The "Daddy Dom" and the "Incest Assumption"

[Etoile]

I think we are bumping into that brick wall between the queer and the straight (ish) worlds. Leather versus BDSM.

The one no one wants to admit exists. We do some stuff differently. Just like guy dominants and femme dominants do. I like being someone who moves back and forth across it, personally, but it's there. I get a totally different vibe when someone who is queer and leather identified (both) says "I'm a girl" than when someone who is in a hetero or "not queer leather" relationship says it. Those people are coming from different places.

Damn homos!




Oh, wait.

 

[Netzach]

Damn homos!




Oh, wait.

But do you think I'm talking out my ass, or do you think that factors in?

 

[CutieMouse]

There isn't one. As a matter of fact as has been pointed out, relationships are up to the individuals to decide (which I know you already know ).

Again there isn't one.

**The following is Not directed at anyone in particular**

This is a discussion board, why should it matter how many threads are made on a particular subject? If only one thread were made on each topic then this board would die out in no time flat because people would stop posting (I've seen if happen on other boards). If folks don't want to read on a particular subject like Daddy/girl relationships, then by all means don't open the threads. It's actually pretty simple.

I didn't mean anything negative by my post (which I think y'all know... or I hope you do)... there has been so much talk of how special the Daddydom/girl dynamic is lately, and how ___ it is, etc, and I'm trying to wrap my mind around how that's any different than any other loving D/s relationship... sometimes it reads (recognizing tone is diffuclt to discern) as if D/g is the uber-loving form of D/s, and people who aren't D/g can't possibly understand how safe, secure, loving, etc it is...

And I'm sitting her going... mkaaay... Daddy is a title, just like Master, or Sir, or (in my relationship) Sweetheart, or Asshole (private joke), or Jeffrey (his name). From what I've read about D/g over the last week or so, my relationship with Jeffrey was/is no less nurturing, loving, or disciplinary than a D/g relationship. The only difference are the "titles" of Daddy and little one (or whatever is used). So my head is seeing all this magical woo-woo waxing poetic about D/g, and going "whaaa?" I think I'm attempting to understand, but at some point started feeling a bit defensive about non-D/g relationships being just as special/loving/whatever.

Side note - I feel the need to mention I have the odd ability to look about 10 years old, with 15 minutes prep... (I have an image somewhere... I think... can't remember... anywhoo) A former long distance non-relationship was with a gentleman who believed "punishment" was sweeter if one's partner was dressed in a party dress or virginal peignoir set... one of those dichotomy things. LOL So once upon a time I had the party dress, ruffled socks and Mary Janes... which was kinda hot (mostly from an "uh oh, gonna get it" emotional place), but squicked/squicks me out at the same time... plus I have a serious thing for men old enough to technically be my father, but never see them in a D/s "Daddy" way... I just think brilliant older guys are hawt. LOL There's probably some unresolved stuff there that influences my views of D/g.


** To no one in particular ... I actually don't mind all the D/g topics going right now. In 3+ years on the board I don't think D/g has ever been discussed as heavily as it has over the last week, and while it feels a bit heavy handed to have so many threads on the subject up at once, I do think it's benificial from a long term perspective.

 

[JMohegan]

I was still the strong, proud woman I had always been... but he made me safe enough that I could take down some of the walls, and BE the little girl that I have inside of me... I didn't have to hide that.

I have a very active inner kid who likes to come out and play. I don't adopt the tone, words, dress, or mannerisms of a child, but I do sometimes give myself permission to temporarily set aside adult responsibilities and engage in activities more commonly associated with childhood.

So I understand how, for some, this dynamic could have nothing to do with age play.

However, when my inner kid asserts himself, he seeks a peer, not a parent or authority figure. Someone to play with in the snow, not someone to tell him when it's getting too cold and he needs to come inside.

For this and other reasons, I don't ID as a "little boy". But I definitely do understand the profound sense of appreciation and affection one feels for a mate who accepts and celebrates the free expression of your inner self.

Nice post.

