What is nilla sex?
- Thread starter Kajira Callista
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FallenAngel3
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My thoughts
My impression of nilla sex was that it was a derogatory term, so I, like just about everyone else here have come up with my own definition. To me, it is when there is no passion left for what you are doing. Now, while most associate sex with passion, there are times when it is done without it. I know when I am not getting what I need, (either in the bedroom, or in the relationship itself) sex is passionless on my end, thus becoming nilla in my mind.
I guess a more simplestic way of putting it would be when you actually lay there and wonder when it's going to end so you can get back to what you were doing.
My impression of nilla sex was that it was a derogatory term, so I, like just about everyone else here have come up with my own definition. To me, it is when there is no passion left for what you are doing. Now, while most associate sex with passion, there are times when it is done without it. I know when I am not getting what I need, (either in the bedroom, or in the relationship itself) sex is passionless on my end, thus becoming nilla in my mind.
I guess a more simplestic way of putting it would be when you actually lay there and wonder when it's going to end so you can get back to what you were doing.
DVS
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nilla sex? It's the missionary position with the woman looking at the ceiling (probably wondering if it needs paint). But, the lights are probably turned out. The whole process from start to finish is about 5 minutes.
The man cums, and moves to his side of the bed and quickly falls asleep. The woman doesn't cum but she's become quite good at faking it. When he pulls his sweaty body off of her, she rolls over, facing away from the man, so he won't hear her crying. She obviously isn't satisfied with the relationship, and he hasn't a clue. What's worse? She hasn't a clue, either. It's just the way they were both brought up. Stay the course...play the role.
Now, kinky sex, or BDSM sex is the only way to go. Simply stated, it's a power trip for both participants. In my case, I'm behind her, my cock hard as a rock and coated with lube. She's on her knees, probably bound and gagged...drool oozing from the gag, showing her hunger for it. It? Oh, her asshole is liberally lubed and ready. Of course, the lights are on, so I can see her every move and watch her body beg for it.
She wants my cock, and I know it. She tries to tempt me by wiggling her ass in my face. I take my time, because I know she wants it NOW. I say to myself, "I'm in charge of this, and she's going to get it when I say."
Oh, she's going to get it, eventually. But, I like to see her wiggle that ass...whimper her need. It's the power thing, for me. Yes, because I can, but also because I know that when I do finally shove my cock deep into her asshole, she's going to explode into a sexual animal, her hunger finally being fed...mine, too. It's great, being a Dom.
The man cums, and moves to his side of the bed and quickly falls asleep. The woman doesn't cum but she's become quite good at faking it. When he pulls his sweaty body off of her, she rolls over, facing away from the man, so he won't hear her crying. She obviously isn't satisfied with the relationship, and he hasn't a clue. What's worse? She hasn't a clue, either. It's just the way they were both brought up. Stay the course...play the role.
Now, kinky sex, or BDSM sex is the only way to go. Simply stated, it's a power trip for both participants. In my case, I'm behind her, my cock hard as a rock and coated with lube. She's on her knees, probably bound and gagged...drool oozing from the gag, showing her hunger for it. It? Oh, her asshole is liberally lubed and ready. Of course, the lights are on, so I can see her every move and watch her body beg for it.
She wants my cock, and I know it. She tries to tempt me by wiggling her ass in my face. I take my time, because I know she wants it NOW. I say to myself, "I'm in charge of this, and she's going to get it when I say."
Oh, she's going to get it, eventually. But, I like to see her wiggle that ass...whimper her need. It's the power thing, for me. Yes, because I can, but also because I know that when I do finally shove my cock deep into her asshole, she's going to explode into a sexual animal, her hunger finally being fed...mine, too. It's great, being a Dom.
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FurryFury
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Wow, for the most part the responses on this thread have been extremely judgmental and negative toward vanilla sex. I find that interesting in a group of people who want to have their kinks at least tolerated if not accepted. It's a sort of reverse bias. I'm sure a lot of it comes from negative RL experiences until people found what really got them what they wanted but still, I'm surprised.
By most definitions of vanilla sex here, I've never had it myself and thank goodness! It sounds horrible!
