Thinking of sharing your wife? Consider this.

[jaF0]

OP's tale is not uncommon.




Unfortunately.

 

[gtnlynn]

Our situation may be a bit different. My wife and I dated throughout high school and college. Since we went to different colleges and only saw each other once or twice a month, she was free to date other men. For two and a half years, she dated and had sex with several different men, always making sure they understood that it was only for fun. If they tried to get her to break up with me, she dumped them. Jump ahead a few years to when we had been married for a while and she was being hit on by men she met at the medical office where she worked. She was in her mid-30's and younger men saw her as the sexy older woman they wanted to fuck. I asked her if she missed the variety of college, and she said she wasn't sure. So we agreed she could have sex with others under certain conditions: only one date with each man, condoms required, no sex with our friends, I would not be present for the sex, but she would tell me all about her "dates." She had several one-time events with other men over a period of three years, then she decided to stop. She hasn't had sex with anyone other than me in the past 25 years. It worked for us, but I am sure it might not work for others.

 

[SlutAddicted]

In another thread about monogamy vs. swinging discussion, I remarked on how the three couples I knew that had dabbled outside monogamy had split, mostly due to jealousy. Because it was wildly easier for the wives to find new partners than their husbands.
It made me remember an interesting story. Now, this isn't my attempt to sway someone considering this lifestyle, merely offering it as a cautionary tale.

About twenty years ago, I had a good job for many years. I worked with a fella we'll call Dave. Now old Dave was the worst sort of asshole, a braggart. He would prattle on endlessly about his romantic conquests and all the cool shit he had, and I really couldn't stand him. But as we had to work together every damned day, I just kept the peace.

As well as a braggart, he thought himself quite the lady's man. And there was likely some truth to that, as he was a decent-looking fella, and had managed to score himself one of the hottest wives I've ever seen. We'll call her Venus. A jaw-droppingly gorgeous face and a body built for sin. We met her at a company function and even my wife, who's not into gals, remarked on how sexy she was. Dave would often brag about their sexual escapades. She'd do pretty much anything he wanted within the confines of the marital bed.

But Dave often told me he was trying to push his wife into swinging. But she wasn't having it. A few years later, she finally relented. They joined a group, and instantly Venus was wildly popular with the folks in their little club. And she was enjoying the hell out of it. And at first, he was quite proud of this. Until their first orgy. You see when it was just some partner swapping, things were pretty even. But the night of their first orgy, old Dave had his two cumshots and was done for the evening within the first 45 minutes. He had to then sit on the sidelines for the next few hours watching his gorgeous wife get fucked by every other participant male and female.

Now, after perusing this forum a while I realize that for some fellas, that might be a hell of a night, watching your wife, get nailed by a baker's dozen of dicks, but for old Dave, the lady's man? Not so much. After a few such evenings, Dave was ready to call a halt to the whole swinging idea. Especially when someone let it slip that the only reason they'd invited them was to get their tongues in his lovely wife's snatch.

So when Dave made the command decision that their swinging days were done, Venus told him to fuck right off. I gotta admit I admired her for that. They divorced nearly immediately thereafter.

So if there is a moral to this story folks, if you have a significant other, that in every way does it for you, don't get greedy.
Be careful what you wish for. You may get it.

I'd say ol' Dave made the two biggest classic mistakes: 1) thinking he could control the situation; and 2) expecting/seeking equal outcomes. There is a real simple thought experiment that helps. Imagine yourself at home alone while your wife is out getting fucked by another man. If you are not ok with that then you are not going to adapt to this lifestyle.

 

[littlecordelera]

But Dave often told me he was trying to push his wife into swinging. But she wasn't having it. A few years later, she finally relented.

I think the moral of the story is: don't marry a dumbass.

 

[policywank]

I think the moral of the story is: don't marry a dumbass.

Ha. So true.

I'd say ol' Dave made the two biggest classic mistakes: 1) thinking he could control the situation; and 2) expecting/seeking equal outcomes. There is a real simple thought experiment that helps. Imagine yourself at home alone while your wife is out getting fucked by another man. If you are not ok with that then you are going to adapt to this lifestyle.

Yup. When I read posts from guys thinking about this it is often along the lines of "I'd be ok with sharing my wife as long as X". More often than not X is a set of rules or expectations designed to limit her and derive the outcomes that he wants.

 

[docoral]

When we were younger and more adventurous my wife and I had a few threesomes with a close friend. He lived about 6 hours away so it could only happen on the rare occasions when he was in town. It was great fun and we never experienced any jealousy. Eventually he married and our games ended, but it was fun while it lasted.

