Subs : Have you fallen in love with your Dom?

[paisleyavenger]

Not yet. But I'm still new....probably will.
This was a very interesting thread. I liked the differing perspectives. In my imagination i've always pictured myself submitting to someone I loved, so I can sympathize with many of you.
Good question, thought provoking.

 

[kimuk]

I'm usually not the type to fall in love. I try very hard to keep my fragile emotions safe. With my most recent domme, however, I feel like I let myself get too comfortable. Everything was fine at first. It was extremely hot and heavy, but she wasn't my domme back then. We were more of a friends with benefits type deal, and she had a gf(I know tsk tsk) Anyways as things went on I started feeling close enough to show her my sub side, and started calling her master. I knew what was happening but I also knew telling her meant losing her a few days ago I got really deperessed about it..mostly because she was hanging out with her gf.. I didn't tell her that though. I just told her I needed some time to think. I've tried to talk to her since then, but no response. *sigh*I feel empty without master.

Sorry Hunnie. It does an intense relationship make and along with it comes all those feelings. I cant and wont seperate one for the other

 

[veeval]

Sorry Hunnie. It does an intense relationship make and along with it comes all those feelings. I cant and wont seperate one for the other

I've learned my lesson. Time for this pet to run wild again.

 

[sweet_secrets4u]

Ive read this thread with keen interest.
Im married and have been for 21 years.
I came here because my husband is away and will be for another 10 months. I found (not that I was looking for) a lovely man who has become my online lover.

I love both men deeply, and both love me. I know the feelings I have for my online lover is every bit real to me as they are for my husband. Being online, you have a tendency to say things you wouldn't ordinarily say in rl.

OL or in RL some relationships last and some don't. My online lover is happy how things are and so am I, though I do yearn to touch and feel. Who knows how long my LDR will last, but for me, I'm enjoying what I have for as long as I can.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

We chose different relationships for different reasons, but for me I just don't see love as something that should be avoided, feared, or spent so prudently.

 

[carlieplum]

We fell in love first, and then he became my dom.

When I was dating, I always felt like the guys I was dating were trying to control me, like I was "too much" for them--I talked too much, I had too many opinions, I worked too hard, etc. And the more they tried the more I showed them not to even make the effort...or I showed them the door.

My partner and I never had those issues. I can give him control and enjoy him taking it because he doesn't NEED it. We had a long relationship before the D/s dynamic entered the picture. It's made our relationship better, deeper, richer, and the sex is hot.

 

[sdnt]

Yes. I love my Master. He is my heart. I gave him my mind, body and spirit and he made them his to protect. He is mine to please and obey and I am his perfect wish. He cares for me and nurtures me. How could I not fall in love with this wonderful man? It might sound naive, but that is how I feel.

 

[FrozenRose]

I think that irl, a higher connection is probable.

 

[knot_sweet]

I fell in love with M the man

But I would would never have gotten to know Him if it wasn't for knowing M/M the PYL.

At this point, He is more important to me than our kinky relationship. If He never wanted to play again, I'd still love Him. Of course, that would present some problems getting my sub needs fulfilled...but I wouldn't leave Him...and I certainly wouldn't start a new D/s relationship without His full support and approval of the person who would be PYLing me.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I only read your initial post - just FYI. But I fell in love so much with my Dom that I moved to another country & married him!

I will point out that I knew him for over two years by the time we got married AND had lived with him for over six months also. I was VERY careful going into this as we met online. He's also met my family and they adore him. Obviously, they have NO clue about this side of it and never will. But figured I needed to quantify my answer. If that's even the right word.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I can only guess/imagine that if a man is dominating me in some way: I will *love him.

*as I know it.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Maybe what I mean to say is that I will not be dominated by a man that I do not love.

 

[RedButterflySlut]

I fell in love with my Dom very intensely. He didn't return my feelings.

It's hard.

 

[Netzach]

On a different note, I feel compelled to add that there are those who do D/s without love in the romantic sense. On this board, Netzach comes to mind. I would be curious to find out whether her slave has ever fallen in love with her.

Absolutely.

It's not reciprocated "like that". I basically tell them this in no uncertain terms, sometimes in extremely cruel fashion, repeatedly. Often this gives them a boner. Sometimes it makes them cry. Sometimes they get weird, and then I avoid them.

If you want to flag "slave" with me, this isn't about your emotional support. You are to be an emotionally self supported structure there to serve me, full stop. Politically correct D/s people are generally horrified when I say things like this, and when it comes to slaves, a genuine interaction with one is about as common as the kind of winter we just had. I like it when it happens, I can't in my right mind expect it.

I don't do the "slave as partner" thing. Those things are not compatible in my opinion.

They persist anyway because they're emotionally masochistic, or whatever it is that makes them want to persist. It's not my business, really, as I see it.

 

[Edith_UK]

Love. Meh.

 

[Pelagie]

I wouldn't say meh to love. It's wonderful! I've never had a Dom that I wasn't involved emotionally with so I can't really speak to this topic.

 

[BeAGoodBoy]

In my experience, love doesn't need reciprocation in order to be satisfied.

Is that love? There is a thread of detatchment in that sentence.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Is that love? There is a thread of detatchment in that sentence.

I think that true Love is a gift that should be given freely without expectation of reciprocity. That does not soothe the inherent hunger to be loved however, and there in lies the torment.

 

[BeAGoodBoy]

Absolutely.

If you want to flag "slave" with me, this isn't about your emotional support. You are to be an emotionally self supported structure there to serve me, full stop. Politically correct D/s people are generally horrified when I say things like this, and when it comes to slaves, a genuine interaction with one is about as common as the kind of winter we just had. I like it when it happens, I can't in my right mind expect it.

I don't do the "slave as partner" thing. Those things are not compatible in my opinion.

They persist anyway because they're emotionally masochistic, or whatever it is that makes them want to persist. It's not my business, really, as I see it.

I agree on all counts.

I cannot be all things to one person, nor do I require one to be all things to me.

Unfortunately, BDSM tends to be a catch-all for the emotionally needy and/or predatory.

 

[nimoway80]

......

 

[sdnt]

Yes. I love my Master. He is my heart. I gave him my mind, body and spirit and he made them his to protect. He is mine to please and obey and I am his perfect wish. He cares for me and nurtures me. How could I not fall in love with this wonderful man? It might sound naive, but that is how I feel.

And it's been fine with him. I am needy, the way he wants me to need him. It's something special that I feel can never really make sense. And I'm not sure, but sometimes love does that. It either makes things murky or washes clean.

 

[afriendg]

I think that true Love is a gift that should be given freely without expectation of reciprocity. That does not soothe the inherent hunger to be loved however, and there in lies the torment.

I agree...the heart wants what the heart wants..whether or not it is returned...and the pleasure and the sorrow is what makes the world go around.

 

[Azalea]

I can't imagine having a sexual relationship with someone I didn't love. Since I've had only one sexual partner in my whole lifetime, that does limit my perspective. (I'm not counting the groping boyfriend in my senior year of high school who got to see my breasts and let me see and touch him.)

Yet.......every time I fantasize, I am serving or being served by two or three men. So, am I a hypocrite or just confused?

I wouldn't have a Dom who didn't love me.....can't imagine it.

 

[pixxie91]

I'm in love with mine... It put a bit of a strain on our relationship for awhile. Still does, sometimes...