It seems, I've only seen it portrayed in media. These definitions are almost cartoonish, aren't they?
Fury
By most definitions of vanilla sex here, I've never had it myself and thank goodness! It sounds horrible!
It seems, I've only seen it portrayed in media. These definitions are almost cartoonish, aren't they?
Fury
graceanne
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I think that 'nilla sex depends on the person. I have a friend who thinks blow jobs are kinky. That's nilla. But if nilla is only the missionary position then I've never been 'nilla. lol I think nilla is just when you are more worried about social strictures than what feels good.
RJMasters
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Vanilla sex is just fine. Infact it can be very good at times and rewarding to both involved.
For many here, it just does not satisfy all of their needs, wants and desires. That is not to say it is dull and boring, just that the nature of it does not meet other needs.
If you have two people who are well versed in pleasing their lover, and who also know how to let themselves go and enjoy the pleasures of sex, then great vanilla sex is possible.
DVS portral of vanilla sex is just awful IMO, though I have to give him credit in stating the sterotypical view of it perfectly. However I would like to point out three observations.
1. This negative view of vanilla sex is often focused upon marraiges in which there is no longer any kind of passion left within the relationship. There is this whole ball and chain type mentality attached to it. Of course the sex in a relationship like this would be awful. And the high divorce rate certain seems to be proof that much of this exists. But it is an incomplete picture.
2. Many who have had bad or unfulfilling expereinces in the past and then went on to find fulfillment in D/s BDSM type of a relationship, will always look back with somewhat of a skeptical or biased eye. And it very well may be true for them in their assertions that, "for them" vanilla sex "was"...and therefore "is" to their way of thinking awlful. But if they had experience great vanilla sex and been in a loving and continued passionate relationship, chances are they would still be there enjoying that same wonderful vanilla sex.
3. There is a negative stigma often attached when ever the word vanilla is attached to anything. This is because of the biased and judgemental views often recieved in plenty by vanilla type people towards those who are into D/s BDSM. Thus it is a reflex action to retaliate in kind by simply taking a negative view.
reguardless of whether you are in a vanilla or D/s BDSM type relationship, the SEX is as only good as the genuine passion, devotion and love both people bring to the relationship.
There is nothing wrong with vanilla sex other than it may not meet the needs that some have. For those who do not need anything else, then it can be exciting, passionate, romantic and erotic full of lust and desire, and be just as fulfilling to them as D/s BDSM is to someone who is in a D/s BDSM relationship.
So says the Bubster!
For many here, it just does not satisfy all of their needs, wants and desires. That is not to say it is dull and boring, just that the nature of it does not meet other needs.
If you have two people who are well versed in pleasing their lover, and who also know how to let themselves go and enjoy the pleasures of sex, then great vanilla sex is possible.
DVS portral of vanilla sex is just awful IMO, though I have to give him credit in stating the sterotypical view of it perfectly. However I would like to point out three observations.
1. This negative view of vanilla sex is often focused upon marraiges in which there is no longer any kind of passion left within the relationship. There is this whole ball and chain type mentality attached to it. Of course the sex in a relationship like this would be awful. And the high divorce rate certain seems to be proof that much of this exists. But it is an incomplete picture.
2. Many who have had bad or unfulfilling expereinces in the past and then went on to find fulfillment in D/s BDSM type of a relationship, will always look back with somewhat of a skeptical or biased eye. And it very well may be true for them in their assertions that, "for them" vanilla sex "was"...and therefore "is" to their way of thinking awlful. But if they had experience great vanilla sex and been in a loving and continued passionate relationship, chances are they would still be there enjoying that same wonderful vanilla sex.
3. There is a negative stigma often attached when ever the word vanilla is attached to anything. This is because of the biased and judgemental views often recieved in plenty by vanilla type people towards those who are into D/s BDSM. Thus it is a reflex action to retaliate in kind by simply taking a negative view.
reguardless of whether you are in a vanilla or D/s BDSM type relationship, the SEX is as only good as the genuine passion, devotion and love both people bring to the relationship.
