The Psychology of the "Disinterested Handjob"

[MediocreAuthor]

Definitely. Fake boobs are not in the least bit sexy for me. Give me a real pair of breasts any day: small, medium, on occasion large, but gotta be natural.

Then some part of men values HONESTY, and reality over lies and deception

*SWISH*

 

[alohadave]

Walking around a bunch of aroused men.

Maybe it's different for other guys, but I never found strip clubs particularly arousing. Not in that watching women strip would give me a constant boner.

It's hard to describe what it's like. I was a regular at one, and a lot of the time, I was drinking more than watching the girls dance. After a while, you get to know them a bit and it takes some of the mystique away, but then you'd make the effort to give your favorites the attention while they were dancing.

It is very transactional, but the attention is nice. I knew better than to form attachments to any of them and not to expect too much back, because that is when you get into trouble. They are acting, playing a role.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Maybe it's different for other guys, but I never found strip clubs particularly arousing. Not in that watching women strip would give me a constant boner.

It's hard to describe what it's like. I was a regular at one, and a lot of the time, I was drinking more than watching the girls dance. After a while, you get to know them a bit and it takes some of the mystique away, but then you'd make the effort to give your favorites the attention while they were dancing.

It is very transactional, but the attention is nice. I knew better than to form attachments to any of them and not to expect too much back, because that is when you get into trouble. They are acting, playing a role.

I'm gonna be honest, they always seemed like very sad places to me (although, admittedly, I've never been).

 

[WCSGarland]

Maybe it's different for other guys, but I never found strip clubs particularly arousing. Not in that watching women strip would give me a constant boner.

It's hard to describe what it's like. I was a regular at one, and a lot of the time, I was drinking more than watching the girls dance. After a while, you get to know them a bit and it takes some of the mystique away, but then you'd make the effort to give your favorites the attention while they were dancing.

It is very transactional, but the attention is nice. I knew better than to form attachments to any of them and not to expect too much back, because that is when you get into trouble. They are acting, playing a role.

It's been over 4 decades since I've been to one. The first few times it was arousing, but after that, meh.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Okay. Quick question. Which do you like better? Fake tits or real, albeit smaller tits?

Obviously some men prefer fake ones, but I've heard plenty of men say they don't care for fake ones as much. Why not?

It's almost as if there's some innate desire to know that a thing you enjoy is real, and genuine... free from deception.

I think that the majority of men would easily choose fake boobs over some natural but aesthetically less pleasing ones, be it due to size, shape, or firmness. They wouldn't choose them for their own wives maybe, but on other women, they would always look more appealing. Of course, they are often reluctant to admit that the fake ones work so well for them. And that's why women like you often say that "men they know always prefer real ones regardless of the size."
It's the same kind of white lie as when women say "No dear, your penis isn't too small. It's just the right size for me!"

So, to sum up, saying that most men prefer some "au naturel" looks is pure BS. That's why all the visual enhancers like makeup, sexy lingerie, garters, high heels, etc. exist - to create a visual and mental illusion. Sometimes it's to emphasize something beyond its natural look, sometimes to hide something, sometimes to change the perception of a woman.
Men love their illusions and I don't think that women are much different either.

 

[WCSGarland]

I think that the majority of men would easily choose fake boobs over some natural but aesthetically less pleasing ones, be it due to size, shape, or firmness. They wouldn't choose them for their own wives maybe, but on other women, they would always look more appealing. Of course, they are often reluctant to admit that the fake ones work so well for them. And that's why women like you often say that "men they know always prefer real ones regardless of the size."
It's the same kind of white lie as when women say "No dear, your penis isn't too small. It's just the right size for me!"

So, to sum up, saying that most men prefer some "au naturel" looks is pure BS. That's why all the visual enhancers like makeup, sexy lingerie, garters, high heels, etc. exist - to create a visual and mental illusion. Sometimes it's to emphasize something beyond its natural look, sometimes to hide something, sometimes to change the perception of a woman.
Men love their illusions and I don't think that women are much different either.

Your missive makes me glad that I'm not within the majority of men.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Your missive makes me glad that I'm not within the majority of men.

I think it's fair to say that most, if not all of us here are unlikely to belong to the majority in many things.

 

[SimonDoom]

Anyone who thinks they can give themselves a better handjob than someone else can give them have obviously never had a really good handjob.