My wife and I had a very interesting relationship with a much older man whose wife was incapable of any kind of sexual activity. We kept all activities at home while I was at home. Their fucking never kept me from my getting my share. I never had to worry about John trying to steal my wife and I never had any reason to not trust my wife. It was the hottest time of our life. John was old enough to be my wife's father. He was well endowed and I wanted my wife to enjoy it.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I'd say ol' Dave made the two biggest classic mistakes: 1) thinking he could control the situation; and 2) expecting/seeking equal outcomes.

I think the moral of the story is: don't marry a dumbass.

You're both dead right about ol Dave. A narcissistic dumbass of the first order. When we were all laid off in 2009, he'd already lost his wife and then his job and his home and his toys. Poor life choices that came back to bite him. But none of it was his fault you understand.

In any case, I'm starting to think there's a fun erotica story here. I may start jotting down some notes.

 

[littlecordelera]

You're both dead right about ol Dave. A narcissistic dumbass of the first order. When we were all laid off in 2009, he'd already lost his wife and then his job and his home and his toys. Poor life choices that came back to bite him. But none of it was his fault you understand.

I'm sorry, but the only thing that wasn't his fault was losing his job. He bears full responsibility for everything else.

 

[Islander55]

Is it true that he cannot satisfy you? Or is it just in his mind?

A good thread and a lot of things to think about before getting into this lifestyle. I personally know that it works well for some but I am sure there are a lot of couples for whom it is not really a good idea. I think the biggest thing is to decide why you want to do it. Is it to cover up other issues in your marriage. I don't think that is going to work. Are you both hedonistic and both enjoy sex and some variety. Just might be your thing. I think it is important to consider especially for older couples that the women is going to be able to find partners easier than the husband. Are you going to be OK with that? We got into it when we were older and retired. The lifestyle can be a lot of fun for both if you are both into it. You really need to talk everything through. Not only before but as you go along.

 

[svengali_decL]

I'd say ol' Dave made... If you are not ok with that then you are going to adapt to this lifestyle.

I don't understand that last sentence... at all...

 

[svengali_decL]

Ha. So true.



Yup. When I read posts from guys thinking about this it is often along the lines of "I'd be ok with sharing my wife as long as X". More often than not X is a set of rules or expectations designed to limit her and derive the outcomes that he wants.

One of some couples I hooked up with in 3somes was a serious dom-freak who bossed his wife around. She was quiet and demure; found out they had kids in a bedroom nearby. She was dressed in a nightie and played with us both. He was aggressive and bossy even then so after she had given me some fun, he bounded onto her and rutted away for 10 minutes or more...
it was pretty disgusting and although he/they invited me back, I felt real sorry for her position. I feigned illness when they did contact me so as to get out of it. I hoped I never read about her in the newspapers...

 

[SlutAddicted]

I don't understand that last sentence... at all...

oops it was supposed to say "if you are not ok with that then you are not going to adapt to this lifestyle." I missed the 2nd "not"

 

[BoredAsianWifey]

A good thread and a lot of things to think about before getting into this lifestyle. I personally know that it works well for some but I am sure there are a lot of couples for whom it is not really a good idea. I think the biggest thing is to decide why you want to do it. Is it to cover up other issues in your marriage. I don't think that is going to work. Are you both hedonistic and both enjoy sex and some variety. Just might be your thing. I think it is important to consider especially for older couples that the women is going to be able to find partners easier than the husband. Are you going to be OK with that? We got into it when we were older and retired. The lifestyle can be a lot of fun for both if you are both into it. You really need to talk everything through. Not only before but as you go along.

Sometimes the issues is not in your marriage. My husband and I started after he's been busy with work for years and then a year ago got some health issues. We try different things, but nothing really work. We finally found out when he watches me with another he get really turn on. Afterwards we would be like in our 20s again.

 

[svengali_decL]

oops it was supposed to say "if you are not ok with that then you are not going to adapt to this lifestyle." I missed the 2nd "not"

Thanks, now makes sense... you should also be able to Edit the original msg...
decL

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I truly get what you are saying.
My ex works with his best friend. The friend is twice married and has a long-time intimate relationship with a woman who is married legally for financial purposes in several shared businesses.
He and his 2nd wife periodically enjoyed some additional people in their beds. His current girlfriend is Bi and they have a very active sex life.
The friend shares stories, videos, and pictures of his adventures.

I often remarked about how much fun that would be.
We had been to a few swinger events and a few threescore.

