What is your most important self-discovery when joining the BDSM lifestyle?

[hurtme]

people usually run hot an cold with me, cause I have that tendency to suck energy ( not on purpose, of course, but it still happens) some people don't mind, or can block it, and some people get really upset by it, and some people don't even notice, but the best energy buzz I have ever had comes from a D during play...*shiver*

 

[Tom Bishop]

The first thing I learned since I found myself in BDSM life style was that I was in BDSM relationship
Didn't even go looking for one
Giveing Control to the Young man I serve gives me complete peace.
Following his commands and letting myself go Gives HIM a power and a confidance he never had in his life he told me when we were just two guys one older me one younger him One macho (at the time ) me. one timed and shy Him
Are Thing is a complete role reversale and I love it and so dose he.
By Reading these post on the Literotica Which My Boss gives me as tasks to do when I am not with him. I have learned that we have a good thing Going and I will work real hard to keep it going In these post I have found That Boss has shown me I am bi when he had me make out and screw a big brazilan girl while he directed the action He is strictly Gay Last monday he had me be his and his boyfriends Butler for a fun evening
So Before I bore you all to death
I have learned a lot about myself In my new relationship and at this site Thank You
Bishop

 

[ethereal~minx]

I couldn't respond to this when it was thee topic because I wasn't sure~~ now, I'm sure

when I am in a relationship (trust, honesty, integrity, sincerety, tenderness, whips, chains ~lol,justkidding)... a true intimate connection~~~ I am innately submissive~~ so much so that I don't even realize ..the submission is so deep..
aside from ~You lead, You drive the vehicle, You make these day-to-day decisions~ it is also Your good ::::::::::and this is where I struggle:::::::::::: because i am sure You are for me too~~ or am i? and then I subconsciously fight for my good when it doesn't go the way I think it should...

I'm innately submissive to a fault~~
I've learned the word: discernment : )
trust in feelings (I trust my feelings) does not equal "trust" in a relationship

 

[hurtme]

I like to believe I am innately submissive, it gives me an excuse for why I submit. But the reality is, I am not submissive at all, I am very dominant. I drive the car, I pay the bills, I make the decisions. But like I said in an aearlier post, I think somehow, it makes my submission more gratifiying for me, and for my dom as well. KNowing that it is not something i fall into, but that it is a struggle for me...not that i am downplaying any other personalitiy types, just for me, this is most gratifying and I don't think it would be if I was more submissive by nature...I like the fight, I like the appearence of having control wrenched away from me, even if in reality I am giving it up voluntarily. I know some ppl don't like subs they have to work on, they don't like sams etc. but I need to be worn down as it were...and when I get a new dom, the pattern starts all over agian...i must be doing something right, cause I have yet to get bored (a common problem for me) or bore my dom.

 

[ethereal~minx]

topping from the bottom
impatient submissive
nature of your beast
does it take longer to realize

ack! my most important self-discovery is that I don't flipping know as much as I think I do

head strong is what I am, my goodness
I just know my heart dammit
but my heart doesn't have a mouth
so uh, it's better to keep the mouth shut
& the heart open
and have patience!!!!!!!!!

at least at this point.....

 

[Bandit58]

My most important self-discovery, after getting out of a long emotionally abusive marriage, is that now I can submit, not because I have to, but because I want to.....

 

[ghosst_K&H]

I am who I am, and deserve happiness.

Thats the most important discovery for me so far. Finding that special person(s) who not only accepts you for who you are, but is willing to take you to the next step of self discovery is an extremely emotional experience, and to have a caring Dom/me or submissive to guide you along on your journey is a wonderful thing.

I find the key to my own personal happiness lies in serving the needs of a Dominant Woman (or in my case Women ) I am not breaking any laws, doing harm to myself or others, using or abusing people, kids, or animals. Am I normal?, well define normal, I am me, an individual... I am not a stereotype, or a Stepford submissive, I am a consenting adult searching for inner peace, a loving relationship, and a person who is worthy of what I have to offer a relationship. I am very lucky, I've found two Women to guide me, accept me, and educate me along my path

 

[SweetDommes]

Well, I was sure that we had posted on here before, but maybe it was just a similar topic ... but as our boy has now posted on here (that would be the ghosstie making an appearance above ), I feel that we should as well.

Our biggest discovery is that we are not freaks, there are others like us, and as we accepted that and accepted who we are, we both became more comfortable with ourselves. I gained a lot of self confidence that had been missing in my life as I tried to supress who I really was. I can't say for sure what Holly's biggest self-discovery was, other than the first part, but that is definately mine.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Well, I was sure that we had posted on here before, but maybe it was just a similar topic ... but as our boy has now posted on here (that would be the ghosstie making an appearance above ), I feel that we should as well.

Our biggest discovery is that we are not freaks, there are others like us, and as we accepted that and accepted who we are, we both became more comfortable with ourselves. I gained a lot of self confidence that had been missing in my life as I tried to supress who I really was. I can't say for sure what Holly's biggest self-discovery was, other than the first part, but that is definately mine.

It's nice to see you two back in action on the Board. I always enjoy reading your posts. It's also nice to see that you have found what you've been looking for....this is a dual welcome.



~anelize

 

[SweetDommes]

It's nice to see you two back in action on the Board. I always enjoy reading your posts. It's also nice to see that you have found what you've been looking for....this is a dual welcome.



