Story Help! BDSM question!

[desertslave]

Just another comment for the 'hate 2nd person with a passion' camp. It's annoying, to put it mildly. When I find a story on Lit in 2P, I almost always click away before the 3rd paragraph. I always feel like I'm being instructed, like a child, by strangers. Nope, not gonna happen.

 

[LaSalia]

Decision Time!

Thanks everyone for your feedback, I appreciate it!

I've decided to write the story in third person & then submit a second version in 2nd person perspective... It may actually need a re-write since changing the pronouns isn't really going to work, the "style" changes dramatically when it's in different perspectives... But this way it will please the readers, first, then please my aesthetics, since it's how I wanted it written. I'll add a note to both stories that goes such:

Training A Pet
The original version of this story is written in the 2nd person perspective. If you think you may enjoy it as it was intended to be read, please visit the other submission: Training Your Pet. Thanks!

AND

Training Your Pet
If you hate 2nd person perspective, this story is available in regular third person perspective. Thanks for not giving it a one because you didn't bother to go to the other submission with the similar title: Training A Pet

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks everyone for your feedback, I appreciate it!

I've decided to write the story in third person & then submit a second version in 2nd person perspective... It may actually need a re-write since changing the pronouns isn't really going to work, the "style" changes dramatically when it's in different perspectives... But this way it will please the readers, first, then please my aesthetics, since it's how I wanted it written. I'll add a note to both stories that goes such:

Training A Pet
The original version of this story is written in the 2nd person perspective. If you think you may enjoy it as it was intended to be read, please visit the other submission: Training Your Pet. Thanks!

AND

Training Your Pet
If you hate 2nd person perspective, this story is available in regular third person perspective. Thanks for not giving it a one because you didn't bother to go to the other submission with the similar title: Training A Pet

Good for you! I will enjoy reading both.

 

[LaSalia]

Mad Mad Mad

So I posted the first story, in second person perspective, while working out the LONG process of changing all the pronouns and also the tense (2nd person version is in present tense also), took hours!

When it goes from pending with the option to change to pending approved, but not posted, I noticed something odd.... THE STORY IS CATEGORIZED AS NON-HUMAN!!!!!!

I thought I made it QUITE clear that the girl was wearing ears woven into her hair so they wouldn't move and a BUTT PLUG for a tail. He takes the tail out for crying out loud! I know I had her act like a pet, and she made noises like a pet, but come on! Aren't they supposed to reject it if they think it's mis-categorized, NOT change it without my approval????

I put in an EDITED version the second I found out, and put a note, as well as making sure the person reading "Training A Pet" knows it's cosplay and not a furry. Will it post in the right spot??

 

[Stella_Omega]

So I posted the first story, in second person perspective, while working out the LONG process of changing all the pronouns and also the tense (2nd person version is in present tense also), took hours!

When it goes from pending with the option to change to pending approved, but not posted, I noticed something odd.... THE STORY IS CATEGORIZED AS NON-HUMAN!!!!!!

I thought I made it QUITE clear that the girl was wearing ears woven into her hair so they wouldn't move and a BUTT PLUG for a tail. He takes the tail out for crying out loud! I know I had her act like a pet, and she made noises like a pet, but come on! Aren't they supposed to reject it if they think it's mis-categorized, NOT change it without my approval????

I put in an EDITED version the second I found out, and put a note, as well as making sure the person reading "Training A Pet" knows it's cosplay and not a furry. Will it post in the right spot??

Re-Submit the story with a note pointing out the miscat. There is no "they" evidently, only one Laurel who does it all herself.

 

[LaSalia]

Le Sigh...

Re-Submit the story with a note pointing out the miscat. There is no "they" evidently, only one Laurel who does it all herself.

Well that explains it! She must have had a harrowing day and skimmed most of it... SIGH. I did send her a PM too, so hopefully she catches it before the final approval goes through!

 

[LaSalia]

Success!

Looks like she got my PM! It's in the BDSM category. I'd love some feedback, be constructive please! And if you think it deserves less than a 4, I'd really like to know why, constructively, so I can improve my stories later.