I keep seeing over and over how nurturing the D/g dynamic is, but everything that's offered as an example of said nurturing/the special whatever that makes a D/g relationship a D/g relationship, is stuff that *to me* is simply a part of a D/s relationship, that site side by side with acts of service, floggings, spankings, bondage, dating, laughing, snuggling, power exchange, etc... which is why I don't ID as D/g.

My relationships have always involved nurturing and personal growth, on both sides of the coin.

The difference I see in many hetero D/lg relationships is an openly acknowledged gulf between the maturity, competence, life wisdom, or strength of the participants. My impression is that this gulf forms the basis of the Daddy's authority and efforts on behalf of the little girl.

 

[Netzach]

I have a very active inner kid who likes to come out and play. I don't adopt the tone, words, dress, or mannerisms of a child, but I do sometimes give myself permission to temporarily set aside adult responsibilities and engage in activities more commonly associated with childhood.

So I understand how, for some, this dynamic could have nothing to do with age play.

However, when my inner kid asserts himself, he seeks a peer, not a parent or authority figure. Someone to play with in the snow, not someone to tell him when it's getting too cold and he needs to come inside.

M and I have video game and junk food weekends sometimes. I call it channeling my feral boy.

I really wish someone could speak to genderfuck, male energy, and such on this topic. One of the D/g couples I can think of off the top of my head is a crossdressing male girl and a younger female Daddy.

I've also seen some people in leather ID boy or girl purely as a way to designate "serious submissive but not slave" or "submissive partner, not property"

 

[Etoile]

But do you think I'm talking out my ass, or do you think that factors in?

I think you are probably right, but I don't have a lot of experience with non-queer D/g stuff, so it's hard for me to know for sure. Like ST said, a lot of this stuff is steeped in protocol, and while that doesn't require that we follow it, it does inform it.

 

[Softouch911]

I think you are probably right, but I don't have a lot of experience with non-queer D/g stuff, so it's hard for me to know for sure. Like ST said, a lot of this stuff is steeped in protocol, and while that doesn't require that we follow it, it does inform it.

Sorry, I was out this afternoon. I fly blind with a lot of this stuff, and like Netzach cross back and forth with friends and acquaintances, so can't add anything of substance other than to say yes, I think you're onto something telling. Wish I had some meaningful detail.

Just an example -- the het couple who ran the leather contest at SELF this year (Southeast Leather Fest) organized for gay/lesbian and het couples who were contestants. The winning couple were female. Another couple who are regarded as community leaders heavily into leather are het (male dom) and another are het (female domme). Local leather is now described as pansexual ... and I applaud that ... At the same time, the tradition is gay male and that, as we keep saying, informs what a Daddy is -- yes, I do know a gay Daddy/boy pair and he means something much different in tenor from what I mean when talking about, for example, "nurture."

So, yes, Netzach. My personal experience makes me think your observation is right ... not sure where to go with it though.

Respectfully,
ST

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I didn't mean anything negative by my post (which I think y'all know... or I hope you do)... there has been so much talk of how special the Daddydom/girl dynamic is lately, and how ___ it is, etc, and I'm trying to wrap my mind around how that's any different than any other loving D/s relationship... sometimes it reads (recognizing tone is diffuclt to discern) as if D/g is the uber-loving form of D/s, and people who aren't D/g can't possibly understand how safe, secure, loving, etc it is...

To be perfectly honest with ya, I didn't take anything you said as negative at all. I just kept my answer short and sweet that time sorry if I seemed annoyed or something. So wasn't the case.

And I'm sitting her going... mkaaay... Daddy is a title, just like Master, or Sir, or (in my relationship) Sweetheart, or Asshole (private joke), or Jeffrey (his name). From what I've read about D/g over the last week or so, my relationship with Jeffrey was/is no less nurturing, loving, or disciplinary than a D/g relationship. The only difference are the "titles" of Daddy and little one (or whatever is used). So my head is seeing all this magical woo-woo waxing poetic about D/g, and going "whaaa?" I think I'm attempting to understand, but at some point started feeling a bit defensive about non-D/g relationships being just as special/loving/whatever.

I tend to agree with you here. I really don't see what all the hubbub is all about. Relationships are defined by the individuals involved in them. I think that folks spend WAY too much time over analyzing BDSM instead of living their lives the way it best suits them and not worrying about what everyone else thinks about it. Don't you agree?

