The anti-boasting thread

[StillStunned]

I'm coming to realise that I'm really bad at writing action scenes. I tend to get lost in the POV character's thoughts and reactions, and gloss over who's doing what and to whom.

 

[TheLobster]

I'm coming to realise that I'm really bad at writing action scenes. I tend to get lost in the POV character's thoughts and reactions, and gloss over who's doing what and to whom.

Admit it: this is just a thinly veiled boast that you can write really good sex scenes, full of emotion and passion instead of just simple IKEA erotica. And this is such an instinct for you, you are unable to turn it off even when the story really calls for a simple "apply sword A to jugular B".

Anti-boasting my foot

 

[StillStunned]

Admit it: this is just a thinly veiled boast that you can write really good sex scenes, full of emotion and passion instead of just simple IKEA erotica. And this is such an instinct for you, you are unable to turn it off even when the story really calls for a simple "apply sword A to jugular B".

Anti-boasting my foot

Well, that goes without saying, obviously! But no, my latest submission has a couple of action scenes, including a fight, and while I can picture it in my head I'm really not sure how clear it is on the page. Like I said, they've mostly become descriptions of the narrator's reactions.

In one of my stories I did have an "apply sword A to jugular B scene" and it worked really well. The POV character runs into a guard, and they're preparing to fight, when a third character shows up and stabs the guard. With a sword. In the jugular.

 

[TheLobster]

Like I said, they've mostly become descriptions of the narrator's reactions.

That's fine. Nothing wrong with the character hearing the swish of a blade next to his ear and ducking behind a wall to prepare for a counterstrike.

Just don't let him dwell on what the tone of said swish says about the exact smithery in Damascus the sword was likely forged in, and the intricate detail for the very involved and precise tempering process.

 

[StillStunned]

Just don't let him dwell on what the tone of said swish says about the exact smithery in Damascus the sword was likely forged in, and the intricate detail for the very involved and precise tempering process.

Hehe...

"Are all demons obsessed with sex?" she growled. "This one seems to want to rape me with its tongue."

Sligh had moved to flank the thing, daggers still held before him as it turned to follow. "Most scholars believe that it's more about traumatising their victims, rather than simply lust on the demon's part." Metal clashed as the mannequin slashed with its spike and he blocked it with his blades. "Except of course--"

 

[mildlyaroused]

Fights are so hard to write without things devolving into "This happened, then this happened, then this happened..." (etc, etc, ad infinitum). When I have moments of violence, I try to keep them brief. Admittedly I don't read hard fantasy much, but I really would have zero clue how to execute a large-scale battle between two factions!

 

[Rob_Royale]

For me, it's plotting.

Me too. I have a good imagination, but it's shallow, if you get my drift. Coming up with an elaborate storyline for a murder mystery is quite beyond me, though not for lack of trying. The simplicity of story lines in erotica appeals to me for this reason.

 

[StillStunned]

Me too. I have a good imagination, but it's shallow, if you get my drift. Coming up with an elaborate storyline for a murder mystery is quite beyond me, though not for lack of trying. The simplicity of story lines in erotica appeals to me for this reason.

I've tried plotting. Bit anything beyond the vaguest of outlines just bores me, unless it's in the chapter I'm actively writing. I can plan out elements that I want to include, but that's as far as it goes.

I've listened to all the various audiobooks about plotting and structure, and every time I think, "Right, I can do that!" And then I lose interest.

 

[TheLobster]

Me too. I have a good imagination, but it's shallow, if you get my drift. Coming up with an elaborate storyline for a murder mystery is quite beyond me, though not for lack of trying. The simplicity of story lines in erotica appeals to me for this reason.

This was the reason why I was initially very skeptical I'd be able to prepare anything for the Mickey Spillane event.

I figured I'm gonna need a puzzle for the main character to solve, so I tried to outline the very basic premise, that would nevertheless meander enough to provide enough material for the necessary twists and turns of a crime mystery. At first it was just in my head, and I traced the threads I couldn't help but think of that memetic photo of a raving madman in front of a gigantic whiteboard, thoroughly covered with scraps and sharpie marks of his latest conspiracy theory. (Is that from "Big Bang Theory"?) When I tallied it up, I realized that even I dispensed with my usual verbosity and embraced the fast, understated style, it'd still result in pretty much a full-length novel.

