Unpopular slowburn incest romance (NOT a self-promo)

[ColinPiper]

Your way has less detail, but it's all "tell" and that was half of your complaint.

That's subjective. His heartbeat quickening and the swearing and the deep breath show nervousness. The rocking chairs and no-one on the street shows how mundane suburbia can be. Most importantly, each line moves the story forward - or tries to. Probably the house description is overdone and I would change it before publishing - it was written on the fly.

My main point is, every movement from A to B, and every thought in a person's head, does not need to be written down. Hemingway is the supposed inventor of The Iceberg Technique - the idea that there is always more to a story than is written on the page. A character can show how they are feeling through their dialogue, body language and gestures. Most of an iceberg is unseen under the water - the same with people's feelings.

And I've probably overdone my contribution this thread.

Well, good luck to the author and the OP who's promoting the story.

 

[MrHereWriting]

That's subjective. His heartbeat quickening and the swearing and the deep breath show nervousness. The rocking chairs and no-one on the street shows how mundane suburbia can be. Most importantly, each line moves the story forward - or tries to. Probably the house description is overdone and I would change it before publishing - it was written on the fly.

My main point is, every movement from A to B, and every thought in a person's head, does not need to be written down. Hemingway is the supposed inventor of The Iceberg Technique - the idea that there is always more to a story than is written on the page. A character can show how they are feeling through their dialogue, body language and gestures. Most of an iceberg is unseen under the water - the same with people's feelings.

And I've probably overdone my contribution this thread.

Well, good luck to the author and the OP who's promoting the story.

Hardly subjective.

You adhere to a certain method, but to tell people that method is the best method and should always be used (yes, that what you said without saying it directly) is limited.

 

[live4thebj]

Well written slow burn get the better ratings but they have to be written almost perfect error free.