Topspace: Tops, what's it like? Is it sexual?

[catalina_francisco]

This post is funny, and humor is always better when enveloping truth.
I remember the old days, when going to the dentist was very close to a horror story. Being a kid, you had no rights, and you just had to take what the evil dentist had to give.

I remember many times when I was told to not be such a baby, when the pain got to be too much. Was the dentist a sadist? Quite possibly. Was I a submissive? NOT AT ALL! Even today, I have memories of the pain. I would love to meet up with him now, and give back some of what he gave, as I am no longer the child who had to take it.

The times when he would pull a tooth, giving me only ether to smell before hand. I would go out for a few seconds, and he would then quickly pull the tooth. Then, I would wake up to extreme pain and a mouth full of blood. Ah, the good old days.

He also gave me a root canal many years before they were supposed to be done. Yes, that was back when people believed doctors, when they said we needed something. And, talk about gullible parents...he said I needed a gold crown. They bought one. Then, he told them the tooth above now didn't meet up with the gold tooth, and it needed a gold crown to fix that matchup. They bought one.

The pain was unbearable! Pain medications of the day were less than effective. I could feel every bit of that drill going into my tooth, and his ripping out of the pulp. Many years later, X-rays showed he broke off a piece of a tool inside one of the canals. Of course, he never mentioned it, at the time.

I could go on and on about this guy. I truly hope he is dead and gone, and experiencing some of the same pain he created in Purgatory! The only plus was he saved the tooth. That is if it even needed saving in the first place.

A dying breed, painful dentists. Dentists today know patients won't stand for it. Mine goes out of his way to make each and every visit painless.

He gets his jollies from not causing pain, perhaps?

You know, it troubles me to think that the dentist from my childhood was quite possibly HARD during my horror visits. It troubles me a lot!

Oh, sorry for commandeering this thread to remember a horrible time. But, I do feel better, now. Oh, see my pearly whites ----->

Mmmm....shades of 'Little Shop of Horrors'........sure hope you have not had to have too much therapy to help overcome this most terrifying ignoramus in your childhood as you deserve far better treatment.

Catalina

 

[DVS]

Mmmm....shades of 'Little Shop of Horrors'........sure hope you have not had to have too much therapy to help overcome this most terrifying ignoramus in your childhood as you deserve far better treatment.

Catalina

Ah, what we experience in life only makes us stronger. And, it also makes me a better Dom. I have ideas for torments I'm sure no other has thought of.
Yes, I'm all better now. And so are my teeth! And, actually, a lot of that was not uncommon in the '50s and '60s. I bet I'm not the only one with such stories. But, this thread isn't about teeth. Well, unless you use them for biting submissive people's parts.

 

[DVS]

My two cents about topspace...
I love the control I have over a submissive. I love that I can say things that will make her wet and make her shiver.

I love that I can keep my control when she can not, and I can make her beg and plead for sexual releif and I just want to take it further.

I can whisper little nasty mental things into her ear that cause her to go over the edge and she loves it.

I love that she loves it. A matched set!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump for those who may have something new to add, or those who were not here for the first edition of the thread....

 

[catalina_francisco]

Good bump?

 

[desertslave]

I'm 96.5% submissive/painslut. I have to leave that 'yeah, but' space because I've been given a taste of being on the other side of the flogger several times, and I liked it....eventually.

The first time a previous Sir asked me to top him, I was mortified. I didn't want to hurt him, or make him feel bad, or any of the delicious things he did to me. He pointed out that it would be a service to him, and rather selfish (!) to deny him his request. So I approached it in just that way, that it was another way of serving him to satisfy his curiosity. I still cried when I held a flogger for the first time. LOL Then I started to work on him, and do it some more. He got hard, I got wet. Cause and effect.

I know a lot of it was just getting positive feedback from him. What's not to love? Somewhere in there, though, I started to shift perspective. I got a glimpse of what he experienced when he was topping me, which was very cool. It was like looking over his shoulder and seeing me kneeling there. Gradually I wanted to elicit reactions from him just because I wanted them. Very interesting!

