Submissives, what attracts you to a Dom/me?

[Persephone36]

Just wanted to pop in and welcome longingto as well!


I also wanted to say (wait there's *always* a second part with me, isn't there? lol) -- that I found this so moving Caroline. I'd love to establish a relationship with those elements and with a man I felt that way about. Just hasn't happened for me yet. But I have faith in myself (finally, lol.)

Having never "shopped" for a Dom (at least not consciously) all I can do is consider those qualities that are most important to me in the one I have.
I would start with his bearing of quiet assurance, which makes me feel calm and anchored and safe in his hands.
His sense of humor assures me that he does not consider himself infallible, and that if a plan goes awry he will respond with a shrug and a laugh, rather than with anger or sullenness.
He does not limit or isolate me, he encourages me to be open and inquisitive. With all due respect to others styles, if he were to place limits on my communicating with others in the lifestyle, I would see that as a red flag.
He admit to his lack of knowledge and opens his ears and his mind to those who possess it, without any hint of resentment or envy towards those who know more than he does.
And most importantly, he makes it apparent at all times that our individual happiness is depenent on our happiness as a couple, that if I am distressed or anxious, that it is not just my problem, but ours.

Just really beautiful -- and wonderful to hear.

P.

 

[CarolineOh]

Perse, thank you so much. I am certain that you will find someone who will appreciate your special grace and give to you the happiness you deserve.

 

[cymbidia]

Gotta be a he?

Damn.

You're a funny girl.

And no. Historically, it doesn't have to be a he. It's been a she a couple times in my past, more then a couple if you count just plain flings. You know, those ships in the night kind things? However, right now and out into the foreseeable future it's most definitely a he. Sorry MzC; you sound like a hell of a lot of fun, to be honest. (And you're just soooooo pretty, too.)

 

[SpectreT]

There's a certain something within; it shows most in the voice and the eyes. There's a manner of speaking, not necesarily the choice of words as the way the words are spoken.

I'm having a hell of a time explaining this. MzC's a good example, though. She manages to make it come through on the board in her posts.

Even if she does scare me a little with her butterfly board.

Ebonyfire's another example. I guess it's a confidence and self-assuredness that isn't cocky that I'm trying to describe.

It's not a quality unique to Dom(me)s either. Plenty of submissives exhibit similar qualities; just enough different in the expression to notice, if you're alert and attentive.

Then again, I'm a switch, so I respond to both.

 

[spankableBelle]

i didn't go shopping for One, but...(fingers crossed)

Strength of character and a knowledge of Himself in all facets of life. Strength of spirit, human decency and kindness, openness of heart and mind. Patience, a lot of patience. Certainty of what He needs, wants, desires. Quiet Dominance that radiates off His being and quivers in His words. Unpretentious confidence in Himself. Understanding. Respect. Willingness to communicate. Ability to learn. A steady hand that guides, pushes gently, nudges just enough. Knows His own soul. Ability to listen, to actually hear and digest what is being said... Encouraging of one to learn, to read, to ask, to research, to better oneself... Insightful. Affectionate. Extremely sexual, sensual, erotic, kinky. Loyal to His heart. Emotional and mental strength. Laughter. Strength in building up one that is weak, and tearing down that which keeps Him from accomplishing it. Relentless. Trustworthy and knowing that that too must be earned to some extent. Never settling. Always knowing what His girl is feeling, knowing her, what is best, even and especially when she is lost... Knowledge in His own physical power. Knowledge in His own limits. Knowledge in when to stop. Knowledge in the safety of His girl, emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually. Being in control at all times, even when His guard is down. Never being afraid to be human, to accept mistakes, to own up, to ask forgiveness, to accept it when given. To see beauty in one kneeling. To see beauty beyond the outward package. To see the soul inside and know the answer to the question... To know when to release His girl when He sees He is not doing what is best for her submissive soul. Strength to see and to embrace that which is before Him, begging, seeking, needing to be released into His hands...

belle

 

[Ass_tronaut_T]

i didn't go shopping for One, but...(fingers crossed)

Strength of character and a knowledge of Himself in all facets of life. Strength of spirit, human decency and kindness, openness of heart and mind. Patience, a lot of patience. Certainty of what He needs, wants, desires. Quiet Dominance that radiates off His being and quivers in His words. Unpretentious confidence in Himself. Understanding. Respect. Willingness to communicate. Ability to learn. A steady hand that guides, pushes gently, nudges just enough. Knows His own soul. Ability to listen, to actually hear and digest what is being said... Encouraging of one to learn, to read, to ask, to research, to better oneself... Insightful. Affectionate. Extremely sexual, sensual, erotic, kinky. Loyal to His heart. Emotional and mental strength. Laughter. Strength in building up one that is weak, and tearing down that which keeps Him from accomplishing it. Relentless. Trustworthy and knowing that that too must be earned to some extent. Never settling. Always knowing what His girl is feeling, knowing her, what is best, even and especially when she is lost... Knowledge in His own physical power. Knowledge in His own limits. Knowledge in when to stop. Knowledge in the safety of His girl, emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually. Being in control at all times, even when His guard is down. Never being afraid to be human, to accept mistakes, to own up, to ask forgiveness, to accept it when given. To see beauty in one kneeling. To see beauty beyond the outward package. To see the soul inside and know the answer to the question... To know when to release His girl when He sees He is not doing what is best for her submissive soul. Strength to see and to embrace that which is before Him, begging, seeking, needing to be released into His hands...

If I fit your description is a judgement that has to be made by others -but this is beautifully said, belle.

T.

 

[spankableBelle]

If I fit your description is a judgement that has to be made by others -but this is beautifully said, belle.

T.

~smile~

Thank you, T. Truly and heartfelt, thank you.

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Sandia...

...I would say it is intelligence, confidence with a big old dash of sympathetic perversion.

 

[Red Menace]

Exactly what Belle said and add a muscular chest and a big...

...bag of toys.

 

[spankableBelle]

Exactly what Belle said and add a muscular chest and a big...

...bag of toys.

<giggles>

 

[TantaLiza]

Have to agree that Belle states it better than I could....adding to it good hygiene!!!

 

[spankableBelle]

Have to agree that Belle states it better than I could....adding to it good hygiene!!!

Hmmm...a trend here...if ya'll want something written that you don't know how to put into words yourself, just let me know...i'll be happy to help...<giggles>

thank you, liza...~smile~

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Belle, Thank you for describing my Master so well.

I'd swear if I didn't know better that you had met him. I totally agree with you on this.


dixi

 

[spankableBelle]

Belle, Thank you for describing my Master so well.

I'd swear if I didn't know better that you had met him. I totally agree with you on this.


dixi

<grin> you are most welcome, dixi, and thank you...i'm sure that He lives up to every word too...i wish you both much happiness...

 

[A Desert Rose]

One important criteria......

He needs to like my dog, (he's a yellow Lab.)

It says a lot about a man who loves animals, especially dogs.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

What do you look for?
Are there signs that tell you if someone is right for you?
What turns you on (in the getting to know you phase)?

Can you tell I really like this thread?

A man who challenges my intellect and is able to read me and my needs, one who wants to know about ME, usually is indicative of His "rightness" for me.

Laughter turns me on in the "getting to know each other" phase. If He can make me slap my knees and belly laugh..... He's a keeper.

And He's gotta like my dog.

Rose