~anelize

Thanks anelize

 

[deliciea]

self discovery

what meant more to mean then anything after years of going from one relationhip to another was that the real me was et to be found being in a control posiition in lifesuch as job and family when i realized that there was more to me than eve in knew there was i could open up and let some one else take control lay my life in their hands and they did with me as they wished was mind blowing the first time i truely let go and let my submissive side come out now she doesnt want to leave LOL

 

[MissTaken]

More self discovery

learning that your journey into self never ends.

 

[esclave_PP]

I am so glad this thread got revived. It is really wonderful to see all the diverse answers and what has been so meaningful for everyone! Thanks for all your contributions.

 

[Spiderich]

Learning

I am still very new to be being a Dominant but what I have learned is how very important it is to meet your own expectations and responsibilities when another has given themselves over to you completely. You can not be so glib and non-chalant about many things as you were before. I have experienced a new confidence in myself and being and surprisingly enough a whole lot less anger in my life. Looking forward to journeying even further!

 

[Princessintrng]

I have learned

there's no place like... oops sorry wrong thread I'm not at the "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" board

I have learned that there are alot of good people out there willing to share their knowledge and experiences to help the new comers get a better perspective. This board has been a huge help to me and I have lerned so much from everyone here. I have learned that I need to communicate what I want and need and I am not being selfish if I do, I have also learned that it is okay to enjoy being tied up and spanked and I don't have to feel ashamed for what I crave in a relationship. Most of all I have learned to trust my instincts in relationships.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: More self discovery

learning that your journey into self never ends.

preach it sista!!! *giggling almost maniacally*
this is sooo true~~ every day I learn more about who I am--- I wanted to write something along this same thought because it is truly, every single day I find something truly amazing about myself that is an important discovery about myself since 'joining' this lifestyle..or becoming aware of it

 

[dragonhearted]

I've learned that I CAN take a cock up my butt. I've learned that I reach subspace through anal. I've learned to love my Master through all of it.

 

[Tom Bishop]

learning

I have learned that I am still growing in this relationship
The more I think about the things I have done for this young man I call Boss .The more I want to make him happy .
He is away now and I miss him very much I want to be with him not sitting at his feet like some passive little puppy dog But playing are little games of adult Sex with a Big Kink I would love to give him my Ass but he says I am not ready yet
I think I have improved on the sucking and swollowing and want to beable to deep throat him soon I think of these things and get excited while I go on with my normal life I have been with my wife a girl friend and my childern doing all the things I normaly do makeing all the decision being the leader in many ways but in the back of my mind there is a little place where I in a pair of panties stockings on my knees licking Bosses balls and loving it
That Is more of what I have learned
BJ Bishop

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

What is my most important self-discovery since joining this lifestyle?

That this is my life, in a way that is very dynamic. It is as much a part of me as every other facet of my life, and more importantly, it has added an amazing element of growth to my life that was missing. My life has never been totally static, because I have always been involved in self-improvement in one way or another. However, since this particular relationship began, and my limits began to stretch and expand, the growth as been exponential. I have delved into places into my soul, my heart, and my mind that I would have never dared go. My self-esteem has grown as well. In being His, and becoming what He is creating, I have discovered things about myself that amaze me. Much of it, I never thought possible, at one time. Never say never, LOL.

So the answer to the question is simple and broad. I can't pick out a particular incident, or scene, or day. It's the total package *smile*.

My most important discovery is myself as His owned slut.

~anelize

 

[FungiUg]

I wonder if I made an earlier answer? Oh well.

I think like most, I think the thing I am discovering is more about myself. For example, that I do have an evil, wicked, sadistic side, and that it's fun to explore that side of me.

Also, much of what I am learning is really just emphasising things I already knew. For example, that reality and fantasy are quite different, and serve different purposes, but give me reality over fantasy any day!

The final thing I have learnt that I can comment on is this: BDSM doesn't have to be a "lifestyle". I can't label my lifestyle, it's too mixed and complicated and rich. It has many components and elements, and that's how I wish to keep it. BDSM is a part of my life, but not the entirety of my life.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Most Important Self Discovery

For me, it was the validation of my dual nature. Realizing that I can BE a control freak and still lose control ...to the right stimulus, at the right time and with the right person. I can not think of anything else I have learned that has had the impact of the aforementioned statement. To know myself as a living, breathing viable person who craves Dominance as much as I crave the need to Dominate. Tis a beautiful, beautiful thing.

pet

 

[Kajira Callista]

I was 21 when I discovered this wonderful life. My most important self discovery was that i was not alone, the only person who wanted these things and needed to be controlled. But above all else i learned, thanks to the most perfect man...that i didnt have to endanger myself to get what i needed and there were ppl in this world who really understood my need for pain, knew how to keep me safe, controlled and tortured in the most wonderful way.

 

[lektra]

The discovery of my submissive side (in my early twenties) taught me joy in the release of control to another. As I am somewhat of a control freak professionally and have a fairly controlling personality, it was very difficult to learn that my entire world would not fall in if I gave up control over myself. Using apet's terms, the discovery of my dual nature, and the exploration of that side has been one of the best discoveries about myself. I have a tendency to shamelessly revel in it, as a matter of fact.

 

[cutedemon]

I've learned that if you trust someone enough, they can push you past your boundries and get you past mental road blocks.

Also, that I like being spanked and that's ok.

 

[MastrJ]

I found that I enjoy giving my partner pleasure more than anything else. I can be a really selfish person, but having someone submit to me for pleasure means I concentrate on them and not on me. It's almost better than sex. Not quite, but almost.