eastern sun
hungry little creature
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2005
- Posts
- 2,703
I am a creature that responds to both punishment and reward. Punishment is more likely to change a behavior, and reward is more likely to sustain a behavior.
During periods when punishment prevails for any length of time, when the only "reward" is the knowledge that I am still slave, I am more likely to drop whatever I'm doing, and whatever I'm holding. I'm more likely to become clumsy. To become scattered. And diffuse. During those times, he thinks that the best "reward" is a good beating. : ) And it usually does "pull me back together."
In contrast, during periods when I am getting exactly what I want (the ultimate reward, right?), my terms tend to become more fixed and defined, and I am more likely to become pushy. To tell him exactly what I think I need. To forget to tell him important bits of information that I know he doesn't want to hear. To take matters into my own hands. During those times, he thinks that the worst "punishment" is to withdraw and remove himself from the relationship. And it usually does "pull me back in his direction."
But there is this middle ground in which we are both very happy. In which the relationship is alive and rewards or punishments are spontaneously woven into the moment in which they are "earned." Those are the times full of laughter, and love, when both our needs are being met.
Shadowsdream, it is your willingness to hold power, and the fierce playfulness with which you appear to exercise it, that is so attractive.
During periods when punishment prevails for any length of time, when the only "reward" is the knowledge that I am still slave, I am more likely to drop whatever I'm doing, and whatever I'm holding. I'm more likely to become clumsy. To become scattered. And diffuse. During those times, he thinks that the best "reward" is a good beating. : ) And it usually does "pull me back together."
In contrast, during periods when I am getting exactly what I want (the ultimate reward, right?), my terms tend to become more fixed and defined, and I am more likely to become pushy. To tell him exactly what I think I need. To forget to tell him important bits of information that I know he doesn't want to hear. To take matters into my own hands. During those times, he thinks that the worst "punishment" is to withdraw and remove himself from the relationship. And it usually does "pull me back in his direction."
But there is this middle ground in which we are both very happy. In which the relationship is alive and rewards or punishments are spontaneously woven into the moment in which they are "earned." Those are the times full of laughter, and love, when both our needs are being met.
Shadowsdream, it is your willingness to hold power, and the fierce playfulness with which you appear to exercise it, that is so attractive.
