The Gentle Dom/ Daddy

[Strixaluco]

I wish all the best for you as you and your DD continue to explore your dynamic. Be aware that it may not be smooth in the beginning if you move towards a common household. Because of her past, there were times when we were starting out that she would develop anxiety over what she felt she was becoming. Thinking that "she" would somehow disappear and become nothing more than a servant. We worked through that and other issues. And we had issues when I brought her into the business. At first, she had challenges in separating CFO Bunny from sub Bunny. Her anxiety spiked again, but we worked through it. We have a code phrase to let me know if she needs a little more "Dom-ing" during the day to help her get centered again.

I hesitated to share that post because I don't want to give the impression that this is easy, or that our dynamic is for everyone. It is a common but true saying that everyone's journey is different; everyone's dynamic is different. Only you and your DD can define what is right for you.

I've shared my household with a partner most of my adult life. Now is actually the longest period I have ever lived alone, for almost 4,5 years already.


Though it was all vanilla in the past, I am still familiar of many of the struggles of joining households, and also how it can be worked out. But my partner isn't. We have very different relationship histories. So he's more hesitant and nervous about it than me


And some of the questions in our case arise from very different kind of rules that we're having in our dynamic compared to what you have. Or what most couples would have, actually. They are not made for other than relatively short times spent together at one go. (In fact, those rules are part of what makes me suspect he's just as autistic as I am. His need for things to be predictable and stable is highly visible in the rules.) So we will have to change things when starting to spend more time together. I can not, for example, let be fingering my hair in the long run, and he understands that. But even now we have some time when rules don't apply.

 

[Bunnys_Wolfie]

Dealing with the aftermath of her assault was challenging during our early years, and sometimes intrudes into our lives again. Rules were one of the things that gave us a bit of normalcy even before DD/lg. As open as she has been, she's. not revealed all of our rules, and they have changed somewhat since the beginning.
I've no familiarity with autism, but I expect it has brought its own set of challenges. And will continue to do so as you combine your households. I wish you all the best, as I'm sure Bunny does.

 

[Strixaluco]

Basically all the rules we have only make sense when he's physically with me, and not in the long run. Like needing permission to even slightly adjust my clothes or hair. In 24/7 that would turn into micromanaging and very much not feasible for either of us.

And we also have some habits regarding sleeping that would not work in work mornings. So we face plenty of practical considerations. It would be easier if we could just spend, say, a week together as a test every now and then, but that would not mimic normal life as he wouldn't be able to take all his normal daily things along.

But then again we don't have as hard background as Bunny does.

 

[daddysbadgrl728]

If you know me, you know that the majority of my time has been spent on the Play Ground side. But, since my start on Lit, I have grown and evolved. I've listened closely to those who were in D/s or DD/lg dynamics. I heard the caring in the relationships. Though sometimes it isn't always sexual, this dynamic has drawn me in. I find fulfillment in the Daddy identity.

I appreciate any serious discussion, whether from Doms/Daddy's or subs/littles on this subject. What have you experienced in your relationships? What are the positives? What are the negatives?

So, I'm new to talking about being a lg or even s. I also normally hang in the playground. But, as I got older, I noticed I wanted more personal things and ventured into other forums. I found this thread! Right now I have a very gentle Daddy. I have had ones I would say are daddy, not Daddy. Those who just wanted the sexual aspect of the relationship, not really following through in the caring aspect or going past bedroom, therefore not earning me calling them Daddy.
The positives?
Having someone care and check on me. Having someone guide me and ask how I feel. He doesn't want to do anything that would ever hurt me. I feel safe. The only thing that could make me feel safer would be physically being in his arms. Any time we play, he always makes sure it not out of my comfort zone.
The negatives?
Having to weed through all the ones who just want control. Whether its as a Daddy or Dom. Having to stand my ground on hard nos. Finding someone who isn't on a power trip. My current negative is he's far from me and it hurts sometimes.
Experiences?
On the good side, pure love and caring. On the bad side, not being listened to, confusion on where I stood.
I usually broken. I have chronic illness, im a bbw, unhappy marriage....so yeah, im addicted to someone caring about me, but I also have needs. I think Daddy Dom with what im learning is a primal side, is where im leaning. I like it when he reminds me im his.