Side note - I feel the need to mention I have the odd ability to look about 10 years old, with 15 minutes prep... (I have an image somewhere... I think... can't remember... anywhoo) A former long distance non-relationship was with a gentleman who believed "punishment" was sweeter if one's partner was dressed in a party dress or virginal peignoir set... one of those dichotomy things. LOL So once upon a time I had the party dress, ruffled socks and Mary Janes... which was kinda hot (mostly from an "uh oh, gonna get it" emotional place), but squicked/squicks me out at the same time... plus I have a serious thing for men old enough to technically be my father, but never see them in a D/s "Daddy" way... I just think brilliant older guys are hawt. LOL There's probably some unresolved stuff there that influences my views of D/g.

Being as I'm 41 years old, but look like I'm in my early 30's (at least I've been told that many times)... I'm sure I could probably make myself look even younger if I so chose. However, that isn't on the agenda most of the time. Do we fantasy role-play from time to time with me dressed up in "school-girl" attire? Sure. Doesn't everyone have some sort of fantasy they enjoy acting out? Rape has been mentioned, what about puppy play? Pony play? There are many, many others... not all are everyone's cup of tea of course, and that should be OK to those of us in the BDSM lifestyle. I mean my goodness, we get enough criticism from those in the Vanilla lifestyle that one would hope we wouldn't have to endure it amongst people like ourselves too.

** To no one in particular ... I actually don't mind all the D/g topics going right now. In 3+ years on the board I don't think D/g has ever been discussed as heavily as it has over the last week, and while it feels a bit heavy handed to have so many threads on the subject up at once, I do think it's beneficial from a long term perspective.

Totally agree!

 

[FurryFury]

For myself, I don't see D/g as a dress up role play thing. That being said, I don't have any problem if others do.

For me, it's just a need to be cherished in that special way that is conjured up in my head by thinking about the D/g dynamic. It's a softer, quiet sort of scene or part of a scene that makes me feel truly taken care of for those moments in time in a way nothing else does.

It's not about fucking my Dad. I never was or could be for me about that. Of course I do have complex feelings about my Dad but that isn't really part of the D/g dynamic for me.

 

[LittleJade]

I suspect that when push comes to shove, the answer for many people is being absolved of responsibility. "Oops, I didn't mean to do it, I'm just a bad little girl, Daddy has to correct me!" I think a lot of it has to do with being allowed to be immature at specific times. Call me controversial, but that just sounds like a bratty sub to me. I see a lot of people posting here saying it's a role for them, sometimes they are M/s and sometimes they are D/g, etc. Sorry, it sounds like an excuse to be a brat and the dom is putting up with it.

Maybe my experience with the Daddy world is too informed by the leather community, where Daddies expect a lot more of their boys and girls. Maybe I just think the idea of playing with immaturity and naughtiness should be labeled for what it is. In my world, a brat is not a girl. YMMV.

And just in case anybody wants to say "but Etoile, you don't understand!" let me point out that I lived a D/g relationship for about six and a half years. I still consider myself a girl even if that isn't my relationship dynamic anymore. I have strong opinions about D/g and I'm becoming less afraid to voice them.

Etoile-

Thank you for your thoughts- especially given your long experience in this sort of relationship.

For my part, being in a D/g relationship isn't about being a brat- I tend to be even MORE submissive, even MORE attentive, even MORE devoted, when I'm in these types of relationships, than when I'm in a regular D/s relationship. For me, being a "little girl" means that I work even harder to please my Daddy, than I would as a submissive to please my Dom. Not quite sure why that works the way that it does.. maybe it's because people who earn the name "Daddy" from me, are people who just sink into my soul in a deeper way than those who earn the title "Sir" from me. The Daddy I referred to in the post... I've never been touched in my soul like that man touched me... I've never felt closer to a Master/slave relationship as I was in that relationship... and my entire being wanted to give and give and give, until I had nothing else.

It was beautiful.

I am a sassy submissive- I am playful. I don't do things just for punishment, but I do like to try to keep my Doms on their toes from time to time. As a little girl, all of this sassiness disappears, and I want solely to have Daddy happy with me.