I was ready to throw in the towel. But the initial scene was a very vivid picture in my mind, and I couldn't quite let it go. So I figured I'd just sit down and start writing it, to see if it can lead me anywhere. I had such a good fun, trying to sling those silly metaphors you find in hardboiled/noir crime novels, that I quickly went pass that opening scene and into another. About 3-4k words in, the rest of the plot more or less fell into place, with a few details about the murderer's motivations that I only "discovered" while writing the confession scene. Guess it was a mystery I had to solve myself

Of course, it's still possible that readers will immediately uncover glaring plot holes as soon as the story is published. But maybe not? Let's hope that it is actually possible to write even something a bit more complex by mostly pantsing

 

[ElectricBlue]

Fights are so hard to write without things devolving into "This happened, then this happened, then this happened..." (etc, etc, ad infinitum). When I have moments of violence, I try to keep them brief. Admittedly I don't read hard fantasy much, but I really would have zero clue how to execute a large-scale battle between two factions!

You just keep it simple:

She went closer to him. "Come, sweet brother mine, you always wanted a kiss."

She tenderly reached for the blaze on his cheek, the king's mark made there, raging dark. "Oh my brother, I slept with you nine months, was it never enough?"

Mordant startled back, dread in his eyes, all colour drained from his face but the blaze. Lilith stepped right up to him, her breasts against his chest, and put her arm around him, her grim strength holding him close. "Oh, my brother, taste my lips." She kissed him hard on the lips, her tongue thrusting between them, fucking into his mouth. "My lips, brother, taste my lips. Taste this."

And with her other hand she plunged her killing knife deep into Mordant's belly, upwards to pierce his lungs, downwards to rupture his gut, left and right to spill his flesh and blood all steaming on the ground.

Mordant's eyes opened wide with the adrenal shock, and he looked down in wonder at what his sister had done. His guts fell to the white snow, staining it pink and red and brown in a spreading circle around him. He fell to his knees for a moment and looked up at Lilith in disbelief. "What...."

Lilith stepped back as Mordant's body fell forward into its own filth, looking down on him as she might look at a gutted fish by a fisherman's basket. She prodded at him with her foot to make sure. She knelt and made one swift cut, then weighted his body with stones, and it sank slow swaying to the bottom of the lake.

- from my retell of the Arthurian myth, The Dark Chronicles.

 

[StillStunned]

You just keep it simple:

It's a lovely piece of writing, but I wouldn't call it an action scene, and definitely not a large-scale battle.

In one of my stories I have a party that turns into an orgy when a demon shows up. Then an alien shows up to kill the demon. In the meantime the protagonists have to kill the host. And then people start panicking and stampeding for the doors.

The only way I could write it was by keeping a close focus on one character's point of view, and having him look up every so often to see how the situation has changed. Most of the passage describes his internal struggles. In my mind it's a visual spectacle, but on the page it's probably very bare and confusing.

 

[Bamagan]

Trying to write about compressed time is always hard. As a DnD nerd, it's quite familiar. Hours of time spent walking or training or just living pass in seconds, conversations might happen in something close to real time (with occasional interruptions for Charisma checks or clarifications about body language or whatever), and thirty seconds of combat can take hours to resolve. So much might be happening that you could spend thousands of words trying to break it all down, and by the time you get to the end, people have probably forgotten how it started.
I think the best bet as a writer is to treat it like the slow motion moments from an action movie. They're trying to focus on the few coolest things that would otherwise happen in a confusing blur of action. I think that's about the best one can hope for, focusing on a few critical things in detail and letting the rest be a blurry watercolor. If anything else important happened, it can be dealt with in the after-action report.

(Caveat emptor, though, because I actually get really tired of watching slowmo scenes!)

 

[StillStunned]

(Caveat emptor, though, because I actually get really tired of watching slowmo scenes!)

Can't you just speed them up?

