstasy when she finally climaxed. The first orgasm had taken the edge off her horniness, meaning she would enjoy the second one even more.

After licking all the way down her second pussy lip and devouring the juices, Cindy Lou could feel the man’s tongue probing the lower edge of her vagina and slowly moving upward. There he burrowed under the inside edges of her inner pussy lips, first one then the other, slowly moving upward toward her clit. As he moved back and forth from one lip to the other, crossing over the bubbling hole in between, he dipped his tongue in to taste her fresh juices.

“Put your tongue in me,” she told the young southerner. “I need your tongue in my love hole.”

He pressed his face even more tightly against her pussy and squirmed the tip of his tongue in where it was wanted, wiggling it inside her. The motion against the top of her wet pink hole indirectly caressed her clit and brought Cindy Lou even closer to her goal. She knew, from feeling the same way so many times, that she was on the verge of cumming. Her thighs had rotated slightly outward, presenting her pussy fully to the man as she fucked harder than ever into his face.

“Suck my clit! Suck my clit; wanna cum.”

This time there was no need to move her hood out of the way because Cindy Lou’s clit was so swollen it had already done so. Her plea to the man did was answered and she felt him licking the lower slope, then all around where she wanted his mouth. As Cindy Lou’s thrashing on her seat became even more frantic, the agile tongue swirled all around her clit, stroking the sides and top, until the man drew it inside his mouth and sucked gently on it while his tongue continued its caresses.

Cindy Lou felt her clit being enveloped by the man’s mouth, and laved by his tongue. “Yes! Yes!” she whispered. “Suck me there!”

Knowing she would start cumming soon, he continued sucking and licking while bracing for the upheaval that he was expecting. This time, with her pussy ramming into the man’s face, it took slightly more than a minute of having her clit sucked for Cindy Lou to start cumming.

“Oh! Oh!” she gasped, and her legs again squeezed his head. While holding him captive, her ass bounced up and down and side to side and back and forth. Once again, the young man held tightly to her thighs and enjoyed her cumming, his mouth firmly holding her clit while his tongue continued stroking.

When she climaxed, Cindy Lou was ecstatic. Her back arched again and she rammed her pussy into her partner’s face even more strongly than before. This time, when she slumped back into her seat, her legs also relaxed and, after the man had licked up the fresh juices he had elicited from her pussy, he stood partly up, allowing her legs to drop from his shoulders and fall to where they encircled his hips.

“That was even more wonderful,” she whispered, her legs squeezing him and pulling him toward her pussy, sending an unmistakable message. “But I still need something more.”

As she spoke, she was reaching out her hands to unfasten the man’s belt and pants. “This is what I need,” she added, unzipping his fly and unsnapping the waistband of his boxer shorts. When she reached in and gently squeezed his cock, Cindy Lou was not surprised that it was erect but she was elated at the way it felt. To her hands it seemed to be a good size, one her pussy would really enjoy. When she spread his pants and underwear, the object of her desire sprang free and she stared at it, admiring the way the tapered head expanded into a long, thick cylinder. This would be the first cock to pleasure her in over a month and she knew it would give her at least as great a time as the man’s mouth already had.

“You have a great cock here,” she said, kissing the object she admired so much. “And I really need it in my pussy.”

He needed the same thing so he reached into his pocket, took out a condom and opened the foil packet before letting her pull his pants down past his knees. Cindy Lou was glad he was prepared. She had condoms in her jacket pocket and would have insisted he use one if he had not had his own but she preferred that it not be necessary. She didn’t want the young man, who was still a stranger, to think she was such a slut as to be carrying contraceptives around in her pocket.

With his cock safely covered, she slung her right foot up onto the bus seat. Holding to his pants to keep from tripping, the man mounted the seat on his knees and her left leg followed so he was kneeling between her legs with his clothes around his ankles. Cindy Lou’s pussy was already wet and ready for him. With one hand on the back of her seat and the other holding to the back of the seat in front, the young man leaned slowly forward. She took his cock in her hands, once again admiring its size and firmness, and guided the tip to her waiting pussy. Once the first penetration was made, he started slowly thrusting into the hole that was so much in need of fucking.