I would agree that the best possible hand job is a hand job given by someone else, but in my experience, most hand jobs aren't very good, and usually I can please myself better than they can. Everyone responds to stimuli differently, and it's not easy to read someone and to know exactly how best to arouse them and bring them to climax. I know exactly what works for me.

 

[Nicenashguy615]

I think that the majority of men would easily choose fake boobs over some natural but aesthetically less pleasing ones, be it due to size, shape, or firmness. They wouldn't choose them for their own wives maybe, but on other women, they would always look more appealing. Of course, they are often reluctant to admit that the fake ones work so well for them. And that's why women like you often say that "men they know always prefer real ones regardless of the size."
It's the same kind of white lie as when women say "No dear, your penis isn't too small. It's just the right size for me!"

So, to sum up, saying that most men prefer some "au naturel" looks is pure BS. That's why all the visual enhancers like makeup, sexy lingerie, garters, high heels, etc. exist - to create a visual and mental illusion. Sometimes it's to emphasize something beyond its natural look, sometimes to hide something, sometimes to change the perception of a woman.
Men love their illusions and I don't think that women are much different either.

I would agree with some of what you say but disagree on one part.

I love it when a woman dresses up, wears makeup, perfume etc. Much more enticing than without. To me it’s added detailing. Very few women look awesome au natural.

But on the breasts, and pretty much all cosmetic surgery, there are a few of us that don’t prefer it at all. I’ve felt plenty, real and fake, and all sizes of real and I love the softness of real breasts. Large or small, young and firm or older with some sag, they feel ‘right’ to me. I know a few guys who agree with me. The fake ones just don’t feel right at all. And for some reason, they always seem to be bolted on to women I call Starfish. They lay there motionless because their amazing new boobs are all a guy needs to enjoy sex. Lame!

And it’s been my experience that the ladies I’ve known who get them have body image issues so they get them one or two sizes too large and they look proportionately wrong. How many short, 95 lb women are strutting around sporting DDs? Too many. Every time I see one of them, I compare it to the small dicked guy who drives a ridiculously jacked up pickup with 44” tires.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

And it’s been my experience that the ladies I’ve known who get them have body image issues so they get them one or two sizes too large and they look proportionately wrong. How many short, 95 lb women are strutting around sporting DDs? Too many. Every time I see one of them, I compare it to the small dicked guy who drives a ridiculously jacked up pickup with 44” tires.

Not to make excuses for unhealthy behavior, but there was a study that came out recently which showed that a fairly large number of women who received breasts enlargements were given sizes larger than they requested.

You see, plastic surgeons noticed that women who paid for breast enlargement were often dissatisfied with the procedure. A large number of these women expressed some degree of disappointment, stating that they thought the breasts would appear larger.

As a result, some doctors just began giving free "upgrades" without consent. You can read more about it here.

So perhaps the women with unnatural looking breasts aren't as much to blame as you might think.

 

[Britva415]

perhaps the women with unnatural looking breasts aren't as much to blame as you might think

I wonder how to explain the ones with unnatural looking lips.

 

[Nicenashguy615]

Not to make excuses for unhealthy behavior, but there was a study that came out recently which showed that a fairly large number of women who received breasts enlargements were given sizes larger than they requested.

You see, plastic surgeons noticed that women who paid for breast enlargement were often dissatisfied with the procedure. A large number of these women expressed some degree of disappointment, stating that they thought the breasts would appear larger.

As a result, some doctors just began giving free "upgrades" without consent. You can read more about it here.

So perhaps the women with unnatural looking breasts aren't as much to blame as you might think.

I can totally see what you’re saying but I haven’t met one of those ladies yet. I can think of half a dozen who had the procedure, showed off proudly at work, completely satisfied, and I recall thinking ‘you looked amazing before. Now you look phony and even kinds silly.’ There were a couple who wished they went larger and the rest of us were looking around at each other wondering what these ladies saw in the mirror that we didn’t.

We are all different and we can’t be universally appealing to everyone at the same time. Just my opinion but I think it’s healthy to look at yourself in the mirror and learn to like what you see without feeling the need to change yourself in a vain attempt to please strangers.

I guess if they are truly doing it for themselves only, then have at it but I’d argue they are doing it to be noticed.

