The Secret Diary of Janey Jones

[sweepthefloor]

maybe a little well-placed potpourri might help ?

 

[sweepthefloor]

please do not do coke in the bathroom

 

[sweepthefloor]

I am thinking that to be loved, might be a nice feeling.

 

[cookiecat]

I am thinking that to be loved, might be a nice feeling.

It is a nice feeling.

 

[sweepthefloor]

It is a nice feeling.

it's always too good to be true. is this time going to be any different?
i am all alone.

 

[ultramarineblue]

it's always too good to be true. is this time going to be any different?
i am all alone.

This is exactly what I'm feeling right now.

 

[sweepthefloor]

The issues are wild hungry mean dogs nipping at my ankles and I can’t get away. I am home making friends with flies and sleeping with spiders. The heat molests my body and sticks to my skin like the come of a thousand perverts.

 

[sweepthefloor]

This is exactly what I'm feeling right now.

I was hopeful because that is how humans survive. I let myself believe it’s all gonna be alright. I was loved for one day, the love turned into many days and sleepless hot nights. The life pulse and sex music notes give us no promise with a guaranteed orchestra. I am standing in an empty pit, all the musicians have gone home and the actors have left the stage.

 

[cookiecat]

I was hopeful because that is how humans survive. I let myself believe it’s all gonna be alright. I was loved for one day, the love turned into many days and sleepless hot nights. The life pulse and sex music notes give us no promise with a guaranteed orchestra. I am standing in an empty pit, all the musicians have gone home and the actors have left the stage.

It's not alright anymore?

You were loved for many days. That seems a good thing.

 

[sweepthefloor]

It's not alright anymore?

You were loved for many days. That seems a good thing.

The alright is cyclical, I am in a real relationship and I never really understood how any of this works but I am doing my best. I love so many parts of him. There are times when I want to give up.

 

[sweepthefloor]

He is away for the weekend and I have trust issues.

 

[JCSTREET]

This is what happens on dates- the whispering in my mind.
They don't know what I am thinking.
It is not entirely fair to the date that they do not know my mind is whispering:
tell me to shut up. pull my hair. rape me.
---

In other breaking news: after years of this- I got slapped the other day-- for the first time in my life. As I suspected I probably would- I liked it. I didn't know it was coming, and we never talked about it. I did on date two tell him that I wanted to be owned and completely controlled when I am lucky enough to trust and love. Maybe I did not articulate the thought well- I still have a hard time describing exactly what I desire. He admitted he did not quite understand what I was saying but that he thinks he knows what I am trying to say: and he thinks he likes it.

Charles Bukowski meets Anais Nin

I am transfixed

(mails Janey a copy of Dorlands Dictionary of safewords)