There is nothing wrong with vanilla sex other than it may not meet the needs that some have. For those who do not need anything else, then it can be exciting, passionate, romantic and erotic full of lust and desire, and be just as fulfilling to them as D/s BDSM is to someone who is in a D/s BDSM relationship.
So says the Bubster!
alice_underneath
with malice toward none
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Memo to Ambassador Bubster
Dear Sir,
Reference is made to your remarks in post #120 on the Marquis's GB thread, as well as your comments in post #31 here.
We are pleased to inform you that you have been nominated for the title: Ambassador of the Year.
With respect and congratulations,
The Committee to Fight Sexual Ignorance and Bigotry
P.S. - with apologies to Marquis for outright plagiarism -
RJ, if one person reads your post it will have been worth the time you took to write it.
Hell, even if no one here has the attention span for a well thought out opinion, I appreciated it.
Alice
Dear Sir,
Reference is made to your remarks in post #120 on the Marquis's GB thread, as well as your comments in post #31 here.
We are pleased to inform you that you have been nominated for the title: Ambassador of the Year.
With respect and congratulations,
The Committee to Fight Sexual Ignorance and Bigotry
P.S. - with apologies to Marquis for outright plagiarism -
RJ, if one person reads your post it will have been worth the time you took to write it.
Hell, even if no one here has the attention span for a well thought out opinion, I appreciated it.
Alice
m wisdom
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Kajira Callista said:
Sex without passion.
It is as RJ says "the SEX is as only good as the genuine passion, devotion and love both people bring to the relationship." Couldn't have said it better myself. (Perhaps I could have said it without the grammatical error but who cares
)
jadefirefly
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m wisdom said:
Yes, yes, yes! Exactly!
'Nilla isn't an action, it's an attitude. An approach to sex and all of it's related activities.
By that definition... hmm... there really isn't any such thing as vanilla SEX... only vanilla PEOPLE. Hm....
RJMasters
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m wisdom said:Sex without passion.
It is as RJ says "the SEX is as only good as the genuine passion, devotion and love both people bring to the relationship." Couldn't have said it better myself. (Perhaps I could have said it without the grammatical error but who cares
You got me there dead to rights MW.
I guess diplomatic immunity doesn't cover poor grammer.
alice_underneath
with malice toward none
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Protocol dictates that you go first, Mr. Ambassador.RJMasters said:Alright my first purposal as ambassador Bubster is we all get on the same page. Everyone take their clothes off.
RJMasters
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I define vanilla sex as:
In Motivation:
Sex that is not based upon an exchange of power but its focus is on the exchange of pleasure and love only.
In Activity:
Sex that does not include SM type activities, though rough sex such as scratching, pulling of hair can happen as the result of the throws of orgasmic passion.
My definition comes from the reverse definition of what isn't Vanilla sex. Sex which requires certain elements to be a part of it for it to meet the needs of those involved. Meaning simply if regular sex was enough to meet those need, then these other elements would not be necessary. The elements which are therefore necessary and make it no longer vanilla sex are clear power exchange and or BDSM activities like SM type play.
In Motivation:
Sex that is not based upon an exchange of power but its focus is on the exchange of pleasure and love only.
In Activity:
Sex that does not include SM type activities, though rough sex such as scratching, pulling of hair can happen as the result of the throws of orgasmic passion.
My definition comes from the reverse definition of what isn't Vanilla sex. Sex which requires certain elements to be a part of it for it to meet the needs of those involved. Meaning simply if regular sex was enough to meet those need, then these other elements would not be necessary. The elements which are therefore necessary and make it no longer vanilla sex are clear power exchange and or BDSM activities like SM type play.
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
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RJMasters said:
This is much closer to what I've been thinking that nilla sex is. However as I think about it, many times there have also been power exchange elements in what I previously thought of as nilla sex. Also, in my lil head there is always something in the BDSM family happening, no matter what and that is a LARGE part of the trigger that makes me orgasm.
One a side (silly,) note: Grammer takes her teeth out and damn, she sure knows how to gum too!
Fury
RJMasters
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FurryFury said:
I think jadefirefly's comment is a key thought to this
"Nilla isn't an action, it's an attitude. An approach to sex"
However it is our feelings and attitudes which often dictate the actions we choose or not choose to do.