 

[ChloeOfCascadia]

I appreciate any serious discussion, whether from Doms/Daddy's or subs/littles on this subject. What have you experienced in your relationships? What are the positives? What are the negatives?

I fall under the category of the most gentle of the dominants, the service-oriented dominant.

I saw the title of the thread, and yes, this speaks to me. I don't have a specific need to be seen in the role of an authority or "daddy" archetype, but, I do like being trusted and allowed to pleasure my partner in the way that she likes, either with her subtle direction or spontaneously, in a way that both pleases and surprises her.

I like it when my partner gives up the feeling of being in control to me, and allows me to treat their body like a canvas I am painting with pleasure from top to bottom.

I find that a lot of women feel some sense of hesitation, reluctance, or shame, in exploring their sexual desires, because our society teaches women that if they are sexual beings, they are only so for procreation or someone else's pleasure.

But with me, if they allow me, I can bring them past those mental barriers of resistance and allow them to feel as if they are not in control of their body being ravished and pleasured, and once the ownership of what is happening is given away, she can relax and just accept the pleasure she is being given, and lose all control and care and concern. I love it when she reaches the point of being totally given over to her sexual desires, lost in the throes of passion and lust, trusting me fully to give her everything she's always dreamed of.

And then, if she feels a thrill from the loss of control, which is a lot of the basis for CNC fantasies, a common thing with women, I feel like this is a healthier and more loving way to express that desire to give up control and responsibility for sex to their partner, but that's just what is in my head space. I am not kink shaming anyone. It just isn't something I desire.

Also, I have noticed, sometimes when I have a submissive partner who trusts me and gives up control, they assign me the role of their daddy and I am willing to accept that. I don't have a need to be their daddy, but I do desire to treat them like they are my precious princess or bride or queen and give them everything they deserve for being my beautiful girl.

I like it when they accept the fantasy of being owned by me, submitting to me, giving in, even if I don't desire power over them. In my mind, we are equals, and I am just giving and they are receiving, but, if the power imbalance dynamic turns them on, I am willing to play along for their benefit.

So if they need to be spanked and filled up and spoiled by daddy, if they want me to whisper gentle praise and spicy pillow talk into their ear, I am willing to enhance their physical pleasure by giving them their fantasies verbally, with a sultry, sexy voice, whispering naughty talk right into their ears as I kiss them there, and their necks, and shoulders, and on the chest, and back up to their lips.

Yes baby, I'm here for you. I'm going to make you feel so good, baby. You're my sweet girl, my beautiful girl. You're such a good girl for me, baby, and I am going to make you cum so much for me, my sweet girl.

Relax and let me take good care of you baby. I want to cradle you in my gentle hands and make you feel so good, baby. Can you get on the bed and kneel for me, bend over and put your bare naked ass in the air for me? I want to see that pretty ass spread wide for me so I can give you all the pleasure you deserve, my sweet girl.

Such a good girl for doing as I ask. Good girl.

What are the positives? If this is how my partner enjoys thrills and attention in the bedroom, she trusts me completely, is willing to submit, dreams about the next time I play with her, and I feel like I've done a great job giving her her deepest fantasies.

It feels so good for both of us.

Negatives- if this isn't something she enjoys, the roleplaying may feel awkward or unwanted and strange. It is just roleplay, so if she isn't into it, we can do something else. But, I mean, that's not really a negative, we just find whatever else she likes instead.

 

[Sexy_Singer]

Hello everyone.

I hope you are doing well.

Question:

How have you handled your feelings if your
DD/lg dynamic has comes to an end?

Do you express yourself externally? Hold your feelings in?

 

[ChloeOfCascadia]

Hello everyone.

I hope you are doing well.

Question:

How have you handled your feelings if your
DD/lg dynamic has comes to an end?