TY!

http://www.literotica.com/s/training-your-pet

And please remember the 3rd person version is coming soon, it's pending.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Looks like she got my PM! It's in the BDSM category. I'd love some feedback, be constructive please! And if you think it deserves less than a 4, I'd really like to know why, constructively, so I can improve my stories later.

TY!

http://www.literotica.com/s/training-your-pet

And please remember the 3rd person version is coming soon, it's pending.

Well, I have to say this wasn't the kind of 2nd person I'd expected. The usual 2nd person porn talks to the partner: "I hook your chains to the wall and you look at me with fear and desire, thinking how lucky you are..." (Yeah. It's that bad.)

But this 2nd person reads like one of those "Imagine Yourself" advertising brochures for a real estate development or a car: "You sit back in the rich leather seats and inspect the burled-walnut dash. The instrument lights glow as your foot taps the accelerator and the engine leaps to life with a throaty roar..."

But it still seems hokey to me. Sorry, I couldn't finish it. Didn't rate it.

 

[LaSalia]

Different Strokes and All!

Well, I have to say this wasn't the kind of 2nd person I'd expected. The usual 2nd person porn talks to the partner: "I hook your chains to the wall and you look at me with fear and desire, thinking how lucky you are..." (Yeah. It's that bad.)

But this 2nd person reads like one of those "Imagine Yourself" advertising brochures for a real estate development or a car: "You sit back in the rich leather seats and inspect the burled-walnut dash. The instrument lights glow as your foot taps the accelerator and the engine leaps to life with a throaty roar..."

But it still seems hokey to me. Sorry, I couldn't finish it. Didn't rate it.

I know it's different, but it's how I felt it should happen. I was basing it more off the old "Choose Your Own Adventure" stories. I don't like the "I" and "you" combo, it's too weird to write. Thanks for not rating since you didn't read the whole thing. The 3rd person perspective version is available now if anyone is interested!

So far, both are being received well, the 3rd person more so, as expected, but I'm still pleased!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Procedural narratives just don't do it for me. All those details about the fancy jewelry and where the food comes from, the size of her tits and color of her eyes-- and no inner life to the characters. I want to read almost exactly the opposite.

However I'm going to recommend it to the huge fetlife petplay community. I know a lot of them will love it!

(ETA) The thing about pet play is that we treat a human as we would the animal. Would you subject a fox kit to a gang bang? Really?

 

[LaSalia]

Flat Characters, I know

Procedural narratives just don't do it for me. All those details about the fancy jewelry and where the food comes from, the size of her tits and color of her eyes-- and no inner life to the characters. I want to read almost exactly the opposite.

However I'm going to recommend it to the huge fetlife petplay community. I know a lot of them will love it!

(ETA) The thing about pet play is that we treat a human as we would the animal. Would you subject a fox kit to a gang bang? Really?

This wasn't meant to be a character driven story. I've got several of those. This was more on the visual & sexual side, especially since, as 2nd person, I wasn't about to tell you who YOU are!

Thanks for the recommendation to the others, tho!

 

[Loverskitten]

Sorry, I couldn't finish it either. Was it a pet or a Real Doll he ordered cause it sure read like a plastic thing and not anything with feelings or a brain. I gave up at the lists of rules, so unrealistic. I didn't rate it either.

Also, where's the training? It came ready for anal and everything right from the start?
As a pet, I hope no one reads this and thinks this is how pets are, or should be. Yeah, yeah I know it's fantasy, but so is porn and ya know how guys expect that

 

[LaSalia]

Men ARE Rediculous

Sorry, I couldn't finish it either. Was it a pet or a Real Doll he ordered cause it sure read like a plastic thing and not anything with feelings or a brain. I gave up at the lists of rules, so unrealistic. I didn't rate it either.

Also, where's the training? It came ready for anal and everything right from the start?
As a pet, I hope no one reads this and thinks this is how pets are, or should be. Yeah, yeah I know it's fantasy, but so is porn and ya know how guys expect that

I was actually playing more to a male fantasy... No one really orders a pet from a website either, which is why she didn't need some parts of the training (and believe it or not, the schedule I got the idea from a girl whose Master is getting her to lose weight... So that was somewhat real to life) and came delivered with ears woven into her hair and a butt plug tail.

