Story Discussion: October 22, 2006. African Adventure by Otto26

[Otto26]

Wow. More comments, and very in depth comments. I'll try to respond to some of these. Forgive me if I forget a few.

Escaping. What was running through my head here was that Sara is smart. So she would consider escape and quickly reject the idea. Hostile people who know the jungle, no equipment, not in particularly good shape. I didn't show this in the story because I started off trying to stay out of Sara's mind. I'm seriously considering adding this to a future draft.

Bonding. It happened too quickly because the plot needed to move along and because this is fantasy.

Noble white man. I felt it didn't matter which way the story went, it would play to a cliche. So I went with the scenario that made Robert less of a bad guy.

Sara as a witness. Addressing this point explicitly would have eliminated some tension for the reader. I wanted the reader to wonder if Robert was just going to kill her at the end.

The ending. Tough one. In the end (sorry, no pun intended) I have to lay the blame for the ending on my romanticism. Gotta have my happy ending. But I still like the ending because I feel it begs a couple of questions. The most important one is: Who's really in charge here? From the moment Robert is wounded in the diamond theft the power dynamic changes and Sara becomes the defacto 'strong' person in the relationship. The scene in the bar simply reinforces this, I feel. Sara, not Robert is in control. Of course, the way she uses this control is somewhat unusual, to say the least. In the three subsequent pieces I have written this dynamic is explored and fleshed out so that it's not at all one-sided. Sara is no victim and wields her own, considerable, power in the relationship. At the same time, she suffers from a psychological dependance upon Robert. Robert is, if anything, a bigger mess than Sara. But where Sara is resilient, Robert is brittle. A little sterotypical, perhaps, but I think the milieu helps to make it interesting.

AIDS vs. 'white women'. One thing that bugs me about many stories is that they simply ignore pregnancy and STDs. I went a little further with this by making Robert absolutely terrified of AIDS. In Africa this isn't just an idle threat. Estimates are that 1/3 of the adult population will die of AIDS in many areas of Africa, particularly the Congo region where the story was set. And Robert's apparently racist excuse is somewhat dicey, but racism cuts both ways so I felt it was believable. Your mileage may vary.

Forced masturbation. Page two, I believe. Maybe three.

 

[Penelope Street]

This is the masturbation scene?

"Bring your knees up, Sara. Keep them spread."

Now he saw true hesitation writ large in every line of her body.

"Jam nun," he breathed.

It was a command, no less imperative for its softness. She sobbed once, twice, and brought her knees up, lifting her ass into the air and displaying her sex. Robert simply stared, enthralled by the sight of her and the sheer sexual joy of the situation; of her obedience.

"Spread your lips, Sara. Use your fingers to open yourself to me."

Again her body shook with silent sobs as she passed a hand back between her legs. Trembling fingers uncertainly spread the soft folds of skin to reveal the deep pink flesh they concealed. Robert inhaled deeply seeking for the smell of her musk, delighting in the faint hint he found.

"Use your other hand, Sara. Rub yourself."

Her other hand, shaking, appeared beneath her and reached up to stroke herself; un-willing yet obedient.

"You can do better, Sara," he whispered, "You've done this before, at night, in your bed; with clean sheets and a terrible empty ache in your loins. Your body desperate for something you've been told is wrong."

Her hands steadied at the slow cadence of his low words, the motions of her fingers becoming sure and practiced. They drifted down to the hood of her clitoris, gently squeezing that pearl free of its covering and then releasing it. Her breathing became shallow and rapid. Robert leaned forward, one hand reaching out to seize hers. Slowly he inserted one of her fingers inside her, the tip to the first knuckle teasingly trapped by the muscles that protected her entrance. Her body shuddered as the muscles sought to pull her finger deeper. He pushed her finger slowly in, then out. He repeated the motion several times, each time with less force until her hand was doing all the work, moving without his direction; his hand merely resting upon her until he withdrew even that contact.

