stumped on the river

[Lauren Hynde]

Sonnets.....

LOL

 

[The_Fool]

Okay Sonnet Guru's,

I was always thought that the (Elizabethan) sonnet needed a twist. No, I don't mean like a martini, I mean a thematic twist. So the first part of the sonnet (8 lines) set the stage and the last part of the sonnet (6 lines) flipped it around.

Example from Will:

Sonnet 29

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.

My favorite sonnet that I through against the wall:



My sweet fair lady called out for her Fool,
“My day is melancholy and I crave
your witty sayings, breach this sadness cruel.”
For love of her fair laughter I would slave.
As Fool for her I sang and tales did tell
Of decadence and innocence belied.
For her the bawdy message boded well
The river of her passion he denied.
A tongue of talent was what she desired.
With loosened bodice she reached out to touch
My ego and create impassioned fire,
Which left me wanting her so very much.
The darkened bar helped me hide from her view.
Too shy to talk, my daydreams left me blue.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Re: Re: Re: revised

Actually:

-my LOVE, my FA-v'rite VA-lenTINE

There. Now you only need one more iamb. Maybe:

My ON/ly LOVE/ my FA/v'rite VA/lenTINE

There. Iambic Pentameter.

<big smile>

~thanks~
its coming together <grin>

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Okay Sonnet Guru's,

I was always thought that the (Elizabethan) sonnet needed a twist. No, I don't mean like a martini, I mean a thematic twist. So the first part of the sonnet (8 lines) set the stage and the last part of the sonnet (6 lines) flipped it around.

Example from Will:

Sonnet 29

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.

My favorite sonnet that I through against the wall:



My sweet fair lady called out for her Fool,
“My day is melancholy and I crave
your witty sayings, breach this sadness cruel.”
For love of her fair laughter I would slave.
As Fool for her I sang and tales did tell
Of decadence and innocence belied.
For her the bawdy message boded well
The river of her passion he denied.
A tongue of talent was what she desired.
With loosened bodice she reached out to touch
My ego and create impassioned fire,
Which left me wanting her so very much.
The darkened bar helped me hide from her view.
Too shy to talk, my daydreams left me blue.

woohoo clif notes <Grin>

thanks fool very good examples
I see more... how the syllable breaks go to~

 

[Angeline]

Okay Sonnet Guru's,

I was always thought that the (Elizabethan) sonnet needed a twist. No, I don't mean like a martini, I mean a thematic twist. So the first part of the sonnet (8 lines) set the stage and the last part of the sonnet (6 lines) flipped it around.

Example from Will:

Sonnet 29

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.

My favorite sonnet that I through against the wall:



My sweet fair lady called out for her Fool,
“My day is melancholy and I crave
your witty sayings, breach this sadness cruel.”
For love of her fair laughter I would slave.
As Fool for her I sang and tales did tell
Of decadence and innocence belied.
For her the bawdy message boded well
The river of her passion he denied.
A tongue of talent was what she desired.
With loosened bodice she reached out to touch
My ego and create impassioned fire,
Which left me wanting her so very much.
The darkened bar helped me hide from her view.
Too shy to talk, my daydreams left me blue.

ooooooooh, we get to say our favorite Shakespeare sonnets?????

Here's mine. I'm in awe of it. (Thanks for the brief hijack Art--it's a good one!)

When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutor'd youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppress'd.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told:

Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be.

 

[foehn]

Shakespeare was the Master...

... 'Tis true.

Here's my favorite:



SONNET 130

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks*.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.


* -- In Shakespeare's day, "reek" did not have the negative connotation it does today. Indicates "exhalation" or "blow," more than indicating odor.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

ooooooooh, we get to say our favorite Shakespeare sonnets?????

Here's mine. I'm in awe of it. (Thanks for the brief hijack Art--it's a good one!)

When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutor'd youth,
Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth suppress'd.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
O, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told:

Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be.

wicked ...simply naughty <grin>
hehehehe very nice

 

[My Erotic Tale]

okay gonna work on this tonight <bump>
will send it in monday <grin>

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Adam and Eve started a love from seed
every one has search to fill love's deep need
lucky ones share the joys and the blessings
that comes from a love with shared feelings

Numbers unknown of the broken hearts
in the deep earth bedded for deaths slumber
Did each beating heart feel passion's love Art
every soul that has live has felt love's thunder

lonely is a one way love but still love
where their passion had no reflection
Their soul burn for the touch of a hug
yearning feelings mirrored by another

I can only account for one in time
My only love, My Favorite Valentine

okay critic this ...hehehe...I think it's done...
aint perfect but reads better...

 

[foehn]

Art, my friend...

