The fantasy of sexual abandon and the reality of sexual guilt

[Wonderer67]

I understand what the OP is saying. I've been there. I made a decision to break through those barriers and fears and started talking to my wife about my desires and fantasies. I was lucky, she responded positively and it lead to lots of sexual adventures and fantasy realisation for us both. But Yes, taking that first step is a massive risk.

Very similar experience.

My wife and I always had/have a solid sex life. She’s a bit more traditional
And vanilla.

But when I wanted to explore some of my kinks and desires it took some time and some courage to admit to her that I wanted to explore my bisexuality. And other kinks like orgasm control, chastity and share that one I was with another man (like ages ago.)

She was very accepting of it. She doesn’t want me to have sex with other men bcz of the risks of disease and because she’s just not 100% into it.

But she is accepting of it and helps me out by taking a more dominant sexual role sometimes, prostate massaging me, pegging me, making me suck her strapon etc.

There are other things that don’t work for her but she lets me talk to her about it: (other or multiple partnered, swinging, going to a local sex club, etc.)

It’s not perfect and I’d like to try the real thing… but don’t throw away the bay with the bath water as they say. Nothing is Perfect.

Having those discussions was never easy. I would start them out by saying, “just hear me out, I’d like to share something with you…”

 

[redcaddydaddy_1]

I'm mystified- in my last 2 relationships, the 1st, an 8&1/2 yr. Live in engagement, the 2nd a 14yr. Dating/live-in/marriage relationship, I 'nutted up' early in the relationship... I told them 'I want you to wear high heels, either going out or in bed, I want you to pretend to be my 'hot little sister' when we have sex, I want you to wear the sexy outfits I buy you! Neither refused, & if they had, I'd have bailed- that might seem callous or manipulative, but in return I made sure they were satisfied sexually! Also, my desires were compartmentalized to (mostly) inside the bedroom. Bottom line- before I got too deep into the relationship, I made sure my basic desires would be met, for my own peace of mind,& so I wouldn't find myself frustrated or resentful & see the relationship dissolved! I've never regretted it & I urge everyone to do the same- as they say, 'If you don't ask, the answer is always no'!!

 

[newhere2learn]

I don’t feel sexual guilt and I don’t really understand who someone would do something that they would guilty about .

I dont feel it, however I should have in the past. For instance when fucking a pregnant ex GF all the way through her pregnancy, while she was carrying her then fiance's kid.

Completing all 3holes on someone's 8m pregnant fiancé, who was uninhibited as hell, buck wild and left in a pool of sweat and cum... Wasn't a moral highlight. But sexually, it was.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

The essentials of the fantasy are always the same. I’m in a sexual situation with a willing partner who wants to explore anything and everything. We go crazy on each other. Drunk on pleasure. No judgement. No shame. Just exploration, and sensation. For once, I don’t think about what I must look like or sound like. I don’t think about what I should or shouldn’t say or do. My mind takes a nap and my body does the driving for once. We experience a true sexual connection with nothing withheld, our desires finally sated.

Then I wake up and come back to the reality that I am scared of opening up that side of myself to my wife. Scared I will say something or do something which will give her the ick, or even worse…make her think less of me. I have always struggled to integrate my sexual persona with the other parts of me. Now before someone asks, I’m not talking about anything that is illegal, immoral, cruel or off the reservation. These are normal sexual activities which many other people here at lit enjoy. But I simply cannot seem to let go. I feel guilt, not over what we are doing but over what I think about, and what i’d like to do. and say. and experience.

How I envy those who can put their self-doubt aside and just fucking get it on. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with their sexual desires. Have you successfully shared your hidden desires with your partner? Did your relationship suffer as a result? Or suffer because you didn’t share? Have you experienced a moment of sexual transcendence where everything balanced, or is that just a fantasy too?

Share away! Life goes quick!