Cindy Lou sighed happily when the hard, young cock started to burrow into her pussy. She sighed again when she felt it withdraw and plunge back in even deeper. With the third stroke, however, there was something wrong. He had lowered himself to lie on top of her, and his weight was pinning her to the seat, keeping her from moving freely and preventing her from getting all the pleasure she wanted. The fourth surge of his cock into her pussy felt good too, but she knew how it could be much better. She had never had any interest in Women’s Liberation but Cindy Lou had no trouble at all speaking her mind about something as important to her as good fucking.

She also knew that flattery, combined with instructions, worked much better than instructions alone. Hugging him around his shoulders, she murmured into his ear “Oooo, your big cock feels so good. I really love it in my pussy.” A second later she added “But I know how it can be even better for both of us.”

“How?”

“Curl your arms under mine so your weight is all on your arms. I’ll be able to move under you and you can stick your wonderful big, hot cock into my pussy even better.”

The young man had a certain amount of masculine pride but he was no fool. He was well aware that he had lucked into an encounter with a thoroughly hot and sexually skilled woman and he had no problem ignoring that pride and following her instructions. The flattery, although he recognized it, was quite enjoyable also. With no hesitation, he raised himself so his weight was resting on his knees and forearms.

They were both immediately glad he had. Freed of the weight that had been squashing her into the bus seat, Cindy Lou began moving under the man, fucking back to meet his cock as it surged into her pussy. Besides meeting his strokes, she rocked from side to side on her ass and swiveled her hips. Every time his cock plowed into her, Cindy Lou reveled in the way it massaged her wet pink hole slightly differently, multiplying the already intense pleasure that radiated out from her pussy.

Besides the movements of her body, she kept her arms around the man’s shoulders, whispering into his ear the most graphic words about what a great cock he had and what a terrific job he was doing of fucking her. The flattery continued to work and he concentrated on giving her as much pleasure as he could, thereby getting more himself.

Earlier, the swaying and the extra bouncing of the back seat of the bus had been annoying but now it was increasing the pleasure they were both feeling. With every abrupt bounce, his cock drove even deeper into Cindy Lou’s pussy. When the bus swayed and yawed, it was even better than the way her hips were swiveling, and they were both pleasured even more. Her whispers of encouragement and flattery were punctuated by completely sincere moans and whimpers.

Cindy Lou’s body was writhing under him and she could feel herself getting close to cumming so she whispered into the man’s ear “Your cock feels so great and you’re so hot you’re gonna make me cum again. I really love the way you’re fucking me. But slide up a little farther on me so I’ll get all of your wonderful cock on my clit. And fuck me faster.”

The man could feel his own climax approaching so he did what she said. As his cock surged faster into her, Cindy Lou matched his pace and the movements of her hips and legs became even more frantic. With the different angle, his cock was pressing harder against the top edge of her love hole with every stroke, indirectly caressing her clit. Although her body was thrashing on the bus seat under him, she kept her arms around his shoulders and her lips at his ear, telling him how great he was fucking her. The faster pace and the way his cock and her clit were massaging each other were driving them both closer to their ultimate goals.

“Yes! Yes! I’m cumming!” She whispered hoarsely into his ear. Gripping him even more tightly with her legs and her arms, she plastered herself against the man and the jolt of her ass against the seat every time he rammed his cock into her drove her to new heights of ecstasy. Although she had cum twice already, she knew that the big cock in her pussy would make this time the best of all.

The man felt relieved that the sexy blonde was cumming because he couldn’t hold back any more. She was so hot and eating her pussy and the fucking was so great that he knew his climax would be the best of his life. When the great surge of pleasure flooded his body, the muscles in his ass bunched, he groaned from ecstasy, jammed his cock in as deeply as he could, and semen spurted into his condom.

Seconds later, as he was still thrusting into her and still ejaculating, she gripped him tighter than ever. With an extra loud moan, she dug her fingernails into his heavy jacket, and climaxed with a great spasm of her entire body. Both happy and satisfied, she sagged back on the seat and he sprawled on top of her.

