ne thing stopped me cold.My kids.So I picked myself back up,Having no one but myself to lean on.and started taking care of me,finally.Now that I know what my health issues are,and am dealing with them.I focused on my wants and needs for a change.And refocused on what I thought was missing.I started researching and reading articles,for months absorbing knowledge and other peoples stories. and that's also how I found LIT in mid DEC. of '14. and I had no clue where I was going.I just went with it.
[/shameless plug]I felt like something as always missing in my life.From childhood up.Teen and early adult years,more so.relationships lacked "something" but I could never figure out what.I felt like I wasn't whole. And it wasn't until a bad panic attack last year,that I came to the realization of what I was lacking.I lay there feeling like I was going to die.It was that bad.usually around 45 minutes plus for my attacks.Very scary for me.
I went into deep thought on my life,as I lay there,and started contemplating.From childhood until now. As a little girl,I awlays had the need to please and wanted praise.for whatever it was I was aske to do. Task finished and a thank you.I still stood there waiting.For what ??
and I was a shy,sensitive little girl.You yelled at me, I would cry and be upset,and upset that they were upset with me etc..My teen and early adult years, relationships felt incomplete.Sex was alright but unsatisfying for me.
While I was in my late twenties,events in life made me fearful of men,and it took me a few years after to get it through my head that not all males would hurt me.I still have a healthy fear of men I don't know,and some I do know.and to this day will get defensive if I feel threatened or too nervous around them.So safety is a huge deal for me. I have to know I'm safe with my partner and that he would not hurt me,or let anyone else hurt me.Not that I can't defend myself but,you get the point.
Several years later I realized I liked rough sex,nothing extreme mind you,But rough,even a smidge more than your normal rough.Being open minded as I am,I would give cues.Not being brave enough then to say what I wanted,Also knowing they weren't like that.And maybe it is my coping mechanism for the things in life I went though. A fellow Lit memeber and dear friend I was talking to had stated that.and it was a valid point.One I never thought of,until then. It makes more sense to me now.
Always being the more experienced,more dominant one in bed, that took charge of the pleasure aspect of it,in hopes that they would get my cues and take the lead.I was tired of being like that.In my life,from my twenties on, I was the foundation for those in my life.ALWAYS the one everyone leaned on for whatever.Always the strongest who knew what to do and when.people came to me for answers or help.And I did my best for them.Be it family or friend. A lot of stress.so I had myself on the back burner for a long time with my wants and needs.
Well,The last few years was the icing on the cake for me.My foundation crumbled.I couldn't be what everyone wanted anymore. I didn't have it in me to do it anymore.For the first time in my life, I felt weak.and completely lost.I made the wrong choice,and gave up. To the point I didn't want to live.I didn't want to be here anymore. and almost did it to
I agree with many posters on being the focal point in your life,Always the strong one or boss, in life, your job,what have you..It would be such a change,and a nice relief to give the reigns over to, have someone dominant and assertive,who can take charge, to lean on,and say, "I got this" even if it's only at certain times.That's where my sub side comes in. I don't believe I'm a natural sub.Never been one to listen to anyone in life.Blazing my own trail,Even if it's crooked
So that's going to be a learning experience for me.Having to "defer to" some one stronger and more Dominant than me, I've never listened to anyone in my life. Not even my ex husbands.So in that area, I think I'll need a lot of patience,Since I am quite stubborn and willfull and " Obeying" will be a feat for me to accomplish.But not impossible to learn.
I know in many aspects of BDSM, no matter what level you play on,some have rules and guidelines for their S's. and that's fine too.Knowing for most D's, it's for their Subs' health and safety.As well as for the Dom's wants and needs.The lifestyle goes both ways. dom's also need aftercare sometimes.Just as the sub does after a scene or playtime.so I've also been learning those possiblilites for future reference.