"Bona. Bona. Here and now this pleasure is permitted. It is required. Trust your body and it will help keep you alive. This pleasure is your birthright."

She had buried her finger inside her, thumb planted firmly against her clitoris as her ass writhed wantonly. She was lost in the moment, Robert knew. Stripped of all references to familiar reality she had no brakes she could apply, no controls at all. This moment, more than any that had come before, she was not in charge of her body or her emotions.

She came then, in a staccato squeal broken by gasps as her body sought to breathe between the waves that washed through her. Robert wanted her. Wanted her convulsing upon his cock, but he restrained himself. He had bigger plans.

"Bona virineto, Sara. I'm pleased. Genu."

Slowly she lifted herself back to her knees. Robert noted that her legs were spread, no correction needed, but her eyes were lowered.

"Look at me, Sara," he commanded.

He met her eyes, red and puffy within the tear-soaked cheeks.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. You obeyed me. You pleased me. Because of that you will eat, you will not be beaten, and you will continue to survive. That alone justifies your actions."

He put the food to her mouth and she took it, chewing slowly.

That is a pretty good scene. I love him moving her hand- sexy and clever! I like the smells too. That she climaxes at all, especially so quickly, I can't quite believe it and I'm not sure it's all that important to the plot that she do so. I'm also not sure what's disturbing about this scene in the context of a violent, rape-filled tale.

And can we talk POV again? I would have written that scene from Sara's perspective, but I have to wonder if Simon would have enjoyed it as much- if I read it right identifying with Robert is what made the scene work.

 

[SimonBrooke]

That is a pretty good scene. I love him moving her hand- sexy and clever! I like the smells too. That she climaxes at all, especially so quickly, I can't quite believe it and I'm not sure it's all that important to the plot that she do so. I'm also not sure what's disturbing about this scene in the context of a violent, rape-filled tale.

And can we talk POV again? I would have written that scene from Sara's perspective, but I have to wonder if Simon would have enjoyed it as much- if I read it right identifying with Robert is what made the scene work.

Let's be clear about this - I'm not at all proud of being able to identify with Robert. That I can identify with Robert is a tribute to Otto's writing. I find it troubling how much this story works for me on a purely sexual level; I'm not comfortable with it. But I'm not dishonest enough to pretend it doesn't.

I think it's worth pointing out here that Otto has posted a sequel, 'Belize Adventure', in which the Sara/Robert relationship is further explored in a way which feels to me more-or-less believable and also reasonably healthy.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=262468

It's strongly my view that Otto has it in him to turn this into a publishable genre thriller. He'd need to tone down the explicit sex to do that and I'm not sure whether that would interest him, but this is much better writing with much more fully realised, believable and interesting characters than, for example, the Da Vinci Code.

Otto, I don't know whether you're familiar with a 1960/70s British thriller series (originally a comic strip, later several films) by a guy called Peter O'Donnell, called 'Modesty Blaise'. If you're not familiar with it I think it would be good for you to read it. Your characters and the adventures they experience seem to me to be quite similar: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modesty_Blaise

 

[Otto26]

Okay, if Simon is going to bring up the sequel then I'm going to take advantage of that.

1) The second installment referred to in the notes of the published third installment (Belize Adventure) was lost. I am re-writing it slowly. It's not really necessary to the flow of the storyline, but a couple of fans have requested it.
2) Belize Adventure is far less objectionable to me and sets a better tone for the stories. The writing is weaker, the plot is a collection of plots lacking an over-reaching unifier, it's spotty (being very interesting in places and boring in others) and the use of Esperanto becomes a serious distraction to the casual reader. But changing the tone from non-consensual to consensual (which is really the happy ending of the first story) makes the entire story much more palatable and fun.
3) I'm looking for test readers for my fourth installment which sees Robert and company back in Africa.
4) I haven't read Modesty Blaise. I think I will.
5) If you liked African Adventure then you will probably like the 'Ghost' series of books by John Ringo. Free, online samples of these books can be seen at Baen Books. But be warned, his books are both more violent and more fantasy than what I write.

