Today's Question

[Ebonyfire]

that makes a difference...

I am faced with one that I know we can not be geogrphically closer for a long time if ever.....

it is driving me nuts

I do have a thought.

I started as a sub, and my Dom was in Alabama (still is) with his poly household. I was new, and it was highly unlikely that we would ever meet. One of his suggestions was that after a time, he would contact someone who I was involved with who knew about the D/s.

Over a period of time they struck up a chat, and my Dom gave him instructions to carry out. Believe it or not it worked.

It might be a way to do things over time. If you can find a surrogate to oversee RL play, and if you have a webcam and use internet phone, you might be able to progress in the relationship.

What do you think? The concept needs more work, but it has possibilities. You can probably think of your particular situation and see if there is merit to this idea. Like I said, it is just a thought.

BTW, I was a horrible sub!

Ebony

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: that makes a difference...

BTW, I was a horrible sub!

Ebony

LOL. Somehow, I find that very easy to believe. You don't exude one iota of sub-ness to me.

I think that the question of who demands/needs the most "maintenance" is highly individual, and not just in BDSM relationships.

For example, I have friends I don't talk to for months who assume all is well and that we'll talk again when it's convenient for all. On both sides, all is fine--they're happy, I'm happy.

On the other hand, I have a friend who once went all wonky when we didn't have any phone or internet contact for two days, thinking I was hurt or missing or upset or something awful.

Now, both people care for me equally, and I care for them similarly; the needs of each, and thus the "maintenance" required for each relationship was/is just different.

Personally, I'm adaptable, even chameleon-like. I tend to be about as high maintenance as the person with whom I'm in a relationship--of any kind. I expect from them the level of energy and attention that they need from me in return. I expect and require equity, so it's entirely contingent upon the individual with whom I have a connection.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: that makes a difference...

Personally, I'm adaptable, even chameleon-like. I tend to be about as high maintenance as the person with whom I'm in a relationship--of any kind. I expect from them the level of energy and attention that they need from me in return. I expect and require equity, so it's entirely contingent upon the individual with whom I have a connection.

I thought I was like that too, then last year I was assused of being high maintenance, even though in my mind I thought I was not. Our perception of the relationship we had was 180 degrees in opposition. If fact, it has never recovered from the argument that ensued about it.

I then remembered what someone told me years ago. Never ask a person to do more than they are capable of. It turned out that this person was not capable of any involvement other than the most superficial emotional attachment. In his mind, no matter how little I asked for, it was more than he could give, in short to him I was high maintenance. It was not a D/s relationship. So much for vanilla. So I just moved on.

Ebony

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Re: that makes a difference...

On the other hand, I have a friend who once went all wonky when we didn't have any phone or internet contact for two days, thinking I was hurt or missing or upset or something awful.

~raising my hand~
That would be me!


Moral of the story: I want to know your business.
??????

No! That can't be right!

How about: If we talk every day in some way, and have for many months, then i'm gonna go all wonky if you just up and disappear without at least giving me a head's up about the fact that you'll be gone for awhile.

High maintenence?
Hell, yeh!
(And worth it.)

 

[Richard49]

Re: that makes a difference...

I do have a thought.

I started as a sub, and my Dom was in Alabama (still is) with his poly household. I was new, and it was highly unlikely that we would ever meet. One of his suggestions was that after a time, he would contact someone who I was involved with who knew about the D/s.

Over a period of time they struck up a chat, and my Dom gave him instructions to carry out. Believe it or not it worked.

It might be a way to do things over time. If you can find a surrogate to oversee RL play, and if you have a webcam and use internet phone, you might be able to progress in the relationship.

What do you think? The concept needs more work, but it has possibilities. You can probably think of your particular situation and see if there is merit to this idea. Like I said, it is just a thought.

BTW, I was a horrible sub!

Ebony

Good concept !!!!!

I do see this sub occasionally.......like once a month

U a horrible sub?
never.

ROFLMAO

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: that makes a difference...

[i
High maintenence?
Hell, yeh!
(And worth it.)

I bet U are

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: that makes a difference...

U a horrible sub?
never.

ROFLMAO

Well, I had this disease...knees that refused to bend!

Ebony

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Re: Re: that makes a difference...

~raising my hand~
That would be me!



High maintenence?
Hell, yeh!
(And worth it.)

And I wouldn't claim any different, b. You are worth it.
But, you emphatically are high maintenance, too. It's part of what makes you who you are. It's certainly not a condemnation.

And, with you, I'm significantly higher maintenance than I am with others. What else do you expect from two Scorpios?

 

[artful]

Re: that makes a difference...

I do have a thought.

I started as a sub, and my Dom was in Alabama (still is) with his poly household. I was new, and it was highly unlikely that we would ever meet. One of his suggestions was that after a time, he would contact someone who I was involved with who knew about the D/s.

Over a period of time they struck up a chat, and my Dom gave him instructions to carry out. Believe it or not it worked.

It might be a way to do things over time. If you can find a surrogate to oversee RL play, and if you have a webcam and use internet phone, you might be able to progress in the relationship.

What do you think? The concept needs more work, but it has possibilities. You can probably think of your particular situation and see if there is merit to this idea. Like I said, it is just a thought.

BTW, I was a horrible sub!

Ebony

There are many possibilities in transforming a L/D relationship into a viable R/L relationship. Dusty and Jen are in the middle of doing exactly as you had done. So far,...so good!

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: that makes a difference...

Well, I had this disease...knees that refused to bend!

Ebony

A disease?
That is terible

ROFLMAO