Unrelated to the original post but thats struck a cord with me. My Dom an I have been working through an issue. I decided to tell him somthing which I've kept inside for a very long time. I felt I needed punishing for it. Absolution.
I had an idea how that would happen. But of course he flipped me completely on my head. Made me face up to it in all its gory detail.
And hes right. Absolutly , completely right. It was the most effective thing he could have done. But the pain and the hurt stings like hell.
I've retreated. I know he was doing exeactly what I asked for. Punishing me. But becasue it was far removed form what I expected now I'm nervous about what I say. I'll be reluctant to ever ask for anything else again. I will be gaurded with what I say. Because I dont want a repeat of this. But that defeats the object of our relationship, dosent it?
"would be that you can't be trusted to hold up your end of the bargain when you're frustrated or pissed."
But this bit feels like me at the moment. Not pissed, numb. I have to acept that what he did was truely right , and it was. But I feel battered and broken at present. Which he says is self pity.
Which I think is right again.
Its like we have lost a bit of us somewhere. But I can't be happy and react as my usual self at present. Lets hope he waits till I've managed to resolve it in my own head. We cant possiblely talk about it togeather any more. Its exhausting and has taken so much emotional energy.
I wish I'd never brought it up in the first place, my attempt at being completly honest backfired big time.
He has forgiven me.
But how do I forgive myself?
