What Are You Thinking? Continued 14

[XShadynzX]

I learned the other day that "breadcrumbing" is a thing that people do so that they keep your interest, by giving you little bits of positive reinforcement and then ignoring you for a long time. I know that manipulation because people have used it on me before. I just didn't know it had a name. I wonder if that is worse than ghosting. I am just thinking, here.

So much worse than ghosting. At least ghosting is honest..
Just my two cents worth..

 

[Chillygirl]

I learned the other day that "breadcrumbing" is a thing that people do so that they keep your interest, by giving you little bits of positive reinforcement and then ignoring you for a long time. I know that manipulation because people have used it on me before. I just didn't know it had a name. I wonder if that is worse than ghosting. I am just thinking, here.

Good question. I think it all sucks. I wish people could be more honest with each other but I also understand that any kind of confrontation is difficult.

 

[MiaBabe23]

That sometimes your just delt a shit hand..

 

[MiaBabe23]

Thanks to @HollyS for mentioning - there’s an eclipse tonight!! Looks like peaks around 1045 edt, not sure about everywhere else

 

[bashfull]

Lots of tequila and no sleep....not the best combination

 

[MiaBabe23]

Clouds are assholes

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Good question. I think it all sucks. I wish people could be more honest with each other but I also understand that any kind of confrontation is difficult.

I agree. I don't think I could be OK with myself if I were trying to get someone interested in me, and then consistently ignored them, only to lovebomb them for a bit to keep the interest. I think that's cruel. Ghosting I can get, because sometimes you're afraid of the confrontation. It's not a very mature way of dealing with things, but one can hope that we grow.

But then, maybe someone is depressed and has better moments, and maybe during those better moments it appears they are breadcrumbing, when they are really just trying to feel better and indicate this. So many things to think about.

#deepthoughts

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

So much worse than ghosting. At least ghosting is honest..
Just my two cents worth..

I think I'd agree. It seems more malicious than ghosting can be, too.

 

[UnquietDreams]

Clouds are assholes

I live in the PNW. Lifetime average for clear viewing for eclipses is in the low 30% range.

 

[Qky75]

I agree. I don't think I could be OK with myself if I were trying to get someone interested in me, and then consistently ignored them, only to lovebomb them for a bit to keep the interest. I think that's cruel. Ghosting I can get, because sometimes you're afraid of the confrontation. It's not a very mature way of dealing with things, but one can hope that we grow.

But then, maybe someone is depressed and has better moments, and maybe during those better moments it appears they are breadcrumbing, when they are really just trying to feel better and indicate this. So many things to think about.

#deepthoughts

I'm impressed with your noting more than one side to this issue! You are right, there is much to think about.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

I'm impressed with your noting more than one side to this issue! You are right, there is much to think about.

Thanks. Sometimes it helps me if I can write out something. Then I can figure it out as I write. I want to be a better human being. I hope other people do, too.

 

[dawn_of_night]

Good question. I think it all sucks. I wish people could be more honest with each other but I also understand that any kind of confrontation is difficult.

But if people were just honest, and said ....
"No, I don't wanna fuck, I'm just looking for friends"

Or "yes, I literally just want you to get me off and I'll leave you alone"

Wouldn't it be easier to chose.... To do or not do the thing that said person was asking if you?

 

[RIPAphrodite]

Is it true social media makes people kill themselves… if so then I wish I could save them (Everyone needs a hug )

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Well… it’s making a lotta assumptions isn’t it
I think malice is the least likely reason
More likely are things like keeping options open, lacking courage to say whatever, wanting to test waters etc
I don’t think most guys walk around with this idea, ooh what fun it would be to inflict pain on this woman I like(d)

I used the word "seems," Mia. In my next post I try to explain how a person could look at a thing in multiple ways. It was just something I was thinking about. I'm not trying to start an argument. I also never said that this would be a thing that would be limited to men.

 

[UnquietDreams]

I agree. I don't think I could be OK with myself if I were trying to get someone interested in me, and then consistently ignored them, only to lovebomb them for a bit to keep the interest. I think that's cruel. Ghosting I can get, because sometimes you're afraid of the confrontation. It's not a very mature way of dealing with things, but one can hope that we grow.