I'm not and never will be a sadist. I can't imagine inflicting pain if my partner is in genuine distress. But if they're gratified in some way by my ministrations....yeah, I could do it again.

 

[BiBunny]

Me: Female Toppish switch.
My partners: Generally male switches/bottoms, but the occasional female.

He describes a definitely arousing sexual impact. Do you experience it that way?

Well...kind of. It depends on the other person and the dynamics, mostly. If I'm having to do slap and tickle stuff because that's all the other person can handle, then I get bored, and it's not sexual. If it's something I can really get into with someone who can handle me, then it's drench-inducing.

He links the effect to the other's pain. Does that pain, the reflexes, attempted defenses, get you sexually hot?

Again, kind of. It depends on WHOSE conception of pain we're going off of here. I am probably the worst kind of Top in the world because I compare everyone else's pain tolerance to my own. I know it's unfair, but there you have it.

If the other person is in tears and near safewording over something I'd consider warm-up were I in his/her place, then I find myself rolling my eyes, getting annoyed, and ultimately losing respect for the other person. Yes, that makes me a bad person. I realize this.

If, however, the other person can really take it and can really sexualize the pain I give him/her, then it's a high unlike no other. Every whimper, every arch of the back, every thrust of the hips, every little move that person makes, every little word that person speaks makes me crazy.

This is where I draw my line about fucking people I Top. I don't fuck a lot of them. The amount and kind of pain I dole out and the other person's reception of it are what influences my choice to have sex or not. If it's one of those wild, adrenaline-rush scenes, then I almost can't help fucking him/her. If not, you couldn't hold a gun to my head and make me do it.

God, I'm so fucking complicated, LOL.

Do you come, during or right after?

In a good scene, I'm coming a LOT.

Apart from the pain issue, Do you experience a sexual-- or more non-sexual-- 'rush' or effect from the demonstration of power?

Again, it depends. To me, sex, adrenaline, and endorphins are all wound up together in this inextricable manner. You know how some people have sex and love equated with one another? I've got sex equated with adrenaline and endorphin rushes.

I am, at heart, a sensation junkie. I'll chase things that make me feel good to the ends of the earth. That's just how I am. Chances are, if a scene doesn't get me off, it probably won't happen again unless I think there's potential there.

Do you get, instead, from 'topping' mainly non sexual feelings? Which? For instance, pride in a job well done (you taught them to serve); satisfaction (non sexual) at being well served; joyful, like the coach who sees his or her team win?

I'm either turned on or bored, one or the other. I don't get "job well done" feelings when I do it.

He states that the above type of experience (esp. arousal from pain) is relatively LESS common among tops. Is that your impression among the tops you know personally?

Yes. I think most people THINK they're really aroused from pain, Tops and bottoms alike. Most of the self-proclaimed sadists or masochists or painsluts or whatever AREN'T.

The meanest bastard I ever met called himself a "sensual sadist." (He wasn't, LOL.) The biggest pushover, whiny, pet-my-ass-after-every-stroke-and-ask-me-if-I'm-ok "sadist" I ever met called himself "really sadistic."

The upshot of which is that people really have no idea what they are and aren't capable of.

 

[midwestyankee]

<snip>

The upshot of which is that people really have no idea what they are and aren't capable of.

This, in a nutsack, is why D/s means so much to me. It's an intense journey into who we might become if we allow ourselves the room to grow.

 

[Homburg]

Male, working almost exclusively with female bottoms.

1)He describes a definitely arousing sexual impact. Do you experience it that way?

Sometimes. More often my cock is shut down while I am topping. I get into a highly focused, hyper-aware headspace and the visceral reactions shut off. It's very mental arousal for me. This does not mean it is not sexual, just that I am not commonly aroused physically by it.

Certain activities are more likely to arouse me physically, and taking them to certain ends, or lengths of time, will do so as well. Mostly, it's mental and emotional.

2) He links the effect to the other's pain. Does that pain, the reflexes, attempted defenses, get you sexually hot?

Yes.