 

[Penelope Street]

The stripping scene in the bar, which is the ending of the story, though not the saga

"What would you do if you had the rest of the diamonds?" she asked quietly.

"I'd use them to hire people to track you down and drag you back to me in chains," he replied.

"I'm being serious," she said.

"So am I," he retorted, "All right, I'd do it myself because I'm a cheap bastard, but also because I'm a predatory asshole. I simply can't let you go again. I can't be that decent twice."

"Then it's a good thing I have my gun," she told him.

"What's your escape plan?" he asked curiously.

"The plane in the harbor," she responded, "Ten minutes to the plane, ten minutes into the air, another ten minutes out of the country. I've got plans in place in both Honduras and Jamaica. I'll decide which one to use when I'm in the air."

"Good," he breathed. He met her eyes for the first time since she had walked into the bar and they stared at each other, searching, for several minutes.

"You can't wallow in self-loathing for the rest of your life," she stated.

"Sara Elizabeth Harman," he intoned, "the only thing I want in my life right now is to rip your clothing off and fuck you; on your knees, on the table, over the chair, and at least three other ways. And when I've done that I plan to take you back to my home and chain you to my bed."

"Oh good," Sara replied. "I was beginning to think you didn't care any more. But now I see you just want me to beg." She stood up and with care and deliberation unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. Aware that every eye in the bar was on her, she dropped it to the floor, unfastened her bra and slipped it off. She unzipped her skirt and slid it down to the ground, taking her panties down with it. Stepping out of the pile of clothing, and her shoes, she walked over in front of Robert and knelt, legs spread, back straight, in front of him.

"Mi estas la virino de la kapitano," she said. "Mi estas via sklavineto. Me petegas vi, sinjoro. Oh, I almost forgot."

Reaching between her thighs Sara tugged on a string dangling from her vagina. She pulled carefully and a condom stuffed with cotton slipped out of her. She held the package out in front of her, offering it to Robert.

"Via diamantoj, sinjoro," she said.

"Vi estas mia sklavino," Robert said.

"Jes, sinjoro."

I don't like the stripping in the bar scene. I wouldn't mind it so much if Robert had ordered it, but... I don't like it.

I kinda liked this scene, though I did read it out of context and vagina kinda jarred me out of the moment. I'm afraid I associate that term more with a speculum than a man, and this association may even have been enhanced by Sara removing a foreign object from herself. Or maybe the intention was to jar me out of the sexuality of the moment?

Though I like the scene, it's a little to short to be really steamy- plus I still don't want Sara to stay with him in the end. *sigh* I'd really think she was strong if she fucked him, took half the diamonds, kissed him, produced that gun she mentioned, and walked away into the sunset. Or at least out of the bar. lol.

I'm unclear what Simon doesn't like about this scene.

 

[Penelope Street]

My post above apparently made people think that I felt personally attacked.

I never believed you felt personally attacked, I just wanted to emphasize the point in case anyone else did. Thank you for clarifying that this was indeed the case.

It happened too quickly because the plot needed to move along and because this is fantasy.

With all the realism of the setting, why not be consistent and make it all realistic?

From the moment Robert is wounded in the diamond theft the power dynamic changes and Sara becomes the defacto 'strong' person in the relationship.

Having read the summary, but not the story, I'm curious how the characters develop. At this point in the tale, Sara has changed from a girl who wets herself to a woman of action, yes? If so, how has Robert changed before this point and how does he change after it? How does the subsequent therapy help Sara?

Let's be clear about this - I'm not at all proud of being able to identify with Robert. That I can identify with Robert is a tribute to Otto's writing. I find it troubling how much this story works for me on a purely sexual level; I'm not comfortable with it. But I'm not dishonest enough to pretend it doesn't.