 

[lovecraft68]

To circle back to my point that there can be a control/sub vibe to these is that many of the videos I've seen like this (you can search bored hand job on different sites) also employ the CFNM aspect which adds to the power dynamic/humiliation.

There are also a lot of foot in face while getting a Handjob vids.

In general, porn seems to refute the disdain for Hanjobs in general considering the endless compilations of them and women making videos of nothing but them jacking off their partners.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

To circle back to my point that there can be a control/sub vibe to these is that many of the videos I've seen like this (you can search bored hand job on different sites) also employ the CFNM aspect which adds to the power dynamic/humiliation.

There are also a lot of foot in face while getting a Handjob vids.

In general, porn seems to refute the disdain for Hanjobs in general considering the endless compilations of them and women making videos of nothing but them jacking off their partners.

Now that you mention it, comparing it to CFNM does make a bit of sense. My friend didn't mention anything about her state of dress, but I imagine she didn't she didn't get naked for the interaction.

 

[Recooter]

Anyone who thinks they can give themselves a better handjob than someone else can give them have obviously never had a really good handjob. The touch of another person is always going to be much more powerful than your own touch. Ever try to tickle yourself? It just doesn't work.

Anyway, I think the allure of uninterested/disinterested handjob porn is because that's probably what the viewer is most familiar with. The pleasure from watching porn is not only from the visuals, but from the stimulation of deep and powerful memories. If that is what you have frequently experienced in real life, it is going to be a powerful experience to watch it on screen.

Absolutely, agree!!!

 

[HeyAll]

Interesting post. An original one.

I see it as the same as noncon/reluctant catagory. The reluctance adds something. It's like spying/voyeur. That you're not supposed to see it can make it hotter than it being presented to you.

 

[Recooter]

Interesting post. An original one.

I see it as the same as noncon/reluctant catagory. The reluctance adds something. It's like spying/voyeur. That you're not supposed to see it can make it hotter than it being presented to you.

Blah blah blah

 

[GrushaVashnadze]

Whether discussing tits (fake/real?) or handjobs (disinterested/interested?), it would seem to me that it matters greatly whether one is talking about reality or fantasy. In real life, I love big floppy real tits, hairy cunt, stretch marks, haemorrhoids, and the unglamorous long-term loveliness of familiar mutually sacrificing spousal adoration. But in my favourite fantasy worlds - smut (mine or others), porn, stripjoints, probably cyberfucking if I were into that sort of thing - fake tits, shaved cunts, gaping assholes, shit-talk and porno glam are what make me hard. Into that mix I think disinterested handjobs might easily fall - as an excellent example of transactional sex which is all about pleasure and not relationship.

 

[JaxonHill]

So a girlfriend of mine was talking to me recently about this topic. Apparently, she gave her husband a "disinterested handjob". And he loved it??

I'll explain the scenario as best I can:

Their young kids were up, and the two didn't have time for any real sexy times. But he was really horny, so she agreed to help him out. That said, she wasn't really into the act, and she didn't pretend to be. For some strange reason, he was totally fine with that, and he got off fairly quickly. It was almost as if her disinterest in the act was a feature of the act, rather than a detractor.

I have to say, I can't fully understand the logic of that. But a quick google search of "Disinterested Handjob" (with moderate safe search on, thank you kindly) brought up plenty of videos, although I'm not really interested in looking into it much deeper than that.

Does anyone understand the allure behind such a sex act? I've heard plenty of guys online say that they don't even enjoy handjobs because their own hand is so much more experienced. Putting that opinion aside, why would a guy actively want a disinterested sex partner?

My only guess at the appeal would be the honesty behind the act? A woman acting super exited about a handjob would likely be pretending, and that might detract some from his enjoyment?

Contrarily, a disinterested handjob is as honest as it gets. It's like a completely selfless gift, with no deception about the emotions behind it. Something like "Hey babe, I'm doing this for you because I love you, and not because I particularly like it."

I don't know. That's honestly my only guess. Does anyone else have any insight into this (slightly) unusual kink?

The “disinterested handjob” kink. Has many layers to it, and it isn’t any one part that makes it hot.

1) You’re so horny and so committed to your significant other(SO) that rather than “handling things yourself” you’ll take a handjob from your SO who isn’t into it. It’s kinda like ultra monogamy.

