what happens when you lose faith

[JMohegan]

I'm not "clucking" about how he cares for it. You are right, it IS his business. But when the car starts making funny noises and I tell him "Hey, dude, sounds like your right front wheel bearing is going out. You need to get that looked at." and 3 months later the car breaks down and stops working because he's a lazy, cheap bastard adn does nothing, I'm not going to go out of my way to help him either.

In this case however, our sock doesn't have to put up with the non-maintenance. I don't know what their agreement at the time Ownership was established but if said Owner is in violation of the agreement, with multiple opportunities to return to compliance with the agreement, said agreement could be terminated by the property. sock can either kick Owner to the curb, or voluntarily vacate the premises or negotiate a new agreement to get the maintenance done elsewhere and re-define the relationship.

Our sock has options the yard and car don't have.

Just sayin'...

Exactly.

Which is why the concept of people as "property" has never made sense to me.

 

[JMohegan]

Kind of a tangent, but did you ever see "In The Company Of Men"?

Don't think I've ever heard of it. Why do you ask? Is it good?

 

[sb2009]

I know nothing of slavery, so all my advice is based soley on a vanilla marriage. HOWEVER it is a vanilla marriage with the power squarely in his hands. so take it for what it's worth, ditch the rest!


First, I agree with everyone who said to talk about it. I will put my person shit out there to say that the time I felt most betrayed in my life when when my husband told me that he had been seriously unhappy for the previous two years. Everything that happend as a result was minor...the real horrible pain was from the idea that we had been side by side for two fucking YEARS and he had basically been lieing to me. Fucking trust buster right there.


There have been times in this marriage where he has not been up to par. (I've not been up to par much more ;-) but what is important for me to look at is the overall picture and also look at the way things are headed.

Is the isssue something that is short term and will resolve itself? Or is what happening going to have effects that will change your lives forever? As in - is blowing off paying bills because he's too tired too schedule them or money is short OR is he spending the money on crack? that sort of thing.

Also, I have worked as an executive assistant to many people and learned early on that when they were falling behind or not making something happen, the best thing for me to do was say "what can I do to make this happen for us?" so mabye asking him or giving him idea how you can help.

But really, I don't know what I'm talking about in any real sense. I do wish you well and hope you find some answers!

 

[rosco rathbone]

Don't think I've ever heard of it. Why do you ask? Is it good?

It's about an asshole guy. Check it out, it's worth seeing.

 

[JMohegan]

It's about an asshole guy. Check it out, it's worth seeing.

Ha. Yeah, the guy I quoted was an asshole of sorts. Only superficially, though. His dirty little secret was a very tender heart.

Thanks for the recommendation; I'll check it out.

 

[YourCaptor]

You know this anonymity kind of worries me.

If you fear some kind of repercussion, maybe you should distance yourself from him for a while. Go to someone elses place, or a shelter.

 

[Keroin]

I know nothing of slavery, so all my advice is based soley on a vanilla marriage. HOWEVER it is a vanilla marriage with the power squarely in his hands. so take it for what it's worth, ditch the rest!


First, I agree with everyone who said to talk about it. I will put my person shit out there to say that the time I felt most betrayed in my life when when my husband told me that he had been seriously unhappy for the previous two years. Everything that happend as a result was minor...the real horrible pain was from the idea that we had been side by side for two fucking YEARS and he had basically been lieing to me. Fucking trust buster right there.


There have been times in this marriage where he has not been up to par. (I've not been up to par much more ;-) but what is important for me to look at is the overall picture and also look at the way things are headed.

Is the isssue something that is short term and will resolve itself? Or is what happening going to have effects that will change your lives forever? As in - is blowing off paying bills because he's too tired too schedule them or money is short OR is he spending the money on crack? that sort of thing.

Also, I have worked as an executive assistant to many people and learned early on that when they were falling behind or not making something happen, the best thing for me to do was say "what can I do to make this happen for us?" so mabye asking him or giving him idea how you can help.

But really, I don't know what I'm talking about in any real sense. I do wish you well and hope you find some answers!

Oh pish posh, you do so know what you're talking about.

I think anyone who has been in a long term committed relationship knows that at some point everyone lets everyone down. Nature of the beast. We are only human. And yes, communication is ideal but sometimes just doesn't happen for any number of reasons, or when it does happen it is ineffective.

The trick is being able to objectively assess the situation, ask yourself and your partner the really tough questions, and decide how "worth it" the relationship is. That goes for any flavour of relationship.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Wow, this thread hits close to home....

As things were getting rocky with my former, I went through a stage of this from the other side.

I cannot stress the importance of communication, as he likely feels that there is something wrong and is driving himself batshit crazy trying to figure out what it is.

I wish you all the best in getting through this.

 

[YourCaptor]

So puppet, are things looking up?

 

[sb2009]

yes, how are things going?

I've had a few bumps lately..***** is changing really fast for us and it's big stuff. A few times the past month or so I felt like my whole life ending...but perspective showed a whole new path.

My PYL right now is, for lack of a better term, not on his game. The reasons are valid and he's doing what he can. But i am having trouble, yes, getting up there in decision things. I am however, trying to see it as my way of taking care of him, meeting his needs.

But hey, last week in therapy I was a sobbing, snotting mess who was wailling that I didn't even know if I loved my husband any more LOL so many of us have been there, and my be there in the futere.

You aren't alone!