One day his friend mentioned having a dream where he was eating me out while I was on a zoom call.
My upper half dressed and on camera while he indulged.

This led to many conversations and some fantasy role play for my ex and I.
I came home from a business trip and my ex wanted to role play a bit.
He wanted me to call him his friends name and talk dirty while we shared oral sex back and forth.
At the end he told me he wanted me to rehearse for when his friend was eating my pussy the following week.
It was amazing. Sucking his cock, which I had seen in pictures. Him sucking my breasts which I knew he often stared at.
Then he ate me for almost 40 minutes straight.
I couldn't tell where one orgasm finished and the next started. And he was slurping as he went.
When I was practically passing out, my ex halted everything. I was no longer able to consent.

The night never repeated. My ex couldn't believe I let my guard down to that degree. He said he needed a break, and we never played with anyone again.

He couldn't handle my comfort with his friend.
Someone I had known clo

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I don't think this caused my marriage to dissolve, but it was probably a factor.

Even when adhering to all boundaries, something can go wrong.

 

[davenjenn]

My husband is much older than me. He feels he cannot satisfy me. So sometimes he finds me a lover

My husband finds me lovers even though he can satisfy me. It's more that he gets turned on by me being satisfied by someone else

 

[Filipinawife]

My husband finds me lovers even though he can satisfy me. It's more that he gets turned on by me being satisfied by someone else

David loves that too it makes him horny

 

[davenjenn]

David loves that too it makes him horny

I think lot of guys do, especially if I cum

 

[Filipinawife]

Absolutely

 

[davenjenn]

Absolutely

Or suck off stranger on vacation

 

[jaF0]

Guys are dicks. It's all about competition and victory. That's what gets them going. They get bored doing the same thing all the time with no challenge. But when they see another guy having fun with their prize, the beast comes out and they have to prove they can win. Again. The whole 'reclaiming' is more like re-conquest.

And women like it. They like the bad boys, the ones that always fight for them, the aggression and quest for victory.

 

[policywank]

Guys are dicks. It's all about competition and victory. That's what gets them going. They get bored doing the same thing all the time with no challenge. But when they see another guy having fun with their prize, the beast comes out and they have to prove they can win. Again. The whole 'reclaiming' is more like re-conquest.

And women like it. They like the bad boys, the ones that always fight for them, the aggression and quest for victory.

I don't want to be with any man who regards me as a conquest or someone over whom he has a claim. Aside from jealousy and insecurity that is why a lot of guys just aren't suited to this - they make it about themselves rather than the woman's pleasure. Or if it is about the woman's pleasure it is about who gets to claim he was best, without much actual interest in pleasing her.

I wouldn't say women like it quite that way. Sure we like guys who compete for our attention, but not just so that they can be self-serving dicks about it.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I don't want to be with any man who regards me as a conquest or someone over whom he has a claim. Aside from jealousy and insecurity that is why a lot of guys just aren't suited to this - they make it about themselves rather than the woman's pleasure. Or if it is about the woman's pleasure it is about who gets to claim he was best, without much actual interest in pleasing her.

I wouldn't say women like it quite that way. Sure we like guys who compete for our attention, but not just so that they can be self-serving dicks about it.

One of the things that my wife really emphasizes is the attitude of the men she is with. Guys with traditional or misogynist attitudes just won't fit. The whole premise that all guys are the same just isn't true. Many are and that is why careful selection is required. She doesn't like a bunch of rules constraining her but sex with her is a controlled environment - controlled by her - and a bunch of bros treating here like a conquest is just not on the table. Guys that behave that way usually don't even know what they are missing. There are lots of sluts like my wife who won't put up with that shit. Those guys tend to go around lamenting the lack of sexually available women and never realize that there are lots of sexually available women, what there is a lack of is sexually available women prepared to put up with their bullshit.

 

[GuySLut]

One of the things that my wife really emphasizes is the attitude of the men she is with. Guys with traditional or misogynist attitudes just won't fit. The whole premise that all guys are the same just isn't true. Many are and that is why careful selection is required. She doesn't like a bunch of rules constraining her but sex with her is a controlled environment - controlled by her - and a bunch of bros treating here like a conquest is just not on the table. Guys that behave that way usually don't even know what they are missing. There are lots of sluts like my wife who won't put up with that shit. Those guys tend to go around lamenting the lack of sexually available women and never realize that there are lots of sexually available women, what there is a lack of is sexually available women prepared to put up with their bullshit.

So true. Careful selection is a must.