3) Do you come, during or right after?

It takes a lot for me to come. It's just how I'm built. Sexual contact is necessary, and it generally needs to be penetrative sexual contact.


4) Apart from the pain issue, Do you experience a sexual-- or more non-sexual-- 'rush' or effect from the demonstration of power?

Sometimes sexual, yes. Other times, non-sexual. Depends on the person, scene, surroundings, etc.


5) Do you get, instead, from 'topping' mainly non sexual feelings? Which? For instance, pride in a job well done (you taught them to serve); satisfaction (non sexual) at being well served; joyful, like the coach who sees his or her team win?

This is more common for me. I almost always experience these sorts of feelings. Satisfaction is a big one for me. I can't call it explicitly non-sexual though, as it is, as Incubus said, all tied up in my sexuality.


6) He states that the above type of experience (esp. arousal from pain) is relatively LESS common among tops. Is that your impression among the tops you know personally?

No clue. I don't tend to spend all that much time doing boner checks on my fellow tops when they're doing their thing.

I describe myself as a sadist, but "really sadistic" or whatnot. I dig giving out pain, but I can come without it. It just makes the sex more fun, and makes it more likely that I will come.

To be frank, I don't want to be limited to just being a sadist, or a control freak, or whatever. I may not be a bi-switch, but I do want a little bit of flexibility in my sexual proclivities.

 

[Netzach]

He links the effect to the other's pain. Does that pain, the reflexes, attempted defenses, get you sexually hot?

Again, kind of. It depends on WHOSE conception of pain we're going off of here. I am probably the worst kind of Top in the world because I compare everyone else's pain tolerance to my own. I know it's unfair, but there you have it.

If the other person is in tears and near safewording over something I'd consider warm-up were I in his/her place, then I find myself rolling my eyes, getting annoyed, and ultimately losing respect for the other person. Yes, that makes me a bad person. I realize this.

NO.

NO NO NO NO NO.

Jesus.

Essentialist crap has damn near ruined this scene.

It makes you a person who has the balls to experience extreme things. And it makes you a demanding top. One who expects their bottoms to toughen up remotely and be adult and get a grip and not have to tailor every scene to the most delicate and fragile of little flowers.

Like wanting a girl with blonde hair or big tits it's a big dumb shallow preference to which you are entitled.

 

[BiBunny]

NO.

NO NO NO NO NO.

Jesus.

Essentialist crap has damn near ruined this scene.

It makes you a person who has the balls to experience extreme things. And it makes you a demanding top. One who expects their bottoms to toughen up remotely and be adult and get a grip and not have to tailor every scene to the most delicate and fragile of little flowers.

Like wanting a girl with blonde hair or big tits it's a big dumb shallow preference to which you are entitled.

Thank you.

 

[sexycaz22]

Female, Dom/switchish working with male subs

1)He describes a definitely arousing sexual impact. Do you experience it that way?

It depends on who I am dealing with, on the situation and on the dynamic between me and the sub.

2) He links the effect to the other's pain. Does that pain, the reflexes, attempted defenses, get you sexually hot?

Aye, I love seeing the sub wriggling/squirming as I hit him wherever, watching his reactions.

3) Do you come, during or right after?

Usually just after a heavy play session, and again it depends on the sub.

4) Apart from the pain issue, Do you experience a sexual-- or more non-sexual-- 'rush' or effect from the demonstration of power?

Mostly a non-sexual 'rush' - I feel superior, on the cloud nine, when I see him on his knees, for me, his head bowed down, as I use my riding crop to direct him, to control every movement he does.

5) Do you get, instead, from 'topping' mainly non sexual feelings? Which? For instance, pride in a job well done (you taught them to serve); satisfaction (non sexual) at being well served; joyful, like the coach who sees his or her team win?

Yes, I love the satisfaction, when I know the sub is doing it on my commands, to see him do it because I told him to, and not on his own.

6) He states that the above type of experience (esp. arousal from pain) is relatively LESS common among tops. Is that your impression among the tops you know personally?

I have no clue at all.