I think the D/s relationship needs both parties helping each other learn and grow,as a person and or a couple. It should not be all one sided.Complete submission would be very scary for me.Never submitting in that way,in that sense, to anyone in my life. Would I even know how,on whatever level of submission that is agreed apon.So that particular fear might, for me, be a slower process to accomplish.But learning about each other and knowing each other more as you go,Communicating openly and honestly about all the aspects involved,You will eventually become less fearful and more at ease and I do believe " Guidelines" or rules are important also.To an extent. It would make the relationship a little smoother, as opposed to having very little or no rules.
Depending on your level of BDSM,Family size and agreement.and having issues crop up because you did something wrong but didn't realize it would be something that would upset your parter.With some rules stated and agreed upon,The relationship would be easier for both parties to adjust to. But every couple is different.Some have no rules.For me, I prefer someone who can keep me grounded and focused.That states they care about you,your well being,safetyand health. I can get A.D.D at times so staying focused on a subject or project is sometimes difficult for me.I flitter from one thing to another at times.Trying to do everything at once.
My apologies for the length, I write a lot when talking about something I'm passionate about. Or have knowledge of. I know I still have much to learn and It will be a fun process.
I felt like something as always missing in my life.From childhood up.Teen and early adult years,more so.relationships lacked "something" but I could never figure out what.I felt like I wasn't whole. And it wasn't until a bad panic attack last year,that I came to the realization of what I was lacking.I lay there feeling like I was going to die.It was that bad.usually around 45 minutes plus for my attacks.Very scary for me.
I went into deep thought on my life,as I lay there,and started contemplating.From childhood until now. As a little girl,I awlays had the need to please and wanted praise.for whatever it was I was aske to do. Task finished and a thank you.I still stood there waiting.For what ??
and I was a shy,sensitive little girl.You yelled at me, I would cry and be upset,and upset that they were upset with me etc..My teen and early adult years, relationships felt incomplete.Sex was alright but unsatisfying for me.
While I was in my late twenties,events in life made me fearful of men,and it took me a few years after to get it through my head that not all males would hurt me.I still have a healthy fear of men I don't know,and some I do know.and to this day will get defensive if I feel threatened or too nervous around them.So safety is a huge deal for me. I have to know I'm safe with my partner and that he would not hurt me,or let anyone else hurt me.Not that I can't defend myself but,you get the point.
Several years later I realized I liked rough sex,nothing extreme mind you,But rough,even a smidge more than your normal rough.Being open minded as I am,I would give cues.Not being brave enough then to say what I wanted,Also knowing they weren't like that.And maybe it is my coping mechanism for the things in life I went though. A fellow Lit memeber and dear friend I was talking to had stated that.and it was a valid point.One I never thought of,until then. It makes more sense to me now.
Always being the more experienced,more dominant one in bed, that took charge of the pleasure aspect of it,in hopes that they would get my cues and take the lead.I was tired of being like that.In my life,from my twenties on, I was the foundation for those in my life.ALWAYS the one everyone leaned on for whatever.Always the strongest who knew what to do and when.people came to me for answers or help.And I did my best for them.Be it family or friend. A lot of stress.so I had myself on the back burner for a long time with my wants and needs.
Well,The last few years was the icing on the cake for me.My foundation crumbled.I couldn't be what everyone wanted anymore. I didn't have it in me to do it anymore.For the first time in my life, I felt weak.and completely lost.I made the wrong choice,and gave up. To the point I didn't want to live.I didn't want to be here anymore. and almost did it to
I agree with many posters on being the focal point in your life,Always the strong one or boss, in life, your job,what have you..It would be such a change,and a nice relief to give the reigns over to, have someone dominant and assertive,who can take charge, to lean on,and say, "I got this" even if it's only at certain times.That's where my sub side comes in. I don't believe I'm a natural sub.Never been one to listen to anyone in life.Blazing my own trail,Even if it's crooked
So that's going to be a learning experience for me.Having to "defer to" some one stronger and more Dominant than me, I've never listened to anyone in my life. Not even my ex husbands.So in that area, I think I'll need a lot of patience,Since I am quite stubborn and willfull and " Obeying" will be a feat for me to accomplish.But not impossible to learn.