Also, I didn't feel that her thoughts and feelings would have written well into the 2nd person perspective. She would have had to talk about it all, and it just seemed tedious. It was written with the intention of the scenes, rather than the story. One shot wonder. If I'm going to go into character development, I need multiple chapters, of which I have several stories.

Anyone who tried to treat a real pet like that would find her scratching his eyes out. I know there's usually much more in the way of rules and prior verbal consent, but again, it was a scene shot.

I've got a story planned in first person where hubby and I do petplay and it will most CERTAINLY be much much different from this one.

 

[Loverskitten]

I was actually playing more to a male fantasy... No one really orders a pet from a website either, which is why she didn't need some parts of the training (and believe it or not, the schedule I got the idea from a girl whose Master is getting her to lose weight... So that was somewhat real to life) and came delivered with ears woven into her hair and a butt plug tail.

Also, I didn't feel that her thoughts and feelings would have written well into the 2nd person perspective. She would have had to talk about it all, and it just seemed tedious. It was written with the intention of the scenes, rather than the story. One shot wonder. If I'm going to go into character development, I need multiple chapters, of which I have several stories.

Anyone who tried to treat a real pet like that would find her scratching his eyes out. I know there's usually much more in the way of rules and prior verbal consent, but again, it was a scene shot.

I've got a story planned in first person where hubby and I do petplay and it will most CERTAINLY be much much different from this one.

Yeah I got the male perspective, another reason I couldn't relate at all, "you" is not me (or most of the readers to be frank). To be more frank, it's almost like you've never owned an actual pet (not human) ya know how it's all snuggles and pets, the honeymoon period, and getting to know your pet, you'd never jump right into discipline or trust could be lost, right? I know you want to defend your work so that's all I'll say.

 

[Stella_Omega]

She would have had to talk about it all, and it just seemed tedious.

yeah, consent is such a tedious thing.

But you know what, consent is the cornerstone of the whole slew of practices we call BDSM. Not just "not saying no" but specifically saying yes. It's part of every scene, every relationship. Without consent, it's just abuse.

Your story is what I might call "deSadian." DeSade's practices were predicated on power taken by force. BDSM as we know it is based on power given, and accepted.

Anyone who tried to treat a real pet like that would find her scratching his eyes out. I know there's usually much more in the way of rules and prior verbal consent, but again, it was a scene shot.

Again, consent is part of every scene. And you spent plenty of time establishing the reasons she was going to be there and that it was some kind of a long term arrangement. And this is her first days.

To write a successful story for the BDSM crowd you really have to make it clear that she knows what she's getting into, gang bangs included, and she doesn't have to be there if she doesn't want to be fucked by total strangers. Not to mention being abandoned while hurt, into a cage while everyone leaves the house. That's what I would call "really fucked up edgeplay."

My suggestion would be a couple sentences in that "order off the internet" routine, where "I" answer about ten pages of questions about what I want to do to my pet. And have the site say; "yes, we have a match!"

Something.

 

[Loverskitten]

yeah, consent is such a tedious thing.

But you know what, consent is the cornerstone of the whole slew of practices we call BDSM. Not just "not saying no" but specifically saying yes. It's part of every scene, every relationship. Without consent, it's just abuse.

Your story is what I might call "deSadian." DeSade's practices were predicated on power taken by force. BDSM as we know it is based on power given, and accepted.

To write a successful story for the BDSM crowd you really have to make it clear that she knows what she's getting into, gang bangs included, and she doesn't have to be there if she doesn't want to be fucked by total strangers. Not to mention being abandoned while hurt, into a cage while everyone leaves the house. That's what I would call "really fucked up edgeplay."

My suggestion would be a couple sentences in that "order off the internet" routine, where "I" answer about ten pages of questions about what I want to do to my pet. And have the site say; "yes, we have a match!"

Something.

Oh my! I'm glad I didn't finish reading.

 

[LaSalia]

I did some scenes like this in another story and the readers kept insisting I put it in the BDSM categoty. I was going for rough and over the top, and this category was the only place I knew to put it.

I like the "match" idea, that would have been a good place to elaborate on it.

And I have a dog. He's an Italian Greyhound. Very small & delicate. I did use crate training, as a matter of fact (although I don't hit him) as is common with the breed.