2) It’s a challenge. Nothing beats a SO that’s into the sex, handjob or otherwise. But cumming while receiving something that lackluster carries a certain feeling of victory.

3) You might cum on them. Surprising someone with a powerful cumshot is a fantasy for many. Surprising them out of their indifference adds a layer.

4) You might convince them to do more. “You know, this might go faster if…”

5) Indifference can mean that there’s no time pressure. You have time and are willing to help me cum, without trying to make it happen. Which means I’m not under any pressure to get it over with.

6) “Hey if you want I can just fuck your feet, I see it’s kinda hard to play that game with 1 hand.” (If she says I might be able to cum on her ass! How exciting!)

Basically there’s umpteen numbers of ways to take the scenario and turn it into something hotter. And while your imagination runs wild, you just might get to cum without having to do it yourself.

 

[Blueeyes4u100]

I think it's fair to say that most, if not all of us here are unlikely to belong to the majority in many things.

Agreed

 

[MediocreAuthor]

The “disinterested handjob” kink. Has many layers to it, and it isn’t any one part that makes it hot.

1) You’re so horny and so committed to your significant other(SO) that rather than “handling things yourself” you’ll take a handjob from your SO who isn’t into it. It’s kinda like ultra monogamy.

2) It’s a challenge. Nothing beats a SO that’s into the sex, handjob or otherwise. But cumming while receiving something that lackluster carries a certain feeling of victory.

3) You might cum on them. Surprising someone with a powerful cumshot is a fantasy for many. Surprising them out of their indifference adds a layer.

4) You might convince them to do more. “You know, this might go faster if…”

5) Indifference can mean that there’s no time pressure. You have time and are willing to help me cum, without trying to make it happen. Which means I’m not under any pressure to get it over with.
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6) “Hey if you want I can just fuck your feet, I see it’s kinda hard to play that game with 1 hand.” (If she says I might be able to cum on her ass! How exciting!)

Basically there’s umpteen numbers of ways to take the scenario and turn it into something hotter. And while your imagination runs wild, you just might get to cum without having to do it yourself.

I suppose the real answer might be some combination of any number of these or the suggested listed by others above. Even if we'll never know what that husband's reasons were, it is interesting to hear all these theories... and I might have to use some of the suggestions in my stories going forward lol

 

[JaxonHill]

I suppose the real answer might be some combination of any number of these or the suggested listed by others above. Even if we'll never know what that husband's reasons were, it is interesting to hear all these theories... and I might have to use some of the suggestions in my stories going forward lol

Oh yeah, you can definitely add stuff like this into your writing. It allows you to keep the eroticism going without a lot of pressure for everyone to be into it and for the orgasms to be shared by all, and for each second to ooze fire.

Adding in a disinterested handjob can keep the flag at a minimum at half mast, while doing character development.

“Jane wanted to please her husband so she kept stroking him, even though she was desperate to finish her report for the upcoming quarterly meeting with the board of directors. It could mean the difference between a promotion to CFO for Jane, but she also knew the value of keeping the home fires burning. So she kept stroking while reviewing the numbers on her reports.

Just as she was about to make an adjustment in her reports, Greg groaned and she felt a familiar warmth splatter against her cheek.

‘Well, if my presentation doesn’t go well tomorrow, I suppose I could just jerk off the board,’ Jane chucked to herself.”

 

[HeyAll]

Blah blah blah

Look at this idiot

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Interesting post. An original one.

I see it as the same as noncon/reluctant catagory. The reluctance adds something. It's like spying/voyeur. That you're not supposed to see it can make it hotter than it being presented to you.

I don't know how I missed this comment.

I agree that there are definitely some counterintuitive concepts to be enjoyed with sex.

I hadn't considered a uninterested hand job to be similar to reluctance, but I suppose, in the strictest sense: she is literally kind of reluctant. Good point

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Though this thread has been going for a while I will add my voice to those that have correctly identified the kink of as a subclass of the dominant—read femdom—handjob kink. Yes like CFNM handjobs, foot on face handjobs, or desinterested footjobs for that matter. They all add vertical distance in status/power/consent/control between perpetrator and target. And to me enjoying it while failing to acknowledge sounds like a shame driven denial of a femdon kink. Common among those that feel malesub desires somehow emasculate them.