For a few minutes they lay together quietly until Cindy Lou whispered into his ear “You were just wonderful. That was the best I’ve ever had.” There was a lot of truth to that; the sex that she had just enjoyed with the young man was certainly the most welcome of her life, and had given her pleasure and relief comparable to any of her many encounters.

He was thinking of what he could say to tell the pretty blonde how great the sex with her had been for him too when the feel of the bus turning onto an off ramp reminded him that he was leaving the bus at the next stop. He would have to quickly get dressed and collect his things. “Ma’am, this is my stop and I’ll have to go back to my seat and get ready to get off the bus.”

After discarding the used condom under a nearby seat, pulling his underwear and pants back on and straightening out his other clothing, he started to return to his seat. First, though, he remembered his manners and turned and said to the sexy woman whose name he still didn’t know, “Thank you, Ma’am. I really liked being with you. Have a nice trip, the rest of the way.”

“You’re welcome, and thank you, too.” The man left and Cindy Lou, satisfied and happy from her three great orgasms, decided to try to get some sleep.

She had just dozed off when she felt a hand squeezing her knee. The interior lights had been turned on and when she looked up, she saw a scowling man in a bus driver’s uniform. She recognized him as the driver of the bus she was on. When boarding in Birmingham, she had noticed the man behind the wheel was a tall, young African American but hadn’t thought about him since then. Now she wondered what he wanted and why he had awakened her.

“I heard what you were doing back here and I saw it. That’s against the law, you know, on the bus like that. What I oughtta do is call the cops and turn your ass in.”

“Oh, no! Please don’t! Please don’t do that! I wasn’t hurting anybody. Please?”

“I’m going off shift here and we have about a half hour before anybody else gets on. We’re the only people on board until then. If you want to stay on this bus and not go to jail, you better give me a blowjob right now.” As he spoke, he was unzipping his pants and reaching inside to bring out his cock.

Cindy Lou was terrified at the thought of being arrested. Although she had no personal experience with jails or prisons, she had heard horrible things about them. Even if she was just kicked off the bus, she dreaded the thought of being stuck in a strange town in the middle of the night. Besides that, there would be somebody waiting to meet her in New York and they knew she was on this bus. What could she tell them if she arrived hours or days or even months later than expected? And what about her luggage in the cargo hold?

The alternative being offered was something she would enjoy anyhow. In all the sex parties she had attended, there had never been any black persons but sometimes there had been pornographic videotapes and some of the actors had been white and some had been black. The only difference she could see between them was that the black guys were usually hung better. She had often wondered about that and what it would be like to have a black man’s cock plunging into one of the places where she so much enjoyed having a cock. “This is my chance,” Cindy Lou decided, “to find out about one of the places.”

“Okay,” she said, sitting up and smiling up at the bus driver.

He stepped closer; she remained sitting and reached into his pants and underwear to pull out his cock. It was semi-erect but stiffened in her hands and become rigid after she leaned forward and took it into her mouth. As Cindy Lou moved her head back and forth, stroking the hard cock with her lips, it felt the same to her as any of the hundreds that she had sucked before. It was bigger than some and smaller than some, but a good size for sucking because her tongue could move it around inside her mouth.

Although it felt the same, she noticed it smelled and tasted different, better somehow, and she realized why. Most of the men of her experience had been freshly washed before having sex with her but this man had been sitting behind a steering wheel for more than eight hours since his last shower. He was sweaty, with a pungent aroma and a salty taste that she liked and knew would have been extremely arousing to her if she hadn’t already been so sexually satisfied. Even though she had no real desire to fuck, she wanted to suck the man off and, taking pride in what she enjoyed doing, she wanted to give him as good a time as possible.

Cindy Lou took the cock out of her mouth, licked off her saliva and asked, “Do you mind if I pull your pants down? I really like the way you smell.”

Hearing no objection, she unfastened his pants and pulled them down, and carefully worked his underwear around his stiff cock. When his clothing was lying on the floor, she leaned forward again, breathed deeply of his erotic aroma and enthusiastically resumed sucking him off. Cindy Lou wondered what his semen would taste like, but didn’t worry, knowing she would soon find out.