While we're being clear, I never thought the less of you for finding the scene stimulating. I really don't believe you have anything to feel disquiet over- quite the opposite, I admire your candor. You're a great reviewer. Thank you so much for joining Otto's discussion!

And I still want to know how you think your enjoyment of the scene might have changed if it had been written from Sara's perspective instead of Robert's.

 

[Otto26]

Having read the summary, but not the story, I'm curious how the characters develop. At this point in the tale, Sara has changed from a girl who wets herself to a woman of action, yes? If so, how has Robert changed before this point and how does he change after it? How does the subsequent therapy help Sara?

How do the characters develop? Big question. Let's just say the Belize Adventure begins with Sara breaking Robert out of jail.

In my mind both Robert and Sara stop drifting and take control of their lives. The therapy helps Sara make some decisions about what she wants to do with her life, who she wants to be. And I think we all agree that her decision is strange. Simon characterized the relationship, as it evolves, as 'healthy'. I think 'functional' might be a better word.

I'll note that my writing style means that I sometimes end up with characters doing things that I didn't foresee. The ending wrote itself in a half hour stretch when I just shut my brain off and let the characters go. And that pretty much summarizes my writing style. Set the stage, know the charactes intimately, and let them act as they normally would. While I have a plot arc in mind, sometimes the characters do things because that's the way they act.

 

[SimonBrooke]

From Sara's point of view

While we're being clear, I never thought the less of you for finding the scene stimulating. I really don't believe you have anything to feel disquiet over- quite the opposite, I admire your candor. You're a great reviewer. Thank you so much for joining Otto's discussion!

And I still want to know how you think your enjoyment of the scene might have changed if it had been written from Sara's perspective instead of Robert's.

This issue isn't so much about enjoyment. It's about two things - possession and dignity, which together feed into two issues about the reader's experience of the story: sympathy and credibility.

We have to believe that Sara has come through the narrative to a place where she is trained and conditioned to be submissive, and strongly bonded to Robert. Both those things are possible. Both really happen in real human psychology. But we also have to believe that she has come to terms with that and developed some sort of internal strength (and indeed this is fairly well expressed in the Belize narrative). We have to believe this because unless we believe this we can't recover Sara as a sympathetic character - beaten victims, however pathetic, are not sympathetic.

It is (to me at least) credible that Sara would make a major symbolic gesture of submission to Robert on meeting him again. It's quite credible to me that she should strip herself naked and present herself to him sexually. But... in public? Can she retain internal strength and dignity if she's prepared to abase herself in public? I don't know - I may be making too much fuss about this. But it doesn't feel right to me.

And from the other end of the equation, submission means submission. If she submits, Robert could order her to strip. I have had a relationship in which I occasionally took my partner out in public with her wearing nothing but an unbuttoned raincoat, with the implication that I might require her to take it off in public. And I did occasionally require her to take it off in public places (and do sexual things in public places) but never when there was actually anyone else there to see. Dominance relationships need also to be trust relationships - the submissive needs to trust that the dominant will not unfairly humiliate her. If he will, then it seems to me the relationship has tipped over the edge into abusive.

OK, I acknowledge that the threat/risk of public humiliation is part of the sexual charge of that situation, and a threat/risk which is never actualised loses its charge over time. But I still think there's a fine line to walk there.

At this point in the Robert/Sara relationship we have to believe that the relationship is not abusive. For Robert to continue to abuse Sara (as he has most certainly done earlier) at this stage would make it very difficult for me to sympathise with him.

So if I were writing the story, I would have Sara make her submission away from other witnesses. But in the end, of course, I'm not, and if Otto's view is that Sara should get her kit off in public he's the man. Actually, thinking back to the relationship I wrote of earlier, at one point in it my partner, entirely unprompted, walked two hundred metres along a street naked to make up to me after a row. It was at two in the morning and there was no-one around, but a car could have come at any time; and I could have refused to unlock the door and let her in. So perhaps I am making too much fuss about Sara peeling off in the bar.