Do you express yourself externally? Hold your feelings in?

Hmmm.

Well, the DD/lg dynamic was always a roleplay, a game I have been playing, and it is just one of my many kinks, and during any given sexual activity, I'm not exploring all my kinks at once.

So there's still our actual relationship, and, I still care for her.

So, I express myself by loving her still.

If our relationship ends entirely, I hope we remain friends who care about each other, as all my relationships have ended before.

If you love someone, hopefully, even if the romance ends, your caring for them as a person does not.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Hello everyone.

I hope you are doing well.

Question:

How have you handled your feelings if your
DD/lg dynamic has comes to an end?

I was in a DD/lg dynamic for 3 years. I ended it because of numerous reasons.... I was looking for a more loving connection but he was more anti emotional.
It's was very hard, regardless if I ended it.

Do you express yourself externally? Hold your feelings in?

I have someone that has helped me and I've been able to express myself to him about that dynamic ending, and how my lifestyle is going forward...

 

[Strixaluco]

How have you handled your feelings if your
DD/lg dynamic has comes to an end?

Do you express yourself externally? Hold your feelings in?

I've only had an online DD/lg dynamic come to an end, and as it had been more of a play, it wasn't that bad.

But if my current dynamic were to end... That would be devastating, because my DD is my love, the one I hope to spend the rest of my life with, plus the added depth from DD/lg - I've never been as vulnerable with anyone else. There's no way to end the dynamic without ending the relationship, they go hand in hand.

I'm not one to hold feelings in. Why would I even try? I haven't done it when vanilla relationships have ended, either.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Hello everyone.

I hope you are doing well.

Question:

How have you handled your feelings if your
DD/lg dynamic has comes to an end?

Do you express yourself externally? Hold your feelings in?

I hope YOU are doing well. I have thought of sending you a message, but you've closed them.

I definitely don't keep my feelings in, I just don't bleed all over the forum. There's one person who knows all about my feelings and emotions. It's private, and you might see me sad or not as sassy, but I won't bash or say anything negative on the forum.

 

[Strixaluco]

I definitely don't keep my feelings in, I just don't bleed all over the forum.

This. Not showing much feelings here, or only a chosen selection, is not the same as keeping them in.

This forum is not where I show most of my feelings, either, though may more than you.

Also, I find bashing usually ill-mannered. It's one thing to be angry, another to act upon it, and I count bashing as acting upon it.

 

[ChloeOfCascadia]

I've been the 's' in a D/s relationship before, although I wouldn't have considered him a daddy figure. But the caring was a very much part of the relationship, and not sure I could be in a D/s relationship without the caring aspect. You are welcome to PM me if you wanted to discuss further.

The caring part is what makes it all work for me. I couldn't be anything but a caring and loving and respectful dom. Otherwise, it feels abusive to my sensibilities. Not to yuck anyone else's yum or moralize, just, if your partner isn't fully desiring of that, it's a big red flag and they should run away.

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

If you know me, you know that the majority of my time has been spent on the Play Ground side. But, since my start on Lit, I have grown and evolved. I've listened closely to those who were in D/s or DD/lg dynamics. I heard the caring in the relationships. Though sometimes it isn't always sexual, this dynamic has drawn me in. I find fulfillment in the Daddy identity.

I appreciate any serious discussion, whether from Doms/Daddy's or subs/littles on this subject. What have you experienced in your relationships? What are the positives? What are the negatives?

It may be obvious from my handle but yes.

I have been called Daddy in several languages, and it was an enjoyable experience for the both of us.

I think it is hot when a woman embraces the role of being possessed sexually by a man. It may be just for sexual release, but it works for me.

No negatives as far as I've been told, or as far as I am aware. Positives are the intimacy and trust the relationship generates. And if she feels she belongs to me, I feel more and more that I am hers as well, and will make sure to serve her well and protect her and give her the pleasure she deserves for being a good girl.

 

[Sexy_Singer]

Hello everyone. Just checking in. How is your day going?