Slowly at first, and then using faster strokes, she sucked the bus driver’s cock in and out, caressing it with her tongue, thoroughly enjoying the way he smelled and the sweaty taste of his hard shaft and the way it felt in her mouth. Just as every other time she had sucked a man off, Cindy Lou loved the feel of the firm roundness sliding between her lips and the way the blunt tip pressed against the back of her throat. She loved the feel of her tongue on the smooth, tightly-stretched skin and the way the man’s pubic hair tickled her nose. Sometimes, as she enveloped his cock in her mouth, she turned her head and let the tip of it stroke the inside of her cheek before it caressed her throat.

Her dildos could provide some pleasure to her pussy and ass but they were useless for sucking, and she had missed the real thing in her mouth more than anywhere else. As Cindy Lou moved her face back and forth, she murmured happily, almost purring and the more she sucked his cock, the better it felt and tasted to her. Even though there was a 30 minute deadline, she hoped he wouldn’t cum too soon.

The bus driver was very pleasantly surprised that the pretty young blonde was sucking him off with so much skill and that she seemed to be enjoying it so much. The pleasure she was giving him with her mouth was so great he felt weak and had to hold onto the seats on either side of the aisle for support. Intense pleasure radiated out from his cock, possibly the most he had ever experienced from sex. The blowjob was a visual delight too, as he looked down and saw the blonde head moving back and forth as his cock plunged in and out of her mouth. Reflexively, he started thrusting his cock forward to meet her movements.

Cindy Lou would have preferred that he be more passive while being sucked off but she was used to men pushing themselves into her mouth and could deal with it. She was still in control and set the pace, rocking back and forth and caressing his cock with her lips and her tongue and the insides of her cheeks.

After ten minutes of enjoyment for her mouth, she felt him throbbing and knew he would be cumming soon. A little disappointed that the blowjob would end but looking forward to a nice mouthful of semen, Cindy Lou tightened her lips and started sucking faster, using shorter strokes. Because the man’s cock would not be going into her mouth as deeply, she held it steady with her right hand. This also restored her to being fully in control, keeping the man from thrusting into her. After another minute, she felt his cock jerking and positioned her tongue to catch his cum when it squirted out.

The first big gob landed right where she wanted it and Cindy Lou relished the exotic, garlicky flavor, much tastier than the rather bland semen her white sex partners usually provided. It tasted as good as she had hoped it would and she swallowed it in time to catch the second spurt. While she was savoring that one, the third delicious gob landed on her tongue, but after that, it was only a few drops oozing out. Cindy Lou swallowed the thick fluid and pulled her head almost all the way back so she could get the rest of the man’s cum. Starting at the base, she brought her thumb forward along the bottom of the still-erect cock, milking out all the remaining semen. It bubbled out, pleasing her taste buds until she swallowed it and took the softening organ all the way out of her mouth. Holding it gently in her fingers, she licked everything off from the head and under the ridge.

When she was done, Cindy Lou smiled up at the man. “Thank you. That was really good. You have a nice cock and I just loved the taste of your jazz.”

After catching his breath, he pulled his clothing back on and patted his cock once his pants were zipped up. “Lady, that was the best blowjob I ever had. You can ride on my bus any time you want to and do anything you want. Have a nice trip, the rest of the way.” After saying that, he turned and left.

The pleasure she had gotten from sucking off the bus driver, added to the three very welcome orgasms from the first man had completely relaxed Cindy Lou and she knew she would be able to sleep. With a contented smile, she drifted off to sweet dreams of the many hard cocks and agile tongues that she hoped were awaiting her in New York.


Thank you for reading this story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is intended to be the first in what I hope will be a long series and I welcome suggestions for Cindy Lou’s future sexual adventures in New York. Whether you make suggestions or not, I also appreciate knowing what you think of my stories, by your votes or your feedback, which can be either personal comments or email to me. Feedback helps me write more and better and I always respond to any I get that includes a handle or an email address.