If this story was told from Sara's POV is would be a very different story. At least equally interesting; perhaps psychologically more interesting. But it wouldn't be in any normal sense a sexy story. Regardless of what Robert believes of Sara's sexual response to him it seems to me that for her the sexual encounters between the two of them while in Africa can at best be darkly ambiguous. Yes, conceivably she could use physical sensation as temporary mask and temporary relief from the overall nightmare. Conceivably she could immerse herself in the instinctive physicality of sex and find some psychological shelter there. Conceivably she could orgasm. But even if she did all these things there would be very powerfully mixed and conflicted feelings about doing so. Sexuality at best would have a nightmare vertiginous quality.

Sara must be aware she is being damaged by this experience. She must be aware that submitting is damaging to her. She must feel guilty about submitting. She must feel some degree of real hatred towards Robert, and consequently hatred towards herself for submitting to him, even as she comes to understand him as a person, even as she comes to bond with him sexually, even as she comes to like him.

It would be a very interesting - but also a very challenging - writing exercise to try to retell this from Sara's POV.

 

[Penelope Street]

... beaten victims, however pathetic, are not sympathetic.

By this do you mean most readers are not inclined to identify with a spineless character?

.... the submissive needs to trust that the dominant will not unfairly humiliate her. If he will, then it seems to me the relationship has tipped over the edge into abusive.

Well said. Trust is really the basis for any relationship, isn't it? Any positive relationship, that is!

Can she retain internal strength and dignity if she's prepared to abase herself in public? I don't know - I may be making too much fuss about this.

I'm not convinced that Sara views her striptease as an abasement. And I don't think you're making a fuss either.

Sara must be aware she is being damaged by this experience. She must be aware that submitting is damaging to her. She must feel guilty about submitting. She must feel some degree of real hatred towards Robert, and consequently hatred towards herself for submitting to him, even as she comes to understand him as a person, even as she comes to bond with him sexually, even as she comes to like him.

Must Sara be aware that she's being damaged and that submitting increases that damage? I can imagine she just wants to see the next sunrise and isn't dwelling on her psychological state should she survive. If I was in her shoes, I'd have done what Robert said for the exact same reason he gives at the end of the scene- to avoid being beaten. And I'd hate him, not myself. However, I'm twice Sara's age and then some, so maybe that makes all the difference.

The only extended portion of this scene during which we are in Sara's head is during her orgasm. I wonder how the scene might have worked if the narrator hadn't went into Sara's head at all, but had instead just shown us her physical reactions?

If this story was told from Sara's POV is would be a very different story. At least equally interesting; perhaps psychologically more interesting. But it wouldn't be in any normal sense a sexy story. Regardless of what Robert believes of Sara's sexual response to him it seems to me that for her the sexual encounters between the two of them while in Africa can at best be darkly ambiguous.

So the masturbation scene would be less sexy from Sara's POV? I believe Verdad said something about this earlier- if I recall he thought that not knowing what Sara was feeling made the story that much more intriguing.

 

[Otto26]

Well said. Trust is really the basis for any relationship, isn't it? Any positive relationship, that is!

"Forgive me if I'm being too curious, but there are stories about you and your staff..."

"My slaves you mean?" Robert smiled.

"Yes."

"You're talking to them. Two of them anway. Sonia is in Belmopan on an errand at the moment."

The Minister looked at the two women in unabashed curiousity.

"Truly?"

Robert chuckled. "Take your dresses off ladies," he told them.

"Jes, sinjoro," they replied and pulled the dresses over their heads. Sara stood next to Robert in a white silk thong. Ilse remained next to the Minister wearing a black silk thong and matching bra.

"How, exactly, are these women your slaves?"