From this side of the line, even normal missionary sex will probably have some kind of mental D/s or BDSM flavor to it to you Fury because it is part of your sexual nature and or attitude towards sexuality.
catalina_francisco
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What is 'nilla sex? Somewhere I never ever want to go again!!
Catalina
Catalina
SEVERUSMAX
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FurryFury said:Wow, for the most part the responses on this thread have been extremely judgmental and negative toward vanilla sex. I find that interesting in a group of people who want to have their kinks at least tolerated if not accepted. It's a sort of reverse bias. I'm sure a lot of it comes from negative RL experiences until people found what really got them what they wanted but still, I'm surprised.
By most definitions of vanilla sex here, I've never had it myself and thank goodness! It sounds horrible!
It seems, I've only seen it portrayed in media. These definitions are almost cartoonish, aren't they?
Fury
Some of it is due to the kind of paranoia and contempt expected from a persecuted minority (and face it, we in the BDSM community ARE such a minority). In time, however, hopefully we will discard this and realize that not everyone outside of the community is the Enemy. Then the reverse prejudice can end. The director of the film Beyond Vanilla (forgot his name, strangely enough) made a note of this.
catalina_francisco
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FurryFury said:Wow, for the most part the responses on this thread have been extremely judgmental and negative toward vanilla sex. I find that interesting in a group of people who want to have their kinks at least tolerated if not accepted. It's a sort of reverse bias. I'm sure a lot of it comes from negative RL experiences until people found what really got them what they wanted but still, I'm surprised.
By most definitions of vanilla sex here, I've never had it myself and thank goodness! It sounds horrible!
It seems, I've only seen it portrayed in media. These definitions are almost cartoonish, aren't they?
Fury
Not dure it is a reverse bias as much as this is a BDSM board and so most here are interested in sexual practices which reflect that, not vanilla sex. I had some satisfying vanilla experiences, even some good/great ones, but in no way do I want to go back there as I knew there was something more, something which was missing for me, and now I done gone and found it, vanilla just is not going to work for me no more.
Truth is, what made the vanilla sex what it was when it was, were the D/s fantasies playing in my head throughout, not the vanilla sex as such. For those who can live with it, fine, for those who have chosen another way, why pretend it is the same or equal when for us it is not?Catalina
DVS
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That can go both ways, of course.O'Mac said:
I think sicko is often a derogatory term used by many self-righteous normal people to describe the sexual activity of the crazy people interested in BDSM. While many would attempt to portray those interested in BDSM as sexual weirdos, deviants, or even sickos that beat women for kicks, they do not understand the basic fact that different people have different preferences.
The rest of this post is mostly a rant...disreguard, if you are looking for thread friendly posts.
It's just that this is a BDSM board and, as someone has already pointed out, we are tainted against vanilla sex, because we have either tried to be "normal" and it didn’t work, or it just didn't fulfill our needs, sexually and emotionally.
I know of several doctors who think we are addicted to deviant sex, because we can't get off on a normal loving relationship. One of those is a friend of mine. We just don't talk about it, now that I know he thinks I'm sick.
Personally, I don't understand what part of BDSM sex isn't loving. The vanilla world doesn't understand, and anything that isn't understood is criticized or condemned. If they want to call themselves normal, that's fine with me. I don't mind being abnormal.
I know there are those who are completely fulfilled with a vanilla sex life. I see nothing wrong with that. It's when someone tries to force me to live within their world that I start to get bothered.
Sex between two people is just that...between two people. If they are both consenting, nobody else needs to be involved...or bothered by it. I like my sexual urges. I think I'm actually pretty healthy, sexually. If I were to repress my urges for kinky sex, that would cause stress and a shorter life.
I've had munches canceled because Fred Phelps' bunch were going to picket the places we were going to meet. I've had the religious right get hold of a member list and almost "out" a group I was in. We had to disband, for fear of losing our jobs if they posted our names. Yes, sombody in the group ratted us out.
Anyway, vanilla sex is fine, as long as the righteous 'nillas leave sicko me the fuck alone.