 

[LaSalia]

Not Defending Work So Much...

When people "hate" a story they tend to hate on the author. I get really annoyed when that happens. I understand that the story isn't entirely accurate to the suc-culture, but I was trying to push the boundries of the TPE as I saw them. That is rare in the BDSM culture, since even things like safe words are absent. People abuse their pets, too, real ones, and they often stay with their owners. It was meant to be messed up, and I just hope you didn't take it as insulting, just as an expression of fantasy where someone willingly gives total control to someone else to make all their decisions, even when they aren't the same decisions the sub would have made on her own.

Am I making sense? Besides, no idiot would, I hope, come to a fantasy Lit site to learn about BDSM. Wikipedia would be much more accurate

 

[Stella_Omega]

I did some scenes like this in another story and the readers kept insisting I put it in the BDSM categoty. I was going for rough and over the top, and this category was the only place I knew to put it.

I getcha. I dunno. Yes, it's something that some people think of as BDSM. Like I said, I think of it as "deSadian." but a lot of folks don't know the difference.

I like the "match" idea, that would have been a good place to elaborate on it.

And maybe make something out of the way "I" am able to pick thorough all the possible looks and just naturally have THAT woman show up at my door. That's some service there! I'd say these are androids. They cost more than your years mortgage, but you can treat them like shit without damaging them.

And I have a dog. He's an Italian Greyhound. Very small & delicate. I did use crate training, as a matter of fact (although I don't hit him) as is common with the breed.

although you don't hit him. That's a pretty important part of petplay. We treat our human as we would a pet. Crating, sure. A swat with a rolled up newspaper. Even "arranged breedings," you bet. But we don't gangbang our Italian greyhounds.

Believe me there's nothing hotter than someone in a crate. I'm on one side of the bars or the other as often as possible. I have a thing for cages.

Even someone sobbing and bleeding in a crate-- I'm good with that, once I know that person has consented to being beaten and made to cry.

You HAVE to include consent in your BDSM stories. Even if it's just a line as I take her leash, where I ask the delivery boy; "Does she understand that I'm going to treat her like shit?" and she nods eagerly.

But you know also, pet play is about treating the person as the animal. Foxes are undomesticatible. They don't respond at all to rough treatment-- a dog is a sturdier personality.

 

[YourCaptor]

I actually love non consent stories. They can be very BDSM.

 

[Netzach]

I think this would play just fine as a sex android story.

I can't get my head around the verbal pet idea, with ears and tails and "no sitting on furniture" - to me that's about non-verboseness, don't ask me why. And we treat our pets with absurd amounts of indulgence and love.

I'd be totally behind the android thing. Then you really can make her be that empty and boring and get away with it.

 

[Loverskitten]

I think this would play just fine as a sex android story.

I can't get my head around the verbal pet idea, with ears and tails and "no sitting on furniture" - to me that's about non-verboseness, don't ask me why. And we treat our pets with absurd amounts of indulgence and love.

I'd be totally behind the android thing. Then you really can make her be that empty and boring and get away with it.

Yes yes yes! I completely agree with everything you said! Especially the "absurd amounts of indulgence and love." PURRRRRRRRR

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think this would play just fine as a sex android story.

I can't get my head around the verbal pet idea, with ears and tails and "no sitting on furniture" - to me that's about non-verboseness, don't ask me why. And we treat our pets with absurd amounts of indulgence and love.

I'd be totally behind the android thing. Then you really can make her be that empty and boring and get away with it.

Now I want to write about the android factory. There would be a handful of A.I.s running it, and they would synthesize minds for the different requirements. There would be a lot of "He wants WHAT??? *snicker snicker* Oh well, if that's what he wants..."

 

[Netzach]

Maybe I'm a genre Nazi. Hey, you've got MC/Robots in my petplay!

 

[SoBelle]

So.... I want to write a BDSM story about training a pet, and I was thinking about writing it in the 2nd person, with a little bit of a "how to" theme, but subtle. Would that still appeal to the general BDSM audience?

Also not in the BDSM life, still researching for the story, any pets or masters with some ideas, I'd love it!

Have to agree with Scotsman. Stick with what you know. The best stories are written by those who are passionate about the subject material.