Back in the 1990s me and my friend watched loads of crappy action movies. Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, that kind of stuff. And we'd get sick of the slow-mo, repeated-from-every-single-angle action shots that became an obligatory part of every fight. At a certain point it wasn't just the knock-out punch/kick either, but two or three blows in each fight.

(What eventually turned us off the genre was the "He's the best" line that had to make an appearance whenever the hero was first introduced.)

 

[MK_Whimsy]

Probably scant attention to plot, for one. I tend to focus more on describing scenes and scenarios, and neglect building out actual storylines.

Also, the occasional too-long paragraph. A paragraph that looks fine on my desktop editor can look like an ungodly wall of text on mobile, and it's challenging to find that balance.

EDIT: Also, I'm terrible at coming up with titles!

 

[Djmac1031]

Where to begin?

Just started a thread earlier about how I struggle with details. I'm pretty good with people. But I struggle trying to describe a house, or a park, or any other setting, I I generally am very bare bones about it.

@SimonDoom mentioned not enjoying research, & @NoTalentHack spoke of his fear of getting things wrong. I'm in the same boat. If I give a character a job, I will only ever delve into it on the most basic and generic levels. If at all.

Because I don't wanna get it wrong but I hate having to research it.

Somebody else mentioned too many "ly" words. I edit so many out and probably still finish with too many.

Paragraph breaks: I've been told (kindly) I tend to consider every new sentence a new paragraph as well. Something I'm again working on but probably still do more than I realize.

I know I do it in comments too .

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Not totally different from @Djmac1031 here. I don't have aphantasia, but I am more of a verbal thinker. I will have a busy, interesting, sexy scene (10 women wearing strapons simultaneously moving toward their 10 partners, who are all face down and butt raised ready for penetration) and totally forget to describe it to the reader.

-Annie

 

[StillStunned]

Not totally different from @Djmac1031 here. I don't have aphantasia, but I am more of a verbal thinker. I will have a busy, interesting, sexy scene (10 women wearing strapons simultaneously moving toward their 10 partners, who are all face down and butt raised ready for penetration) and totally forget to describe it to the reader.

-Annie

My latest submission has barely any sex but lots of story. For the final revision, I made a list elements that I had to make sure were clear enough: add more detail about the toxic swamp, describe the antagonist's elongated physique more clearly, describe the size of the lizard the protagonist is riding. Thing that, like you say, are clear in your mind but you have to remember to actually put on the page.

 

[TheLobster]

describe the size of the lizard the protagonist is riding

Damn, the euphemisms that kids these days are coming up with are truly out of control!

 

[StillStunned]

Damn, the euphemisms that kids these days are coming up with are truly out of control!

"Hey babe, want to pet my iguana? It's basking in the sun."

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Damn, the euphemisms that kids these days are coming up with are truly out of control!

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=drain the lizard

-Annie

 

[WhiteTailDarkTip]

I don’t really know what kind of writer I am. I’m not great at self reflection. People seem to like what I turn out, and apart from a few criticisms over cock-ups such as mixing up the Parthenon and the Pantheon, comments are generally positive.
I don’t really plot. Things happen organically - or they don’t. I think I’d be pretty bad at writing to order.
The most flak I got was for a short I wrote for Valentine’s Day. Peculiarly I think people were upset that I’d put too much detail in. This was viewed (I think) as loose ends and some readers considered the story unfinished. And there was no sex either. Bummer.

 

[Erozetta]

I don’t really know what kind of writer I am. I’m not great at self reflection. People seem to like what I turn out, and apart from a few criticisms over cock-ups such as mixing up the Parthenon and the Pantheon, comments are generally positive.
I don’t really plot. Things happen organically - or they don’t. I think I’d be pretty bad at writing to order.
The most flak I got was for a short I wrote for Valentine’s Day. Peculiarly I think people were upset that I’d put too much detail in. This was viewed (I think) as loose ends and some readers considered the story unfinished. And there was no sex either. Bummer.

A fascinating one, in my experience.

 

[FifthEstate]

Too many god-damned, fucking, shitty, big, huge, massive, small, tiny, minuscule, limp, hard, rigid, steely, wet, soaked, glistening, dripping, overused, worthless, poorly-timed, redundant, overly-descriptive, and/or unnecessary adjectives…and adverbs!