*prepares to hide*

...the sentiments are very nice, but that's one of the suckiest sonnets I've ever seen...

but I love ya, man. you sure know how to hang in there.



/foehn

*hides*

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Re: Art, my friend...

*prepares to hide*

...the sentiments are very nice, but that's one of the suckiest sonnets I've ever seen...

but I love ya, man. you sure know how to hang in there.



/foehn

*hides*

Thanks Fohen

that's the nicest way to put it,

I do note that when I read the shakespeare
and angelines sonnet they didn't flow well
either am I reading them wrong or are there
catches, the simple ta dum ta dum is rather tricky <grin>

I cant call this complete yet <smile>
I have just been a tad busy!

thanks amigo

 

[champagne1982]

breath

For do not I but breathe the air
my love has kissed for me?
As his hands knit warmth for us to share
breathes not he nor I, but we.
Touch now this skin o'er pulsing vein
and hear heart's love as it beats
rhythmic'ly to passion's glad refrain,
sung in sighs to night's cloud fleets
sailing to the comfort of a soft caress.
Amidst tangles of crisp linen sheets
listen, while I, my need confess
shunned control, stubborn pride retreats.
Shed with me, this moment, the day hours' care,
with love, make night's solitude more fair.

 

[foehn]

finesse?

What you may lack in finesse, Art, you make up for with heart. Your writings here are much more popular than mine.

The "ta-DUM" thing (meter) is hard for some to get. I've wondered sometimes if it isn't something a little like being tone-deaf. Most people I've been around either get it or they don't.

Just taking a look at a few lines...

Adam and Eve started a love from seed
every one has search to fill love's deep need
lucky ones share the joys and the blessings
that comes from a love with shared feelings

Here's how the meter goes, more or less:

AD-am and EVE STAR-ted a LOVE from SEED (5 strong-stresses)
EV-ery ONE has SEARCH to FILL LOVE's DEEP NEED (6 stresses)
LUCK-y ones SHARE the JOYS and the BLESS-ings (4 stresses)
that COMES from a LOVE with SHARED FEEL-ings. (4 stresses)

It's my opinion that you can move beyond iambic pentameter to make the rhythm more interesting, but you can't move beyond it until you know what it is and what you're doing. You can maybe sort of "fine-tune" your ear until you "get it." Consider this:

since EVE || and AD ||-am START || -ed LOVE || from SEED

[ta-DUM || ta-DUM || ta-DUM || ta-DUM || ta-DUM] - (5 iambs)

we ALL || have SEARCHED || to FILL || our DEEP || -est NEED

the LUCK || -y SHARE || the JOYS || and THUS || are BLESSED.

i GIVE || you THIS || ex-AMP ||-le. I'M || a PEST.


...and I'm probably not helping much, but there it is.

 

[BooMerengue]

Adam and Eve started a love from seed
every one has search to fill love's deep need
lucky ones share the joys and the blessings
that comes from a love with shared feelings

Numbers unknown of the broken hearts
in the deep earth bedded for deaths slumber
Did each beating heart feel passion's love Art
every soul that has live has felt love's thunder

lonely is a one way love but still love
where their passion had no reflection
Their soul burn for the touch of a hug
yearning feelings mirrored by another

I can only account for one in time
My only love, My Favorite Valentine

okay critic this ...hehehe...I think it's done...
aint perfect but reads better...

Art? I'm not real experienced at this, but heres something I do...

Read it out loud using the meter... if you have to say a word differently in the poem to keep the meter than you would in a normal conversation, then it won't work.

right here...
Numbers unknown of the broken hearts
in the deep earth bedded for deaths slumber

your stress starts on the 2nd syllable ie: Numbers unknown... etc. sounds ok, but in keeping that rhythm you then have to say 'slumbers and no one says slumbers that way. So it causes a stumble.

I wrote this silly thing a long time ago... maybe it'll help...

Iamb Learning

Okay my friends come here and listen up;
I'll try to teach you how to place your words
to mimic flights of Angels and of birds
and not the antics of a playful pup!

Its best if you can write the way you speak
and let the accent fall where it is meant.
Dont force it by plac ing it dif fer ent.*
By bending words sometimes you make them weak.

*You see what I just did; I made you stumble.
I should replace the word 'force' but I won't.
Or do you think I should replace the 'don't'?
To find just the right word will make you humble.

I watched Hyndes task bring on the puzzled faces
and then I saw a trace of something more
from those across the pond whom we adore
They put their accent marks in different places!

When you are through then open your thesaurus
and decorate your work with sounds that sing!
Now praise yourself for all the joy you'll bring
and give a wink to this ol' dinosaurus!

Keep going... it's good!

 

[Guest]

Have fun counting syllables