But then, maybe someone is depressed and has better moments, and maybe during those better moments it appears they are breadcrumbing, when they are really just trying to feel better and indicate this. So many things to think about.

#deepthoughts

I have had the situation, and I know I may not alone on Lit for this, where I reach out and reach out, with no response until i send something sexual, then get an instant reply.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

But if people were just honest, and said ....
"No, I don't wanna fuck, I'm just looking for friends"

Or "yes, I literally just want you to get me off and I'll leave you alone"

Wouldn't it be easier to chose.... To do or not do the thing that said person was asking if you?

That is my thought, too. If a person is not interested, it's OK to say that. I try to always do that. But no one is perfect.

 

[TXRafe]

But if people were just honest, and said ....
"No, I don't wanna fuck, I'm just looking for friends"

Or "yes, I literally just want you to get me off and I'll leave you alone"

Wouldn't it be easier to chose.... To do or not do the thing that said person was asking if you?

i find myself very much in this quandary...i very much want to help get someone off and get off at the same time...but i need the connection and chemistry that comes with friendship. do i want to "just be friends"? no, i'm an adult, i have enough "just friends". but i require more than a generic naked moaning woman to really get off.

 

[Chillygirl]

But if people were just honest, and said ....
"No, I don't wanna fuck, I'm just looking for friends"

Or "yes, I literally just want you to get me off and I'll leave you alone"

Wouldn't it be easier to chose.... To do or not do the thing that said person was asking if you?

Absolutely! I’d love that!

But I was thinking more of the people who’ve been talking/playing for awhile and want to end it. If the other person doesn’t want to end it it’s easier to ghost than argue and deal with the consequences. Doesn’t make it right but…

 

[dawn_of_night]

That is my thought, too. If a person is not interested, it's OK to say that. I try to always do that. But no one is perfect.

I'm not asking for perfection....
Just like, I dunno something resembling communication...

i find myself very much in this quandary...i very much want to help get someone off and get off at the same time...but i need the connection and chemistry that comes with friendship.

I respect and probably totally agree...

do i want to "just be friends"? no, i'm an adult, i have enough "just friends". but i require more than a generic naked moaning woman to really get off.

Right, and this also... But why is it so hard to say or ask or whatever, because we are adults and it shouldn't matter if everyone likes us...
Or whatever ...

And further more, don't tell me we're exclusive of your going to be the one that isn't....
Don't agree to my terms of your not expecting/expressing the same term

 

[Chillygirl]

But then, maybe someone is depressed and has better moments, and maybe during those better moments it appears they are breadcrumbing, when they are really just trying to feel better and indicate this. So many things to think about.

This! Mental health. We don’t always know what’s going on with the other person.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

I'm not asking for perfection....
Just like, I dunno something resembling communication...

I respect and probably totally agree...

Right, and this also... But why is it so hard to say or ask or whatever, because we are adults and it shouldn't matter if everyone likes us...
Or whatever ...

And further more, don't tell me we're exclusive of your going to be the one that isn't....
Don't agree to my terms of your not expecting/expressing the same term

I am in agreement. I was just thinking about how I would myself act. I wasn't trying to argue. Communication is good.

 

[dawn_of_night]

I am in agreement. I was just thinking about how I would myself act. I wasn't trying to argue. Communication is good.

 

[MiaBabe23]

This! Mental health. We don’t always know what’s going on with the other person.

So well said, absolutely. Can all be that bit kinder

 

[dawn_of_night]

Absolutely! I’d love that!

But I was thinking more of the people who’ve been talking/playing for awhile and want to end it. If the other person doesn’t want to end it it’s easier to ghost than argue and deal with the consequences. Doesn’t make it right but…

Yea. Ghosting, in that situation seems ... Not fair, but sometimes like the only safe outcome if one party is persistent and the other has one foot out the door.... So to speak.

 

[dawn_of_night]

I think it's bed time....
Good night Franz... And fuckers.
And Ho! @UnquietDreams