"In the strictest sense of the word, they aren't. It would be better to call them submissives. They have voluntarily submitted themselves to my control. They're free to go at any time, if they choose to do so," Robert explained.

"I'm at a loss to understand this," the Minister admitted, "Just how far does your control go?"

"Iru al via genoj, Ilse, kaj manipulu vin." Robert said.

"Jes, sinjoro," Ilse replied and stepped past the table to a spot where Robert and the Minister could both see her. Facing away from them she lowered herself to her knees and placed her forehead to the ground. Reaching back between her legs she began to slowly rub herself through the black silk of her thong.

The Minister swallowed.

"And if you ordered her to have sex with me?"

"She would."

Robert paused.

"But I won't. For two reasons. First, that would violate the trust Ilse has given me. This relationship has commitments that flow in both directions. If Sonia was here I would be more amenable, Sonia would be very excited by that prospect. The second reason I won't do that is because if you are the type of man that expects people to provide him with access to sex, I don't want to associate with you. Even if that means the understanding we just reached becomes null and void," Robert stated.

The Minister nodded.

"The temptation is there, I assure you, but I would far rather keep this on a friendly level. You've made your point," the Minister said.

"Give her a few minutes, Minister, enjoy the show. Ilse is not excited by the prospect of sex with strangers, but she is something of an exhibitionist. And this is good training for her."

They watched in silence, sipping at their drinks, as Ilse masturbated before them. Her hand described a circle upon her mons, slowly decreasing in radius as her hand sped up. She moaned as she began to pant and gyrate her hips. She came in a series of satisfied groans of pleasure and her hands pressed hard against her sex, ceasing in their circling. Then she began the process again.

"Suficxa, Ilse," Robert laughed. "Bona laboro, sklavineto. Puru via manoj kaj iru cxi."

"Jes, sinjoro. Dankon," Ilse replied as she rose to her feet. She flashed a smile at the Minister as she walked into the living room.

Robert began spooning food onto his plate.

"Please try the fish, Minister, that's from our farm."

The Minister shook his head to clear the cobwebs and returned his gaze to Robert and then to Sara.

"Why?" he asked.

"It's difficult to explain, Minister," Sara replied. "In my case I went through a very traumatic experience. My brain, and my body, simply aren't wired for pleasure in the way that most people are. The usual method of treating something like this involves slowly returning the body to standard. Success rates vary. I chose, instead, to embrace my new feelings. I was fortunate enough to know someone I could trust not to take undue advantage of the situation, Mastro Robert."

"Ilse is similar to me in this regard. We also have developed a dependence upon Mastro Robert. Deep down, at a level that isn't rational, we both associate his presence with safety. When we are separated from him we become anxious and irritable. We feel that the world is about to attack us. There are differences, of course. I prefer rough sex and, really, I'm not tremendously excited by exhibitionism. Ilse likes her sex tender and she's infatuated with being able to be a sexual creature in front of people. Not to the same degree as Sonia, though."

"Sonia is... absolutely in love with the idea of submission. She has totally abandoned the general societal standards of behavior and she's exploring her sexuality to find new standards. As Mastro Robert said, she probably would have begged to have sex with you after you asked your question. We keep her on a short leash, both figuratively and literally."

"Which is part of our relationship," Robert elaborated. "Sonia knows that we won't let her jump off a building, or fall off a building for that matter. So she feels free to walk around the ledge of a tall building. Ilse knows that I won't order her to have sex with strangers, so she feels at ease masturbating in front of one. It makes a certain kind of sense, and it works."

I'm not convinced that Sara views her striptease as an abasement. And I don't think you're making a fuss either.

In my mind, she didn't. I intended it to be a metamorphisis, the point where their relationship goes from something unhealthy, to something healthy. It was also supposed to be an act of strength and commitment on Sara's part. A declaration of love, really. It doesn't help that I completely failed to make it clear that it's a sleepy bar in a sleepy town and in my mind I see maybe six people in the whole place.