I know in many aspects of BDSM, no matter what level you play on,some have rules and guidelines for their S's. and that's fine too.Knowing for most D's, it's for their Subs' health and safety.As well as for the Dom's wants and needs.The lifestyle goes both ways. dom's also need aftercare sometimes.Just as the sub does after a scene or playtime.so I've also been learning those possiblilites for future reference.
I think the D/s relationship needs both parties helping each other learn and grow,as a person and or a couple. It should not be all one sided.Complete submission would be very scary for me.Never submitting in that way,in that sense, to anyone in my life. Would I even know how,on whatever level of submission that is agreed apon.So that particular fear might, for me, be a slower process to accomplish.But learning about each other and knowing each other more as you go,Communicating openly and honestly about all the aspects involved,You will eventually become less fearful and more at ease and I do believe " Guidelines" or rules are important also.To an extent. It would make the relationship a little smoother, as opposed to having very little or no rules.
Depending on your level of BDSM,Family size and agreement.and having issues crop up because you did something wrong but didn't realize it would be something that would upset your parter.With some rules stated and agreed upon,The relationship would be easier for both parties to adjust to. But every couple is different.Some have no rules.For me, I prefer someone who can keep me grounded and focused.That states they care about you,your well being,safetyand health. I can get A.D.D at times so staying focused on a subject or project is sometimes difficult for me.I flitter from one thing to another at times.Trying to do everything at once.
My apologies for the length, I write a lot when talking about something I'm passionate about. Or have knowledge of. I know I still have much to learn and It will be a fun process.
I've always been happiest pleasing others. Sometimes to my own detriment. I vaguely had ideas of being controlled and found myself drawn to erotica featuring BDSM themes. I didn't want to fully acknowledge my fantasies (or make any of it real) until an acquaintance told me about his involvement in the local BDSM community. He dropped some words like "munch" and the name of a local club. I googled and started researching. Finding normal everyday people like myself made me feel so much better. I came here and have been enjoying myself ever since.
Having an experienced partner comes with the perks of having someone that understands the situation a little better. My husband and I started together, me having a little more knowledge than him. That was only because I introduced him and researched far more. It's been fun learning with him.
Yep! You look for a partner that is compatible with your level and you negotiate and come to an understanding. This can evolve and change thought the relationship. Never think you can't renegotiate. Subs and doms are human beings before anything else.
Punishment isn't right for everyone. In my relationship, we tried it and found that it didn't serve much of a purpose. Disobedience only leads to punishment if you've agreed to do that. I dunno what happens in other relationships, but typically we both own up to our mistakes and take responsibility like adults.
Check the link in my signature to see how many of us operate. It's a great opportunity to see the diversity here.
I will do that Punishment isn't right for everyone. In my relationship, we tried it and found that it didn't serve much of a purpose. Disobedience only leads to punishment if you've agreed to do that. I dunno what happens in other relationships, but typically we both own up to our mistakes and take responsibility like adults.
Check the link in my signature to see how many of us operate. It's a great opportunity to see the diversity here.
This is true for us as well. I've quoted Master on this a few times, because I think it's simple and succinct: D/s is how we love, BDSM is how we make love.
I was seduced into the lifestyle in college. It started out innocently enough--he was tutoring me, I thought he was sexy and made a move on him, and he completely turned things around. I'll be forever grateful to him for bringing me into his world. I don't usually pimp my stories but Impulse Control, Intimate Evening, and Initiation into Submission (in my link below) are a mostly-biography of how I stumbled into all of this. That was thirty-mumble years ago.
I will read those stories and reply back I thought I would share this as this helped me to understand the very basic of what exactly bdsm is.
Secondly I realized how important is the responsibility of Dom to make sure of the well being of sub.
So my question is : What does A Dom do to ensure well being of their sub? Not just physical but mentally, emotionally too. And Oh, what is sub-drop?
Anyone is free to answer or ask