 

[Penelope Street]

It doesn't help that I completely failed to make it clear that it's a sleepy bar in a sleepy town and in my mind I see maybe six people in the whole place.

From how the partons react to Sara's impromptu display, I pictured it being a very sleepy bar.

"... I'm not tremendously excited by exhibitionism...."

Well, color me ignorant. I thought Sara took a certain thrill from stripping in the bar. Guess that's what I get for reading the beginning and ending and skipping the middle.

 

[Otto26]

Well, color me ignorant. I thought Sara took a certain thrill from stripping in the bar. Guess that's what I get for reading the beginning and ending and skipping the middle.

"Dropping the burden of society's expectations," Sonia summarized, "A little bit dangerous, don't you think? What if everyone simply did what they wanted to do? Peer pressure is a species survival mechanism."

Sara shrugged.

"Perhaps in the realm of law and other areas, but when it comes to sex and relationships I think it's counter-productive. I'm not arguing that my views are superior to those of society in general, but I don't think they are inferior. I like my freedom and I accept the consequences of my actions. I like to swim nude and therefore," she lay back in the water, her arms and legs outstretched, "I accept that people will be able to see me swimming nude."

It wasn't important that Sara was stripping in public, it was important that she was submitting to Robert. And while exhibitionism may not be her bag, she's not opposed to it.

But since I write on a fairly large scale and leave some questions unanswered and practically demand that my readers use their imaginations, I shouldn't be suprised that different people interpret the actions I depict in different fashions.

 

[Verdad]

Some excellent new comments! I'm glad I'm no longer the only one who's read the entire story. I've nothing especially interesting to add at this point, unless I find time to read the sequel, but I wanted to say that it was great reading Varian and Simon both.

Oh, and the public stripping? Well, maybe I'm admitting here that I've lead a sheltered life (though I kinda doubt it ), but in that too I have to agree with others. I don't think that an UFO landing on the table could have disrupted me more. That was the only thing I found truly inconceivable.

Best,

Verdad

 

[SimonBrooke]

Oh, and the public stripping? Well, maybe I'm admitting here that I've lead a sheltered life (though I kinda doubt it ), but in that too I have to agree with others. I don't think that an UFO landing on the table could have disrupted me more. That was the only thing I found truly inconceivable.

I've been thinking about it, and I no longer do. It's interesting how we react to things. Thinking back in my own life, I can remember two occasions when submissive partners did things very like that as symbolic gestures, one of which involved making herself naked in a public place. That person was quite a proud woman, intelligent and well educated, working in a professional job. She walked two hundred metres up the main street of her home town. where anyone who saw her would have recognised her, to ring my doorbell. It was the middle of the night and I don't know whether anyone did see her, but she certainly took that risk.

If I read an exact account of what happened that night in a fictitious story now, I probably would not believe it. But it really happened, to me, and at the time I was interested but not too surprised - it wasn't out of character. And, from her point of view, it worked, in so far as it reopened for a while a relationship which had fallen apart.

 

[Verdad]

Okay, so I'm rethinking the sheltered life bit… : )

Seriously, though, this is the crux, in my opinion:

If I read an exact account of what happened that night in a fictitious story now, I probably would not believe it.

That's it, I think. Few things under the sun are entirely impossible, but that doesn't automatically make them readily believable in a work of fiction.

I'm speaking from memory now, so I'm not sure if that was already done in the story, but perhaps all that was missing was some stronger acknowledgment of the situations' unusualness. If I recall the tone correctly, it seemed as casual as if a day doesn't pass without women stripping naked in bars. If, on the other hand, there was more incredulousness on Robert's part that she's actually doing it, or whispers and shocked looks from the other people in the bar, or having to split quickly before they get thrown out, I would have easier read it as "Yes, it was fucking outrageous, but she did it nevertheless." Hope that makes sense.

Best,

Verdad